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 Author Thread: Did you expect to be single this late in life?
 uturn1
Joined: 8/1/2008
Msg: 43 (view)
 
Did you expect to be single this late in life?
Posted: 10/31/2009 9:07:27 PM
I never expected to be 40 and single. I divorced at 33 after a 14 yr relationship, 9 of it I was married to the girl. From that, I have two wonderful and beautiful kids. I've had more than my share of dates or even short relationships...since...that I can't complain about. I'm a very outgoing person and I don't seem to ever be short of a date if needed.

HOWEVER...One thing I think many people struggle with is knowing who and what they are. Most people can not look into the mirror and actually see who they are...they refuse to accept they are different than what they want to be. It takes a strong person to accept what they see and actually put into motion the things they need to do to change and be that person they want to be.

This is why I think so many people end up dating the "same type of person" over and over. I know from experience that a woman would tell me that they are this or that and they are looking for this or that, but they're actions don't reflect that.

Me personally, I'm waiting for that certain something to hit me with a girl. I've had it happen to me twice. That type of something that when people ask you what it is, you can't explain it. Its the way she walks, talks or flicks her hair...who knows. That something that hits you like a truck and leaves that empty feeling inside when she's gone. That feeling of having your heart hit the floor every time she walks into the room. That's it for me. I've been fortunate to find that with to women in my life, but for one reason or another, there were barriers that kept us apart...but it hasn't kept me from continuing my search. I know she's out there...

Some day, I'll find her. Some day, you'll find yours.
 uturn1
Joined: 8/1/2008
Msg: 4 (view)
 
lonley
Posted: 10/31/2009 8:29:50 PM
No worries...

I've been single now for 7 yrs. Can't find anyone to save my life. Its all good though, its given me the opportunity to really figure out who I am and I'm good, I'm happy. I've found a place in my life where I am comfortable with who, what and where I am. Anything that would come along now...it'd just be gravy.

Don't push it. It will come to you when the time is right.
 UTURN1
Joined: 8/1/2008
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Welcome back to the broken hearts club... =(
Posted: 1/12/2009 5:56:19 PM

Someone help me PLEASE!!!


I understand where you are coming from. I had a similar relationship about 2 yrs ago with a girl that I had a HS crush on. We hadn't seen each other in probably 15 yrs. Anyway, as fate would have it, we meet up and it was an amazing connection. We spent the better part of the next 8 months at each other's side, talking about love and all that fun stuff. Then, all of a sudden, she called me and broke up with me on the phone...no reason, no explanations, no anything. She wouldn't return my calls, she wouldn't return my e-mail, texts or anything. I find out a month later, she's off getting married to some A-hole she works with. Anyways, 2 yrs later, she's got a kid and single again...and guess who's she is calling. That's right...me. But that's is so over for me...she burned that bridge.

Not that you wanted to hear my story, but I understand being blind-sided. It hurts, and I think what hurts more is not being able to wrap your mind around something and understand why. That's all I ever wanted to do...just understand. Gain some type of closure. I beat myself up over it for months wondering what if I had done this or that or that maybe I had some type of personality flaw.

Point is, it takes time. You open your heart to someone and you run the risk of getting hurt. But, you have to let people in if you ever expect to find "true love". Problem with that is, you meet people sometimes that don't take that into consideration.
 UTURN1
Joined: 8/1/2008
Msg: 3 (view)
 
ok I'm confused
Posted: 1/12/2009 5:36:51 PM
Walk away bro. A lot of women will completely cut off communication with you as their way of ending or not beginning something with you. Its cowardly, but it happens. This is why communication is so big with me. If you can't be an adult about wanting to date, you shouldn't be here. JMHO. If you're here for something else, they have web sites for that.
 UTURN1
Joined: 8/1/2008
Msg: 17 (view)
 
Lossing interest ... quick.
Posted: 1/12/2009 5:13:06 PM
Problem is, most people wont give you the time of day. How can you meet people on here if you have the door shut in your face before they know anything about you. Fact is, you are judged on your pictures, less on what makes you who you are...we're all guilty of it.
 UTURN1
Joined: 8/1/2008
Msg: 23 (view)
 
Is Lack Of Religion A Good Reason To Turn Me Down?
Posted: 10/7/2008 8:04:49 AM
Religion is a touchy subject. I've had many women tell me they can't date me because my lack of religion. But, to be honest, that isn't it at all. The way I look at is this...if someone is willing to put something (no matter what it is) before myself and her family...I can't date them.

I have my own beliefs about religion and am more than willing to listen and discuss anything...I remain open. That being said, I've read the Bible and studied religion and its history. But, just because my views are different, doesn't mean they're wrong...and neither are you. My point is, any time you put restrictions or requirements or limitations on a relationship...IT WILL FAIL.

Move on my friend.
 UTURN1
Joined: 8/1/2008
Msg: 14 (view)
 
walls how do u bring them down?>?
Posted: 10/7/2008 7:54:46 AM
Sounds like you have a case of terminal disappointment. I grew up in a disfunctional family...my mom going through two divorces before I graduated HS and my father was an absentee father. So, growing up, I never really knew or understood what a functioning loving family was. I grew up thinking that when I got married and had kids that I would over compensate for everything I didn't have growing up. I would be the father and have the family I never had...and I did. I ended up giving to much and lost myself. It took me a long time to figure that out. I was always the doormat for women and even my wife. I gave her everything and more. I changed myself to fit her needs and in the end, I was angry because I did it...I just didn't know why. After a lot of soul searching I finally just came to the conclusion that I wasn't happy. I was always doing for everyone else and nothing for me. I was searching for acceptence from other people by giving everything I had. I let people take advantage of me. There was a moment in my life where it all hit me. I looked in the mirror and was completely honest withmyself about who and what I am. It hit me like a ton of bricks.

I probably didn't need to go into all that, but my point is...you have to be completely honest with yourself, figure out what YOU want and concentrate on that. Fix the things in your life that you want to change...its hard...but you can do it. I'm still single, but I'm as happy as I've ever been. I wont lie...I get lonely at times. The holidays can be hard, but overall...I've never been happier. Love will find me eventually...as it will you. But until then, you have to find your own happiness first.

:o)
 UTURN1
Joined: 8/1/2008
Msg: 23 (view)
 
Met this guy on POF - Tell me if I'm right....
Posted: 10/5/2008 1:02:01 AM
Can't get past the fact this guy brought his kid on your first meeting. I would never do that. I guess I just don't think it's right to have this "revolving door" in my life for women to come in and out of it. My kids shouldn't be subjected to that.

Anyways...I don't blame you. I can't stand it when people are late...I'm not late. I make a point to be where I say I'm going to be when i say I'm going to be there. How hard is that? As far as the money thing...I have to admit...I've done that. Not on purpose, but just one of those things where I just wasn't completely prepared for the evening.

The cell phone thing...unless it was an absolute emergency (which I would be kind enough to tell the person), that would be completely unacceptable.
 UTURN1
Joined: 8/1/2008
Msg: 39 (view)
 
Do you think it's harder to find a mate when you have kids?
Posted: 10/5/2008 12:46:33 AM
Absolutely. I know a lot of people that have limits on the number of kids someone has. Buddy of mine is single and he wont even talk to a woman with 4 kids...he doesn't care how attractive they are...he just wont do it. For me, 3 is pushing it. Reason being...Well, I already have 2 kids and to be honest, me having two and someone else having two is a lot. I love kids and all, but I'm not so sure I wanna be the next Brady Bunch. I think it would be easy to lose sight of the relationship, if there are to many kids involved. It becomes all about the kids and not about the relationship any more. Honestly, that's what I think kills some relationship. People don't take care of the relationship that got them to where they are.
 UTURN1
Joined: 8/1/2008
Msg: 34 (view)
 
stricter requirements for mate as you get older?
Posted: 8/17/2008 5:43:37 PM

Perhaps is not that you have "stricter requirements" as you get older, I think that as you mature and grow into your own skin you become self assured and assertive, you come to terms with who you are and who you are not, and as you age, each year, month, week, day becomes more valuable and you are less likely to waste your precious time chasing after the wrong guy/gal. You also realize that as an individual you cannot change another individual, you take or leave people as they are good, bad or indifferent. In short as you age, you tend to be less and less tolerant of stupidity and immaterial attitudes.


BINGO!
 UTURN1
Joined: 8/1/2008
Msg: 433 (view)
 
Introduce Yourself Here.
Posted: 8/13/2008 9:24:37 AM
Sup everyone...

I'm a 39 yr old business owner living in Grove City, OH...bout 10 minutes south of Columbus. I'm looking to make new friends (guys and gals), maybe attend some singles functions here and there, find some new interests. I'm a huge Buckeye fan, love baseball, traveling, working out, I have two 11yr kids (twins) that live with their mom, and I love everything to do with real estate.

Hit me up if you wanna chat!

Brian
 UTURN1
Joined: 8/1/2008
Msg: 16 (view)
 
Overweight kids in tow
Posted: 8/13/2008 9:10:50 AM
It wouldn't affect my decision to date them, but then again, I wouldn't be affraid to bring it up either. There could be a number of reasons that a child could be over weight. Could be medical, could be mental (break up of a marriage...etc.), could be bad eating habits...ya never know. However, I don't necessarily see it as a poor reflection on the parent unless I understand the circumstances behind the child.
 UTURN1
Joined: 8/1/2008
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Children - the double standard
Posted: 8/13/2008 9:05:37 AM
I have dated a few women that have kids and the amazing thing is that in almost every case, they expect me to accept their children, but they are unwilling to do the same in return. I have no problem giving space and time for women to spend time with their kids...I think that is fantastic. However, it doesn't seem to be a two way street...at least not with the women I've dated. The complications of having children are that there are times when I have to/want to spend time with my kids and they with me. That may sometimes include that person and sometimes not. I don't understand why this is something that the women I've dated can not understand. I realize they want to be #1, feel special and all, but sometimes they can't be.
 UTURN1
Joined: 8/1/2008
Msg: 65 (view)
 
on t-shirts
Posted: 8/12/2008 7:07:03 PM
Went to the biggest white trash event in Ohio...the Ohio State Fair. Was walking with my kids to go over and see the butter house when a guy standing in front of us had a t-shirt on that said, "Silly Faggots,**** are for Chicks"

Of course, this spawned a ton of questions from my 11yr old kids...explain that one.
 UTURN1
Joined: 8/1/2008
Msg: 28 (view)
 
Funny pick up lines
Posted: 8/12/2008 6:58:28 PM
Wanna go halves on a kid?
 UTURN1
Joined: 8/1/2008
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Need some input...
Posted: 8/12/2008 6:19:18 PM
Good point Angel...

I'll try to incorporate that somehow. That can be difficult though...its always easier to list what you don't like or want...that's the negative side, but I find it much harder to list qualities in people that I do want...that are above and beyond the obvious.
 UTURN1
Joined: 8/1/2008
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Need some input...
Posted: 8/12/2008 6:16:34 PM
Thanks...didn't even realize it was set on "activity partner".
 UTURN1
Joined: 8/1/2008
Msg: 12 (view)
 
Women won't email me for good reason
Posted: 8/12/2008 6:13:36 PM
Dude...I totally get you. I understand where you are coming from...your honesty can and will turn some people off, but others, it will be refreshing...so you'll be hit or miss there.

That being said...

Your criteria seems a bit brass. I understand your criteria, but it seems there would be a softer way to express it...less rigid and/or "conform or else" type feeling to it.

Not sure if that helps or not. JMHO
 UTURN1
Joined: 8/1/2008
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Review my profile
Posted: 8/12/2008 6:04:06 PM
Not sure I'm the best at this...but

This statement, "I am not jaded about finding true love, I am just not looking." is one that I CAN NOT STAND. Most men would probably agree. If you're not looking, then why are you here...it's a contradiction. The other reason I believe women write that is that they lack in confidence.

Although, what you wrote isn't bad, it lacks your personality though. From my perspective, I always want to get an idea as to what makes you who you are. What are your interests? Try to let out some of your personality in your writing. Don't get to wordy though...guys like me with ADD will lose interest quickly...lol.

I always look at a woman's profile and wonder...could I be friends with this person. What interests does she have that I have or would be interested in doing?

I dunno...hope that helps.
 UTURN1
Joined: 8/1/2008
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Need some input...
Posted: 8/12/2008 5:33:30 PM
I'm getting zero action I tell ya!

Not sure what it is, I HATE my pictures with a passion...which is why I only posted one. Fact is...I'm just not photographic...I'm photo-intolerent.

Anywho...take a look-see and give me some feed back.

Thanks.
 UTURN1
Joined: 8/1/2008
Msg: 39 (view)
 
Why do people say i work long hours so.....
Posted: 8/12/2008 4:52:04 PM
I have posted that in the past, but it's because it's true. "I work long hours", but it isn't because I have to, but because I want to. I do have time to date, but would rather work on getting stuff done in my business than to waste my time away sitting in front of a tv watching some mindless reality show. So...in the end...I'm either working or at the gym. There are a lot of people that like to keep busy and work is one of the things they choose to do versus going out to bars, drinking and getting stupid.

JMHO
 
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