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 Author Thread: Who is responsible for parenting schedule?
 janofc
Joined: 6/1/2008
Msg: 23 (view)
 
Who is responsible for parenting schedule?
Posted: 12/17/2008 5:26:12 PM
Remember before you post that sometimes communication with the ex is beyond your control. IF they refuse to speak to you or accept any type of communication from you then your hands are tied. That is the way it has been with my ex since he remarried, we did talk a few times since our son got into legal trouble, but he is mad at me again so we are back at square one. The difference is I don't care if he ever speaks to me again. I wanted to keep a friendly relationship with him for the children but he creates way to much drama. I have to keep my focus on the children, two of them are teenagers which is drama itself. The other is hitting that stage where she is crying at the drop of the hat and wears her feelings on her sleeve, so I have enough drama with minors to have it with an adult.

I say if he doesn't want anything from you then don't get it!
 janofc
Joined: 6/1/2008
Msg: 4 (view)
 
When do you give the kids a heads up?
Posted: 12/17/2008 5:15:16 PM
If at all possible let him be the one to tell them. It is his choice to leave and you shouldn't do his dirty work for him.
 janofc
Joined: 6/1/2008
Msg: 18 (view)
 
A worried single parent
Posted: 12/17/2008 5:12:18 PM
When I first got divorced I encouraged my ex to come by and see the kids during the week, encouraged him to call them nightly. I gave him the kids email addresses and the older ones myspace names. He didn't take advantage of all of that after he got remarried and it has hurt his relationship( among other things) with his children. Bottom line is let them know daily if possible that you are thinking of them. We have one father at our school that use to come quite often for lunch with his daughter. He is now remarried and I haven't seen him for a while at school. Good luck- keep in touch as much as possible. I think it will pay off in the long run.
 janofc
Joined: 6/1/2008
Msg: 11 (view)
 
Where where the parents?????
Posted: 12/16/2008 8:47:25 PM
That is what I was thinking. The daughter may have been sneaking out for some time, or a case a parental negect. It is hard to know with just the facts that have been presented. It is awful any way you look at it.
 janofc
Joined: 6/1/2008
Msg: 15 (view)
 
please help
Posted: 12/16/2008 8:35:57 PM
Ihad a biter also. I tried many many things with him but I eventually bit him and it worked. He use to latch on like a snapping turtle, especially to his brother. It was one of the hardest habits to change in my middle son. Good luck

I think the onion idea is great! I wish I had thought of that with my son.
 janofc
Joined: 6/1/2008
Msg: 5 (view)
 
help me try and figure this out..PLZ
Posted: 12/16/2008 8:30:24 PM
I think there are many 22 year olds that can be great single parents. You have to decide if you are one of those people. Just think long and hard at the prospect of being a single parent and if you want to accept the challenage. I do agree with the post that said you need to decide soon and let the adoptive parents know quickly. Good luck.
 janofc
Joined: 6/1/2008
Msg: 8 (view)
 
ex's grifriend coming to daughter's baptism
Posted: 12/15/2008 7:18:33 PM
I agree with you hooked - that is why you must equip your children with the skills they need to protect themselves from situations. I am not just talking about situations with the ex but in general.

I guess if there was respect going on from you ex about your feelings chances are you would not be divorced. It is enough to drive you to drink.lol
 janofc
Joined: 6/1/2008
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Bad parenting or.....difficult child?
Posted: 12/15/2008 7:10:32 PM
I think you must also consider that these years are hard under the best of times. When you have a problem, coupled with a parent that can/won't deal with it. You have a recipe for trouble. Just look at all the kids that had good parents-not perfect but good solid parents that end up in trouble. Maybe not this kid but many others.

When a kid loses his concept of himself with a future and gets mixed up with people on a downward spiral.I do believe the job of parenting will get harder and harder for the people with smaller kids. There is so much to look out for that can drag your kid down.

Carolann I agree with you in many way but the fact they start off equally. My oldest ALWAYS had to be shown that you were serious with what you said to him. He has always been more head strong than the other two since he was able to move on his own. He had to taste everything, touch everything and explore everything. You always had to be watching out for what he would try next. These are not always bad traits but it sure makes for stressful parenting.

I do not agree with the excuses of ADD or age for bad behavior, but it sounded like the woman was a parent that didn't know what to do. Ignorance doesn't make a person bad, just ignorant. She needs help.
 janofc
Joined: 6/1/2008
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Left out of Christmas
Posted: 12/15/2008 6:59:04 PM
Thanks for all the replies. You are so right that our son has anger issues. You are right that teenagers can add a lot of stress to fun times. This is a situation that hard on everyone including me. I think the hardest thing is knowing some of the things that could make these clear for our 17 and give him more direction and belief in himself and knowing those things are out of my hands. I have wished a thousand times over that I had moved far far away from him so they wouldn't be hurt by his actions. Then he could have used the distance as an excuse. I pray every night that this boy will not let his anger control and ruin his life. So for any of you that pray- add this boy to your list.
 janofc
Joined: 6/1/2008
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Left out of Christmas
Posted: 12/14/2008 12:47:14 PM
I have to give you some background info for this to make sense.
My ex was mad because our 17 year old would not return his calls. He had been in some major trouble and asked his father if he could live with him to get from our neigborhood when he got out of the detention center. Father would not say yes or no to our son. When his father tried to talk with him afterwards he wouldn't speak to him stating that he wouldn't let him stay with them. ( he wasn't asking for long term just a few weeks).

Now keep in mind by his choice he didn't speak to anyone in Nov. and no visits had been made since Oct. (again his choice) and only one day in December by his choice. The kids wanted to spend the night but they stated work was a problem. (They own their own business). IT is another issue with them that he can take two weeks off to visit her family and not one week-end off for them.

I talked our 17 year old into going for Christmas. We talked about how it was a time for families to get together and spend sometime with each other. I was informed that he was not invitied and would be given nothing for Christmas by his father because he refused to speak to him. THIS is not the first time he has been excluded by his father.

I can't understand how he would not jump at the chance to spend time with ALL of his children regardless of the situation. If the 17 year old was going to be big enough to go, don't you think the 57 year old father should have been big enough to welcome him. Just curious as to other peoples take on this situation.
 janofc
Joined: 6/1/2008
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Bad parenting or.....difficult child?
Posted: 12/14/2008 12:34:32 PM
It sounds like she didn't know how to parent this child and by 14 is sooo much harder. Believe me I know how difficult it is to parent a difficult child. I am in total awe of the people that can pull that off. The sad thing about it is- that is few and far in between. She needs to get help for both of them before it is to late. The parent of a difficult child has an extra mountain or two to climb.
 janofc
Joined: 6/1/2008
Msg: 12 (view)
 
Was I wrong?
Posted: 12/14/2008 12:30:32 PM
That is scarey to think that he came to your house when you told him not to come. Be careful with that on.
 janofc
Joined: 6/1/2008
Msg: 7 (view)
 
ex's grifriend coming to daughter's baptism
Posted: 12/14/2008 12:26:20 PM
It is such a sad fact that we have to send our children into things we know little about. It occured to me that I know more about the friends my children spend the night with than their stepmother. I think that speaks volumns for our system. I understand that is their time but each parent should know what is coming in contact with their children. Just food for thought.
 janofc
Joined: 6/1/2008
Msg: 13 (view)
 
Should I enforce this?
Posted: 11/14/2008 3:10:30 PM
I agree that you should get it in writing in the courts, then stick to it. It is not fair that you can't plan anything with or without your child because of his visits. I would plan things every other week-end and then we count it as a extra week-end for us when he doesn't show up which is often. This way I can make plans for us with out worry about it being changed.
 janofc
Joined: 6/1/2008
Msg: 9 (view)
 
trying to be cool....gets him in trouble...
Posted: 11/14/2008 2:59:44 PM
You are entering the most difficult times of his life. Find the method that is effective for you and your preteen, but find something because if you don't it will just get worse and even it you do- the next few years are difficult at best. Just set your expections high and change schools if you need to.
 janofc
Joined: 6/1/2008
Msg: 12 (view)
 
GED vs High School Diploma
Posted: 11/9/2008 9:31:11 PM
Boy do I feel your pain. My son has quit school- at 17 he could do it with or without my permission. Just remember one thing about school and life for that matter. Success breeds more success and failure usually breeds more failure. I am not talking about the one time deals I am talking about over and over and over. I almost think making sure he still believes in himself and his abilities more important than how he finishes school. If a child looses the ability to believe in themselves then they loose their hope and their way. Good luck!
 janofc
Joined: 6/1/2008
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Give your Kids an extra Hug this evening...
Posted: 11/9/2008 9:22:42 PM
What a great reminder! You parents with kids that are still little - You need to read the book drat I couldn't find the book to get the title right- But is a darling little book about children's lasts. You know the cute little things they do when they are little that they grow out of - the only example I can think of is my daughter use to say issapererd for disappear. In the movie Hook- She tells Peter that children spend the first part of their life chasing us and we spend the later part of their life chasing them. It is so true.
 janofc
Joined: 6/1/2008
Msg: 15 (view)
 
Video Games..You Tell Me..
Posted: 10/29/2008 8:18:22 PM
My son that is 15 would play video games 24/7 if I let him, but he knows I limit the amount of time they can play and what they play. They know what games I will allow in my house. Games such as Grand Thief Auto- it's terrible. I also read an article on brain research and they are finding links to the lack of deveopment of certain parts of the brain due to playing the games. I don't think it was the games as much as the lack of social interaction. You just have to decide for yourself and stick to your guns.
 janofc
Joined: 6/1/2008
Msg: 22 (view)
 
Permission to Trick or Treat a Halloween Dilemma
Posted: 10/29/2008 8:06:59 PM
The other day my older son went to tell his 1o year old sister it was time to come in for the day. He noticed a van slowing down and watching her and the neighbor skateboard. The van drove away and came back several times. He just stood off to the side to see what would happen. The girls paid no attention to the van - didn't even notice it. After the third time he got concerned and walked over so the man could see him there. My son said the van drove off very quickly and didn't come back by. Now this may have been someone looking at the house, or trying to find a house--it may have been innocent BUT this day and time you have to be careful.. Maybe reading this you will fill more comfortable with your choice. I live in a very quiet town and nothing like that has ever happened here, but I don't want my daughter to be the first.

Bottom line is you know your child. I would not let my oldest or youngest go at 11. I may have let my middle child go at 11. It's really ashamed they can't enjoy things like we did when we were young. We played from sun up to sun down in the street, but now I make my children check in with me and tell me exactly where they are going. Good Luck
 janofc
Joined: 6/1/2008
Msg: 13 (view)
 
Need advice - 14 yeard old son doesn't want to go to school
Posted: 10/27/2008 8:51:43 PM
You have got a lot of good advice and I want to add one thing. Listen to your gut! School is not a friendly place for some people. They dont' seem to understand that when they get out into the real world they will find their way. Remember failure breeds failure better than anything else, and it's hard to overcome.Just trust yourself and don't stop until you get the answers you are looking for.
 janofc
Joined: 6/1/2008
Msg: 18 (view)
 
What are your joys of parenting?
Posted: 10/12/2008 9:00:28 PM
I remember those days. I use to love and watch them sleep. I sometimes go and do this now with my 17 year old and pray a hedge of protection from himself around him. They always have your heart strings even when they are driving you crazy.
 janofc
Joined: 6/1/2008
Msg: 17 (view)
 
What are your joys of parenting?
Posted: 10/11/2008 12:35:59 PM
It's really strange how your joys of parenting changes over the years. For my oldest son he actually repiled I love you the other day, when I said bye and he hasn't done that in so long.

My middle son and I had the most wonderful talk this afternoon. He told he of some of his plans for the future, his Dad and my Dad being sick. I love it when we have those times to really share and talk. He is growing into such a wonderful man! The times that you see that you did give them tools to work with as adults warms my heart to no end!
 janofc
Joined: 6/1/2008
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Refusing the kid's request to visit the other parent
Posted: 10/11/2008 12:14:21 PM
You know your ex, but have you thought about it's her desire to spend time with your child. Is she working on her relationship with the child, or is she just scared your daughter will love you more?

I told my ex he could see the children anytime as long as it was on a regular basis. (you know like see them one day and not call for 10 or just pop up). If they didn't have something that had to complete for school or if we didn't have plans. He never attemped to see them but EOW from the start. Now that is EOS if they are lucky. But thinking back one of our sons use to say when he got mad "I'm going to live with Dad". My reply was always that was fine but if he left he had to 1. Finish the school year there. 2. Plan on coming to my house EOW and to know I would be popping in during the week and checking in at school. So maybe that is some of it \for your daughter.
So your daughter is very blessed that you have a desire to see her more than small visits. Do you live close enough that she could visit you after school or when her mom had other plans during the week. IF this is done out of a need for control it will bite her in the but. I have seen it time and time again. Good luck
 janofc
Joined: 6/1/2008
Msg: 2 (view)
 
teenage boy - laziness and negativity
Posted: 10/6/2008 3:16:29 PM
If you can find the answer to this question you will be a millionaire. I have decided that some teenagers are harder to deal with than others. I wrote something similar a while back and I got some pretty good responses. One guy suggested that I speak to him using I instead of you so much. It really did seem to help. If you need an place to vent please email me I know where you are coming from and I am still there. Good Luck
 janofc
Joined: 6/1/2008
Msg: 41 (view)
 
Dead beat mothers....yes mothers
Posted: 10/2/2008 2:38:33 PM
I agree with one of the posts about not trying to keep her out of his life because that could back fire on you one day. I would have it supervised at that age because that would have to be hard for him. Terrible to say but maybe she will keep on being a deadbeat and that won't be an issue. A dead beat parent is a dead beat parent. Even a parent that is paying child support can be a dead beat in my book. Money is nice and wonderful, but it takes more than money to raise a child. I think there is a special place in hell for the parents that have hurt their children by turning their backs on them emotionally/physically. I know sometimes there are things we don't know about but some people are just selfish and that is the only word for it.
 janofc
Joined: 6/1/2008
Msg: 15 (view)
 
Reaching my limit
Posted: 10/2/2008 2:29:23 PM
When he first started treating the children like he is doing now. I was very implusive and let them know everytime I held my children when they cried.I don't regret anything I said to them, but for the children I have told them I was sorry for anything that upset them. I didn't get an apology back, but I really wasn't expecting one.
Over the past year or so I have really worked very hard thinking hard before I speak to them. I have not dealt with them about the nasty things she has said or done to our 1o year old, I don't go outside when they come upbecause the children are afraid he will drive off if I come up.I didn't tell the children that he attemped to have us thrown out of the house, or that he had the ulitities cut off on us. Last year at her dance rectial he refused to see her afterwards because I might be around. I sent him an email to let him know that I would stay away from the dressing room and send the boys after her so he could see them. I offered to stay home from the church play because all three were in it and I had seen them at practice. He would not come because my family would be there.
In the last 6 months I have really held my tongue. The bottom line of the problem is that they want to be in control of everything. They use me as an excuse to not communicate with the children. I understand where you are coming from, but his behavior is his choice and he uses me as an excuse.They seem to think it is okay to yell and scream and be nasty to me and the children but we owe them respect. I finished! I have repeatly asked for their father and I to see someone to help us learn to communicate for the children and he refuses. He wants me to talk with her and her past behavior with our daughter has shown me she doesn't give a rip about her and I refuse to discuss my children's problems with a person that doesn't care about them.
 janofc
Joined: 6/1/2008
Msg: 14 (view)
 
Reaching my limit
Posted: 10/1/2008 10:01:18 PM
Any suggestions? I tried dealing with just the SM at their request. I tried talking with a third party with her to learn to communicate. She just wanted to talk about things in the past. I have talked with his parents, SM and on several occasions lately him for a brief moment. He would not talk about the children, just wanted to yell at me for calling his parents and not wanting to talk to the SM. I was so proud of myself. I didn't give into the urge to defend myself and just kept repeating I wanted to talk about our son. He hung up each time. I called and got him on the phone the other day because she didn't reconize my voice-( I was losing my voice) to let him know that our son would not be telling his sister that she was not allowed to come that day. He would have to tell her. He hung up on me.

There is just not enough of me left to help him sort through his problems. I have a rebellious teen that is making stupid choices, a father that is dying of cancer and two other children that I have to be there for. Unless you have some suggestions I am fresh out. I have not been hard to get along with- I have asked for two things from the beginning. Be consistant with seeing them and spend time with them rebuilding the relationship he destroyed the last few months at our home because of drug use.
 janofc
Joined: 6/1/2008
Msg: 13 (view)
 
Reaching my limit
Posted: 10/1/2008 8:08:06 PM
I have made several gestures of good will and I have attempted to make this a working realationship. She informed me that I didn't have anything to do with their realtionship (father and children) and he did not want a parenting realtionship with me at all. All contact was to made made through the children.

So if you have an answer to solve this one by all means let me know. It is rather difficult change the realtionship when they hang up if they hear my voice, or on the rare occasion that I speak to them. They hang up as soon as I start to speak.

And to settle any questions as to why it is like this. They don't like it when I let them know when they have hurt the children's feelings or I try to let them know something negative going on with the children. I am suppose to speak when spoken to and let then treat the children the way they want to treat them. Espcially a 1o year old girl.

And for another post -no she doesn't like the SM. Does she go out of her way to misbehave at their house? I can only go on what the SM and her brothers have said. NO
Is it normal for her to be jealous of her. Yes I think it is. IT is a realtionship that takes time to build because children always want their parents together and they have to let that go and give the other person a chance. Please do rememeber she is the child- the adults should behave like the adults. Not expect her to behave like an adult.
 janofc
Joined: 6/1/2008
Msg: 19 (view)
 
why do guys say they are interested and then n/call
Posted: 10/1/2008 3:45:13 PM
I like Domoinos answer
 janofc
Joined: 6/1/2008
Msg: 12 (view)
 
Reaching my limit
Posted: 10/1/2008 3:42:04 PM
It is coming up on visitation Saturday. That is all that he does and the kids haven't heard a word from him. The child that usually calls him refuses to call and set up the visit. He said it was time for his Dad to do the calling. I can't say that I blame him, but I told him that if he changes his mind I will support him either way. Our daughter called him Monday night and of course got the answering machine and he hasn't returned his call. I use to enourage them to call but I am not doing that anymore. Right Wrong What ever.
 janofc
Joined: 6/1/2008
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Acceptable child support purchases....
Posted: 10/1/2008 3:38:59 PM
My ex gives 126.00 a week for three- two of which are teenage boys. He doesn't help with medical, school or extra activitites. He doesn't take time off if they are sick or in trouble. He doesn't even see them that often. Unless you make enough money that you don't depend on the check to get by, then you really can't break it down to the littlest detail. (gas)

I know what Mel is saying but food for thought for you. My light bill, water bill, gas bill, food bill would not be as high if it was just me.I was amazed at the decrease in my water bill when my ex left.

Yes I would have a housepayment but maybe not this house, problably something smaller for just me.

So they are extra expense, maybe not one but three sure are. An expense I will gladly pay.
 janofc
Joined: 6/1/2008
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Should we always give our kids the same stuff at the same time? Equal treats/toys/clothes/etc?
Posted: 9/28/2008 6:19:39 PM
When my boys were little it was hard to not try and get everyone something at the same time, but I soon learned the error of my ways. I do try and keep Christmas and birthdays kind of even, and if I go somewhere and I bring them back something. When I come accross a good sale I try and get everyone something but as a everyday thing no.When they were little and tried that it's not fair he got to bit. This was a good cure. I would tell them you are right it's not fair and for a few days everything was FAIR. if one didn't want to do something then no one got to do it. It didn't take but a few time and they seemed to get the idea. Good luck
 janofc
Joined: 6/1/2008
Msg: 11 (view)
 
Reaching my limit
Posted: 9/28/2008 6:13:09 PM
This has been going on for over a year. I haven't talked the two of them down to the children. I use to encourage them to give her a chance and made excuses for his behavior. Last summer when they saw our daughter and I in the parking lot of walmart and waved to her and walked away (not seeing her in 3 weeks). I demanded we talk with someone. He would not come so she came in her place. She wanted to talk about the past and how everything is my fault, I wanted to talk about the future and how we could resolve some issues. We didn't get very far and she just about had a fit when both the cous and I insisited that the children get on a regular basis to see their father. She would not return for another session and they stopped taking my phone calls or emails. I have tried to settle this, but anytime I have got them on the phone since that time I am just suppose to listen to what they have to say and when I attempt to say anything they hang up on me. I was told by a lawyer in SC that they will enforce his right to see the children but they will not force him to see them, or pay half for them to see someone. Well he has to pay half AFTER a 250.00 deductable for him, two forms of proof that they have seen someone and 45 days. All of this happened because I was stupid enough to not use a divorce lawyer but a friend of the family.

I give -I will not remind them to call him again, I will not defend his actions and try and make them look better, I will not encourage anyone to see him.

I am blessed with a strong support system and over this last year have worked very hard at remaining neutral in front of my children. I have used my support system and this forum to vent. Yes my children have three parents, but the other two are to wrapped up in their own lives to care what they do to these lives. I will not accept any blame for his behavior. I have done the best I know to do to resolve it. Some of you need to wake up and realize it is not always something that the CP can change. Sometimes they are just selfish jerks!
 janofc
Joined: 6/1/2008
Msg: 10 (view)
 
Reaching my limit
Posted: 9/26/2008 4:36:14 AM
I have tried telling the two of them a number of times.For the last year I have had to relay messages through the SM because he won't talk to me. The response is I am just trying to control the situation and them, and get free time for myself. One email stated that if I needed a "free week-end" I don't need to plan it on his visit time. We didn't have a set agreement and so they said it was not a legal obligation to see the children on a regular basis.

Good idea about getting them to talk to someone else so I don't get blamed. He is kind of person to try that.
 janofc
Joined: 6/1/2008
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Reaching my limit
Posted: 9/25/2008 9:21:05 PM
I didn't mean to sound as if I blamed for the problems. I do think she has a lot to do with it but the buck stops with him. These are his kids and he was the person that is suppose to love them. She told me from the start she was not a step mother- she was just married to their father. He is in charge of his own choices.

That is such a good idea to remind of that a normal part of growing up.

She does blame the SM and I can understand because that makes it easier for her to
deal with it. She doesn't sees it more as the SM rejecting her verses her father rejecting her. I use to try and defend the woman but now I just listen to my daughter and let her vent. I have also started encouraging her to tell her father how she feels, but when she has done that .SM tells her she is just saying what I want her to say, when in reality I am learning to stay neutral.
 janofc
Joined: 6/1/2008
Msg: 22 (view)
 
School Progress Reports - How should I reward?
Posted: 9/24/2008 9:34:09 PM
I agree with Sta-
I want to try and stress the effort as much if not more than the grade.
If a child has a 4.0 then she probably puts forth a lot of effort. So you got a win win situtation here.
 janofc
Joined: 6/1/2008
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Reaching my limit
Posted: 9/24/2008 9:31:29 PM
That is exactly what I told my son. He had to make the choice that he felt was right. I also told him to talk to another adult that he trusted because I was bias on the situation.

The boys are 17 and 15 and I still don't let them watch R rated movies in my home. I just don't think they need to exposed to that stuff yet. I know my control over the rating is fading fast with the 17 year old but for now...

The hardest thing on her about this situation isthat he father use to be closer to her than to the boys. This all started when the SM got involved in the father's life.
 janofc
Joined: 6/1/2008
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Reaching my limit
Posted: 9/24/2008 3:26:27 PM
I am seriously thinking about taking my daughter off for the week-end on her father's week-end so the same drama that has happened every 2 weeks for months doesn't happen. She came in from talking to him before the last visit that he informed her he wanted to see the boys but not her because of the movie(he hadn't seen or talked to her since August 25) he wanted to take the boys to see (R rated) and there would be an agrument about the movie if she went. She told me"They make me feel as if I am nothing to them". I told her to call her Dad back and tell him that, of course she was only allowed to talk to SM. This was last Saturday and it is now Wednesday and he has never callled her back. If she is out of town he can't hurt her.

Do you think that is terrible of me?
 janofc
Joined: 6/1/2008
Msg: 10 (view)
 
Bending over backwards
Posted: 9/24/2008 3:19:07 PM
Listen to your last two posts. A detailed agreement will save you tons of grief, and when you document his not wanting to see the children it protects you. You are in a lose/lose situation for you and the children. You will find many of us have an ex that is trying to control the situation through the children. You simply can't let them because they will make your life harder and harder. I am through bending over for my ex. He has hurt our little girl's feelings one time to many!
 janofc
Joined: 6/1/2008
Msg: 13 (view)
 
School Progress Reports - How should I reward?
Posted: 9/23/2008 6:49:04 PM
Parents please keep in mind that the kids that maybe making c's may not be the type of child that performs well at school.

I have two boys one that does quite well at school- advanced classes - the whole nine yards. Most of which require very little effort on his part, so grades were never a motivating force for him. As he as entered high school and dealing with advanced classes, he has learned he must think out of the box more often than before. He seems to value the grade more now that he has worked hard for it.

The other son who is really an amazing thinker and use to work very hard at school, but the grades were not consistant with his ability or effort. He use to set academic goals for himself and work for them. He use to love school and loved to learn. ings and All of that has really changed, school has left him doubting his intelligence and ability to learn. He was not one that made the transion from elementary school to middle school very well.

I personally as a teacher and a parent reward effort as well as performance. If you don't get what I am saying look at some of our greatest minds in the world( especially our inventors, major thinkers). You will be amazed at some of their stories.

Parents when your child enters middle school and you see a major difference. Listen to your heart. If you think there is a problem - do not let others tell you it's normal. You know your child better than anyone else. Listen to your heart.
 janofc
Joined: 6/1/2008
Msg: 47 (view)
 
When kids drive you insane.
Posted: 9/23/2008 3:23:39 PM
I love the way you put that Captain Dad
 janofc
Joined: 6/1/2008
Msg: 22 (view)
 
Anyone put off leaving your childs parent
Posted: 9/23/2008 3:17:03 PM
I have to agree with traveling mel. My ex who is 58 doesn't do that much for his children that are 20 miles away( and didn't when we were married) . I say give the man a chance and try dating him with an open mind. Who knows what may work out? I am not saying you should marry him just because of these things, but give the man a chance he has earned it through the scarifces he made. Just take it very slow this time and see what happens. What can it hurt?
 janofc
Joined: 6/1/2008
Msg: 12 (view)
 
advice for a single dad
Posted: 9/22/2008 7:12:59 PM
I think what Chimz is getting at- is some people are to concerend about dating and dating issues than parenting issues. Just look the posts on the single parents section. Most of them are about dating and children. No one really wants to discuss parenting issues if it does't contain dating. I personally don't think a child should be involved until you are very very serious about that person. They shouldn't be exposed to your dates.
 janofc
Joined: 6/1/2008
Msg: 8 (view)
 
good advice or bad
Posted: 9/22/2008 7:08:15 PM
Well it came to a head again this week-end. Their father finally told our daughter she was not invited this time because there was a movie that they wanted to see (the couple) that she couldn't see and that she and the oldest fought and it made it unpleasant for them so they didn't want her to come. She of course came to me in tears and stated how it made her feel unimportant to them. I encouraged her to call her father and tell him these feelings. She attemped to call but was only allowed to speak to SM. So our middle son called back and told them if MG was not welcome he wasn't coming to see them either. They haven't heard anything from him since them. I was so proud of them for doing what they needed to do for their own mental health and not depending on me to fix it. Boy I wish I could fix it!
 janofc
Joined: 6/1/2008
Msg: 21 (view)
 
At what age is it creepy if a man is sleeping with his daughter?
Posted: 9/22/2008 7:02:55 PM
I had to laugh with a post that said that his daughter was now 12 and he was happy if she spent 15 minutes with him. My oldest use to crawl in bed with me many nights, now I am luckly if I get a hello.

Back to the issue at hand. My first reaction was I wouldn't think it was creepy but when I rethought the fact that he refused to even get her a bed that makes me wonder. Maybe he is having as many problems as she is having. It's a hard issue.
 janofc
Joined: 6/1/2008
Msg: 12 (view)
 
Favoritism
Posted: 9/22/2008 6:48:42 PM
It's funny you asked this question. I have been wondering that myself. I know that my ex has a favorite and it's because in someways he is the easiest. There have been days when I look at one of the children or spend some extra time that I feel "they are my favorite" and turn right around and feel the same way about teh other for something different. I do think there is a child that you may understand better than the others but not really a favorite for me. I guess I am just fickle.
 janofc
Joined: 6/1/2008
Msg: 12 (view)
 
lol now I'm scared to write this :)
Posted: 9/19/2008 3:30:39 AM
Do not live in fear... live in empowerment. Start early.

I love this quote! IT is such a true statement to teach our sons and our daughters.
 janofc
Joined: 6/1/2008
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Reaching my limit
Posted: 9/18/2008 7:16:08 PM
I agree- I am just getting so fed up with the whole thing. They tell the boys because our daugter is not happy visiting or she would be too much trouble. They took them all to the air show in May and let the 1o year old walk around by herself while they spent time with each other (couple) because she wanted to see something different from MG. I know what I want to do and I know what is the grown up thing to do and they are not going together very well anymore.
 janofc
Joined: 6/1/2008
Msg: 2 (view)
 
The Willow Tree
Posted: 9/18/2008 7:11:52 PM
very nice job on the poem
 janofc
Joined: 6/1/2008
Msg: 13 (view)
 
When kids drive you insane.
Posted: 9/18/2008 7:08:32 PM
How about when they get out of the shower and have been in there a long time and they still have dirt on their face.lol I would send them back and offer to come and help them if they came out dirty again. IT was so much fun.

Seriouly we all have those days that we would want to sell them to the nearest traveling salesman. I think frustration comes with the job, and true some parents have it easier than others- they have easy children which is a blessing. But if yours were like mine- they are the movers and skakers (literally) and they explore, question and like I use to say about my 17 year old and 10 - live life large. Some of the traits that drive you crazy now may just serve them well as adults. Just remember we all have the bad days and as long as the good are out weighting the bad I think you are doing okay. Good Luck

My boys were close in age like that and my oldest was the adventureous type and his little brother would follow him to the end of the earth. It made for some rough days. Hang in there
 
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