Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

          

Show ALL Forums
Posted In Forum:

Home   login   MyForums  
 
 Author Thread: There's something about polyandry..
 sweetcherie
Joined: 6/2/2008
Msg: 58 (view)
 
There's something about polyandry..
Posted: 8/4/2009 6:42:58 PM
Basically this is what I have although I am only married to one man. I have a high libido and have always needed more than one man in my life. So when my husband suggested we add to our bedroom, I jumped at the chance. That was 11 years ago and I never looked back. We still have a great marriage, but have a wonderful FWB who spends w/es with either me alone or at our house. It is quite amuzing to see the two of them talking at the breakfast table acting like the best of friends. Always pick men that I know will have something in common. I know if the circumstances were right I would enjoy having them of my guys under the same roof for an extended period of time.
 sweetcherie
Joined: 6/2/2008
Msg: 12 (view)
 
Cold unfeeling robotic blokes
Posted: 8/4/2009 4:07:40 PM
Most men are not cold and emotionally distant...We women just don't pick up the signs as we are more into verbal communication. I have a man in my life whose way of communicating how much he cares is done with actions not words...When I tell him I'm not a blip on his radar he will say don't I show you how much I care...Then I have to sit back and reflect that he does indeed show me over and over again...Wanting to spend time with me is probably the best way to show me you care. Like the old song says you don't have to say you love me, just be close at hand.

The Odyssey of love is a long voyage, taken in short trips. Learn to read each other and if the language needs translation --- ask.
 sweetcherie
Joined: 6/2/2008
Msg: 80 (view)
 
Roses or chocolates?
Posted: 8/4/2009 3:54:47 PM
A gift is a gift....Not for me to choose what someone buys me as a gift...Husband has bought me twizzlers because he knows I love them --- I consider those as much a gift as if he bought me something more expensive...He thought about me and that's what counts...When my husband is celebrating an occasion it will be roses or jewelry...Yes, ladies I am very, very lucky and he came that way --- I didn't change him.

As for my FWB --- Long stemmed red roses are his gift of choice. He brought me one on our first date and periodically I will get them from him. It never ceases to surprise me when he does this...

 sweetcherie
Joined: 6/2/2008
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Thoughts on a healthy relationship
Posted: 8/3/2009 5:40:57 PM
Healthy relationships require open and honest communication. They are built from trusting each other. Respect each other and embrace each others' differences. It is the the differences that make each of us special. And for heaven sake, please, please, please don't go trying to change the other person. Remember what it was that attracted you to them in the first place and go from there. Be genuine and sincere in all of your interactions. Fight fair and in the moment. Be a grown up when you need to be and preserve your inner child for those moments when you need to lighten things up. Never take each other too seriously --- life is serious enough by itself. And above all learn to laugh when you want to cry, accept failure as a part of life and learn from your mistakes. Be accepting --- no one is perfect.
 sweetcherie
Joined: 6/2/2008
Msg: 16 (view)
 
You have an Amazing way with Words. But can you hold a Conversation?
Posted: 8/3/2009 5:26:57 PM
Phone conversation will not be the deciding factor in whether or not I meet someone, although a great phone voice goes a long way. Those high, squeaky voices are a bit of a put off and usually go for the guy with the deep Barry White voice, but it's the man and his ability to write that will get me every time. I have often said that your profile is like a resume and you should proofread it, because you want it to send a clear message to potential dates. In my profile I clearly state that the ability to write in complete sentances is something I look for. I have found that someone whose ability to write takes my breath away and leaves me in awe of his talent. And yes, he has the ability to communicate as effectively in person as he did on his profile. I do believe that there is a connection between the two.
 sweetcherie
Joined: 6/2/2008
Msg: 16 (view)
 
Childless regrets?
Posted: 7/29/2009 3:24:42 PM
No kids here either and haven't had any regrets. I simply don't do kids well and don't believe I have the patience to be a really good parent. Also am too self-centered --- yes the attention whore thing rears its' ugly head. As for being happier, I have no way of knowing that. It was a conscious choice that I made, not a decision made lightly. Can just imagine having dragged kids through three marriages -- that would have made for some seriously dysfunctional kids, I'm sure.

I will say if I were 10 years young I would have had a child for my best friend and his partner since I know they would make great parents.
 sweetcherie
Joined: 6/2/2008
Msg: 26 (view)
 
Do u believe in love at first sight???
Posted: 7/29/2009 3:18:02 PM
Definitely! My husband was love at first sight. And he was not my type at all so go figure. Chuck is just one of those good ole boys who don't believe chivalry is dead. Women ask me all the time if he has a brother.

My current extra curricular relationship was that from the moment I laid eyes on his photo --- and he had me at hello! His general sweetness made me totally melt. He brought me a rose on our very first date. Who wouldn't fall in love with someone like that. And I know it's not lust since I can be in the same room with him and not have to have sex. Just being in his arms is enough. Ok, well you got me, I do have to have those kisses.
 sweetcherie
Joined: 6/2/2008
Msg: 114 (view)
 
...A Sexual Relationship WITHOUT Emotional Attachments...
Posted: 7/29/2009 3:10:12 PM
Need the connection piece so I vote, "No" on this one. I personally have never been with anyone long term and had a completely sexual relationship --- never gonna happen with this girl --- sorry!
 sweetcherie
Joined: 6/2/2008
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Whats the biggest contribution that your lover ever made to help you?
Posted: 7/29/2009 3:08:19 PM
Two thing come to mind. Before my husband and I were married, he paid off my IRS debt --- ex-husband didn't believe in paying taxes. AND he bought me a house.
I DID NOT marry him for his money, but for his heart and have never regretted my decision. We have been together for 17 years.
 sweetcherie
Joined: 6/2/2008
Msg: 146 (view)
 
Sexless marriages/relationships.....go figure?
Posted: 7/28/2009 7:00:21 PM
Ok, here goes. My sex life with my husband has been sporadic at best the past few years. Mainly due to his medication. Having said this, I will again state that we have an open marriage. Either of us is perfectly able to go outside the marriage and have sex with whomever we choose. It is NEVER the same with them as it is with my husband. I do wish that the flame hadn't gone out, but the spark is still there after 17 years. I wouldn't leave him for the world and sex or no sex he's definitely a keeper. He is my soulmate. And even if I weren't having my needs met somewhere else, lack of sex would not be a reason to throw a perfectly good relationship out the window.
 sweetcherie
Joined: 6/2/2008
Msg: 21 (view)
 
Is this the new dating M.O. for ladies?
Posted: 7/28/2009 3:33:21 PM
This makes me go HUM. Most people (men and women) should have the good manners to at least say don't let the door hit you on the way out, but in this day and age, seems that manners have gone out the door as well. I personally, would never leave someone thinking things were fine, if I was not planning on coming back. I'm pretty honest and although most people find me to be non-politcally correct, I do have manners and try not to hurt anyone's feelings. One friend said that you always know where you stand with me. That she could trust me to be open and honest. I try to live by that.
 sweetcherie
Joined: 6/2/2008
Msg: 1297 (view)
 
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 7/27/2009 5:40:39 PM
I am living proof that cheating doesn't mean the end of a relationship. I cheated on my then b/f, now husband and he caught me dead to rights. I confessed everything and we have been happily married for almost 10 years (we have been together for 17 years). You have to be a really strong person to forgive. He did say if I had lied, he would have left me. It was the fact that I told him the truth that we are still together today --- and the truth shall set you free.

We now have an open marriage and the most honest relationship I have ever had. Have the same deal with my FWB --- he knows if I see anyone new.

Might not work for everyone, but it did for me.
 sweetcherie
Joined: 6/2/2008
Msg: 15 (view)
 
Does a pet sense true character?
Posted: 7/27/2009 4:18:07 PM
My friend's cat sleeps in my back or lays on my stomach when I spend the w/e there. He comes when I call him and will bite my friend when he is talking to me on the phone if he doesn't let me say hi to him ---- he's really into me I think --- lol. My guess is in his eyes, I'm a keeper...Good to know....Or am I overthinking this...

PS My cats love him too...
 sweetcherie
Joined: 6/2/2008
Msg: 93 (view)
 
A connection between personality and how one treats their pets??
Posted: 7/26/2009 1:58:51 PM
I have 3 cats who are attention whores and get loved on constantly. I do not give this kind of love and attention to anyone outside my inner circle. Have a close friend who worships his cat --- calls me and tells me the antics of the day. This same friend does not treat people outside his inner circle like that either.

So, no I haven't seen the connection from this end.
 sweetcherie
Joined: 6/2/2008
Msg: 12 (view)
 
Housekeeping --- Does a messy place turn you off?
Posted: 7/26/2009 1:49:41 PM
There are times when I want to run away as well, but from my life not from him. He is the person I run to, not away from. The dirt and disorder are just parts of his world that I would change if it were possible. But then that would make him way too perfect and he has to have some flaws --- lol
 sweetcherie
Joined: 6/2/2008
Msg: 20 (view)
 
Mismatched Libido's or Insecurities?
Posted: 7/26/2009 1:37:34 PM
Yep, sexual overdrive here as well. I know I want it more than any one man could possibly ever give me. What happens is that I end up with an exhausted lover. Where's the happy medium here? I know that I much prefer a warm body to a vibrator, but sometimes a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do.
 sweetcherie
Joined: 6/2/2008
Msg: 28 (view)
 
How many Women out here Love SEX?
Posted: 7/26/2009 1:28:24 PM
I luv sex! I am the one woman who never has a headache and if I do I know what will cure it. I never say no to my husband and am a very active lover to more than one man. From the time I was in my teens, I have wanted as much sex as I could get. It hasn't changed with age either.
 sweetcherie
Joined: 6/2/2008
Msg: 4 (view)
 
IS IT POSSIBLE TO BE IN LOVE WITH TWO PEOPLE AT THE SAME TIME???
Posted: 7/26/2009 1:15:11 PM
YES! If they both know about each other, then it's going to make life easier all around. Just remember there will always be a #1 and a #2.
 sweetcherie
Joined: 6/2/2008
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Change Your Type-!
Posted: 7/26/2009 1:08:27 PM
For years we have been told to look a certain way. I am just me. Heredity has a lot to do with it, but will always say I'm not a gym rat. And honey, just watch me move on the dance floor!

That said, I am comfortable with me, although would luv to be thin (ner). I'm just not made that way. And if you think men don't appreciate women of substance, think again. I put out the bbw sign on my profile and it doesn't seem to stop them from writing. I may not get the number of emails that the skinny, glam chicks do, but at least the ones that write me aren't a number - think about it.
 sweetcherie
Joined: 6/2/2008
Msg: 31 (view)
 
Do you tell them your married in your profile
Posted: 7/26/2009 12:54:33 PM
Well here's a whole other spin. I am in an open marriage and yes, so is my husband. I put the no married men sign on my profile since for the most part people don't have the same relationship that I do. I don't want to be the cause of another woman's grief. I don't disrespect anyone's relationship with their spouse, even if they are only in it due to finances. I have been married 3 times and know what a divorce is.

If you have an open relationship, then by all means, please write me and we will take it from there. If you are chosing to cheat, I don't want to be a party to it.
 sweetcherie
Joined: 6/2/2008
Msg: 87 (view)
 
Soulmates...
Posted: 7/26/2009 12:12:14 PM
I truly believe soulmates exist and am living proof since I have not one, but two of them in my life. I consider myself extremely lucky as just finding one soulmate is a rare thing indeed. And I wouldn't trade either of them for the world.
 sweetcherie
Joined: 6/2/2008
Msg: 10 (view)
 
Housekeeping --- Does a messy place turn you off?
Posted: 7/26/2009 11:52:28 AM
And therein lies the paradox. He is clean about himself --- yes, he showers at least once a day, brushing and flossing as well and never forgetting the mouthwash. Handwashing is a given with him. And as for the underwear --- he goes commando --- lmao. He's the sensitive, artistic type, pretty self-absorbed, emotionally unavailable, and totally into his cat, if that helps you put it into a better perspective. All this said, he is a great guy to talk to and hang out with and I would trust him with my life --- just this particular quirk (or laziness gene) had me wondering if it was just me or if there were other people out there who felt this way.
 sweetcherie
Joined: 6/2/2008
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Housekeeping --- Does a messy place turn you off?
Posted: 7/26/2009 10:21:59 AM
I know the feeling. When I spend the w/e there I come in and change the sheets, do the laundry and generally clean up, because I just feel better when those things are done. I truly believe this is not something he cares about doing, but he does appreciate it when I do them.

He is very worth keeping --- and this relationship isn't about changing him. Just don't know what the middleground is here.
 sweetcherie
Joined: 6/2/2008
Msg: 32 (view)
 
Why dont people learn to meet their own needs
Posted: 7/26/2009 10:13:10 AM
I am pretty self-sufficient. Having said that, I also need affection and passion. Two things I cannot give myself.

And for the record, my relationships work out well as long as I don't overthink the situation and just learn to let things flow all by themselves. Sometimes it's just not all that deep.

I believe that control issues are the #1 killer of relationships.

Just my two cents!
 sweetcherie
Joined: 6/2/2008
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Housekeeping --- Does a messy place turn you off?
Posted: 7/26/2009 10:06:04 AM
If you met someone and start seeing them on a somewhat regular basis, would the lack of cleanliness at their place keep you from continuing the relationship? The reason I ask is that I have a very close friend whose place looks like a college dorm most of the time. I am not a neat freak, but changing the sheets whenever and doing the laundry when it walks there itself is just not my idea of being clean. Would this be a major turnoff for the ladies? Please give me your thoughts.
 sweetcherie
Joined: 6/2/2008
Msg: 6 (view)
 
To wear or not to wear,, that is the question...
Posted: 10/12/2008 6:04:20 PM
Probably should have discussed that when you weren't in the heat of passion. Things you might want to find out up front...And he should respect your wishes --- toss him back...
 sweetcherie
Joined: 6/2/2008
Msg: 39 (view)
 
Does the shrink ever help?
Posted: 10/12/2008 4:01:38 PM
In working with psychiatrists for the past 16 years, I can honestly some I wouldn't give the time of day to and others I would trust with my life. The trick is to find someone you are comfortable with. In my honest opinion, therapy won't fix the relationship --- it is designed to give you insight into yourself and the person that you are. In turn it may help you be a better person and show you that the relationship may not be in your best interest. That's a chance you take when you put yourself out there. And isn't it all about being a better you?
 sweetcherie
Joined: 6/2/2008
Msg: 15 (view)
 
A fascinating Concept that keeps me intrigued
Posted: 10/12/2008 3:48:56 PM
Knowing a concept and living it are two entirely different things. I would definitely want to see the person I loved happy, but would hope that their happiness would include me. Being selfless rather than selfish...Nice if you can find it...
 sweetcherie
Joined: 6/2/2008
Msg: 12 (view)
 
A question
Posted: 10/12/2008 3:43:56 PM
I suggest checking with an attorney to see what your options are. If you can't afford to do so, there is legal aid. Also, with his record of being a child offender it is highly unlikely he would ever be granted custody. Unless you are found to be an unfit mother, the child has a good possibility of remaining with you.

I vote for taking yourself to an environment that is nurturing and supportive and will give your child a good start in life --- Good luck!
 sweetcherie
Joined: 6/2/2008
Msg: 23 (view)
 
What A Voracious Flirt!
Posted: 9/30/2008 6:33:47 PM
Ask yourself this --- How would I feel if my SO were doing what I am doing?
If you can honestly answer it wouldn't bother you --- then by all means, keep on doing what you are doing...If not, stop, think and find a new place to work or there will be trouble in paradise before long...
 sweetcherie
Joined: 6/2/2008
Msg: 213 (view)
 
Lower body hair.
Posted: 9/30/2008 6:27:10 PM
And I have to ask --- do you keep your body hair in check?

Not that I agree with your wife --- but maybe there is more to this than meets the eye...Different strokes --- not sure you will ever resolve this until you find out why she is angry at you --- yes, she is doing this to get even for something you either did or she preceived you did...
 sweetcherie
Joined: 6/2/2008
Msg: 35 (view)
 
MEN DON'T GET MARRIED IN ORDER TO NOT HAVE SEX
Posted: 9/30/2008 6:08:52 PM
I have to agree that she isn't holding up her end of the bargain, but have to wonder if there is more to it that he isn't telling....I would seek an annulment and get out as fast as I could run...
 sweetcherie
Joined: 6/2/2008
Msg: 65 (view)
 
How to forget someone? How to let go?
Posted: 9/30/2008 6:02:18 PM
Letting go is never easy...As they say, "Time heals all wounds"...Trust me it does...Keep busy, meet new people, get a new hobby, go shopping when all else fails....You will eventually make peace with yourself and the other person will simply drift away....
 sweetcherie
Joined: 6/2/2008
Msg: 14 (view)
 
Having Your Cake and Eating It Too or Hedging Your Bets
Posted: 9/30/2008 4:33:30 PM
Thank you for your kind words --- in other words if we simply don't agree with how you choose to live your life we should be shot at sunrise? I have a wonderful marriage and a man I care about very much --- we happen to have an open marriage...Something lots of people don't understand. Guess I should have known better than to ask opinions from close minded people like yourself, but my fault I thought I wouldn't be hung before the jury came back....Just my opinion and I am more than open minded...Yes, this man has his faults and those who have posted here have bore that out...I said that same thing to him the last time I say him and he agreed that this wasn't the way to go --- kids involved, but otherwise not sure what his rationale is and many other people get a divorce that have kids and a bad marriage...

And if my profile is so bad because I'm being honest, what about all those married men out there who are looking for the same thing --- should they too be strung up???
Guess we have to agree to disagree on this, but thanks anyway...
 sweetcherie
Joined: 6/2/2008
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Having Your Cake and Eating It Too or Hedging Your Bets
Posted: 9/25/2008 10:30:28 PM
Met a man on POF who, although my profile stated I didn't want to meet married men, is married. He wrote in complete sentances and sounded fairly intelligent and he plead a good case. Story of an unhappy marriage ensued, yadayadayada....Long story short ---he was looking for Ms. Right but would settle for Mrs. Right Now and wanted to leave his unhappy marriage when he found the right girl. We saw each other for a few weeks and he got a case of the guilts. Wrote me and said no more I'm outta here. This worked for all of 10 minutes and he came back (and yes, stupid me, I gladly saw him again). This time for all of 30 seconds before he found Ms. Right. Now he says he still wants to see me with the limited time he has ---- never could make time for me before so why should he now. I think he is hedging his bets just in case this thing with Ms. Right doesn't work out. And for the record, he is a really great guy and a wonderful catch for any woman --- if only he were single....

Am I wrong to believe he is hedging --- what's your take on the situation?

:modhammer:
 sweetcherie
Joined: 6/2/2008
Msg: 74 (view)
 
Do you not date someone because the can not support you and the life style you have grown acustom?
Posted: 9/11/2008 3:06:04 PM
When I met my husband he had a great job and paid all the bills and this was before we were married. Well 8 1/2 years ago he lost that great job. That we are married today is a testiment to the fact that I stuck thru the good and bad times with him. Today he makes less than half of what he did when we met and I make more money than he does. Good thing it doesn't bother his ego any, but I sure do miss having him make more money. Wouldn't leave him for the world, so it can't be the money - it is the MAN.

PS. If you believe your wedding vows, then you will weather the good and the bad. Never let it be about the money.
 sweetcherie
Joined: 6/2/2008
Msg: 11 (view)
 
Confused: What did I do wrong?
Posted: 9/7/2008 2:14:48 PM
Absolutely nothing except you didn't see the signs that he is married or in a relationship or he is a game player --- my advice is move on...
 sweetcherie
Joined: 6/2/2008
Msg: 9 (view)
 
ex husband last name..
Posted: 9/7/2008 2:11:50 PM
Funny thing...I went thru exactly the same scenario when I married my current husband...He said I could take his last name, go back to my maiden name or choose a different one altogether, but he didn't want me to keep my ex-husband's last name...Sounded like a very reasonable request to me so I took his and never looked back...There is nothing that a man can give you that is more valuable than his name...Tell your friend to rethink this one...I totally agree with you...
 sweetcherie
Joined: 6/2/2008
Msg: 27 (view)
 
What is with the must not be married ???
Posted: 9/2/2008 7:05:39 PM
And for the record --- throw mine into the pile...Married men just don't seem to have enough time and besides why would I want to hurt someone who I don't even know...Married guys --- fix what's broken or get out of your marriage...A booty call won't make you happy....Just my two cents worth!
 sweetcherie
Joined: 6/2/2008
Msg: 155 (view)
 
Guys, feeling depressed about this site? This will help!
Posted: 8/11/2008 10:24:05 AM
You are so right...Couldn't have said it better myself...Now what is wrong when a woman can't find something that meets her needs?...She goes to another store to shop....And yes, online dating should not be taken seriously, although I do have a couple of friends whose marriage is a testament that onling dating does work...For me, I love it all, the chatting, the texting, the emails and the phonecalls...And have even met a few of these wonderful men --- and none have take it too seriously...
 sweetcherie
Joined: 6/2/2008
Msg: 95 (view)
 
Metrosexual. Sexy or just weird?
Posted: 8/9/2008 4:39:43 PM
No, and I too love a well groomed man...Too bad you didn't post a photo so we could see the results...Stop feeling self-conscious...After all it's your hard earned money....Spend it any way you like...And if my husband wanted to do those things I would make a spa day appointment for him without so much as batting an eyelash...Color me an enlightened female --- Who says only women should be allowed to be pampered?
 sweetcherie
Joined: 6/2/2008
Msg: 54 (view)
 
why do guys like to cum on a girl's face?
Posted: 8/9/2008 4:19:29 PM
If you want to know that truth, have had almost no guy cum on my face....I prefer not to waste any hence great skin, great nails and beautiful hair...It's inside all the way for me.....
 sweetcherie
Joined: 6/2/2008
Msg: 4 (view)
 
A rose is a rose is a rose (or when does it matter if you are rose worthy)
Posted: 8/6/2008 7:04:41 PM
Guess I should have read between the roses...Thanks for your spin on this...
 sweetcherie
Joined: 6/2/2008
Msg: 1 (view)
 
A rose is a rose is a rose (or when does it matter if you are rose worthy)
Posted: 8/3/2008 4:15:24 PM
Wanted to get someone else's spin on the rose thing. We are given 2 roses to send to anyone we choose to send them to. Fine and good. You meet a guy, he is the consumate gentleman, does everything just right and is someone you want to see again. He seems to respond to you as well. Is it wrong to send a rose to him? What do you do if he doesn't even acknowledge the gift? And conversely, you are seeing someone and notice that he has sent someone else a rose. How do you respond to this? Does it really matter if you are or aren't rose worthy? And has this site inadvertantly made this a contest to see if you are? Tell me what you think...Cherie
 
Show ALL Forums