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 Author Thread: is it cheating
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Joined: 7/17/2008
Msg: 32 (view)
 
is it cheating
Posted: 8/27/2011 11:40:36 AM
It depends.... what did you two decide? You make the rules in your relationship.
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Joined: 7/17/2008
Msg: 15 (view)
 
Should guys >45 wear spandex cycling jerseys and shorts?
Posted: 2/27/2010 8:16:35 AM
I took the question at face value....didn't look hard at the picture or even glance at the profile but then read some of the other posts....

YA got ME....

Married man needing a little something on the side....wants the ladies staring at his spandex behind....

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Joined: 7/17/2008
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Should guys >45 wear spandex cycling jerseys and shorts?
Posted: 2/27/2010 5:45:09 AM
Exercise gear is designed for exercise for people of all ages..... great stuff. It can enhance the experience. I, as a biker, so appreciate the whisking capabilities and thoughtfully placed padding on long hot rides.

There is a time and place though....

You want to wear that spandex, speedo, micro mini, clothing 3 sizes too small (or minus the proper undergarments), be my guest....but pardon me while I blush, maybe giggle and quickly turn my gaze away.....
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Joined: 7/17/2008
Msg: 28 (view)
 
Accumulation versus simplifying - which phase are you in ?
Posted: 2/27/2010 5:29:08 AM
I find it difficult to get rid of things !

Seriously, it is harder for some of us to give up our "stuff". I have learned not to buy as much. This is good. Yes, I still have the things I collect Danish Modern teak furniture, Christmas ornaments (Baldwin brass and Swarovski snowflakes), shoes (I think it is in the girl genes....LOL), books and a few other things.

It is more "Zen" to declutter and release those emotional attachments to things...but that does not make it easy. I go to the library for most of my reading books now. I also donated boxes and boxes to them.

Please tell me that you don't just pitch those things in the trash. Just because you no long need or want it, there are many others that could benefit. Donate what is still decent/usable to those that need it.

Thanks!
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Joined: 7/17/2008
Msg: 112 (view)
 
Middle aged:have your standards gone UP or DOWN???
Posted: 12/20/2009 11:16:04 AM
Some have remained the same and others are more flexible.

My core values are rock solid. Not married, not separated (separated is still legally married...LOL...I don't care how you dress it up), not a player/liar, no drugs, no smoking. Someone that has ethics and that I respect for how they live their lives. Can you/we laugh at life's up/downs? Do you have manners and know when to use 'em?

That's not to say that they have to be perfect, everyone makes mistakes. To me it is what you do after the mistake. Do you make excuses, are you in denial or do you own your goof and learn from it (and do what it takes to make it right?)

Height, nationality, education, kids or no kids, career,.... those are up for grabs. It is the man that matters...what does he do with what he's got.... there are things that we are born with that don't change. It is the person not the resume.

We all come with history and baggage at our age...that comes from living a life. (Nothing makes me giggle more than someone that claims no baggage...yeah right!)

So yes, in many ways you could say that I may have relaxed some standards....or maybe it is that I am older and wiser and therefore more open to possibilities that were not visible previously....
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Joined: 7/17/2008
Msg: 31 (view)
 
The Paradox
Posted: 11/15/2009 9:49:16 AM
There is the man to woman paradox and then there is the woman to man paradox.

So different and yet so the same.......

We must all work within the system as it is. Our basic hardwiring takes centuries to evolve. Best to understand how things work now and tackle the inherent challanges to the best of your ability.

Sailor7....be careful with those sweeping assumptions of women. Some of us can be quite logical and analytical....Why we can be pretty AND pretty black and white.....go figure..... (Well at least until you do something to muck it up....hehehe)

A man that was once in my life told me...."Good looks are the golden coin". The sad fact of cyberdating is that most never can get past the "look" to get to the good stuff underneath. Such is life....we must all deal with it

MM

PS: Just looked at what forum group this was in - "Oregon?"....oopsie....I am not local....although I have been to Oregon many times and like it. Does that count for anything? May I get a special hall pass to comment here?

I wonder if this thread would better be placed in Dating....however it would probably getting deleted as a redundant topic......ya just can't win....LOL.
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Joined: 7/17/2008
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Buying his ex-girlfriend a car?
Posted: 11/1/2009 5:10:49 PM
You have got to be kidding.....right?

Clear your head girl and take a long hard look at the facts.....

Explain to me why you are still interested? I don't get it!
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Joined: 7/17/2008
Msg: 19 (view)
 
Question for MEN
Posted: 11/1/2009 2:36:02 PM
OP,

Yep, there are gonna be those that only care about the wrapping. But you two have a history and from the sound of things have been relationship building in other ways. Plus you have seen each other in person multiple times. Yep, I know that clothed VS in the buff is different...but it is not like he does not already have a pretty good idea of things... Relax! From your pictures, you look a little thin but different body types attract different types of people. Ultimately I think that body type is only a small part of chemistry. Chemistry is such a infinite mix of things. You are both over 40 so must be realistic that time changes things for us all....LOL.

I must say that I would like to talk to our body builder poster in 20 or 25 years and see what wisdom may have (hopefully) enlightened him......LOL....

MM
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Joined: 7/17/2008
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Ladies - does separated scare you away
Posted: 11/1/2009 1:37:03 PM
Close only counts in horse shoes and nuclear war....LOL

You are married but living separately. Legally you still have responsibilities to each other. You are "basically" divorced but the paperwork is not filed yet?

***Flashing red FLAG here***

That means you are married and "basically" cheating on your wife....

Are you in denial? A divorce is not over til it's over. Even then, it may not be fully over. If there are children involved or assets/debts and/or the lawyers get involved, a divorce can take years and years. Sorry - but my experience has been that lawyers are in it to make a living, resolving things quickly and easily is not a revenue producing tactic. Not to mention if one or both parties decides NOT to take the high road...

My ex was separated for several months before I met him. (Paperwork filed.) His divorce took almost 4 years. Here is one lady that will never put herself in that position again.....a civilian casualty of someone else's divorce war. Where is my purple heart? LOL - maybe a little dramatic, but it was very unpleasant and very much contributed to our eventual breakup.

Seriously now... is it really fair to expect someone to get involved with you when your baggage is not even packed? Please try to be realistic and fair... until your "unfinished business" is resolved, you are asking an awful lot.

I applaud you for being honest, but the bottom line is yes...it would scare me away.
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Joined: 7/17/2008
Msg: 91 (view)
 
Are Your Filters Set Too High?
Posted: 10/24/2009 10:40:21 AM
LOL


I can't get rid of my filter; it's my brain. I don't use anything else (well, I set the usual "not married, no druggies, etc., but I figure those people lie anyway, so I was just going through the motions).


:love: the brain filter comment.... and yes we must, to some extent , go through some motions to get started and THEN... it is full speed away... :run:

I enjoy chatting with most folks here but I am "much more" discerning on who I wish to journey with down the relationship path. Previously I did not have age filters or some of the other filters but...well the stories I could tell.... :laugh:
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Joined: 7/17/2008
Msg: 275 (view)
 
Breast Augmentation over 45
Posted: 10/18/2009 4:28:20 PM
OP was in 2006?

I am feelin' silly..... and rolleyes:

What was the outcome? or :
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Joined: 7/17/2008
Msg: 271 (view)
 
Breast Augmentation over 45
Posted: 10/18/2009 7:08:46 AM
OP,

Only you can decide what is right for you. It can be a tough call. Do you really think that it will make that much of a difference?

A gentleman once told me: "Good looks are the good coin in our society." It hurt me to have to agree with him at some levels. How you look can make a difference (particularly for ladies). Men are gonna be men. The thing is how much of it is actual body parts VS your confidence, attitude and/or willingness to do the best with what ya got.

I know that when I lost a hefty chunk of weight, I got treated very differently. (but I also know how proud I was of meeting my goals, being able to wear the things I wanted to and "knowing" that while I would never be a super model, I was feeling pretty darn good.) If you are SURE that this is what surgery will do for you, do it. If you think that this will solve everything, please think about it some more.

Good Luck,

MM
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Joined: 7/17/2008
Msg: 41 (view)
 
The World Revolves Around Me and Don't You Ever Think It Doesn't Peopler
Posted: 10/18/2009 6:07:16 AM
Blueeyessmiling,

Glad to hear that you are smiling again.

It seems blue skies are back in this forum....

It is all about you, me, us and them. Let's all say our 2 cents but try to be respectful about it. (Yep - I had quite a bit to say.... trying to be funny, a little sarcastic, and lighten the mood. I just hate to see people in that ugly dark place with no light shining to guide them out. Perhaps, I said too much? Live and Learn.....)

How about a group ?

MM

PS: Lackanookie......that there is kinda funny!
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Joined: 7/17/2008
Msg: 31 (view)
 
The World Revolves Around Me and Don't You Ever Think It Doesn't Peopler
Posted: 10/17/2009 6:14:27 PM
I was teasing.....

Never really enjoyed boxing....in any form.

Bantering....however, can be very fun.....unless it turns....mean....

Where did all the fun, quick wit, sarcastic people go?

Come back............. we are here for the giggles.....

oh woe....it may be too late..

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Joined: 7/17/2008
Msg: 28 (view)
 
The World Revolves Around Me and Don't You Ever Think It Doesn't Peopler
Posted: 10/17/2009 5:58:09 PM
Shh NTM.....

a new fight may be brewing....

I got the popcorn.....want some?

waiting for the show to start.....
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Joined: 7/17/2008
Msg: 27 (view)
 
The World Revolves Around Me and Don't You Ever Think It Doesn't Peopler
Posted: 10/17/2009 5:51:10 PM
Ironic......isn't it?



Can't we all just laugh about the funnies and learn to get along?

No doubt I may be the next one the silly stick falls on.....:-)
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Joined: 7/17/2008
Msg: 26 (view)
 
The World Revolves Around Me and Don't You Ever Think It Doesn't Peopler
Posted: 10/17/2009 5:43:46 PM
A DIVA who likes to travel....

Red flags must be exploding out everywhere.....
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Joined: 7/17/2008
Msg: 17 (view)
 
The World Revolves Around Me and Don't You Ever Think It Doesn't Peopler
Posted: 10/17/2009 5:09:04 PM
Ladies,

Have you just coined the latest phrase?

We can now have players, cheaters and peoplers.....

so cool.....remember you saw it here first!

MM
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Joined: 7/17/2008
Msg: 13 (view)
 
The World Revolves Around Me and Don't You Ever Think It Doesn't Peopler
Posted: 10/17/2009 4:55:29 PM
Realistic,

You must be having one of those days.... Please take a deep breath.

He is not being a bully....he is being funny.....

He is funny. There are mean people to be found here.... but I have read enough of his posts to know you got him all wrong.



MM
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Joined: 7/17/2008
Msg: 4 (view)
 
The World Revolves Around Me and Don't You Ever Think It Doesn't Peopler
Posted: 10/17/2009 3:40:42 PM
ME too!

We are all perfect (until we are not).

You.......Me, Me, Me......

See you got to go first, what is the problem....LOL....?
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Joined: 7/17/2008
Msg: 19 (view)
 
Do FWB relationships ever lead to something deeper?
Posted: 10/17/2009 3:32:55 PM
You are so right......

Many say that they are looking for a FWB.... among strangers...

It sounds better than FB, that is for sure..... but if you just met, then that is what it is.
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Joined: 7/17/2008
Msg: 18 (view)
 
Do FWB relationships ever lead to something deeper?
Posted: 10/17/2009 2:24:50 PM
Do FWB allow you to behave badly with no repercussions?

No expectations so no one gets hurt. Regardless of what you call the relationship, there are always expectations.
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Joined: 7/17/2008
Msg: 15 (view)
 
Do FWB relationships ever lead to something deeper?
Posted: 10/17/2009 9:46:38 AM
FWB sounds good in theory.....but ultimately I think that it is just using someone until something better comes along or maybe you are both agreeing to use each other....LOL

Don't you wonder what other "benefits" your "friend" might be enjoying and with who? Both now and in the past? This is not about being possessive or jealous, but health and safety.

That is just on the logical level, on the more emotional level, it is not in line with my beliefs to be to casually intimate with someone.

Is calling someone your FWB a tangible step up from an NSA or FB?
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Joined: 7/17/2008
Msg: 82 (view)
 
sugar mommy?
Posted: 10/17/2009 9:12:32 AM
There are enterprising folks of all ages and persuasions that seek someone that will "take care of" them.

It takes all kinds.

Are you ladies flattered when a young man approaches/contacts you?

Some are up front about what they seek, others....are more close to the vest....LOL Successful relationships where people are of different age/backgrounds/finances work for some and for a host of different reasons... Lordy it is mind blowing what makes people happy.
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Joined: 7/17/2008
Msg: 56 (view)
 
pre-nups
Posted: 10/11/2009 4:29:48 PM
I think a pre-nup makes sense. However, it is a cheap shot to present it right before the wedding. It is a serious thing. Both parties need to be protected.

The pursuit of $ does strange things to people. Divorce is not known for bringing out the best in folks. What are the stats on how many marriages end in divorce?
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Joined: 7/17/2008
Msg: 14 (view)
 
perplexed
Posted: 10/11/2009 2:14:45 PM
Perplexed

People are complex. It sounds like you really like this guy....great.

For those that took my suggestion to keep asking too strongly....wow....okay I get it.

I did not mean relentless questioning. There is a time and place. But it is a concern for this lady enough that she is here asking for advice. It takes tact to discuss painful topics, but sometimes what hurts a little up front, can clear the way for other healing.
Talking may help and then it may go no where. That is for them to decide.

Sometimes unless you try, you never know. She knows this is a touchy place, me thinks that she already is smart enough to proceed gently ( but she may be afraid to after some of the responses here)

Did not know that this would be such a hot spot.

MM
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Joined: 7/17/2008
Msg: 10 (view)
 
perplexed
Posted: 10/11/2009 1:41:22 PM
So you don't want the person that you are involved with to know things about you.

We all have those things, great things to share and then the realities of some less pleasant things, this is true.

Wouldn't expect you to share everything all at once, for sure.... but that sounds so closed off to me. I almost said secretive but don't want to push your buttons. You obviously have your reasons for not wanting to share.
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Joined: 7/17/2008
Msg: 5 (view)
 
perplexed
Posted: 10/11/2009 1:25:12 PM
When you get involved with someone, their history and their family comes along for the ride.

There are always many sides to a story. It sounds like he gave up, but that is easy to say from here. I would want to know more.

Everyone's family is different. Keep asking... he will say what he is going to say. Maybe that is part of his destiny to find a woman (you?) that helps him think about things and maybe even re-unite with this girls. Who knows?

We all like happy endings!
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Joined: 7/17/2008
Msg: 109 (view)
 
Favorite Quotes......
Posted: 10/8/2009 3:45:41 PM
You are never given a wish without also being given the power to make it true. You may have to work for it, however. ― Illusions ~ Richard Bach
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Joined: 7/17/2008
Msg: 1908 (view)
 
DAILY QUOTES
Posted: 10/8/2009 3:43:59 PM
There is no such thing as a problem without a gift for you in its hands.
You seek problems because you need their gifts. ― Illusions ~ Richard Bach
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Joined: 7/17/2008
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Whats wrong with my profile? I think I scare people away...haha
Posted: 10/4/2009 6:58:14 PM
I have to agree with the others.... the pictures still need a little help. Was there a "real" smile in there anywhere? Guys think it is macho not to smile. I think that most ladies like a smile, so give it a try. Definitely keep the one in uniform.

Before reading the other's views, my thoughts were, without a doubt, that last line needs to go! Of course no one wants to waste their time, but the way you state it does not come across very nice. Try to have a positive closing to our profile.

Best of Luck to you!
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Joined: 7/17/2008
Msg: 19 (view)
 
The difference between girls and guys....
Posted: 9/27/2009 10:17:02 AM
You made a lot of changes..... I like this profile even better. The first was good but this one is just much more creative and, as you said, nicer.

I think it was a good idea to take the pictures of the kids down. I enjoyed them as I love kids and think family time is very important. However, there are "all types" on the 'net so it can be a tough call. I did get a sense that they are very important to you from the first profile and that did not shine through in this one. Profile writing is definitely a challenge. I think you are on the right track.

Happy
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Joined: 7/17/2008
Msg: 3 (view)
 
new guy here!
Posted: 9/27/2009 9:48:13 AM
I agree with the previous poster..... your pictures are very good.

Your profile has some sharp edges.... It is great that you set goals and worked hard to achieve them.....lots of people do.

Here is my impression: Given a choice between what you think is right and wrong, you would have no qualms about tossing/pushing someone aside if you thought that they were interferring with where you wanted to be. You simply don't want to take the time (or maybe don't have the patience) to put up with anything less. (Ouch...she says as she picks herself up off the floor....wonder if that will leave a bruise....?) There is a time to be tough and a time not to be. Do you have a kinder/gentler side?

Other than that, you don't give a sense of what you like to do for fun other than eat. What qualities attract you to a lady? What makes you happy?

Conversating takes two willing parties....there will always be some awkward silences at first... Rome was not built in a day.
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Joined: 7/17/2008
Msg: 11 (view)
 
Please share your thoughts on my profile
Posted: 9/27/2009 9:11:33 AM
Wow.... I like intelligence but found the sum total of your profile overwhelming.

While being "Much More", my philosophy leans toward more is better. I may have to make an exception here. It took me a concentrated effort and a couple of tries to get through the whole thing. Got bogged down in all the verbiage. My suggestion is to prune back.

One of the other posters suggested that you be less generic. First consider taking some of those statements out to make your profile more manageable, or at least make them more specific/personal as suggested. (Not to be too harsh, but are you wanting to get an "A" on your profile or to find the fishie of your dreams?)

I have to say that it was the "Village People" dancing pickles at the end that made me realize that there is a real live man with a sense of humor lurking somewhere behind the very serious graduate student.

MM
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Joined: 7/17/2008
Msg: 9 (view)
 
How does my profile look?
Posted: 9/27/2009 8:43:08 AM
I didn't look at your location before.....

Jewccy = Jersey

DUH!
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Joined: 7/17/2008
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Is this a little over the top?
Posted: 9/27/2009 8:21:48 AM
Pete,

The decoder ring VS slurpee paragraph was great. It made me laugh. Sense of humor (with some humility) is a wonderful thing. Your's comes shining through.

The picture you have is fine, but more, more , more would be better.....PLEASE.

I have to admit that you now own a little piece of my heart. You understand the importance of shoes in a real woman's life. The fact that you give us free rein to wear our high heels (and even consider those lovely new boots), well, you deserve XOXOXOs for that.

My one tiny nitpick.... fix the spacing where you have a extra return when it is not a new paragraph or put in a blank line and make it a new paragraph.

I sure that there is a lovely little out there that will be just perfect for you. Now if she would take the time to read your profile.... she would be half way hooked. The rest is up to you!

MM
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Joined: 7/17/2008
Msg: 7 (view)
 
How does my profile look?
Posted: 9/27/2009 8:03:44 AM
Well, you had some suggestions and made some changes.

Here is my 2 cents:

Please put your best picture as your main one. (Your main one now is my least favorite.)

I like the humor, love the spelling of your name with the adjectives (but I don't really "get" the Jewccy...... gosh I know I probably should)

Happy
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Joined: 7/17/2008
Msg: 2 (view)
 
How's my profile? any work?
Posted: 9/26/2009 4:18:28 PM
Please break up your profile into sections. One long paragraph is hard to readl.
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Joined: 7/17/2008
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Long enough or too short
Posted: 9/26/2009 3:54:43 PM
Dear Vince,

A respectable profile that might benefit from some tweaking. It might be a little too long but in MHO, it is better to have a profile that is too long than too short.

1) Loved the quote and your goals of RVs and seeing the national parks. That is cool and says a lot about you. Also the first date section where you put "I'll surprise you." A little different and nice.

2) PLEASE use spell check and/or have someone proof your profile. Typos and such drive me insane and distract from all the good stuff in your profile. For example, 2nd word in your profile should be ladies not lady's. Or just say hello and take ladies out all together.

3) A couple more pictures might help.

4) I am all for being honest but lets stay focused on the positive. You addressed your separation, that's good but eliminate most of the faults. You might just leave it that you are actively getting back into shape and "WILL" (LOL) be smokefree by year-end. We all have faults, those can be discussed later.

Hope this is a good start for you!
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Joined: 7/17/2008
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Girl from Philly needs help!
Posted: 9/26/2009 3:33:36 PM
PhillyGirl,

Not bad for a first attempt. Here are some suggestions:

1) Break up your verbiage. One long paragraph is tough to get through.

2) Make sure that you read it and correct any oppsies - "I feel I am an independent woman who can take care of yourself". I think you meant to say herself.

3) A couple more pictures would help.

4) Easy going but a little generic. What are some more of your interests? What makes you YOU! What specifically are you looking for?

Good Luck....

It is a challenge for us 40 somethings to complete with the youngsters....LOL
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Joined: 7/17/2008
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Geek needs a profile makeover?
Posted: 9/26/2009 2:24:18 PM
I think another picture or two could help.

In agreement with the other poster that there are better ways to get your values and morals across. You might stay that you have old fashioned sentiments.

I also might take out the part about not choosing to have a car. That could be viewed as a problem.
 much more
Joined: 7/17/2008
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Have at it, folks
Posted: 9/26/2009 2:09:34 PM
You are sending out lots of mixed messages.

Good luck little fishie!
 much more
Joined: 7/17/2008
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Please review my Profile ASAP
Posted: 9/26/2009 1:54:36 PM
What are loop poles?......LOL....Inquiring minds would like to know.

(Yes, less "I's" in your profile would be a good thing)
 much more
Joined: 7/17/2008
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Review my profile ...
Posted: 9/26/2009 1:41:49 PM
The content is not bad..... but the organization (as in there isn't any... just one long rambling paragraph) gives me a headache. It made it a chore to read. I wonder if others bother?

Make an effort to get a couple of better pictures. Add some more interests.

Keep the faith....:-)
 much more
Joined: 7/17/2008
Msg: 10 (view)
 
What am I doing wrong?
Posted: 9/26/2009 1:31:52 PM
Why is it that your answer made me laugh and want to playfully smack you upside your head all at the same time?



I am trying to help here. Seemingly getting nowhere fast...
 much more
Joined: 7/17/2008
Msg: 6 (view)
 
how's my profile?
Posted: 9/26/2009 1:28:20 PM
Yep, I agree. Wallflower is not a necessarily a postive, how about you enjoy observing what goes on around you?

I also think that you photograph well. PLEASE flip that photo upright.
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Joined: 7/17/2008
Msg: 8 (view)
 
What am I doing wrong?
Posted: 9/26/2009 1:21:50 PM
It is funny, It is creative but.......

Is "I dont know what a sea horse does" an interest?

You want to be funny and not boring but do you want to attract a female from this planet or another? (She says laughing and shaking her head....)
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Joined: 7/17/2008
Msg: 11 (view)
 
How does my profile look
Posted: 9/26/2009 1:16:55 PM
I don't know you well enough to know if it is misleading.

But it is going to say different things to different people. I offer you my perceptions and suggestions -- one, single point of view. Others may agree or not.

You can only put out what you honestly think is true and then set back and hope for the best. Update and change as necessary, it is all a learning/growing experience.
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Joined: 7/17/2008
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Any advice on my profile?
Posted: 9/26/2009 1:12:11 PM
What can I say? I liked your profile. You have a brain and it shows...woohoo!

If you were but 20 years older and a 1000 or so miles closer.....LOL....

Some more pictures would be good.
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Joined: 7/17/2008
Msg: 9 (view)
 
How does my profile look
Posted: 9/26/2009 1:05:14 PM
Sorry darlin',

That is what "no pressure, no expectations" says to me. There will always be expectations to some degree.

I love that little tingle of anticipation myself...otherwise what is the point?
 
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