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 Author Thread: Why a virgin?
 RoughAsGuts
Joined: 7/27/2008
Msg: 298 (view)
 
Why a virgin?
Posted: 1/24/2013 3:50:55 PM
The double standard is in thinking that only men can be unreasonable or have lofty requirements for love.

If a man wants a virgin, then let him seek her out. His troubles are already double for putting such a high requirement on himself to find such a rarity. The same goes for women who think they will only ever be content living a millionaire lifestyle with minimal effort.

At the end of the day most people are shallow. Both men and women alike. And because people take so long to learn about life, I think its reasonable to just let them be. If you don't match with such a person then move on. But to say there is something wrong with any guy wanting a virgin is just dismissive and an unproductive way to look at the overall situation.

Men and women will want what they want. Nobody can say whether its right or wrong. If a woman thinks the only way she can be happy is to live rich then thats her perrogative. If a man thinks he can only ever trust a virgin or ever truly give his heart to one, then let him find out what life has in store for him. I have no sympathy for those who think the world is so simplistic that they try to fit everyone into a one size fits all on morality. There are always extenuating factors, like race, religion, culture, language and social conditioning. And at the end of it all you still have the gender thing, men and women don't think alike! And largely have different motives and goals where happiness is concerned. Live and let live I say.
 RoughAsGuts
Joined: 7/27/2008
Msg: 292 (view)
 
Why a virgin?
Posted: 1/24/2013 2:13:09 AM
Lets be honest here

Men care about virginity in much the same way women care about having a wealthy partner.

Its not a priority for many but it would be a bonus if they were lucky enough to come across one.

The day women can claim men are unfair to wanting a virgin, is the day all women renounce wanting a wealthy husband. Because at the end of the day both men and women have their own selfish pursuits and no one is responsible for anyone else or whatever fixation their partner might have. If a man can land a virgin more power to them, if a woman can marry a billionaire then good for her. Bottom line is that each has their own life lessons to be had, and some may reach happiness this way while others may not.

If you happen to be in a relationship with a person who pursues wealth to the point of jeopardizing love itself, its a very unreasonable attitude in my opinion. Much in the same way that a person who wants a virgin wife, is willing to torment a woman who isn't a virgin or reproach her at every turn. He should be man enough to let her be and if he so wishes to marry a virgin, then he shouldn't string her along for years only to cause untold resentment later. He should man up and set her free and let her meet a man who will respect her more. Then he can seek out the virgin of his dreams, otherwise he should just zip it.
 RoughAsGuts
Joined: 7/27/2008
Msg: 60 (view)
 
Do you ever get use to being single?
Posted: 9/2/2008 7:50:25 PM
Its funny how the ones that are least likely to enjoy being single are the ones who arent much fun themselves lol.

Being single teaches you to be resourceful & resiliant and getting used to your own company. It really makes us question ourselves. If your lousy company then being single will be hell for you, because you take "YOU" wherever you go!

As for me Im great company, all my mates can attest to that, and whenever the party is glum Im always only to happy to liven things up. Im a jokester and never take things too seriously. And why should I, we arent immortal, and we are only passing by here in this game called life.

So next time your feeling whether you will ever get used to being single, ask yourself if you cant get used to putting up with your own company, is it fair to ask that anyone else should shoulder that burden for you?
 RoughAsGuts
Joined: 7/27/2008
Msg: 18 (view)
 
Gut Instincts in Dating
Posted: 8/30/2008 6:33:56 PM
Yeh people that take it too fast. Although Im the opposite and probably the one being accused by women of taking it too slow! lol.

Bottom line you cant be perfect, so no matter how people are just be yourself.
 RoughAsGuts
Joined: 7/27/2008
Msg: 177 (view)
 
YOU'RE JUST GOING AFTER THE PRETTY ONES
Posted: 8/24/2008 5:30:09 AM
RichiRick, you make it sound like you were the hapless victim in all that.

First of all anyone with any sense of direction in their own affairs, would have stopped those selfish requests to be her fall guy. Seems you were her fulltime fall guy if what you stated happened to you. Even being a friend doesnt entitle someone male or female to put you on call for whenever they have a crisis. Its called being an adult. Of course if your in the business of babysitting then its a whole different kettle of fish. But I hold myself to some basic rules of engagement, much like Lateef.

I have plenty of friends that are girls, and even they know Im not going to come running when their friend with benefits makes them feel lousy or for a shoulder to cry on. They also know that I dont desire them in that way, which is why we are friends. If I did, they would have accepted my advances or they'd be somewhere else well away from me. Sometimes being rejected is the best gift a stranger can give, because if women were more crafty and insincere she could always use you in so many ways while maintaining the illusion she's into you. Better for a man to be rejected and know where he stands, than to forever hold onto wishful thinking and subjugate themselves to some contrived semi friendship in the hopes of winning her over with self pity and relentless persistence.
 RoughAsGuts
Joined: 7/27/2008
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Commitment phobic or lifestye choice?
Posted: 8/23/2008 10:14:44 PM
Cuz thats when the scaffoling hits the pavement and everything comes crashing down.. so to speakLOL :P Although my looks arent going south yet, and yeh i really cant say why girls get pressured so early on, plenty of girls my age look not a day over 25 from my immediate friends. Looking at it from that point of view El_Mariachi, your right that its quite unfair for you girls.
 RoughAsGuts
Joined: 7/27/2008
Msg: 174 (view)
 
YOU'RE JUST GOING AFTER THE PRETTY ONES
Posted: 8/23/2008 10:03:47 PM
To the OP. You have gotten so many different viewpoints on your current dilemma. So far from all the 8 pages I have read, lateef and DJ give some of the best insights.

You asked a few pages back that you want to know how not to fall into the friendsonly category with pretty ladies, but you have completely overlooked lateefs winning advice on how to exactly avoid this. He practically gave you a step by step guide on what to do. Having dated women since my teens and travelled extensively throughout the world seen women of all walks of life, I KNOW his approach works. Any seasoned guy in the dating scene worth his salt will attest to this, it is all about personality, class and self belief. All your psychology has to change, so far your caught in a revolving door. And everything you put focus on at this point in time is only reinforcing that core belief you carry from day to day.

I really suggest you read what lateef wrote on page 5. I sympathise with your quest, but if you really want to make some headway then you have to look at your core focus and what your nice guy idealogy is all about and challenge it from top to bottom. Then and only then will you discover what keeps you from getting where you want to be. DJ is also right about not allowing personal happiness completely hinge upon validation from others. It must stem from at least some degree of self worth and self respect.

Anyways good luck in your plight friend.
 RoughAsGuts
Joined: 7/27/2008
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Commitment phobic or lifestye choice?
Posted: 8/22/2008 3:40:56 AM
Now now play nice people :P

You know the thing about personal experience is that if you talk about it for long enough to enough people it will always sound biased to someone else. However as I stated this was originally about my recent encounters with women who ask questions usually relating to my age and why I havent settled down. Sometimes its very unflattering. Of course as stacey states not all are this way or asking for this purpose. cdflash illustrates the typical demeanour of the girls who ask quite well. There is usually this underlying nitpicking attitude. My curiosity with it all was that it suddenly became prevalent just as I turned 30. But then again my problem may lie with the women I date. Ive always tended to date my own age, perhaps its time to date younger, because it was never a problem with girls when I was in my mid to early 20s.
 RoughAsGuts
Joined: 7/27/2008
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Commitment phobic or lifestye choice?
Posted: 8/21/2008 12:28:36 AM
Didnt see you post before stacey, but I hear ya. Sure girls can also be asking to make sure the guy isnt after a quick marriage. Just in my experience thats not usually the case. My only gripe is the sudden rush of interest in my martial status that I never got asked prior to 30, 31. Its like 30 is the magic number for when a girl your with is welcome to unleash a barrage of questions relating to life plans and children lol!

Perhaps in California girls ask 30something guys who are single about their marital status to ensure they dont get a guy aching to be a daddy right away, but here in OZ the opposite is usually true.

Thanks for your feedback btw ;)
 RoughAsGuts
Joined: 7/27/2008
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Commitment phobic or lifestye choice?
Posted: 8/20/2008 11:52:29 PM
Thankyou windsor_saints08

Yeh your quite right mate. I guess I could go on a tangent and tell them my life story about how in some instances having a lovely summer in Italy may have seemed more appealing than getting serious with a girl. Or how my priorities at 25 to visit all the major cities of the world took precedence over the odd chick that was chasing me at the time. Its all about perspective.

You raise a good point, do these women who like to probe older single guys fear lonliness? Its one way of looking at it hehe. Of course people sometimes like to question someone who doesnt lead a mainstream lifestyle, especially when they see that person so chirpy and fulfilled. Its like an unsolved riddle to them. Guess Im an enigma then to some of my lady friends lol. They are always trying to figure men out hehe.

I liked your definition on settling down. Perhaps settling down isnt always about having 2.3 kids and the big house with white picket fences. Its all about perspective and what someone really desires in life. I shook off parents expectations in my early 20s when they wanted me to be a lawyer like so many before me, I guess now in my 30s I just have to shrug off societies expectations.

Anyways thanks for the insight, enjoy the good life :) words to definitely live by in my book!
 RoughAsGuts
Joined: 7/27/2008
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Commitment phobic or lifestye choice?
Posted: 8/20/2008 9:59:54 PM
Ok so Im 32 now and for the life of me havent felt the sting of my age yet. I feel young as ever I enjoy running my own businesses and have many wonderful friendships with women, and sometimes I date and sometimes I dont, but its not a must on any given day.

However there wasnt anything the matter with my carefree lifestyle until I hit my 30s. Although my male friends are totally cool with being single childless at 32, it seems that suddenly some of my women friends are not, even strangers ponder if Im another commitment phobic guy. It really irks me because I have a very fulfilling life with my siblings and parents whom I see from time to time. I have terrific friends who are always up for anything and dont begrudge me at all. I thought living in the 21st century would open up peoples minds abit more especially when meeting new friends. But nonetheless there are alot out there that like to label and call a long term single guy a commitmentphobe.

Is it such a wild notion to people that men can be 30 something and happily single? I only ask this because the contrary is always what womens guesswork concludes. That its not about running away from commitment insofar as embracing independence with both hands and making the best of ones life? The only reason other peoples perceptions bother me of late is that in the past few months I have noticed an increase in those probing questions from women I would otherwise never get, the sly remarks about "but your not getting any younger dont you want to settle down?" Its quite presumptuous I think, and nobodies business but my own. Of course in light of that situation I always chuckle and let those passing comments slide, besides people will always probe and make small talk I guess.

I have always been embracing of other peoples lifestyles, in my travels I meet so many kinds of people, and learnt that trying to fit into one role or lifestyle is like trying to be an actor and starring in the same movie over and over again. People will always want to spread their wings and experience the bounty that this world has to offer. Of course I dont look down on people who have chosen a simpler more monotonous life. But whenever I get a woman asking me why I havent settled down, or if I fear commitment, it just gets unnerving after awhile. That the consensus is always the same with them presuming a "fear" lol. I never even thought about there being an issue with commitment, no more than a vegetarian wonders if they fear eating meat lol! Or if someone who chose to be a cleaner as a profession fears becoming a millionaire. Its merely a choice or from extenuating circumstances. But fear? its such a remote consideration for me, but far be it from the ladies I meet or date to quickly jump to that conclusion lol.

So how do people out there in their 30s and 40s or beyond manage when getting those weird probing comments about their marital status? I enjoyed my 20s immensly and have no intention of slowing down. The way I see it life is too short and my travelling lifestyle too exciting to want something else for the time being.
 RoughAsGuts
Joined: 7/27/2008
Msg: 63 (view)
 
from thailand with love
Posted: 8/20/2008 8:48:49 PM
All you guys are barking up the wrong tree. Ive been to Bangkok on many occassions, sure its a splendid destination for some fun and games, but thats about it.

Many thai women living on the fast lane want to catch an unassuming farang man (white man) to improve her bottom dollar. Its true what englishman says, there is a very invisible system of philanthropy amongst them, and its quite brutal for us westerners. Thats why Thailand is best left as an exciting destination spot and not a place to find a life partner.

Thats not to say all thai women are this way, but the ones in the areas where farangs hang out are. Alot of opportunist in the westerner hangouts. However I found Japan and the Philippines more inviting. A typical filipina will also be as family oriented as a thai girl but has the added advantage of being christian and god fearing. Thai ladies are not god fearing and as such have a pretty flexible conscience. They have no issue with using a farang for all his worth and divorcing when they arrive to their destination. Filipinas on the other hand carry a stigmas of divorce heavily within their family group. So there is less of a chance they will do it solely because of money, love has alot to do with it, and they are firm believers of the fairytale marriage with all the trimmings and long lasting health wealth and romance.

Anyways thats my 2cents. So please forget your ladyboy woes, any seasoned tourist will tell you to try other pastures instead.
 RoughAsGuts
Joined: 7/27/2008
Msg: 213 (view)
 
Why Do Men Overlook Good Women?
Posted: 8/20/2008 7:22:02 PM
We live in fast paced times. If a woman has a heart of gold but isnt marketing herself right, then she WILL be overlooked. Personally I give women 30mins to make a good impression, then she quickly drops into the friends only category. Not because she isnt nice, but because Im not in the business of drawing out that better side of her. A mature minded lady will always put her best foot forward, I can understand this searching for the caramel centre if she was a teenager, but after that? come on she has to step up to the mark, no excuses.
 RoughAsGuts
Joined: 7/27/2008
Msg: 205 (view)
 
Why Do Men Overlook Good Women?
Posted: 8/20/2008 10:39:14 AM
Ive overlooked alot of good women, according to what is the agreed benchmark of what a good woman is. They are generous attentive, non judgemental and seem to have this unconditional love where anything is permitted as long as you love them back. They will bend over backwards for you, but theres always something that makes me stray from them. Of course Im not married so I cant say the other type of women out there have caught my attention for too long either. But if I was to ever settle down it would definitely be the types I have overlooked in my past.
 RoughAsGuts
Joined: 7/27/2008
Msg: 73 (view)
 
Re: Why do some men act interested, then pull back?
Posted: 8/20/2008 8:12:35 AM
Mzsomebody, I agree that someone being sincere and open doesnt deserve to be shut down. But theres alot of idiots out there that will not think twice before completely doing a Houdini on a poor well meaning girl, what I meant before is that they are not worth considering. Not even worth calling up and asking for an explanation. The way I see it theres alot of good people out there to be wasting time pondering about the "could haves" or "should haves". Speaking for myself though I think that if someone is into doing a disappearing act, then let them. Life is too short to care about it long enough to make it an issue.
 RoughAsGuts
Joined: 7/27/2008
Msg: 64 (view)
 
Why do some men act interested, then pull back?
Posted: 8/18/2008 12:11:58 AM
Apparently real difficult for some relationships. Especially if the girl has a tendency to be clingy. You cant fault a man for being bad at breakups, not all men are this indifferent. But to carry on and mope about a jerk who doesnt know how to end it properly is like crying over spilt milk. Whats done is done, and if the woman has any self respect she will spend the minimum amount of time mulling it over. Cause the more she does, the more aweful she begins to feel about herself and question her own dignity etc etc, it never leads to anything, only more power to the guy who left her.
 RoughAsGuts
Joined: 7/27/2008
Msg: 61 (view)
 
Why do some men act interested, then pull back?
Posted: 8/15/2008 9:03:00 PM
I thought the whole point of going out with someone was to know how much your into them, so if the opposite holds true after a while... then its bad to not fake liking them and pull back instead? Seriously were all individuals here and to say that someone cannot leave you for some unknown reason is like stating that you have some totalitarian grip on them and that they are not allowed to excersize free will around you. I know it hurts or baffles us when that special someone we think is gearing up for a fulfilling relationship suddenly exits the scene, but if you respect them enough, despite the mishap. Then you can forgive and forget.
 RoughAsGuts
Joined: 7/27/2008
Msg: 14 (view)
 
Guys who want to hang out spur of the moment at the start of a relationship...
Posted: 8/14/2008 10:52:19 PM
How difficult is it really? To just go out to a public place and get to know a person until you feel comfortable with them? Yes I agree inviting them home is a bad idea, especially if you dont know them at all. But to think women are hapless victims here is a stupid disempowering way of looking at things. You ladies have the power to discern and choose, stop thinking like men make all the choices for you. And if there are creeps out there and your powers of discernment failed, then you will be better at it next time. Most women get a vibe off a man that is desperate, just follow your gut.

Ive seen so many women this day and age just focus on looks and think because he is hot or young then he must not be a sleaze. This whole approach is flawed, i would much rather a girl take the time to chat and then make her mind up, than just take one glance and be done with it. Thats why ugly well meaning guys end up dateless, and you ladies with your compromised judgement end up almost date raped by creeps looking like Brad Pitt! lol, and then have the audacity to rant on about it, thinking its the man who was at fault and not your powers of discerning good character! hehe.

Good luck ladies, but dont play the blame game, your all better than that.
 RoughAsGuts
Joined: 7/27/2008
Msg: 12 (view)
 
Guys who want to hang out spur of the moment at the start of a relationship...
Posted: 8/14/2008 10:40:44 PM
I was about to say something but MrSnapHappy took the words right out of my mouth.

It has everything to do with a womans focus and direction in life as well as a mans, but if you choose to entertain the notion that there are winners and losers when it comes to dating then we are all losers in the end. You got to look at yourself and what you gain from the journey and not what guy ended up making your evening unpleasant, because he wanted to get into your pants. If your an adult then you can move past any mishaps and take them as a learning experience and not a justification for being more jaded with your situation in general.
 RoughAsGuts
Joined: 7/27/2008
Msg: 10 (view)
 
No Women Seems Interested....
Posted: 8/14/2008 10:25:31 PM
Stop trying to get with white women :P Hey I found that dating outside the western culture reaps huge rewards, give it a go sometime, your asian and could use your bilingual abilities as a real advantage. Me im aussie but know some spanish, but if I could tell you the exploits of delving into latin culture, you would not believe me!

Good luck.
 RoughAsGuts
Joined: 7/27/2008
Msg: 33 (view)
 
dirty 30's???
Posted: 8/14/2008 10:06:59 AM
Well I dont shy from late 30s myself. But age is all in ones mind. Yeh there will be times when a 18yo might look at me from head to toe trying to figure out if I should be hitting on her, but who cares. Who am I to confirm her insecurities and agree that I am too old for her, usually if my charm cant win her over then I'll let my looks seal the deal with young women :P jk. But seriously age is such a subjective issue that it has so many different stigmas depending on the culture or country your in. So if one cant fix the stigmas one day when your old and grey, you can always just change countries, as I have found out to my benefit!
 RoughAsGuts
Joined: 7/27/2008
Msg: 5 (view)
 
No Women Seems Interested....
Posted: 8/14/2008 9:56:16 AM
Dude if this site is the only option your giving yourself to meet women, then frankly your already doomed. Travel go overseas whenever you get a chance, get out and join a social club like dancing. Learn to dance you will at least get to touch other people lol. Something that since the break up your probably missing bigtime. Learn to be less needy ( someone that says 'I love you' to me every once in a while?) Once in a while? why stoop, it spells insecurity. Hell I dont advertise that I want love because I think if I cant earn it from a girl, by gaining her trust or being likeable then I certainly dont want it out of pity. You seem to, so thats a major no-no in my books.

Take some pride in yourself, and cough up $5 and take a damn photo of yourself already!!
 RoughAsGuts
Joined: 7/27/2008
Msg: 33 (view)
 
Why do some men act interested, then pull back?
Posted: 8/11/2008 8:43:03 PM
What if you naturally get along with everybody you meet? Its not just about getting along, because then you could argue any friend that is the opposite sex is potentially a life partner, and that isnt the case at all. There are so many reasons guys will just drop off. Some find it better to distance themselves than to just say to the girl their not feeling the relationship 100% as she does. Saving face? who knows but if your adult enough to date then your adult enough not to take it to heart and move on.
 RoughAsGuts
Joined: 7/27/2008
Msg: 30 (view)
 
Why do some men act interested, then pull back?
Posted: 8/11/2008 8:28:16 PM
You guys make it sound like only women get 2nd thoughts. Dudes are just as likely to change their minds as chicks do. Nothing nasty about any of that. Its called human nature, deal with it and move on.

If theres no chemistry would you rather the guy pretend there was and stay with you? And even if you think your vibing, that doesnt mean you aint vibing enough according to what he looks for in a girl. Dating is all about figuring out if their right for you or not, heck even being longterm gf and bf doesnt give you a guaranteed pass these days to "happily ever after" so just be mature about it, and dont demonise the guy because he got cold feet or isnt into you as you thought he was - were human and were allowed to have our doubts.
 RoughAsGuts
Joined: 7/27/2008
Msg: 27 (view)
 
dirty 30's???
Posted: 8/11/2008 10:26:42 AM
The time to party starts now!! In my 20s I was a party animal too but kept it local. Never had the cash to catch a plane to say tokyo with my buddies for a week and party hard. Now that my mates are also well established in their businesses if we decide to go overseas for the fortnight, then so be it. Also helps to still be single at 30 and have likeminded friends while living out your dreams.
 RoughAsGuts
Joined: 7/27/2008
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Not married by 30, will it happen, ever?
Posted: 8/11/2008 10:09:31 AM
Yeh maybe so what?

Some people worry about getting a parking ticket in the city some worry if there will be lots of traffic in the mornings on their way to work, Or whether they should bring beer or sodas to that BBQ they been eagerly awaiting. I put worrying about getting married in the same league. :P
 RoughAsGuts
Joined: 7/27/2008
Msg: 54 (view)
 
What changed after 30?
Posted: 8/11/2008 10:01:04 AM
Alot of you guys seem to feel coming of age at 30 means feeling more liberating and being able to speak your minds :P i can happily admit that I been that way since i can remember. Never saw the point to being pretentious anyways - you know wanting one thing but behaving as expected to. Ive always been a free spirit.

So all thats changed for me is finding it harder to mingle with teenagers cuz im always young at heart. Cuz when those years pile on, seems your body and looks begin to betray who you are deep inside - in my case an exuberant teenage guy in his prime.
 RoughAsGuts
Joined: 7/27/2008
Msg: 1888 (view)
 
Has anyone been brave enough to meet someone with no pic at all?
Posted: 8/11/2008 9:38:47 AM
Yeh me because I have been told I got the looks that could frighten small children, still wondering if thats a compliment or not, because I am quite the disciplinarian.
 
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