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 Author Thread: Girl, I feel like that everyday.
 girl with wishes
Joined: 9/4/2005
Msg: 197 (view)
 
Girl, I feel like that everyday.
Posted: 10/2/2005 6:21:50 AM
I'm "in" a relationship and still feel soooo alone. For the past 8 yrs I had been single, waiting for the right guy, making sure that this one would be it for me. We have been friends for 5 years we met and worked together at a trucking company. Then he made a job change as I continued to work there 2 more years but he would call me periodically to say hi and to see how I was. He was married throughout all of those years and he and I never crossed any lines, then he told me he left his wife and filed for a divorce about 3 yrs ago and I was the one who listened to him time after time complaining how this girl did this to him or this girl done that to him. This went on for nearly 2 years. Through this whole time I thought to myself, man...it's a shame, because he's really one of the good guys (because I felt I knew him) and even though we had nothing going on between us, I still got a jealous twinge when he'd share these stories with me. Then last year when summer began 2004, he had made his normal call to see what I was up to and asked me if I wanted to go out on his boat. I still at that time didn't look at him as a boyfriend prospect and agreed to go out on the boat because like I said, I had been sitting around for 8 years, single, and thought that a day out might do me some good. Well by the end of that day, after we had really had such a good time (as friends) I said to him that since he wasn't having much luck with the women he was messing with, and really wanted a serious relationship with a good woman, and I had been single for so long that it's a shame we couldn't get together. At first it was really weird getting past the friendship line...but once we did, it was like we couldn't get enough of each other. I like to call this the honeymoon phase. We opened a business together and moved into a nice house in the country and he's provided all of the things I had dreamed of my whole life. He's become complacent with our relationship and when I try to talk to him about how I feel, he blows me off. I feel like he deliberately works or stays out just not to be around me. I feel like I've become a nag, but I'm so lonely. I feel like I might as well not even be in a relationship. I'm almost sorry that I made those first advancements last summer. I'm stuck out here in the country with no one around and when he is around he finds everything and anything else than to do something with me. Anytime that something is going on and friends invite us out, I end up feeling like the 3rd wheel too, because my so called boyfriend doesn't come and it's just me all by myself. I've heard the same thing about the self esteem thing too...and it pisses me off, because it has nothing to do with self esteem. Now I'm just depressed and anxious that I made the wrong decision. So be careful for what you wish for, because it might just come true and you may end up even more miserable than you feel now. When it's right, it will happen, don't try to force it. And these stupid websites just let me know that I'm not the only one who's going through this, and it's not my imagination. Good luck...G
 girl with wishes
Joined: 9/4/2005
Msg: 51 (view)
 
this is for all of us who hurt inside, please read and respond!
Posted: 9/30/2005 5:19:22 PM
All I can say Ms. Elegance, is be careful for what you wish for, because it just might come true. Just from personal experience and the death of my best friend and best lover I ever had, he's been gone over 8 yrs now, I was devastated. I remained single for those 8 yrs and in the beginning I just couldn't allow myself to even try to find someone else, then the lonliness set in and I laid in bed praying for someone to come along, missing what I had and wishing God would send me someone genuine and sensitive. I had worked with this one guy for 4 yrs and never even looked at him with any boyfriend/girlfriend intentions. Then one day he invited me to go out on his boat, as a friend from work. Well, I began to realize that he was single and I was single, so why not? So I asked him, "what do you think about the two of us getting together"? At first it seemed awkward because we had only looked at each other as co-workers/friends but we managed to get past that, but because I had been so hurt from past experiences I really couldn't let my guard down, but he was all into it, telling me all the things I wanted and needed to hear. I finally gave in and gave him my heart. Well here we are a year and a half later, totally miserable. He's given me everything I had ever dreamed of, but the genuine love doesn't exist. I love him but I just don't feel it in return. He's never around because of work, and still I sit alone, wishing I had someone in my life to share things with. I think back to my single days and wonder if I made the right choice as to start a relationship with him, especially now that I see how this has turned out. My advice to you is to be happy with yourself and when it's right it will happen. Don't try to force anything because you may end up more miserable then you are right now.
 
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