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 Author Thread: Question...
 lynn629
Joined: 6/19/2008
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Question...
Posted: 10/8/2008 8:11:29 AM
My body's lack of flexibility limits me.

But I don't care how my body looks during sex. I figure, once I am naked with a guy, he probably already has a decent idea of what I look like naked and liked the thought enough to get me there, so he must like the way I look. (And likes me enough to ignore, not care about, or maybe not even notice my physical imperfections, since I wait for a while before having sex with someone new.) And we'll both be concentrating on pleasuring each other and ourselves to notice that someone's belly sticks out in certain positions.

I could see where someone who is very obese would have trouble with certain positions, e.g., it seems like missionary would be difficult if one or both of the people had very large bellies.
 lynn629
Joined: 6/19/2008
Msg: 37 (view)
 
the cup
Posted: 9/29/2008 2:49:22 PM
I tried the Instead cup. When I manage to insert it properly, it works very well, but I hardly ever manage to do it.

As a few commented, the cup is messier than using a tampon with an applicator, but one advantage is that the cup doesn't have to be changed nearly as often as a tampon.
 lynn629
Joined: 6/19/2008
Msg: 14 (view)
 
Tothpaste as a Lubricant
Posted: 9/24/2008 10:22:28 AM
That's a horrible idea. Toothpaste is not at all lubricating. If anything, I think it would be drying. Also, toothpaste is meant to clean, so it's slightly abrasive. And the chemicals would not feel good.

I also think peppermint oil would be bad. Peppermint oil can be irritating, even in small amounts. Just buy some proper lubricant. There are some that "tingle," "warm," and have flavor, but have been tested and shown to be safe for the vaginal area.
 lynn629
Joined: 6/19/2008
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Dead Fish F*ck
Posted: 9/24/2008 10:15:15 AM
Wow, it's only been two weeks. Give her a break. She's probably a little shy and hesitant because she doesn't know you very well and doesn't know what you like. Try telling her what you like, ask her to touch you or something. (But don't be demanding or critical.)
 lynn629
Joined: 6/19/2008
Msg: 24 (view)
 
She loves you But
Posted: 9/11/2008 11:55:09 AM
If someone wants that many things to change, does he/she really love the person?
The only reasonable thing to ask might be hairstyle, but only if it was a pretty slight change. If you don't like someone's clothing choices, smoking habit, and lifestyle/hobbies, then don't date him/her, it won' t work. (And these are things you can tell about a person within the first 1-2 dates.)

Marriage... sometimes these thoughts change over time if it's really a good fit. I wouldn't stress about that much. Trying to get him to change his mind would probably have the opposite effect, anyway. What might change his mind is time-- getting to know and trust you and feeling loved and ACCEPTED (e.g., not trying to get him to change the way he dresses)!
 lynn629
Joined: 6/19/2008
Msg: 22 (view)
 
Only a convenience!?
Posted: 9/9/2008 4:35:17 PM
I agree with Kyn. Tell him you've changed your mind, he's gone. Pack his stuff and leave it outside the door, then change all the locks. Make sure nothing of yours is missing. Don't bother to talk to him again or write any notes. There is nothing to discuss or salvage-- you have rock-solid evidence that he is a user and a loser and is NOT to be trusted. It's not up to negotiation or discussion-- you are kicking him out. You shouldn't let him stay one more night. And you say you don't like confrontation-- fine, that's not necessary. Just pack his stuff and put it outside with a BRIEF note telling him to take his stuff and leave.

Don't worry about where he's going to live-- that's his problem. And if he has no other place to go, there's probably a good reason for that. And ask yourself why he was homeless in the first place-- he probably screwed over the roommate/girlfriend/friend. He is not material for a friend, roommate, or anything else for you.

And learn from your mistake-- don't let someone you barely know move in with you!!! If an adult man has nowhere to live, he's either a liar or has already used and abused all his friends and relatives and is moving on to new territory. Face it-- you WERE a convenience for him. You gave him a place to stay, rent-free. He used you, and you let yourself be used.
 lynn629
Joined: 6/19/2008
Msg: 20 (view)
 
Need advice, how do I take it from FWB to a relationship
Posted: 9/2/2008 1:11:04 PM
So what's the latest, did you talk to him about how you feel?
 lynn629
Joined: 6/19/2008
Msg: 10 (view)
 
What do you make of this?
Posted: 8/29/2008 10:48:56 AM
I agree with midnitetraveler.

Try to relax, be patient, take one day at a time, and just let the friendship develop. Maybe more will come of it, maybe not. And if romance does develop, it will be so much better for having the friendship as a foundation.

I've been in a similar situation now for a while myself, and he is slowly starting to let me know about his reservations regarding relationships. So now I know what all the mixed signals have been about-- it's not been about other women or about commitmentphobia, it's been about his fears based on his past experiences. I think giving him the space and time to think about it has made him feel safer. Also, he has turned into a very good friend who I can really depend upon when needed which feels great. So if he and I end up dating, we'll have friendship, trust, and respect as a foundation. And the funny thing is, during this process, I've thought a lot about exes and realized that I didn't have a friendship as a foundation for any of them, and as we got to know each other better we liked each other less. Relationships and intimacy should improve with time, not worsen, and I think if you start off with a friendship then that is more likely.
 lynn629
Joined: 6/19/2008
Msg: 408 (view)
 
guys, women who squirt....
Posted: 8/18/2008 1:09:31 PM
It really doesn't matter whether you are convinced. It's a fact. Some women do "squirt." Just because you haven't done it yourself doesn't make it fiction. You can read about it on Dr. Drew's website (Dr. Drew Pinsky is a board certified internist), Discovery Health, wikipedia, and I am sure many other reputable websites.

It definitely is not urine. It doesn't look like urine, it doesn't smell like urine, and it doesn't feel like urinating when it happens.

It may or may not serve a purpose. Not every single function of the human body can be fully explained by science yet.
 lynn629
Joined: 6/19/2008
Msg: 6 (view)
 
trustworthy women
Posted: 8/8/2008 1:40:20 PM
I've never cheated on anyone, and I don't think I ever would. I was tempted a few times, but I realized the problem was that I wasn't happy in my relationship, and that I needed to resolve that relationship before getting involved with another guy. And even though I wasn't happy with my boyfriend, I loved him too much to hurt him like that.

You just need to find someone honest, mature, and respectful.
 lynn629
Joined: 6/19/2008
Msg: 14 (view)
 
True friends and very attracted to each other, but he can't get serious, what to do?
Posted: 7/7/2008 11:31:55 AM
Thanks!

He and I are going biking Wed. evening. Maybe I'll talk to him about it then. And really, I don't know for a fact that he had a date, it could have been just a platonic female friend. I have a hunch that it was a date, but I think I was being unfair to jump to that conclusion without asking him.

I really hate being in this situation. He's the first guy I've been interested in a long time, and in so many ways he and I are great together. On our first few dates, it seemed like we see eye to eye on so many issues (religion, sex, politics, money...) that it sort of scared me! It really made me wonder if he was for real. It was as if he had been given secret info on me or something. I've since realized that he is for real. And on top of that, we get along so well, enjoy doing things together, and are very attracted to each other, so my emotions have been running quite high.
 lynn629
Joined: 6/19/2008
Msg: 12 (view)
 
True friends and very attracted to each other, but he can't get serious, what to do?
Posted: 7/3/2008 12:06:34 PM
So I'm planning to say something along these lines to him (not sure if I'll do it over the phone or email)---

"I was upset about what you told me about your dinner plans on Sunday—not so much that you had another date because we never had an agreement to be exclusive, plus we had the “no more sexy stuff” talk a few weeks before—but I was very upset that you told me the specifics, and that you said you’d smoothed things over with her. (Was I supposed to congratulate you???) I don’t understand why you told me this, it really hurt my feelings, especially after what we did in the car. (I had sort of regretted my earlier decision, I guess that was obvious, haha, I just had enjoyed myself so much over the weekend I wanted more. I apologize for going back and forth on you over this, I have been confused as to how to proceed because I am very attracted to you but I don’t want to settle for “friend with benefits” status because I feel more than just a physical attraction for you.)

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t regret doing what we did in the car—it was fun and I was certainly very willing—so I’m certainly not going to say you took advantage of me or anything. But that’s not something I do with just any guy I find attractive, I only did it because I like you a lot, so please don’t tell me about other girls you date."
 lynn629
Joined: 6/19/2008
Msg: 11 (view)
 
True friends and very attracted to each other, but he can't get serious, what to do?
Posted: 7/3/2008 11:33:58 AM
To Serenitycw--

I do care if he is being sexually intimate with someone else. (And I am almost positive he is not, at least not yet. I think this was just a very casual date, probably a first date, from the circumstances. Also, about a month ago, he told me that I was the only person he was involved with sexually, and I didn't, and still don't, have any reason to suspect he was lying.) I just feel like I can't object too strongly to him having a date. And I am sure there are many differences between your relationship and mine. What I meant was it sounded like the beginnings of your relationship were quite similar to mine, dating and then backing off to just friends but still having all that chemistry.

I do think that acting like I don't care is a big problem for me. I play it cool a lot. I've been told that by more than one person in the past. So I will try to be more honest and straightforward with him about my feelings.

Re your comments on STDs, he and I aren't having sex. (Why do people keep assuming that, even though I specifically said we didn't? We made out-- we kissed, we groped/fondled, I guess you'd say we got to second or maybe third base, but we didn't go all the way.) I think he would like to, but he has not pushed this point at all. He knows that I haven't been ready. And I won't have sex outside of an exclusive relationship. (I haven't had sex in FOUR YEARS, which he knows.)

I think I just have to go back to being platonic friends with him unless he can be clearer about what he wants. I really played with fire by being around him so much this past week, it then made it really hard not to want more. (And I was the one who initiated things, it wasn't him being pushy.) I just can't handle all this uncertainty and confusion. In the brief period that we were just friends, even though I really missed the affection, I felt more comfortable. I didn't question and analyze everything. I didn't fret about calling/not calling, plans/no plans, etc.
 lynn629
Joined: 6/19/2008
Msg: 95 (view)
 
Athletic or A Few Extra Pounds
Posted: 7/2/2008 2:59:39 PM
I've wondered about this myself. I put down "a few extra pounds" for myself in my POF profile, but I think a lot of people would put me in the average category. At the same time, I am really more than just a few extra pounds overweight, I am actually about 50 pounds overweight. I just don't look it. (My doctor was really surprised at my weight, she thought I was only about 20 pounds overweight by looking at me.) I am very well proportioned (the fat's well distributed), curvy, fairly toned, with only a small tummy. (I thought about choosing curvy, but that seems to be code for "obese" these days.) I am not saggy and lumpy like so many overweight women are (and plenty of "average," and even some "thin" women are saggy and mushy, too). So I want to be honest in my profile, yet at the same time not make people think I am fatter than I really am. If I decide to try Internet dating, I'll post some photos, but no bikini shots.
 lynn629
Joined: 6/19/2008
Msg: 9 (view)
 
True friends and very attracted to each other, but he can't get serious, what to do?
Posted: 7/2/2008 8:33:20 AM
To serenitycw--

Much of what you said about your situation sounds similar to mine. Thank you for sharing.

I have plenty of things to do, either by myself or with other people. In fact, I am taking a vacation by myself July 12-19. I definitely have not put my life on hold waiting for him. I would like to see him more often, but I am not one of those women who is desperate for marriage and children and nesting. I just feel amazingly comfortable and relaxed with him, so I crave it. I think he is a soulmate. (I say "a" soulmate, rather than my soulmate, because I think you can have more than one.) We see eye to eye on so many things-- I've never had that easy of a connection with a man-- which makes the whole thing scary. (By the way, this weekend on our trip, someone commented that he and I make a great team.) And you're right, in the brief period where we had no sexual activity at all (3 weeks), we got closer (talked more, and more in depth), which then just increased my physical attraction for him.

I guess I need to have another talk with him, but I should be more honest and open this time.
 lynn629
Joined: 6/19/2008
Msg: 8 (view)
 
True friends and very attracted to each other, but he can't get serious, what to do?
Posted: 7/2/2008 8:13:09 AM
To Hellofagal--

I am NOT all over him. I don't think he has any idea that I feel so insecure. We have fun together, and when I am with him I feel very relaxed. I am just very confused because he seems to give mixed signals-- likes me a lot, helps me with things (without my even asking most of the time), is attracted to me, can't get serious (I understand this), yet apparently is also dating other women (this is weird to me). I do try to just enjoy what we have without questioning it, but that is hard because I like him so much that it scares me, and he's the first person I've dated in eight years. As I said, sometimes I think we should just be platonic friends, but as you said I lust after him (and him after me), so that's super difficult. But I definitely don't want to lose the friendship, he is really a nice guy.
 lynn629
Joined: 6/19/2008
Msg: 7 (view)
 
True friends and very attracted to each other, but he can't get serious, what to do?
Posted: 7/2/2008 7:56:56 AM
to mthomjmark--

We have NOT slept together. We have made out pretty intensely, but there has been no sex (no oral sex, either). The fact he is/may be dating others doesn't bother me so much as the way he told me about it.

And I can certainly be physically attracted to someone without acting on it, but it is much, much more difficult when you also have a great emotional and intellectual attraction as well. He is the first person I've been involved with in eight years, so I think my feelings are more raw. He and I get along very well and spent a lot of time together over the weekend.
 lynn629
Joined: 6/19/2008
Msg: 7 (view)
 
He can't get serious but wants to be friends, what to do?
Posted: 7/2/2008 7:46:58 AM
Well, he's always willing to talk. He calls me pretty often, and any time I call him he either answers his phone or returns my call within 15-20 min. (Unlike the girl he had a date with on Sunday, he didn't return her call for several hours, and he had completely forgotten their plans! He doesn't make plans with me very often, but he's never forgotten them.) I'm just not sure what to say or how to say it. And since I am very attracted to him, it's really hard to be platonic friends with him.
 lynn629
Joined: 6/19/2008
Msg: 4 (view)
 
True friends and very attracted to each other, but he can't get serious, what to do?
Posted: 7/1/2008 11:36:11 AM
Desert Bulldog--

That's not it at all. He's always complimenting my appearance and my figure. He says I have a great body and should show it off more. He says a I have a great butt and breasts and that I am built like a brick house. (I am rather curvy, overweight but not sloppy or shapeless.) We already have a number of friends in common, and he has introduced me to a few of his friends.

Plus, he's overweight himself. He's got a good sized belly.
 lynn629
Joined: 6/19/2008
Msg: 4 (view)
 
He can't get serious but wants to be friends, what to do?
Posted: 7/1/2008 10:54:26 AM
To 77687--

The car he worked on is 13 years old. He helped me with some minor repairs to make it last longer. I was very anxious about getting a new car and spending that much money. And I've already paid him back the money I owed him, it was just for the weekend until I got back and had my ATM card. (I borrowed the money on Friday and paid him back on Sunday. And I didn't ask to borrow it, I told him I didn't have much cash and asked if I paid for his dinner would he give me the cash. He then OFFERED to loan me the money.) I gave him a massage Sat. night. And yesterday I told him about a few job opportunities that I thought would interest him.

The "just friends" conversation was on June 11. (And actually, I didn't use that phrase exactly, what I literally said was that we shouldn't be getting naked together anymore because I was getting attached and couldn't keep my emotions separate, and it didn't seem like he was getting attached to me. He didn't disagree.) We've seen each other a few times since then, but Sunday June 29 was the first time we'd had time alone and the opportunity to make out.

I want to be with him, but I am incredibly afraid of getting hurt. Even before the talk on June 11, he didn't usually make plans to see me in advance and sometimes a whole two weeks would go by without a date. I've been in a few FWB relationships in the past which were just fine because, while I liked the guys, I didn't feel a whole lot. But with this guy, I like him SO much it is scary, plus I feel this crazy intense attraction for him, it is hard for me to be around him and not touch him.
 lynn629
Joined: 6/19/2008
Msg: 2 (view)
 
True friends and very attracted to each other, but he can't get serious, what to do?
Posted: 7/1/2008 10:04:16 AM
Thanks, I do realize I am doing some confusing things myself. The thing is, though, when we had our talk a few weeks ago, I told him that I was getting attached and that is why I didn't want to continue to be sexual with him because I didn't think he was getting attached (he didn't disagree) and couldn't keep my emotions separate. He said that he had a "wall" up.

I am really mixed up about the whole thing! He is the first guy I've been involved with in eight years-- I've had some dates here and there, but no more than 3 or 4 dates with the same guy until him. And I am a very different person than I was eight years ago. So I kind of think that is part of the problem. I'm not sure how to handle my feelings, how to communicate them, or even what they are!

I do believe that he genuinely likes me more than my past two serious boyfriends ever did, but I am still really, really afraid of getting hurt.
 lynn629
Joined: 6/19/2008
Msg: 2 (view)
 
He can't get serious but wants to be friends, what to do?
Posted: 7/1/2008 10:03:04 AM
He knows I care about him, and I have been very supportive of his efforts to get a new job. (Telling him that I know he’ll get a new job, that he’s smart and personable, etc., trying to pump him up, telling him how things were hard for me a few years ago, so I understand, etc.) I told him that I understood that his finances need to be top priority right now. I've not made any demands on him at all; I’ve been very conscious of the stress he’s under and have tried not to add to it. And that’s why I’ve avoided talking about our relationship because I didn’t want to pressure him or get all serious and emotional on him. I thought guys hated to talk about stuff like that.

And he knows that I don't care about how much money he makes. I pointed out to him that there’s a lot of things we can do together that would cost hardly anything, and that I don’t mind paying my own way sometimes.

This past weekend he said that he liked the way I was very level-headed, more so than most women he knew. He said that he liked the way I seemed to really listen and pay attention and think about things. So I don’t think he feels that I am adding stress to his life.

I would just like to be important enough to him that he would want to see me more often than 2 weeks, and to make plans with me once in a while like he apparently does with his other friends. (And yes, I have asked him out a few times myself.) This situation makes me feel really insecure. I like him very much, so I am extremely afraid of getting hurt. He is the first guy I've been involved with in eight years-- I've had some dates here and there, but no more than 3 or 4 dates with the same guy until him. And I am a very different person than I was eight years ago (much more in touch with my feelings, but also less confident). So I kind of think that is part of the problem. I'm not sure how to handle my feelings.

I do believe that he genuinely likes me more than my past two serious boyfriends ever did, but I am still really, really afraid of getting hurt.
 lynn629
Joined: 6/19/2008
Msg: 1 (view)
 
True friends and very attracted to each other, but he "can't get serious," what to do?
Posted: 7/1/2008 9:14:43 AM
I met this guy almost three months ago and I really like him a lot, and am extremely attracted to him. The first 7-8 weeks we were sexual with each other, making out very out and heavy, but no actual intercourse. I had been kind of hesitant about the relationship because while he seemed to like me a lot (offering to help me with things, calling me every day or two, complimenting me all the time, wanting to meet my friends, wanting to see where I work, etc.) he rarely made plans with me more than a day or two in advance and sometimes let a whole two weeks go by without expressing an interest in seeing me. He's also been very stressed out about his finances. He has been doing contract work for the last several years and it's drying up-- his income has dropped by about two-thirds in the past few months. So he's been worried about money, and now he is earnestly trying to get a new job. So I'd been trying to be patient because I know his job situation is his number one priority right now. But a few weeks ago I just couldn't take it anymore because I felt like I was pretty much his last priority and I told him we should just be friends. He sort of agreed. But when I told him I'd been confused because he seemed to like me a lot, he replied by saying "I DO like you a lot, and I think you're a very nice person, I enjoy your company very much, and I am very attracted to you, but I can't get serious about anything or anyone right now." He said that the sexual activity was not the most important thing to him, and that he definitely wanted to continue our friendship. He walked me out to my car and hugged and kissed me good night, and told me to call him.

I called him about 5-6 days later. He thanked me for calling (twice) and said he was very glad to hear from me. We saw each other a few times last week and just hung out and had a good time and had some really good serious conversations. He seems to really be my friend, and it really amazes me how we see eye to eye on so many things. He helped me pick out a new bike and talked about some trails he wanted to take me on, he helped me move, he did some minor repair work on my car, and he helped me negotiate the purchase of a new car. So I was sort of regretting ending the sexual part of our relationship because I am still intensely attracted to him, and seeing this proof of his genuine affection for me made me think I had over-reacted. (Two of my friends, one male and one female, told me that they thought I over-reacted as well.)

Then this past weekend I went out of town with a big group of people (about 70), including him. He and I had dinner together Friday night (just the two of us) and then afterwards he took me on a scenic drive and a short hike to see the sun set over the hills and river. Also, he loaned me $65 because I had left my ATM card at home (without any hesitation whatsoever, I had just asked for $20). He spent more one-on-one time with me than with anyone else on the trip. So I was feeling very good about our friendship, and asked if I could ride back with him. (I had ridden down with someone else. Not only did I want more time with this guy, but by riding back with him I'd get home about two hours earlier because he was skipping the Sun. dinner.) Well... we flirted a lot in the car and ended up making out very hot and heavy in the car like a couple of teenagers. Then last night he told me that he had had dinner plans on Sun. night with another girl which he had forgotten about and that she was mad at him but he smoothed it over. SO.... I am really upset. She may be a platonic friend, but my gut says it was a date. We never talked about being exclusive (esp. since our talk a few weeks ago) but he implied that he was. I am especially upset because he so rarely made plans like that with me. SO... thoughts??? Was I being a fool? What should I say to him, if anything? Should I go back to just a platonic friendship? I don't want to be a FWB.
 lynn629
Joined: 6/19/2008
Msg: 1 (view)
 
He can't get serious but wants to be friends, what to do?
Posted: 7/1/2008 9:05:09 AM
I met this guy almost three months ago and I really like him a lot, and am extremely attracted to him. The first 7-8 weeks we were sexual with each other, making out very out and heavy, but no actual intercourse. I had been kind of hesitant about the relationship because while he seemed to like me a lot (offering to help me with things, calling me every day or two, complimenting me all the time, wanting to meet my friends, wanting to see where I work, etc.) he rarely made plans with me more than a day or two in advance and sometimes let a whole two weeks go by without expressing an interest in seeing me. He's also been very stressed out about his finances. He has been doing contract work for the last several years and it's drying up-- his income has dropped by about two-thirds in the past few months. So he's been worried about money, and now he is earnestly trying to get a new job. So I'd been trying to be patient because I know his job situation is his number one priority right now. But a few weeks ago I just couldn't take it anymore because I felt like I was pretty much his last priority and I told him we should just be friends. He sort of agreed. But when I told him I'd been confused because he seemed to like me a lot, he replied by saying "I DO like you a lot, and I think you're a very nice person, I enjoy your company very much, and I am very attracted to you, but I can't get serious about anything or anyone right now." He said that the sexual activity was not the most important thing to him, and that he definitely wanted to continue our friendship. He walked me out to my car and hugged and kissed me good night, and told me to call him.

I called him about 5-6 days later. He thanked me for calling (twice) and said he was very glad to hear from me. We saw each other a few times last week and just hung out and had a good time and had some really good serious conversations. He seems to really be my friend, and it really amazes me how we see eye to eye on so many things. He helped me pick out a new bike and talked about some trails he wanted to take me on, he helped me move, he did some minor repair work on my car, and he helped me negotiate the purchase of a new car. So I was sort of regretting ending the sexual part of our relationship because I am still intensely attracted to him, and seeing this proof of his genuine affection for me made me think I had over-reacted. (Two of my friends, one male and one female, told me that they thought I over-reacted as well.)

Then this past weekend I went out of town with a big group of people (about 70), including him. He and I had dinner together Friday night (just the two of us) and then afterwards he took me on a scenic drive and a short hike to see the sun set over the hills and river. Also, he loaned me $65 because I had left my ATM card at home (without any hesitation whatsoever, I had just asked for $20). He spent more one-on-one time with me than with anyone else on the trip. So I was feeling very good about our friendship, and asked if I could ride back with him. (I had ridden down with someone else. Not only did I want more time with this guy, but by riding back with him I'd get home about two hours earlier because he was skipping the Sun. dinner.) Well... we flirted a lot in the car and ended up making out very hot and heavy in the car like a couple of teenagers. Then last night he told me that he had had dinner plans on Sun. night with another girl which he had forgotten about and that she was mad at him but he smoothed it over. SO.... I am really upset. She may be a platonic friend, but my gut says it was a date. We never talked about being exclusive (esp. since our talk a few weeks ago) but he implied that he was. I am especially upset because he so rarely made plans like that with me. SO... thoughts??? Was I being a fool? What should I say to him, if anything? Should I go back to just a platonic friendship? I don't want to be a FWB.
 
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