Show ALL Forums
Posted In Forum:

Home   login   MyForums  
 
 Author Thread: Why do us men even bother at this point? Let us withdraw.
 Onyxbutterflies90
Joined: 10/14/2014
Msg: 408 (view)
 
Why do us men even bother at this point? Let us withdraw.
Posted: 11/19/2015 11:51:35 AM

I think it means men who decided not to bother with women and just live for themselves. Not sure why they need to join a movement though... Just don't hit on women, don't sleep with them and don't marry.


In my opinion, the movement exists in the vain hope of hurting women. Get enough guys to join and women won't find men they want to marry. What these guys don't realize is that women won't mourn the loss of these types of men. It's a temper tantrum. It's the equivalent of a kid picking up his toys and going home to play by himself. Why would I spend any emotional energy on a guy that demands I prove him wrong? Hey, you want to think all women are vicious hell beasts, be my guest. Happy people don't join crap like that, and I prefer to be around happy people.

Look, you would not be foaming at the mouth about a woman being present at *gasp* Men's Tennis Night if you weren't already boiling over with something else. You likely created expectations of women, slap them onto them then began to roar with rage when the women didn't comply with your expectations. Men's Tennis Night is NOT SACRED. If you seriously need time completely away from females, then open up your garage and have some guys over. I didn't start foaming at the mouth when my girlfriend brought her boyfriend to *gasp* a lady's luncheon. He was more than welcome to stay, he just couldn't complain about us talking about period panties and if they're a worthy wardrobe investment. Life gets so much easier when you stop looking for things to get upset about.



Again it went from just a guy meet up and laughing to a few guys instantly trying to put on their game to try to impress her.


Wait, so men CHOOSE to change their behavior and you blame the woman? Why am I not surprised.


So by this reasoning I should be able to join Curves right?


That is a business' business model...hence why there are no male Hooters waiters. A guy even tried to sue for it, but didn't read the Civil Rights Act of 1964 cafefully enough. I won't give you a history lesson, bif you truly want to know why you can't join Curves, I'd suggest giving it a read...
 Onyxbutterflies90
Joined: 10/14/2014
Msg: 19 (view)
 
real issue ive noticed with white women on here
Posted: 11/17/2015 4:08:31 PM
A person's profile is meant to work for them, not you. If you're patient, you create a profile that attracts the most men then eliminate them via your inbox. I never put my racial preferences because the guys that didn't meet them would email me to fuss about it.

They may also be ok with dating outside their race if the guy is hot enough. Race is an easy scapegoat. They may find you uninteresting/unattractive, but choose to focus on race since there's nothing you can do about it. You're more likely to leave it alone than fight it.
 Onyxbutterflies90
Joined: 10/14/2014
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Wome Want Guys Only For Their Cars?!
Posted: 9/30/2015 9:28:01 AM
Why are you complaining? If you honestly believe it only takes a car to woo a woman, then just get a car. More than likely the women you're noticing see a car as a minimum requirement. It is for many young women. It isn't the only requirement, it's just necessary to consider a guy for a relationship. I doubt she knows if Tom is great in bed or has the personality of an angel if she's never gone on a date with him...
 Onyxbutterflies90
Joined: 10/14/2014
Msg: 132 (view)
 
What's the worst question you've been asked?
Posted: 9/8/2015 11:22:32 AM
"Have you ever had sex with a white guy?" My response was, "Have you?". He looked confused, laughed then winked at me. I quickly excused myself from the conversation. What's sad is that he wasn't the last the ask that. Gross.
 Onyxbutterflies90
Joined: 10/14/2014
Msg: 26 (view)
 
When a coworker finds your profile
Posted: 9/2/2015 8:09:05 AM
I totally get where you're coming from. A guy at work found my online profile while I was still online dating a few years back. I didn't care that he found my profile since it was public. I cared that he approached me in an inappropriate venue (work) then proceeded to use information from my profile to try and chat me up. He and I weren't friends, we weren't "cool", we weren't even close co-workers. I saw him once a month for status updates at a meeting comprised of 20+ people. He had no business being that familiar with me. I promptly shut him down, smiled my "polite smile" then told him I don't feel comfortable discussing my personal life at work. I switched the topic to something appropriate...like WORK...then wished him a good day.
 onyxbutterflies90
Joined: 10/14/2014
Msg: 24 (view)
 
Intent Question
Posted: 5/21/2015 8:57:53 AM

I have received messages from men who say they want a relationship when they just want to get laid


It's up to you to watch what someone does rather than listen to what they say. Plenty of people are liars. Some are good ones. Your job is to use your common sense and give yourself time to separate the chaff from the wheat. There isn't a short cut. You have to work, be smart and TAKE YOUR TIME.
 onyxbutterflies90
Joined: 10/14/2014
Msg: 86 (view)
 
New study on fertility...30 years old
Posted: 5/15/2015 1:49:26 PM
My grandmother had her children in her mid to late 30s. She had zero complications and all 4 kids came out healthy. I don't see any reason to have kids in my 20s. I'm working on my career and building up my savings. Kids are an expensive life long commitment. It's not like I can put them away for awhile when I'm tired of being a mom. I think its better to wait until you're ready than to rush and have them just in case. That's so stupid. You meet a guy, he'll "do", you date him for a year, marry him after a couple of years, have a kid, realize you don't work well together, struggle for several years, get divorced when the kid is 10, and now you're in your mid to late 30s trying to raise your child and live a fulfilling life. No thanks.
 onyxbutterflies90
Joined: 10/14/2014
Msg: 12 (view)
 
Getting on well and then getting ignored.
Posted: 5/11/2015 11:05:22 AM
You're not talking to "real" people. They're likely all catfish. Either it's a guy who is gay and isn't ready to come out yet, a guy who is transgender and lives as a woman online, a girl who doesn't look at cute as the pictures shes chosen, a girl who is already in a relationship but wants to get an ego boost, etc. There's a reason why everything goes swimmingly until you have to actually meet in person. Persons who are who they say they are and are ready to date don't disappear when a date is imminent.
 onyxbutterflies90
Joined: 10/14/2014
Msg: 16 (view)
 
What does she want? part 2
Posted: 5/8/2015 9:19:33 AM
I could careless what they think. I will do what I want regardless. Their opinions and suggestions is what I find more entertaining.
 onyxbutterflies90
Joined: 10/14/2014
Msg: 8 (view)
 
What does she want? part 2
Posted: 5/8/2015 7:20:38 AM
Ugh, I'm just posting to use up a spot so this thread dies more quickly. Hopefully you'll reply so another spot will be used up. Silly man.
 onyxbutterflies90
Joined: 10/14/2014
Msg: 244 (view)
 
would u date a 28 year old guy who lives at home still
Posted: 5/7/2015 7:32:48 AM

So basically, if your not black, Jewish or filthy rich, forget romance and sex,.


Or you could lose weight, cut your hair and buy some shoes...I know...its never YOUR FAULT. Gross.
 onyxbutterflies90
Joined: 10/14/2014
Msg: 322 (view)
 
The False when being Accepted
Posted: 4/24/2015 7:12:50 AM

Then explain all the "Unread Deleted" that I used to see. Go ahead. I'll wait.


She didn't care enough to respond. She got busy. She was sick. In the end, WHY doesn't actually matter. Getting to know you isn't high on her priority list, so you shouldn't care why she does anything.


So when it comes to potential plans, how many hours am I supposed to wait until I just make different plans instead?


However long you want to wait. It's your life, so live it. I personally wait until waiting becomes irritating. There's no reason to get irritated by a stranger, so I stop waiting once that starts to happen.


But when people work an 8 hour shift, then go home and have to cook dinner, clean up, take a shower, walk the dog, go to the gym... isn't it possible that they forgot, or just didn't get a chance to respond yet?


Who cares why they're not responding? Unless they know you intimately, nothing they do is personal. It has nothing to do with you. You move on with your life, doing what you do, and if they reintroduce themselves 3 hours after you've made new plans, then tough. If their reasoning makes sense to you, then plan for another day. If it doesn't, wish them well and move on with your life. This isn't rocket science. It's painfully easy to accept people when you don't put expectations upon them.


Silence is just silence. That's it. It's not an answer, it's the lack of an answer. Over time, it's only a hint that we learned what it means.


Silence means "I'm doing something else". What they're doing doesn't matter. Why they're doing what they're doing doesn't matter. All that matters is that our paths are not converging. Why are you so determined to force people into a box and disparage them when they refuse to enter it?
 onyxbutterflies90
Joined: 10/14/2014
Msg: 11 (view)
 
--------------------
Posted: 4/21/2015 6:50:57 AM
She may not be real. Perhaps she's a guy, or she doesn't match her pictures.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQbCQ9GyLGY
 onyxbutterflies90
Joined: 10/14/2014
Msg: 85 (view)
 
Women that compare their height to mens while wearing high heels.
Posted: 4/20/2015 3:29:26 PM

The difference is that men won't get messages from women who AREN'T eliminated by something they can't help...

But if women put "tall men only" in their profiles, most tall men will be more than happy to send her a message (along with irate short men) -- tall men don't see that as discriminatory or objectifying them. Women definitely have the advantage in this situation.


Only men can give that advantage, so its not something women need to change. Men can change it if they wish. Will they? Probably not, but that's hardly the fault of women.


It is a terrible thing to do in both cases but the fact of the matter is some women should be called out on this crap.


Maybe you should talk to your fellow man then...

Power and advantage only exist when its GIVEN by others. Complaining or bemoaning the use of advantage that only exists when others allow it is silly. Who and what are you actually upset about? The person who uses the advantage others give them, or the person giving the advantage? Either way, it has nothing to do with you if you don't want it to. A man salivating over light-skinned women has no bearing on my life unless I want it to. In the end, you're just upset because the world isn't fair.
 onyxbutterflies90
Joined: 10/14/2014
Msg: 81 (view)
 
Women that compare their height to mens while wearing high heels.
Posted: 4/20/2015 2:05:26 PM

Well I think it's a double standard that if a woman writes that she prefers tall men in her profile that's seen as okay but if a man writes that he prefers busty women then he will probably be seen as a pig. That's why it's better for men not to mention their physical preferences in their profile, but just not respond to the women they're not attracted to.


Men AND women get nasty messages from people who aren't too happy they've been eliminated by something they can't help. I was foolish enough to try being upfront on my profile when I was dating and said I didn't find dark-skinned men attractive. I got rape threats, death threats and a slew of men commenting on my body and how awful it was. I happily removed my upfront profile and replaced it with one that worked for me rather than against me. There's a consequence for any profile method you choose, so you might as well choose the consequence that you prefer. Upfront and receive bitter messages, or polite and more sorting work to do.
 onyxbutterflies90
Joined: 10/14/2014
Msg: 76 (view)
 
Women that compare their height to mens while wearing high heels.
Posted: 4/20/2015 12:22:44 PM

A valid question to ask: Is turning a person down based on not being tall enough a form of discrimination?


This is a joke right? We all discriminate when it comes to who we're interested in dating. You likely discriminate against men or 90 year olds.

It's not up to you or anyone to decide what gets another person hard or wet. They're the one who has to see their "O" face, so it's frankly none of your business.

Basing a negative decision on a sole trait is called a DEAL BREAKER. She has a great personality, likes the same things I like, makes me laugh and is 98 years old. I think we just encountered a deal breaker people.

I swear, some of you take the decisions of other people way too seriously. I know empathy isn't learned, but you can give it a try sometime. "She is negating based on height...hmm, I wonder if there is a trait I negate with...like...GENDER." Let me guess, you're presumptuous enough to believe YOU should decide what's important to OTHER people. "You can choose based on gender, but not height. Height doesn't make sense." Neither does liking big boobs, but there are plenty of guys that do. Attraction doesn't make much sense, so stop trying to make it fair. It isn't fair. People aren't charities.
 onyxbutterflies90
Joined: 10/14/2014
Msg: 14 (view)
 
Should polygamy be legal?
Posted: 4/15/2015 2:01:26 PM
Right, we're TAUGHT to want a man who is as committed to us as we are to them. You may enjoy being a woman in that scenario, but I sure as hell wouldn't. If he gets extra women, then I get extra men. Since that's the same thing as being single, I'll stick with monogamy. You're not fooling anyone.
 onyxbutterflies90
Joined: 10/14/2014
Msg: 184 (view)
 
the truth when being rejected.
Posted: 4/10/2015 12:13:59 PM

"I prefer blondes."
"I like shorter girls."
"I'm in the gym every day and want someone who works out as much as I do to go to the gym with."


You're doing the exact same thing you accuse people that say "we're not a match" are doing. "We're not a match" is not an attempt to trick a person into believing they're being rejected for any reason other than the one they're being given.

We're not a match is a TRUE statement. If I find you annoying, we're not a match. If I find you unattractive, we're not a match. If you want to live out your life in your mom's basement, we're not a match. It's an honest statement that cuts through the bull crap and provides a way for the rejectee to walk away with no one's opinion but their own mattering. WHY you are rejected never matters. The fact you were rejected is what matters, so you focus on that. Any person who takes "we are not a match" to mean anything but what it says are emotionally damaged and need to focus on that before they focus on dating.

WE are not a match since I'm not a match for you if I don't want to date you.


I'll ask again... How many times do you expect someone to hear the same exact line, word for word, and not think "BS!!!!!!!!"?


Any person sitting around thinking about the opinions of complete strangers needs to check into a clinic or find a hobby. Who cares about people who are so screwed up in the head they look OUTSIDE themselves for clarity? You don't cater to the emotionally damaged. You can't help them, no amount of sugar coating is going to stop them from flogging themselves because in the end...you're not giving them what they want. They don't want the truth. They want a date with you. If you're not giving them that, anything you say is just another hit against their self esteem. You're a tool to either boost them up or knock them down and THEY get to choose that effect, not you. Sugar coat all you like, but a girl whose been rejected over and over again knows that "I prefer blondes" means, "I don't find you attractive". They're not stupid.

 onyxbutterflies90
Joined: 10/14/2014
Msg: 8 (view)
 
What does she want?
Posted: 4/7/2015 8:23:44 AM
She wants her boyfriend. She doesn't want you. She returns because she wants your ATTENTION. Plenty of women, beautiful and not, want attention for the sole sake of having attention. Just like you got all pumped from having a teenager consider you, she enjoys having you thirsty after her. You are just a man. As soon as you stop playing along, she'll find another guy to feed her ego. I feel sorry for anyone who deals with either of you. Who wants to be with a guy who thinks they're a great guy just because they said no to a threesome? Wow...those are some pretty low standards. Work on your career and stop getting your kicks from how many people want to be around you. It's an unworthy way to determine your self-worth.
 onyxbutterflies90
Joined: 10/14/2014
Msg: 123 (view)
 
the truth when being rejected.
Posted: 4/6/2015 4:28:33 PM
Still not a good argument for replying to every message you receive. No amount of judgment from someone whose judgment doesn't matter is going to convince a person to spend their precious time and energy on an unnecessary task. I won't devote one iota of consciousness towards a non-entity. He shouldn't devote one iota of consciousness on me after he's sent me a message. As soon as I'm out of the game by either not responding or rejecting, he should be moving on to the next opportunity. His failure to do so is an error on his part.

I happen to enjoy the world we live in. I love not hearing why a man is uninterested in me. I can live my entire life never hearing why a man is uninterested in me. If he's not interested in dating me, then his opinion is of no importance to me...he can keep it to himself.

I did online dating for over a year and found my methodology worked for me. I got to spend time and energy on the guys I was interested in and who were interested in me. If sending a personalized rejection to every girl you're uninterested in works for you, then lovely. Just because you don't like this world, doesn't mean everyone agrees with you that its bad. Who are you to say what others should be comfortable with? Judge much?
 onyxbutterflies90
Joined: 10/14/2014
Msg: 9 (view)
 
What is going wrong?
Posted: 4/6/2015 12:55:13 PM
You're young, so you're probably going for the most popular girls on POF. You look angry in your pictures which means you're probably not very fun to hang out with. Your about me section is sparse. There's nothing to intrigue a person. You'd do better offline given your age.
 onyxbutterflies90
Joined: 10/14/2014
Msg: 14 (view)
 
Has she lost interest?
Posted: 4/6/2015 12:48:10 PM
Perhaps she's lost interest. It's a bit too soon to tell. If her interest was strong, she would contact you and lock down a date asap. Given the fact she hasn't done that, I would assume she's lukewarm about you. She's ok with going out again, but she won't work for it. I do that when I can take or leave a guy.
 Onyxbutterflies90
Joined: 10/14/2014
Msg: 18 (view)
 
Hardcore Gaming, Otaku needs Advice
Posted: 3/24/2015 1:10:07 PM
Gamer girls exist, but they're rare and there are TONS of men that want them. Note there are more gamer guys than gamer girls, and all gamer guys want a gamer girl. If you go that route, you're going to have a lot of competition. Especially if the girl isn't obese. You need to develop yourself and make gaming a part of you, not the whole shebang. My boyfriend and I game 2-3 hours a day, not 8. Girls don't want to have to compete with your hobbies.

Another thing to note, is that hot gamer guys always have girlfriends. Gaming is not the core problem. It's crap icing on a crap cake. Make a better cake shave off some of the extra crap icing, and girls will be fine with your hobby.

Improve your conversing skills through practice. Go to one art gallery opening per week, drink a glass of wine and pick 3 people to start up a conversation with. No dating in mind. Pick different types of people, different sizes of groups, etc. Practice, practice, practice.
 onyxbutterflies90
Joined: 10/14/2014
Msg: 24 (view)
 
Men need to learn courting skills for their own benefit
Posted: 3/24/2015 9:46:18 AM

Caveat, and this one the ladies are not going to like. If you want to learn how to bed a woman, do not listen to women. Listen to men that know how to bed women. Most advice that women give men about picking up women do not work.


I agree to a degree. I think women tell men how to keep women, while men tell men how to get women. Nothing works every time you use it. We're all individuals.
 onyxbutterflies90
Joined: 10/14/2014
Msg: 7 (view)
 
dating ettiquette
Posted: 3/23/2015 7:54:35 AM
You're a back-up plan. Especially since he didn't apologize for not getting back with you earlier. He can take you or leave you. Thank him for his time, then tell him you're uninterested in further communication. You're not truly interested in him anyway.
 onyxbutterflies90
Joined: 10/14/2014
Msg: 73 (view)
 
The Catfish
Posted: 3/23/2015 7:34:18 AM

why can't the catfish be better looking in person? Why is it always the other way around?


I watched a few episodes of Catfish and it was really sad. The person being duped stuck around because the catfish was a lot hotter than they could normally get in real life. They didn't want to pass up on a great thing. The catfish felt validated and desired, so you saw right away why they stuck around. They're not better looking in person because that would defeat the purpose of the catfishing. They would just present themselves AS IS if they were already attractive. You catfish so you can see what its like to be desired by someone you desire. Some do it to hurt themselves. They don't get a lot of action online, so they want to "prove" that people are superficial and create a profile with an attractive person as bait. They can then feel validated in "proving" people only care about looks. Catfishes are sad people. I would meet guys after talking daily on the phone for 2 weeks. No point in drawing it out.
 Onyxbutterflies90
Joined: 10/14/2014
Msg: 12 (view)
 
What body type should I put?
Posted: 3/20/2015 5:02:07 PM
A few extra pounds would be an accurate classification. Include recent full body pics where you're not wearing dark colors.
 onyxbutterflies90
Joined: 10/14/2014
Msg: 876 (view)
 
are women too fussy
Posted: 3/14/2015 5:28:35 AM
Catfish...sincerely doubt Cam Newton is living in Liverpool and searching for love on POF.
 onyxbutterflies90
Joined: 10/14/2014
Msg: 24 (view)
 
should I look for women 5-10 yrs older than me or try long distnace relationship with my age group.
Posted: 3/7/2015 8:37:21 PM
It sounds like you're trying to get out of the dating game and believe 25 - 30 year olds are of the same mindset. That's not necessarily true. You can try for any girl you'd like, but you can't avoid getting your heart broken. My guess is that you've come up with a solution without fully understanding the problem. Perhaps dating is hard for you so you don't want to do it anymore? Just find a nice girl and settle down so you don't have to deal with uncomfortable first dates? I'd spend time finding out why you're so eager to get into a serious relationship.
 onyxbutterflies90
Joined: 10/14/2014
Msg: 500 (view)
 
Forums Gone Wild...
Posted: 3/6/2015 8:53:16 AM
Christ, touchy much? It's like some people are chomping at the bit to be upset about the smallest thing. Make me a millionaire and I'll happily travel and buy homes in several locations around the world. When did giving people the benefit of the doubt stop being the norm?
 Onyxbutterflies90
Joined: 10/14/2014
Msg: 406 (view)
 
How do sexually conservative people survive in dating?
Posted: 3/5/2015 9:12:16 AM
Seemed nice enough to me. Unsure why anyone would take the opinion of someone they've never even met so personally. How can you get insulted by someone you don't even care about? Senseless, but whatever.
 onyxbutterflies90
Joined: 10/14/2014
Msg: 124 (view)
 
Is Monogamy dead/dying?
Posted: 3/4/2015 4:49:43 PM
Monogamy isn't dead or dying. Some women and men are looking to have fun before they settle down. You play and have fun until you find a person great enough to stick around with. Some people are single because they haven't found anyone worth settling down with. They'd happily be in a monogamous relationship if they found the right person.

As for the girls who say they're polyamorous...they just don't know what it means. There are people who are polyamorous, but they're not the majority. I think its great that girls are having as much fun as men have had in the past. I think some guys are jealous because they can't have as much fun as hot guys can, so they take it out on girls who can. They look at a guy and think, "hey, men will be men." "What's a guy to do? She threw herself at him!" They don't think the same things when they look at girls doing the same things. They just see lost opportunities and the death of dreams.
 onyxbutterflies90
Joined: 10/14/2014
Msg: 53 (view)
 
the truth when being rejected.
Posted: 3/1/2015 4:48:41 AM

ever wanted them to just write to you and tell you the honest truth? whether it's "I don't find you attractive" or "you aren't tall enough" or whatever. instead of trying to ****foot around the truth and being nice to avoid hurting someone's feelings?


I don't care enough about a stranger's opinion to want the truth from them. I don't care why a stranger doesn't want to be with me. So no, I never wanted them to tell me the honest truth. Their truth is irrelevant to me if they don't want me in their life.

I've always used the "we're not a match" option because its true and painless. There's no reason to tell a perfect stranger negative things I see about them. Nine times out of ten I just don't find them attractive, and there's nothing they can do about that. Telling them that is hurtful and isn't helpful.
 onyxbutterflies90
Joined: 10/14/2014
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Why Do Girls Stop Talking to Me So Fast?
Posted: 2/26/2015 9:46:26 AM
Can you start your own online business? Maybe make items on Etsy? I don't see why you're shocked girls run from guys without jobs. There are guys with all of your positive traits AND a job.

My advice is to make it work and stop accepting your situation then blaming people for refusing to accept it too. You shouldn't accept it either. Figure out a legal way to work that doesn't include triggering your illness.

People are also free to avoid dating, marrying, breeding or associating in any way with another person. They may not be passing because of the lack of job, but because of the schizophrenia. I'd focus on addressing the mental illness if I were you. You can't cure it, but you can join support groups that are sympathetic to it.
 onyxbutterflies90
Joined: 10/14/2014
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Friends First expectations
Posted: 2/26/2015 9:38:39 AM
Friends first means different things to different women. I saw "friends first" as us exclusively seeing each other and focusing on building the nonsexual side of our relationship. You go dutch, there's no hanky panky and neither of us are seeing other people. Once we're sure about each other in a friend way, then we can see how we work in a romantic way. My boyfriend and I took this path and he's my best friend. Sex is awesome too. I see friends first differently than just friends.
 Onyxbutterflies90
Joined: 10/14/2014
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Valentine's Day Text To A Friend
Posted: 2/25/2015 6:47:00 AM
I doubt she views that text as the only sign of interest from you. If you think of her "that way", then she's figured it out and sees your text as the opportunity to let you know she's not interested. Let it roll off your back and find other people to talk to. She'll get over herself eventually.
 onyxbutterflies90
Joined: 10/14/2014
Msg: 11 (view)
 
Confused....
Posted: 2/24/2015 6:45:03 PM
There's probably overlap. Relationship ending when you are no longer emotionally invested rather than when you verbally ended it. Relationships starting when you are emotionally invested rather than when you have the talk.
 onyxbutterflies90
Joined: 10/14/2014
Msg: 225 (view)
 
When women say there are no decent guys is what they really mean...
Posted: 2/23/2015 3:20:50 PM

Now as for my profession. It said engineer for the past 4 years, and that still did nothing.


Most jobs don't make the deal, but no job will often break it.


Why not take some pages from the ladies play book.


Because you're not a girl with a vagina. Hot guys and most females just have to show up to convince the lowest denominators to give it a go. I can be a dumb, inconsiderate, ****y person, but if I have a vagina that a guy thinks he can talk his way into, he'll tolerate me long enough to try. Contacts mean nothing.


Structural and Electrical Engineer mean so little to women these days.


It means you have a job so you won't be eliminated for not having one. Will it get you a date JUST because you have a job? Probably not. Why shoot yourself in the foot just to throw a tantrum because the world isn't fair?


I have also excluded my prior profession of Recon Marine. So many would frown upon being married to someone who was a professional killer. likely hurts my chances far more including it than it does otherwise.


Good call.
 onyxbutterflies90
Joined: 10/14/2014
Msg: 221 (view)
 
When women say there are no decent guys is what they really mean...
Posted: 2/23/2015 11:50:25 AM

Though IMO it likely isn't simple at all. Something quite complex is at work here.

"Oh look, this guy might be decent. Let's load up his profile and get a better look at him... oh no... his nose is crooked... I will be looking at that for hours on end wondering if I could straighten that up with a little pinch.... and he has a scar above his left eye... if it was his right I might have been able to tolerate looking at him, seeing as I like right sided things... but its not. Uh oh... one pec seems to be larger than the other. Definite deal breaker. Gotta back out on this one asap. Seeing that crooked pec'd man would make me self conscious about my lop sided breasts and I just can't have that. Who's next in the inbox......"


I think this is you finding a way to make yourself feel better. For every hetero woman that gets into a relationship with a man, there's a man that just got into a relationship. The only way this skews is when a liar is thrown in the mix and a person gets into relationships with multiple persons. We are not all dating models. Go to a family get together. Are all of the women in a harem for one level 10 guy? No, there are couples with varying levels of attractiveness.

The key ways I eliminated guys quickly was to see if they put any effort in their profile/pics or they presented a lifestyle I wanted nothing to do with. Who goes into detail about why they find someone unattractive? You'd rather not look at him again so you move on. You don't wax emotional on how self conscious you'll feel about your breasts if you date said guy. It's not that complex.
 onyxbutterflies90
Joined: 10/14/2014
Msg: 90 (view)
 
Why can't I find what I need/want in a man and relationship?
Posted: 2/23/2015 10:46:56 AM

I didn't teach myself to be that way - ever since I saw bishies I loved them. They are basically just like any other real person except they aren't real, obviously. I have a great attraction for them and my regard for them is always positive because they never hurt me and use me like real men do.


It's impossible to convince an unhealthy person their thought process is unhealthy. It's what brings you comfort so of course you don't see it as a "bad thing". In my experience, you see what these things give you in the long run to determine if they're unhealthy or not. If your way of thinking hasn't resulted in a fulfilling life with healthy relationships, then there's something wrong with it.

You can't compare homosexuality to "otakusexuality"...one is a REAL person...the other isn't. There's no getting around that key difference. It's honestly a bit offensive to compare the two.

Look, I get why you find anime guys sexy. There's a problem if you ONLY find anime guys sexy, OR you are unable to build a satisfying REAL relationship with a REAL guy because of your over-saturation with anime men. Staying too long in the fantasy world will change your perception. Remember, the "trees" in us that bear fruit are the ones we water. If you only water the parts of you that support unhealthy tendencies, then that's the part of you that will gain strength. It's fine if that's what you want out of life, but you can't complain about not finding what you need in a relationship if you refuse to change. That process starts and ends with you.
 onyxbutterflies90
Joined: 10/14/2014
Msg: 30 (view)
 
Why can't I find what I need/want in a man and relationship?
Posted: 2/21/2015 5:47:48 AM

Yea - I am otakusexual, I find anime men sexually appealing/attractive and more so than real men. It's not about it being 'safe' it's just that I love them, they are delicious.


I personally get this since I used to be the same way. I cried when I realized I could never find a guy like Alucard because he wasn't real. From what you've said in this thread, you should focus on your emotional and mental health more than anything else. The healthier you become, the healthier your decisions will be. You can't stop yourself from finding bishonen desirable. They are delicious. :)

I still have mini-crushes, but I no longer partake in escapist realities for 80% of my waking hours. Expanding my interests and spending time with nice guys that I wouldn't date, but could be friends with also helped. It kept me from dreaming about them and creating nonexistent good qualities just so that I could have the dream. Spending time with them helped me see what I should look for in a nice guy that I would date. It took time for me.
 onyxbutterflies90
Joined: 10/14/2014
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Why can't I find what I need/want in a man and relationship?
Posted: 2/20/2015 1:11:10 PM
You'll find a guy who likes swimming and beaches if you meet him at the pool or beach. Finding a guy you like who likes you back is hard work. It happens magically for some people, but many of us have to put forth conscious effort and be patient.

My advice would be to first become as attractive as possible. Extra weight? Lose it. Acne scars? Fade them. Discolored teeth? Whiten them. Mousy hair? Nourish it. You want to beam with good health. There's always room for improvement. Then, focus on your interaction skills. Talk to different types of people. Start up conversations while waiting to get your coffee. Allow yourself to be in uncomfortable speaking situations so you can learn to navigate them. Become more interesting.

There are great guys out there, so you're either bad at picking great guys or great guys can do better than you. Improve your picker (listen to red flags, focus on integrity and give guys plenty of chances to show you their bad side before you get attached) and become a girl the great guys will fall over themselves to get to. You don't need to become something you're not. Just become the best you possible.
 onyxbutterflies90
Joined: 10/14/2014
Msg: 58 (view)
 
Education and dating
Posted: 2/20/2015 11:47:15 AM
I care more about earning reality and potential. If you can get that without a degree, then it works for me.

A masters in art is dandy, but its not the best field to be successful in. I'm college educated and chose a field that was intellectually doable for me and had the potential to make a lot of money. I've never had a guy upset about my degree or my field. A few grumbled about my pay grade being higher than theirs, but they chose fields that didn't pay a lot. Not my problem.
 onyxbutterflies90
Joined: 10/14/2014
Msg: 132 (view)
 
One-word first messages: am I being too picky?
Posted: 2/19/2015 6:34:42 AM

Those who write are typically interested in likeminded individuals, if for nothing else the sake of conversation. I am surprised that none of them wrote you back.


It would be a bad idea for a girl to do that. The guy is contacting you because he finds you attractive AND you have similar interests. You know deep down he wouldn't bother with you if he didn't find you attractive. Respond, build a rapport and you run the risk of leading him on. Once you let him down, you'll become the villain since you should have known he wanted more than friendship.
 onyxbutterflies90
Joined: 10/14/2014
Msg: 12 (view)
 
I dont seem to get any replies
Posted: 2/11/2015 9:40:51 AM
Girls in your age range are bombarded. If you find her attractive, then 500 other guys do too. I would focus on self-improvement and meeting women offline if I were in your position. Spend an hour a week on POF checking out new profiles and sending out messages. That's it though.
 onyxbutterflies90
Joined: 10/14/2014
Msg: 17 (view)
 
what do pics like mine say to a girl
Posted: 2/9/2015 1:04:18 PM
It seems as though you believe you look the same now as you did years ago. Aging happens to us all. If your pics are older than 6 months old, then you're not giving an accurate representation. The guy with the stick looks like a completely different person.

Based on your pictures alone, I'd assume you were uninteresting. You're wearing gym clothes in most of them so I'd assume that's your only interest. I'd work on showing a more complete lifestyle. You outside, you with friends, you doing something you love, etc.
 onyxbutterflies90
Joined: 10/14/2014
Msg: 83 (view)
 
Hurtful message recieved
Posted: 1/27/2015 8:48:31 AM

I think "Hi, what's up?" is fine myself that's how normal people greet each other in person especially when the profile is short.


Honestly, I wouldn't respond fondly to a "Hi, what's up?", in real life. I don't know you...why aren't you introducing yourself to me if you want to talk to me? I don't expect a soliloquy to my beauty, but a standard introduction isn't unreasonable. "Excuse me, my name is John and I was wondering if you'd like to grab coffee sometime? " I won't say yes to every guy that approaches me, but if I'm single, you're attractive and you're not looking at me like you're going to eat me, I will probably grab the cup of coffee.

Saying ONLY "Hi" to a stranger with the intent to say more makes no sense to me. I say "Hi" to people I'm passing in the hallway. It's meant as a casual, "you're human, I'm human, have a great day!" gesture. I say "Hi" to dozens of people a day, and that's all I ever say to them. If we're on an elevator, I'll throw in a "Have a great day", when one of us leaves the elevator. It has universally failed as a way to start up a conversation with me. Guy says, "Hi". I look confused, glance over and say, "Um, Hi...". Guy says, "So what's your name?". I smile (no teeth), say "Have a great day, sir." and walk away.

Some girl is responding and making it worse for the rest of us. I want to find her and the girl that responds to men whistling from their car.
 onyxbutterflies90
Joined: 10/14/2014
Msg: 206 (view)
 
Men Who Never Learned to Cook
Posted: 1/26/2015 6:53:14 AM

I'm sick of women that can't change the oil on their own car or change their own brakes and want me to do it for them. I'm done going out with women who can't service their own car, I'm not willing to be a garage slave.


If you're having to change the oil and brakes three times a day, then you're in need of a new car... We all realize cooking happens a lot more often than car repairs, right? Then again, I always go to a professional for such things. My boyfriend handles getting things from the top shelf. Yes, he's my top shelf slave. *lol*

I enjoy cooking, so I do all of the cooking. In return, my boyfriend cleans the bathroom weekly and does the dishes daily. Works for us.
 onyxbutterflies90
Joined: 10/14/2014
Msg: 65 (view)
 
Hurtful message recieved
Posted: 1/25/2015 4:38:48 PM

Have you received such messages in your dating adventures?


Some people are frustrated that the people they want don't want them back. So they take it out on the people who do want them. They don't want to believe that they're actually in the league of the guys that are contacting them, so they get offended and take it out on the guys contacting them. Ignore them. Not worth thinking about. They're just saying it because it's online.
 onyxbutterflies90
Joined: 10/14/2014
Msg: 723 (view)
 
The Coffee Date
Posted: 1/24/2015 3:09:02 PM

If the goofy genuine guy was so popular, I would have gotten laid or at least had alot more interest than I had. Me thinks it only matters if the guy is cute.


Very true. My guy is relaxed, quiet, genuine with a definite goofy streak. I would see him as a brother if I didn't find him physically attractive.
 
Show ALL Forums