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 Author Thread: No Affection
 thesilverdevil97
Joined: 8/8/2008
Msg: 50 (view)
 
No Affection
Posted: 8/16/2012 4:11:35 PM
Get out now. My ex was lie that and the longer you stay the more it will turn into a feeling of rejection and then resentment. Break it off now.
 thesilverdevil97
Joined: 8/8/2008
Msg: 57 (view)
 
i am confused by men!
Posted: 5/3/2012 4:56:07 PM
I think it is always bad news to date people you have known for a long time or dated before. There is a reason you didn't pick them in the first place, or maybe in your case, they didn't pick you.

And I say this from so many of my friends saying "I have known them for X years", as if being in a comfort zone makes it okay. I know movies and books always try to make it look like the one you love has been there all along, but I have never seen that be true in real life.
 thesilverdevil97
Joined: 8/8/2008
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Too busy to date?
Posted: 4/4/2012 6:13:02 PM
She was completely rude and no that is NOT right. I can't believe she invited "friends". Anyone who acts this way is not serious. She was an immature girl who has probably watched too much reality TV.

Someone who is serious will show up on time, be well groomed, be polite and try to get to know you. Listen more than talk. Ask questions about you and your interests.

Even better, she will leave after the date is over if she is a real lady with respect for herself. She may contact you to tell you she enjoyed herself and will probably hope you contact her. Repeat for at least 4 -5 dates, while you are getting to know each other.

Then maybe, you may suggest more than just dinner or other activity in a not so public place. If you get that far not only should you count yourself lucky, but you better be ready to live up to what that sort of lady expects.
 thesilverdevil97
Joined: 8/8/2008
Msg: 23 (view)
 
Can I be too selective?
Posted: 2/29/2012 7:02:36 PM
You need a full turn of the seasons to get to know yourself out of a relationship and heal. There is no way around this, without this, you will not have a good chance in your next relationship. Practice dating if you want, IE, meet people so you can learn what you like and don't like, but don't take anything serious.
 thesilverdevil97
Joined: 8/8/2008
Msg: 45 (view)
 
Meeting For First Date (With One HUGE Concern)
Posted: 2/29/2012 6:57:27 PM
I have said it before in and I am going to say it again, do not date a girl if she hasn't been single for a YEAR. It will take it that long for her to be ready for the next relationship.
 thesilverdevil97
Joined: 8/8/2008
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Dating someone who works GRAVEYARD shift
Posted: 1/28/2012 7:46:52 PM
She has ambition, she is trying to work into a managerial position and here you are thinking about when you can get it on with her. A woman who thinks about the future and works for something better is worth a lot of trouble with mundane things, like schedules. Take a better look at what makes you pick someone out of the crowd instead of things like when you can schedule in a “coffee break”.
 thesilverdevil97
Joined: 8/8/2008
Msg: 8 (view)
 
what should i do
Posted: 1/28/2012 7:42:15 PM
Leave her alone, she doesn't want to hear from you, she told you so. Who knows why. If you don't hear from her in a week or two, move on.
 thesilverdevil97
Joined: 8/8/2008
Msg: 40 (view)
 
Two people claim my boyfriend wants to dump me
Posted: 12/24/2011 6:21:08 PM
I have said this to my daughter and to any friend who had a reason to hear it. If I sound like a bigot or a racist then so be it. Truth does not bend to what you wish is the utopic world you wish you lived in.

Relationships are difficult to navigate under the best circumstances. It is best to pick someone who has qualities most in line with your own. Among these should be looked at are:

Culture
Race
Social class
Economic status
Religion
Education

There are even more subtle things, but if you can match your potential mate in the above categories you will have a better chance of success in your relationships. The differences in the above categories between partners will cause friction beyond the normal friction caused by a relationship.

You answer is evident with your different backgrounds. Even if you were deeply in love with one another the cultural differences will or could tear you apart.

I am not saying people from different backgrounds can't make things work. I am just saying that if the difference in background is even a question, you have your answer before you even asked it.

Get out and let him go.
 thesilverdevil97
Joined: 8/8/2008
Msg: 14 (view)
 
Beliefs (Abortion and/or Gun Rights)
Posted: 11/12/2011 6:31:41 PM
For those two issues it would be a deal breaker for me. In general it is a deal breaker for me. I spent too many years in a relationship with someone whose beliefs were different from mine and that made him seem delusional after a few too many debates.
 thesilverdevil97
Joined: 8/8/2008
Msg: 950 (view)
 
Does having sex when you meet for the first time ruin a chance for a real relationship?
Posted: 10/30/2011 4:12:49 PM
Yes it does. No rationalizing, it does.
 thesilverdevil97
Joined: 8/8/2008
Msg: 43 (view)
 
Has anyone else noticed?
Posted: 10/30/2011 4:11:28 PM
I met my husband on here. It is up to you to learn how to meet people and seperate the throw backs from the keepers.
 thesilverdevil97
Joined: 8/8/2008
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Bed Jumpers over Girls with Morals
Posted: 9/1/2011 4:38:36 PM
Yes they are willing to wait. You continue doing what you are doing. You are one person on here I have seen asking a question about something she is doing right. The dirt bags that didn't wait, well that was all they wanted from you.
 thesilverdevil97
Joined: 8/8/2008
Msg: 25 (view)
 
Gay man who only falls in love with straight men
Posted: 9/1/2011 4:28:39 PM
Maybe it is the way some gay men behave, especially if they are in the “scene”.

I am taking that from a male gay friend I have who does not hide being gay, and your “gaydar” will go off when you seem him, but dislikes the “scene” and the behavior of same. In fact, his favorite quote is, “I may be gay but I hate the rainbow”. I think he even has a bumper sticker of that saying. And no he is not “conservative”.

In my opinion, and I am sure I will get no argument here from the majority, being gay is how you are born, it isn't a choice. You are attracted to the same sex. However, the lifestyle and culture that surrounds a lot of gay people is a sub-culture which all gay people are not going to “be born liking”. So if you are looking for mates withing that sub-culture, it may be the culture itself that is a turn off.

Or it could be what everyone else said, you are afraid to go for something that could result in something, like a relationship so on and so forth.

I would at least as myself the question, “Is it the gay men I know that I don't like, or is it the lifestyle/sub-culture that predominates their life that I don't like?”

I may be way off on saying that. I am assuming a lot about your gay friends. If the gay men you are friends with are not into the scene/lifestyle/sub-culture I am referring to, then it may be that you are afraid to pursue something that is real and can result in rejection, ect.....
 thesilverdevil97
Joined: 8/8/2008
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Can Chemistry and Attraction come as a relationship developes?
Posted: 8/31/2011 4:44:08 PM
That “chemistry” you feel is your brain's instinctual release of serotonin, nerepinephrine and dopamine when you see a guy your body thinks will be good to mate with. It is no way to pick a partner, unless you want a one night stand or have a baby alone. Those chemicals your brain releases naturally are more addictive than heroin and are released by anything that you associated with the person who triggered them. Basically it makes you a drug addict without knowing the source of your addiction and why stalking is illegal.

The best plan is to keep your distance from any potential partner until you have had enough dates to decide if you want to allow your body to have those chemicals going on in your brain, whether it is in real life or if you met them on the net and dated them. I think a lot of people will say that is easier said than done, but a good dose of skepticism when you get that knee jerk reaction that someone is attractive does work when practiced.

Everyone wants that feeling of falling in love and being in love, it is wonderful. But practice your reservation on letting those feelings flow and keep them in check for someone worthy of them. It does takes practice. Heaven only knows how many times I opened that door into my face before I figured that out, but you can master it and you can do it.

Ergo, once you are practiced in not getting led around by your brain chemicals, chemistry on a first date should not be what is on you mind, it should be, first, is this person good for me. Once that question is answered in the positive, yes, chemistry can come after you realize you have something that could be real with that person.
 thesilverdevil97
Joined: 8/8/2008
Msg: 11 (view)
 
First Meet: Will I be seeing him again?
Posted: 8/28/2011 10:23:54 AM
Try getting off drugs before you continue to date. That is no way to live your life or find a partner. You are just asking for disappointment.
 thesilverdevil97
Joined: 8/8/2008
Msg: 8 (view)
 
My very first POF experience
Posted: 8/10/2011 5:18:13 PM
You can always excuse yourself to go to the bathroom and hit the back exit. I did that once after a date started a story with “When I got out of prison........”

In certain extreme circumstances, no explanation is needed.
 thesilverdevil97
Joined: 8/8/2008
Msg: 16 (view)
 
Very Interested but the guy is taking it way too slow
Posted: 8/10/2011 5:16:20 PM
I agree with the others. Email him a phone number from a pre-paid cell phone and tell him you are done emailing and awaiting his call. If he doesn't call move on. Or send him an email that you will be at this Starbucks at this time to meet or he can suggest an alternative, but that is the end of the emailing. I think too much pre-short meeting email banter gets you too emotionally invested in something that is most likely not real.

A lot people believe it is good to do a lot of emailing to get to know the person, but I think it can get you too emotionally invested without any real person to attach it to. I believe in the quick meet and greet. Just 30 minutes and a coffee. If they aren't willing to do that then they are, whether they know it or not, leading you into being invested in them before you meet them. Being in that position is detrimental to healthy dating experiences.
 thesilverdevil97
Joined: 8/8/2008
Msg: 24 (view)
 
How much temptation can one handle before breaking?
Posted: 8/10/2011 5:05:50 PM
The amount of men I have had sex with can be counted on one hand and I am nearing 40.

I don't experience temptation because I don't enter into a relationship unless I think they are “the one” I am suppose to be with. So everyone else seems inferior.

I am on my third relationship. I believe this is the one that I will be in the rest of my life. However, in the past, in breaking up I went through several stages which disengaged me from my partner. They had to do with realizing many different things about the person I was with, however at no time during that process was I ever tempted away from them. I was too busy going through stages of grief at losing someone I loved deeply. After both break ups, it was a long time before I could trust again enough to think about dating.

People who are tempted are easily distracted by flashy images of who they think this new person is and flattery to their ego. They are willing to be used through cheap talk and a false boost to their self esteem. They don't rationalize their life, their relationship or what everything in their life means.

Does this mean you will never “look”. Of course not. But men are visual so they are more vulnerable to “looking”. But to betray the one you are with, even emotionally shows a complete lack of believing that the one you are with is the one or it is the direct result of “settling” and just waiting to “trade up”.

So if you are “tempted” into “breaking”, in more than just looking and maybe a short fantasy, then you are in the category of you have “settled” or are just with someone until you can “trade up”. If you find yourself there, do yourself a huge favor, break up and move on.
 thesilverdevil97
Joined: 8/8/2008
Msg: 19 (view)
 
Tongue ring?
Posted: 8/10/2011 3:42:09 PM
It depends on how you conduct yourself. How quickly you jump in the sack, ect. You will have to date with extra caution and dignity.

However, be forewarned there are a ton of books for men on dating they tell them, that if they want an easy girl, pick a risk taker. Risk takers are girls with tattoos, who smoke, who get drunk, who have piercings, who dress provocatively etc.

Not saying it is how it should be, but that is reality. These books wouldn't suggest it if it didn't work out. And I personally know men who use these factors to pick women to take home easily, and they do so successfully.

And as I have said multiple times, if men think you are easy, they will not want you as a long term partner. They will fear you cheating on them.
 thesilverdevil97
Joined: 8/8/2008
Msg: 22 (view)
 
Sex on the first date?
Posted: 8/10/2011 3:36:34 PM
In my philosophy, which isn't for everyone, you should never have sex on the first date.

But also in my philosophy, you should have no emotional investment at a first date, so there should be nothing to be tested....

Emotional investment by you should be earned over the course of 4 – 6 dates as a general rule and over a 3 -4 month period.

But I am cautious.

I did have sex on a first date once, just to see what would happen. I actually did it on purpose with someone I really felt something for. Yes, I had all the things you see on the forums happen. No phone call, no nothing, the weird feelings, until he wanted to have sex again. It was a genuine anecdotal experiment that reinforced my beliefs.

Men's number one fear, per numerous social science studies, is choosing a woman that will cheat on them. If you will have sex on a first date..... Well, what do you think they are going to think?
 thesilverdevil97
Joined: 8/8/2008
Msg: 16 (view)
 
When should you tell them you haven't had a relationship
Posted: 8/10/2011 3:25:23 PM
The only real mistake you can make is that you have been “self satisfying” up until now, and that can be a problem. I dated someone once in your type of situation. I broke it off because he was use to self satisfying and it was more convenient for him than having sex with me and as a result our sex life suffered.

I don't think you are going to have problems with the inexperienced part, which you should reveal slowly, when asked, in the flow of natural conversation over time. Heck, women will like it that there was no one before them that you may be comparing them to. You are a fresh slate without baggage, a rare gem.

But once you get past the part of getting into a serious dating scenario, don't screw up the sex and intimacy part. My ex was always so contended with taking care of his own needs he never attended to mine and we never really became intimate partners. We had sex, but it was sparse. He wasn't emotionally committed to it because he had other tried and true habits and thus we never bonded.

Here is a situation where no masturbation after you have made it to the third or fourth date might help until you are more bonded with your partner.

Other than that possible problem, I think you have nothing to worry about.
 thesilverdevil97
Joined: 8/8/2008
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Trying to forget the past. Coincidences...
Posted: 8/3/2011 3:34:38 PM
I dream about my ex-husband often. It means nothing. Get over it. Move on. The only reason he contacted you at all while having a dating profile was to use you for sex. I hope you deserve better, maybe not, but you need to answer that question yourself and follow through with your choice.
 thesilverdevil97
Joined: 8/8/2008
Msg: 101 (view)
 
opinions please - is my friend bisexual?
Posted: 8/2/2011 4:37:22 PM
Yes, he is bi and likes you!
 thesilverdevil97
Joined: 8/8/2008
Msg: 17 (view)
 
Serious inputs only
Posted: 8/2/2011 4:32:51 PM
I dated a guy once that had divorced his wife a few months before we met (hence you see my no dating for a year after their divorce advice). I later found out it was because they had three daughters and he wanted a son. He had wanted to continue to try with her, but she said no. It was over for me at that moment, but I asked him, “How much does it cost to raise a child.”. He laughed and answered “Thousands and thousands of dollars.”

I told him to go back to his ex-wife if she was willing to pump out one more and make an appointment with a doctor in Sarasota, Florida, which I gave him the number for and advised him that they would separate his male sperm from the female sperm. The cost, $2,500.00, lots cheaper than each subsequent “unwanted” daughter he would get.

They got back together, and now have a son.

They can split an ovum now and make a baby, meaning they can use your girlfriends eggs to make a baby for her without another man's sperm, if you think your ego may be bruised by the whole sperm donation thing. Look around for some hi-tech options and stop whining. There is a lot out there that you can do. Heck, she can request that the baby has certain traits now.

Now this may not be available everywhere, but we have it here in Flo-duh. I can't imagine they don't have it in the major cities of all states.
 thesilverdevil97
Joined: 8/8/2008
Msg: 13 (view)
 
Not a parent so I need YOUR opinions!
Posted: 7/30/2011 6:24:24 PM
Have you considered calling your state's department in place for children's safety?

Seriously, you should consider it.
 thesilverdevil97
Joined: 8/8/2008
Msg: 13 (view)
 
How do you pick differently - you like who you like
Posted: 7/30/2011 5:45:55 PM
Figure out what you really want.

My first husband was very intelligent and was very masculine, which is what attracted me to him. But he was also abusive.

My second LTR, I decided that I was going to pick someone that would not be able to abuse me. Not as smart as me and not masculine. Totally went down the crapper. I wasn't attracted.

Third time around I picked someone very intelligent and very masculine who is also very affectionate and loving.

What I needed was someone who had the traits I wanted without the ones I didn't. That is how you adjust it, that “picker thing” they refer to. You to have narrow down the good qualities you want and the bad ones you don't want.

Some of those options should have hard limits, like he has to be intelligent, or he can't be abusive. Some of them should be more flexible in light of others, like he should be taller than me, he can't have children. Some of them should be optional, like he should drive a nice car, he can't be freaked out by clowns.

You just really need to think through what you like in a man and what you don't, and don't fall all over the guys that just meet some of the things you want. Examine both sides before you invest emotionally.

FYI, these things should not be listed on your profile. Your profile should be about you, not what you want in a man.
 thesilverdevil97
Joined: 8/8/2008
Msg: 20 (view)
 
Platonic relationship?
Posted: 7/30/2011 5:32:43 PM
I would rather scoop my eyes out with a melon baller than stay in a relationship like that. Please, for your own good, walk away.
 thesilverdevil97
Joined: 8/8/2008
Msg: 94 (view)
 
Single Women, no kids at home, and dogs..........
Posted: 7/29/2011 1:59:54 PM
What they said.

But did you ever stop to think that maybe these women have dogs for protection? Not that Fido will save them from someone who breaks in, but they will give enough advance notice that the woman can get out.

Or in my case, my home was burglarized more than a dozen times in a short period of time. I was terrified that they would break in while I was there, even though it was either bums or kids because all they ever took was liquor, food, cigarettes and money laying around.

Now I have a black and silver German Shepard that weighs 120 pounds. Haven't been broken into since.
 thesilverdevil97
Joined: 8/8/2008
Msg: 11 (view)
 
Have you ever walked out on your friends?
Posted: 7/29/2011 1:55:34 PM
I am extremely loyal. It use to cause me to allow people to have me as their friend when they were not mine.

I no longer speak them. I still love them, but I don't allow contact.

That being said I do have a few people who are my friends. Not everyone is like the people you knew, there are some great people out there.
 thesilverdevil97
Joined: 8/8/2008
Msg: 8 (view)
 
why men won't date women on SSD for depression
Posted: 7/28/2011 6:27:46 PM
I don't think SSD should be available to anyone who can actually wipe their own butt. I think that money should be given to people who can't feed themselves, and I do know some of those people who do deserve it. They seriously can't even wipe their own butt, or feed themselves ect...

Why? So the amount that can be contributed to those that are that vulnerable in our society can get a decent amount to be cared for. Not the bare minimum that is offered up to anyone who gets SSD.

Sorry to be so harsh, but I work in the legal field and see people getting SSD just because they can when really it does nothing but further push them into a hole of being nonproductive. It is an insult to them and everything the could do. It is too tempting of a thing to not take, so it is taken and thus follows even more bad things. The lack of activity deepens depression, physical problems and everything else people get SSD for, except for the whole, “I am paraplegic” thing.

I myself could get it if I wanted it, I have disc herniations pushing on my spinal cord that make walking or standing for more than 10 minutes at a time very debilitating. But I would never degrade myself to do so while I can still physically move and make a living. And I do make a living. I do legal consulting and I own an IT firm, and I do it all with being unable to stand or walk for long periods of time.

So yeah, you are going to have a stigma attached to that. Forget any conservative men, they are not going to like it.

There is nothing you can do to get away from it, besides lying. If I were you I would re-evaluate my life and figure out what you want to do with it. Your smile in your photos looks so forced. You have issues you need to work out before you are going to be able to attract someone worth having.
 thesilverdevil97
Joined: 8/8/2008
Msg: 41 (view)
 
Weight. When am I being too shallow?
Posted: 7/28/2011 5:09:23 PM
I read all the posts on this one, because it was interesting to me and I had to think about it.

There was a lot about yes you are shallow, no you aren't shallow and here is how you should “deal with the situation”.

What strikes me is that someone gaining 20 or 30 or even 50 pounds is a deal breaker. My first thought, is just exactly what made you pick that person in the first place? Exactly what qualities about the person attracted you?

Now, there are a lot of people who are highly active. They work out at the gym, they take 50 mile bike rides, they kayak on the weekends. Rock climb when they can, jog 30 miles a week. And they want someone who can keep up. But you know those people when you see them. Then have those nice flat hard developed muscles and every single time you have gone on a date with them and all the time you have spent with them, you have been doing the above referenced things. So if you are very active I find it hard to believe you would not recognize someone else who is also very active for a lifestyle.

But if you aren't one of those people that have; being able to keep up with my very active lifestyle at the top of your must haves list..... then what exactly is at the top of your list of picking people?

I am not going to say physical attraction isn't important, it is. But the problem is if you are using only physical attraction and maybe one or two other things to pick people, you are never going to find someone you can be with long term.

Unless you, yourself are an extremely active person, who spends most of their free time in active sports like activity, I would make sure you are using something other than physical qualifications for your main guiding light. If you do that then them gaining weight will not matter beyond your true concern for their health.

Figure out what would attract you to a person no matter what they looked like. That way, the next time this happens, you won't be in the same position, because they will still be attractive. If getting fat really is a deal breaker for you, you aren't looking deep enough into the other qualities of your potential mates. Things are going to change, people will change. People will get fatter or thinner, they will get older and in really long term relationships they will get sick, and even worse. There are some things that change that shouldn't be too important. You need to pick on things that don't change. Loyalty, ambition, self-respect, determination, intelligence, humor, so and so forth.....
 thesilverdevil97
Joined: 8/8/2008
Msg: 19 (view)
 
always get cheated on? or always decieved?
Posted: 7/27/2011 3:10:26 PM
Duh, look at your photos. What kind of women are you attracting with them? Ones that are easily distracted by shiney things.

Tatoos are fine, but when you use them to meet women, you are meeting a certain kind of woman.
 thesilverdevil97
Joined: 8/8/2008
Msg: 21 (view)
 
where is my match
Posted: 7/25/2011 5:09:01 PM
It takes time. Lots and lots of time. Besides, what they said about the SCA. Join it. Have fun. If you look like you are having fun and are a fun guy you might attract someone.
 thesilverdevil97
Joined: 8/8/2008
Msg: 40 (view)
 
Picky about teeth
Posted: 7/23/2011 1:20:35 PM
Teeth are important to me. Honestly, they would have not got past the coffee meet with me.

Too many of you worrying about missing that “one good person” because you cut them loose based on something you don't like or think is a deal breaker, whether physical or not.

News flash, there are 6 billion people on the planet, there is more than “one good person”.

Passing on dating people because there is something there you don't like is your gut telling you move on, don't ignore it. It may just be a turn off that their teeth aren't white consciously, but subconsciously you may get it that if he can't take care of his teeth, what else doesn't/can't or won't he take care of?
 thesilverdevil97
Joined: 8/8/2008
Msg: 14 (view)
 
HWP
Posted: 7/23/2011 1:12:06 PM
It means he is not attracted to obese women.
 thesilverdevil97
Joined: 8/8/2008
Msg: 15 (view)
 
How should I answer this
Posted: 7/23/2011 12:20:43 PM
“I was in a band once, when I was a kid, then I grew up!” Then laugh. Then leave it at that.

You're making something complicated that isn't.
 thesilverdevil97
Joined: 8/8/2008
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Ladies, help me calm down
Posted: 7/23/2011 12:04:00 PM
Cool down or you are going to end up negotiating yourself into a relationship where you are not equals. That isn't saying anything bad about her, it is just a natural occurrence when one partner shows they want the relationship more than the other one does.
 thesilverdevil97
Joined: 8/8/2008
Msg: 17 (view)
 
low self confidence because I have bad IBS
Posted: 7/23/2011 11:55:52 AM
I had issues as well when I was on a certain kind of birth control. I totally feel for you. I honestly dealt with it by not eating for the entire day before the date. If nothing goes in there isn't much to come back out.

I still have residual problems from the damage done to me by the birth control, so to this day, if I have some place to go where running to the bathroom every few minutes is not an option, I still eat very little leading up to the event and very little while there.
 thesilverdevil97
Joined: 8/8/2008
Msg: 18 (view)
 
Messaged by an Ex...why?
Posted: 7/23/2011 11:49:47 AM
Never talk to this girl again. Delete the message and go find a woman who has enough sense in her head to realize exs are exs for a darn good reason.
 thesilverdevil97
Joined: 8/8/2008
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Maybe some help or advice?
Posted: 7/23/2011 11:45:55 AM
You are choice B, C or maybe even D. Do you really want to be that? Relationships that begin that way never work out. He will always be waiting around for choice A, which may not even be this girl, just the type of girl that is choice A for him.

Your mistake was starting to talk to him again. Cut him off and move on before you end up wasting more time with this guy who doesn't consider you A material.
 thesilverdevil97
Joined: 8/8/2008
Msg: 16 (view)
 
Red flag? or overreacting?
Posted: 7/23/2011 11:41:56 AM
Absolutely move on to the next one.

I have recommended this dozens of times and will recommend it again now. If they haven't been out of their last relationship for at least a year, move on.
 thesilverdevil97
Joined: 8/8/2008
Msg: 17 (view)
 
At what point do I just step back and take a break?
Posted: 7/23/2011 11:34:09 AM
If you feel burned out then you are taking it too seriously and trying to hard. When I was dating, I would log on once or twice a week. I would have lots of messages. I simply scrolled through them to see if I thought any of the guys where attractive to me, from the little picture next to their message. If they did, I would take a look at their profile.

Right there I weeded out a lot of them. I had a lot of rules based on things that were a must for me. You should have a list too, like I wouldn't date someone who wanted children. I already had had all the spawn I wanted.

If I was still interested, I would read their message. If I was still interested I would write them back. I would then politely write back to everyone else and say, “Thank you for your interest, but I don't think we are compatible.”

Then I did not do the lengthy on-line messages and chat. I would chat with them for a few days on IM to make sure there were no sticking points. Then I would ask them to meet for coffee. If they refused, wanting to chit chat more, I just moved onto the next one.

If coffee went well, I would consider a date with them. I have been on more than 100 first dates. I never took them seriously. After the date, I would simply message them, “I enjoyed myself and thank you for your time, but I don't think we have enough in common to move forward.”

I ignored all messages that called me names for not taking interest in them. I enjoyed going out to have coffee and meet new people. I enjoyed going out to new restaurants and having new and interesting meals. I honestly treated it like a hobby. A hobby of having coffee and dinner with strangers where I might meet someone I will fall in love with.

When I took it seriously is when I met someone I really liked and had a second, then a third date with. There has been only one man that made it to a fourth date, and we are engaged now.

My advice is to stop taking it so seriously. Post in the forums, take it easy and have fun. Scan your messages and only contact men that really, really peak your interest.
 thesilverdevil97
Joined: 8/8/2008
Msg: 19 (view)
 
I don't get it how can someone tell if you are compatible or not after one date?
Posted: 7/23/2011 11:07:39 AM
I have probably been on over 100 first dates (back when I was dating). I have been on exactly 3 second dates.

It is pretty easy to decide right away if you like someone.

Little physical details you know you can't deal with in another person that don't show even on honest photos. We all have our quirks. Hygiene issues you can't deal with. And that is just sheer physical attraction. 99% of the guys messed it up by what they said.

Negativity is the one word I can use to sum it up. Anything and everything from hating their job to talking about their ex or mother or just other people. Complaining, moaning, whining, ect. If they are going to be like that on a first date I can't imagine what anything long term would be like with them.

So yeah, you can get a good idea about a person on a first date. If they can't stay positive, be happy, have fun and try to show the best side of themselves for an hour, imagine a lifetime.
 thesilverdevil97
Joined: 8/8/2008
Msg: 16 (view)
 
Why did she stop messaging me?
Posted: 7/22/2011 12:26:53 PM
Just move on, but fix your profile. It is rather lackluster.
 thesilverdevil97
Joined: 8/8/2008
Msg: 5 (view)
 
How do you say I really need a healthy sex life with my mate but I won't do one night stands?
Posted: 7/22/2011 11:36:30 AM
You left out how you got into this previous relationship. There were no signs? I too was once in the same type of relationship. I didn't realize that I missed the signs going into the relationship. Now I know what they are, I would never miss them again if I had to look for someone. I am sure you will not miss them either.
 thesilverdevil97
Joined: 8/8/2008
Msg: 63 (view)
 
no confidence?
Posted: 7/18/2011 6:21:03 PM
I am going to be blunt. Being fat has nothing to do with it. If it did I would not be with anyone, ever. I have never been less than 180 pounds in my dault life and tend to be far heavier, expecially when happy like now.

My fiance and I am looking for a third partner and he isn't skinny at all. And we have no probelms getting dates.

What always made me laugh about the whole fat thing is that I have a ton of thin, beautiful friends. I mean hotties for friends. Not one of them has a boyfriend, or can seem to date more than a minute. Now you could say my standards are low, but that is not true at all. We run an IT firm, and I am treated like a queen.

So you better get your head out of your butt and rethink why you are alone. Same thing I tell to my very hot thin friends.
 thesilverdevil97
Joined: 8/8/2008
Msg: 3 (view)
 
I'm the real sucker fish!
Posted: 7/17/2011 11:58:35 AM
Duh! Get the heck away from this fool. And wise up or you are going to be on here whining about all kinds of horrible men who did horrible things you.
 thesilverdevil97
Joined: 8/8/2008
Msg: 8 (view)
 
D/s v's Vanilla
Posted: 7/17/2011 9:58:04 AM
If you are more comfortable in a D/s relationship then that is what you look for. You just need a Master who compliments you. And if that is what you want, I reccomend you do it as a full time live in. There are plenty of people who enjoy these types of relationships. And finding a good master is just as hard as finding a good guy for a vanilla relationship.

I met my fiance on here and we are in a relationship that is D/s. You need a Master you can trust completely in order to submit. That is your only problem.
 thesilverdevil97
Joined: 8/8/2008
Msg: 10 (view)
 
simplicity
Posted: 7/16/2011 6:19:20 PM
Yes they can if you are both real adults with real goals you are working on. Oh, a good grasp of reality helps. It does wonders for anyone.
 thesilverdevil97
Joined: 8/8/2008
Msg: 58 (view)
 
I just don't get it...
Posted: 7/16/2011 6:09:15 PM
Mercy, I think I say this three or fives times a week. I met my finace on here. Takes time and not doing tried and true ways of how not get pick a decent dude and then doing things to lose him.
 
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