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 Author Thread: POF keeps redirecting me to french version
 setuid
Joined: 9/5/2008
Msg: 2 (view)
 
POF keeps redirecting me to french version
Posted: 9/10/2014 1:55:07 PM
I'm down on the coastline in CT, and seeing the same exact results.

See my thread here for the details:

http://forums.plentyoffish.com/threadlevel.aspx?postID=16273074
 setuid
Joined: 9/5/2008
Msg: 4 (view)
 
POF site moved.. to France?
Posted: 9/10/2014 1:54:19 PM

You may want to check out his post and see if you are using the same ISP.


Indeed we are (AT&T), so I wonder if they're using a mixed up proxy in the middle, but it's clearly doing some 301 redirection at the HTTP layer itself, so even if DNS was wrong, it's the remote site's (pof.com) response that is pushing us to pof.fr.

If pof.com sees our client IP as being in France, it may try to be smart and redirect us to the French version of the site, but I can't see how AT&T can modify how pof.com responds to requests for content.
 setuid
Joined: 9/5/2008
Msg: 2 (view)
 
POF site moved.. to France?
Posted: 9/10/2014 9:25:22 AM
75 post reads, but 0 replies?

It's still redirecting, and I'm in the USA. Anyone know what's going on?
 setuid
Joined: 9/5/2008
Msg: 19 (view)
 
Refined my profile, still getting 1-2 views per-month, at best
Posted: 9/9/2014 11:26:41 AM

And if you haven't changed in 20 years I'll have to assume you are Dorian Gray. Nothing wrong with getting older, beats the alternative


It absolutely irritates all of my peers and former classmates, who have either lost vertical or gained horizontal.

The only thing that has changed, other than my years on the clock and experience, is a bit more silvering in my goattee and head, but I'm still in the same shape, roughly the same weight (give or take 5 pounds) from my weight in high-school. I'm floating at 6'1" tall, 170-175 pounds, depending on whether I'm doing a heavy workout or heavy cycling that week.

My skin is just as taut, my muscle tone is the same, my bones may be a bit more brittle, but that's not on the outside, unless I've had a horrible accident + compound fracture :)

I have been compared to Keaneau Reeves, Patrick Stewart and Dorian for our ability to hold our years, that's true.
 setuid
Joined: 9/5/2008
Msg: 814 (view)
 
Double standard on Oral?
Posted: 9/9/2014 10:42:30 AM

Here's my question.. Now.. in my experience.. Men are ALWAYS down for recieveing oral.. in the car.. on the couch.. anywhere they can talk us into it at...


Funny, my experience has been exactly the opposite. Many women love, Love to receive oral, but very rarely reciprocate. In the dozens of women I've had in my life, I would say less than a quarter of those reciprocated the oral satisfaction.

There's definitely a large imbalance in the force here.
 setuid
Joined: 9/5/2008
Msg: 17 (view)
 
Refined my profile, still getting 1-2 views per-month, at best
Posted: 9/9/2014 10:36:48 AM

the notion of "dropping by your profile" should not be interpreted as "showing interest" at all. The woman may have been curious to see why a man was holding onto full roll of toilet paper in his POF dating profile!


Normally, I'd agree, and I get a few drive-by, 1-hit-wonders, but in the case above, this one woman had visited my profile at least 1/2 dozen times in a single week (on Match, not here), and so either she was looking for something I'd written, showing my profile to friends, or she was waffling on an interest (or not) in me, so I just reached out to tug on that string a little bit.
 setuid
Joined: 9/5/2008
Msg: 1 (view)
 
POF site moved.. to France?
Posted: 9/9/2014 10:10:45 AM
Something weird has been happening lately, over the last 2-3 days, all requests to pof.com and plentyoffish.com (except forums.plentyoffish.com, oddly), redirect to pof.fr, and the site is all in French. Using Chrome, I can translate it (roughly), but it's still not 100%.

Is this something new? Moving POF offshore for some reason? Or is this more malicious, DNS poisoning attack to snarf passwords and credentials?



$ curl -i www.pof.com
HTTP/1.0 302 Moved Temporarily
Cache-Control: private
Content-Type: text/html; charset=utf-8
Location: http://www.pof.fr
Server: Microsoft-IIS/8.5
Set-Cookie: ASP.NET_SessionId=0fay3oez4x4fglreea3rdyah; path=/; HttpOnly
Set-Cookie: POFIMSession=635458541747604741; path=/
Set-Cookie: ft=Tuesday, September 09, 2014 10:09:34 AM; domain=.pof.com; expires=Sat, 25-Jan-2042 18:09:34 GMT; path=/
X-AspNet-Version: 4.0.30319
X-Powered-By: ASP.NET
Date: Tue, 09 Sep 2014 17:09:34 GMT
Content-Length: 134
X-Cache: MISS from nas
Via: 1.0 nas (squid/3.1.16)
Connection: keep-alive

Object moved
Object moved to here .

 setuid
Joined: 9/5/2008
Msg: 15 (view)
 
Refined my profile, still getting 1-2 views per-month, at best
Posted: 9/9/2014 9:27:27 AM

All the newer ones your face looked different/chubbier.


I've actually lost some weight since then, as a result of being stressed, over-worked, and rushing all around with a much more active daughter (lacrosse, soccer, gymnastics, girl scouts, you know the drill)

Being a photographer, I'm usually the one holding the camera, not the one in front of it, but I'll try to get some more-recent photos of me somehow, and put them up.
 setuid
Joined: 9/5/2008
Msg: 14 (view)
 
Refined my profile, still getting 1-2 views per-month, at best
Posted: 9/9/2014 9:18:27 AM

Don't send the usual hi - I imagine since you've performed you can come up with something clever.


Here's an example of an actual email I sent to someone, for your review. I don't send the "Hi" or one-word emails. I don't believe in that.



Loved the profile, before you hid it :)

Hi! I noticed you dropped by my profile, I just wanted to say thanks! Your interest is very flattering.

I really enjoyed what you wrote in your profile. You're rather fascinating. We seem to have quite a bit in common, and I loved that you're very much into blogging about vegan, gluten free recipes.

I was curious, are you celiac? Or are you just a great foodie? Can you tell me more about that?

I'd love to learn more about you, and would open myself to the same for you.

Hope to talk to you soon!
 setuid
Joined: 9/5/2008
Msg: 13 (view)
 
Refined my profile, still getting 1-2 views per-month, at best
Posted: 9/9/2014 9:14:53 AM

It also suggests that you can't form relationships. It really needs to go.


Well, I can't form relationships, that's why I'm here looking for a partner! :)

Seriously though, I was married for 1 year, before catching my wife sleeping with her boss at work, and immediately divorced her. So technically, I've been alone my whole life, except that 1 year. But I get your point.

I've made the other corrections you've suggested.
 setuid
Joined: 9/5/2008
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Refined my profile, still getting 1-2 views per-month, at best
Posted: 9/9/2014 6:03:23 AM

The interests - nope I'd prolly block if I got a msg from someone with " touching you" as an interest. Do you get touchy feely at say the grocery store, PTA meeting, etc.


AhAHAHHAh... point taken! I put that there, because one of my female friends suggested I show a 'softer side', cuddling, and that I don't shy away from PDA and physical contact.

You're right though, that probably comes off creepy and gross. Absolutely don't want that, so I removed it.
 setuid
Joined: 9/5/2008
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Refined my profile, still getting 1-2 views per-month, at best
Posted: 9/9/2014 5:55:37 AM
Super suggestions, all. I've incorporated most if not all of what you have suggested, removed the older photos, cleaned up the profile writeup, removed the icky keywords that would set someone off, moved things around a bit.

I'll see if I can get some more current photos put up. I have looked EXACTLY the same in body type, height, weight, since I was about 20 years old, so if the photos are 1 years or 5 years old, I look identical. I have a lot of different "looks" I've gone through, for parts of my life, parts in theater, and other things, that I wanted to express and show that through my photos.

What I've noticed, through the roughly 275 well-worded, thoughtful, unique emails I've sent to women here on POF, touching on specific aspects of their profile, their photos, or other things (no cut-and-paste, canned emails for me), is that I might get 1-2 replies for every 200-300 emails I'll send. It's pretty bad out there.

Multiply that out across here, and Match.com, and the problem is even worse.

Please take a moment to re-review my profile now, and see if it's any better than before. Thanks!
 setuid
Joined: 9/5/2008
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Refined my profile, still getting 1-2 views per-month, at best
Posted: 9/8/2014 9:35:38 PM
What am I doing wrong? I've had friends of both sexes go over my profile many times, tuning, refining, rewriting and cleaning up things. I removed a bit of content, massaged other bits, rotated through my photos, changed what I can, and still I'm only getting 1-2 profile views per-month, across POF + + Match, using roughly the same profile (the other two sites position the information a little differently in sub-sections).

Can anyone offer me some assistance? Ideas? Criticism? I've got a thick skin, so hit me with it!

http://www.pof.com/viewprofile.aspx?profile_id=9138187

Thanks in advance!
 setuid
Joined: 9/5/2008
Msg: 25 (view)
 
Affair and a Co-Worker
Posted: 5/24/2011 11:47:35 AM
This is precisely why I divorced my wife, a week after I found out she'd been sleeping with her boss at work, while I was working from home and also taking care of our 11 month old daughter (he gave up his wife of 16 years and his two children were thrown into mud as a result).

I had exposed the affair to his wife, and she broke down, they started working on things, she said the sex between the two of them was better than it had been in years, and all looked good.

I told my wife that they were getting back together, that they were trying new sex things that were bringing them closer, etc. and MY wife looked me in the eye with that deer-in-the-headlights look and said "You're lying!" because she considered him sleeping with his own wife, to be cheating on her (my wife).

She used to force me to wear a condom when we'd have sex, while he would fvck her condom-free, because she didn't want to risk having any more children with me, and get "stuck" in our marriage (instead of working on her communication problem that led her to have an affair with her boss at work).

People aren't in their right minds when they start cheating.

I found out later that this was my wife's 4th affair in 2 marriages in under 10 years. She cheated on her last husband with 3 separate men. Thankfully I found out quickly enough and ended it.

She's married to him now, and has been with him since mid-2005. As long as they doesn't treat my daughter poorly, or try to undo the fact that I'm her real father, and active in her life, we'll contine to have a working relationship.
 setuid
Joined: 9/5/2008
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Nearly 4 years here, I humbly submit my profile for another review
Posted: 5/24/2011 11:20:59 AM
I've revised and revised and revised, and can't figure out why my pond is empty of any fish.

Review and critique, please... and keep in mind that no criticism of my profile is too harsh, and I absolutely won't take any of it personally.

Dig away!

 setuid
Joined: 9/5/2008
Msg: 20 (view)
 
girlfriend hacks into boyfriends email account
Posted: 5/24/2011 10:48:33 AM

He has always been faithful to her. I think she has insecurites.


I would say she also has a Felony charge about to hit her personal life.

Seriously though, I'm very up-front about my security when I meet any person. Nobody gets my keys, passwords, passphrases or anything of the sort.

If they want to ask questions, sit next to me and go through my email with me, I'm happy to do that and we'll talk about her concerns, but under no circumstances would I ever give someone my password to anything (that includes law enforcement or the government).

I rotate my passwords every 30 days, and have for 20 years. I've been granted privileged access to resources that I just don't "give away" lightly. Private/proprietary information about companies, individuals and other bits.

It's not theirs to look through, so they should not have the keys to go "snooping". I'll show her anything that she's concerned about (example: pointing out an email from another woman's name she does not recognize, saying "Who is that? Show me that one.."), and we can talk about it..

If a woman I'm with isn't ok with that, then she's not the right woman for me.
 setuid
Joined: 9/5/2008
Msg: 3 (view)
 
The Flaw in the System
Posted: 5/24/2011 10:41:31 AM
Having written and designed systems similar to this (not dating sites, but much more-trafficked data-heavy websites, blogs, etc.), I can say that it doesn't take that many resources at all.

On the back-end, there is a query that is run that presents profiles to each user when they select to view them. You create a column in the user table (for my userid in that table) that includes the numeric (not stringified) users that are being ignored/blocked.

When you run the query to display any users to me, the "block list" is then filtered out. A sample SQL query might look something like:

select * from pof_users where gender='1' not like %${blocklist}%;

It's actually less resources to do so, and less bandwidth overall being sent to the requesting user (I may be offered 100 profiles on 5 pages, instead of 1,500 profiles on 75 pages), and the resources on the server-side to process that query are significantly less, since the query result (the "answer" that comes back) contains much less data.
 setuid
Joined: 9/5/2008
Msg: 1 (view)
 
The Flaw in the System [THREAD Closed]
Posted: 5/24/2011 9:48:43 AM
I've been here for a few years, and noticed that there are some basic "workflow" flaws in the system, but it has been refined over time, so it is getting better.

The biggest one that I see right now, is the inability to "remove" or "block" profiles from being shown as I browse around.

Unless I've had an active conversation with someone over email here, I can't delete/block them. I don't necessarily want to block users I've had conversations with, so that's not really a good use of that option.

When I browse around, the natural inclination is to click on the profile by clicking on the photo. If someone uploads new photos and I see a new face, I click on it, even though it may be a profile I've already been to, disliked, passed on for some reason. But now I've shown up in their list of "Visited me" users (yes, I know I can disable this, but sometimes I WANT the women to know I've seen her profile, so I keep it enabled).

But for profiles I have zero interest in, I want to be able to remove them from MY view, and remove ME from THEIR view as well. Right now, I have 10+ pages of women "in my area", that are not a good fit for me at all.

When I search, I have to go through those 10 pages, looking for profiles that "look new" (but may just be old profiles I've already seen with new photos attached), until I find new ones, and then contact those users.

If I could remove the ones I'm not interested in, not only would it make the search results faster (searching less of the database of users), but it would also make it much easier to zoom in on the users I want to contact, which ARE in my search criteria.

And yes, I've been here for 3 years and haven't met a single person yet, after receiving about 20 emails a year, and sending about 300-400 every year.
 setuid
Joined: 9/5/2008
Msg: 112 (view)
 
strap ons 101
Posted: 11/5/2009 9:42:56 PM

"Or plain and simply.. it's going to fly like a lead balloon!"
You HAVE seen the MythBusters episode on that, right? Yes, lead balloons DO fly. Really!

http://mythbustersresults.com/episode96
 setuid
Joined: 9/5/2008
Msg: 52 (view)
 
Wow.....wow....
Posted: 11/5/2009 9:39:41 PM
Pfft! 15 months is nothing... I've had sex a total of 1 time in the last 4 years: New Years 2008, and the time before that was Thanksgiving 2005 (with my wife at the time).

I'm not holding out by any means, I just haven't found someone I'd like to have sex with yet...
 setuid
Joined: 9/5/2008
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Looking for opinions and input: No children a requirement?
Posted: 11/1/2009 8:54:55 PM

"As far as men vs women in this matter. Don't forget, that usually the children are awarded to the custody of the mother. Some single Dads can almost date as if they were single! I've seen it! If they are particularly deceptive, they can almost certainly pull this off! It's like they set up another life, seperate from the first. I think it's rare for a woman to do this!"

IMHO, any father who accepts anything less than roughly 1/2 access to his own child/children, isn't fighting hard enough.

It took me over 2 years and countless thousands of dollars in court and legal costs to get to where I am with my time with my own daughter, and she's only just turned 5.

The day or two a month that isn't leaning in my favor is more than made up by visiting her every day at school on days when she's not with me, and calling her every night on the nights she spends with her mother to talk to her, ask her about her day, wish her goodnight and so on.

I won't ever give up on my daughter, and I can't imagine a father walking away with only weekends or a handful of days a month and feeling content about that arrangement. She needs her father in her life just as much as she needs her mother, despite what I might think about her mother's choices in life.

The fathers that are ok with this, should just give up custody, since they're not really being a father at all. Obama has a great quote on this point:

"We need fathers to step up, to realize that their job does not end at conception, that what makes you a man is not the ability to have a child, but the courage to raise one."
 setuid
Joined: 9/5/2008
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Looking for opinions and input: No children a requirement?
Posted: 11/1/2009 7:11:49 PM
All good points and opinions, but I have to single this one quote out:


"I think most children have been through enough and don't need to be exposed to dad's love life."


For a child to see their father alone, without love, without someone to share a hug or sit down at a meal together with, is not a pretty sight, especially when that same child sees the love their mother shares with another man in mom's house on the "other side".

Why should we subject kids to THAT? Aren't we supposed to be teaching them these life skills? To teach a child that mom gets to continue loving someone else (NOT the father) while dad has to stay alone, is not healthy at all.

(note: this comes from professionals of the court, Family Relations, not just me)
 setuid
Joined: 9/5/2008
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Looking for opinions and input: No children a requirement?
Posted: 11/1/2009 4:08:44 PM
I'm seeing this coming up here and on "that other site", where some beautiful, intelligent-sounding, seemingly emotionally and mentally fit women will list their needs and wants on their profile, including that they're family-oriented, want to have children and love playing and having fun with their own family's nieces, nephews and whatever.

...but as a potential partner of theirs, you must not have any children of your own! Period.

The trend seems to be growing too... and by that, I mean women who previously didn't specify, now clearly state "Children: No" under their wants and needs in a partner.

Wouldn't having a child, being an upstanding, attentive, present source of moral structure and love in a child's life be a good sign in a partner? Wouldn't that be a good indicator that this father is capable of rearing a child if the relationship grew to that point with you? If you want children, wouldn't knowing someone who feels the same way, be seen as an attractive quality, not as baggage?

It's somewhat depressing, especially since the holidays and the "stay-in-because-its-cold", nesting style of weather is upon us, and without someone warm to spend those cold nights with, it can get pretty lonely. I'm at something like 3,400 "Removed Profiles" on that other site (can't do that here), because all of my searches are turning up people who previously were a match, and now no longer are.

I realize this is not specific to women searching for single/divorced men without children; there are plenty of men searching for women without children as well, so please don't think I'm genderizing here. I'm only applying this to my own cross-section of searches across two well-known, very popular online dating sites (here and "that other site").

I'm curious to hear from the women here who may be searching for exactly that: single/divorced men without children, and why .

Thanks in advance for any input or insight.
 setuid
Joined: 9/5/2008
Msg: 28 (view)
 
Oral anal play?
Posted: 10/31/2009 11:16:55 AM

"It's not gay unless a guy is doing something with another guy. Period."

This exact topic came up in another thread recently, and I agree... it not a "gay act" unless you're doing it with someone of the same gender. Gay is a gender thing, not an orifice thing.

EXCEPT...

Someone in that thread brought up a good point: If you're with a girl, and she wants to put on a big, black strap-on c0ck and pleasure you anally while simulating that she's a man with that equipment.... that's a bit in the gray. Maybe a LOT in the gray.

I don't know how I'd personally react to that, but I did go out with a woman who said she'd give me 6 months before she was "riding me with a strap-on". I laughed (but she was serious) and I ended that one quickly.
 setuid
Joined: 9/5/2008
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Give me a sign, signal....hint, slap upside the head - ANYTHING !!!!
Posted: 10/31/2009 11:10:45 AM

"A guy who rents a hotel for the first date is clearly expecting sex."

Read her post again... he was 90 minutes away and offered to drive down to meet her near where she lives. Unless she was planning on having him stay the night in her place, where did he expect to be staying/sleeping?

I know after dinner, drinks and talking... the last thing I'd want to do is drive 1.5 hours away, back home... late at night with any modicum of alcohol in me. Renting a hotel room to spend the night is not unheard of, and doesn't always mean sex.

He DID tell her up front that he was going to rent one anyway, so she had advance warning to back out if she felt it was uncomfortable.

There are still nice, gentlemanly guys out here who aren't trying to get laid at the end of every date. I know, shocking, but true.
 setuid
Joined: 9/5/2008
Msg: 18 (view)
 
Does being a father scare women away?
Posted: 10/31/2009 10:34:44 AM

"But I have no respect or time for men who want all the benefits from me as a woman, but have this non sense with "the kid comes first" crap."


Then I'm afraid you're going to be alone for a long time.. because I hate to say it, unless you're the mother, the child DOES come first. It doesn't mean you're second-rate, but if the choice is to take care of a sick child, or keep a date night, you're going to lose on that one (to a proper father, that is).

The women that aren't mothers and don't understand that children always come first, shouldn't be looking for fathers who have custody, they should be looking for "weekend dads".

See my previous post.
 setuid
Joined: 9/5/2008
Msg: 16 (view)
 
Does being a father scare women away?
Posted: 10/31/2009 10:32:09 AM
In my personal experience (here and on Match.com), the answer is most-definitely "YES", no matter how great a father we are, it's an uphill climb to meet a woman who accepts that in us (even if they're mothers as well).
 setuid
Joined: 9/5/2008
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Why do you want to know about old boyfriends?
Posted: 10/30/2009 1:37:49 PM
I will answer from my own experience, backed up by a very recent occurrence of this:

I was interested in this woman, and we were very friendly (and somewhat physical, though she was still standoffish with me) for a couple of months. Things were maturing very well, and it was getting very comfortable around her.

At one point she asked me if I would get tested. Since I'd only been with two women in the last 4 years (one of them being my wife at the time back in 2005), I knew I was very clean... but I agreed to go and get tested anyway.

Meanwhile, she was off on a random date with this guy or that guy, telling me how they wouldn't work out for this reason or that. She said she went out with one guy that works with her, and they went to the mall to get some boots for her, but it was completely platonic. She said they drove together, he went to do some shopping, she went to get boots and they went back to his house in his vehicle. At some point they ended up drinking, so she didn't want to drive home and decided to stay overnight at his place.

I'm fine with that, as long as she's truthful about the situation. I trust her boundaries and her ability to resist someone coming onto her.

Turns out after a little prodding about her day, she admitted that they both slept in the same bed. I asked her if there was really anything more to add to that, and she said:

"Well, we did some things."

...and I said "Like what?" and she said:

"Well, on the drive back from the mall, he fingered me, and it was wonderful."

(Fingered you!? That's more than platonic!)

So I said "What else then? First you tell me there's nothing, and now he's fingering you in the car on the way back to his house?" How does a platonic trip to the mall turn into getting fingered? I must have a different playbook for my platonic dates than she does.

She said they had some "light kissing and petting", and then told me that at one point in the middle of the night, he had to get up and "jerk off" to relieve himself because he couldn't take it anymore. Take what? I've spent the night at her house a few times, and we've been somewhat physical, but at no point did I feel I couldn't take it anymore and have to get up and jerk off. Something told me there was a lot more to this story than I was getting...

She said she had her hand down his pants at one point in the night, and that this guy "intrigues" her, but they're just friends. Then she clamped up and wouldn't tell me any more about it. She did tell me that she asked him to get tested a few days before this overnight, and he went and got a test the very next day. Why ask someone to get tested, unless you're planning on going further?!

So I asked her for what else happened, and she wouldn't tell me, said it was none of my business and all of that. She claims that since we weren't "dating", I have no business asking, and she doesn't have to tell me.

She repeated the story later, and said "He fingered me in the car and it was amazing, so what?" I don't need to hear that, and she certainly doesn't have to add how wonderful or amazing it was for her.

She's missing the point... if I'm getting physical with her, and she's getting physical with some other guys (MUCH more physical, apparently), then I'd like to know, because if he's not clean (or is questionably clean), and we're physical again, that comes to me.

It's not about being insecure or jealous or whatever. It's about health.

So I went out and got tested, but I didn't get tested FOR her, I got tested BECAUSE of her.

I had them test me for everything, to the tune of $238.00 at Planned Parenthood.

Now her and I don't talk anymore, a mere days after we were looking for an apartment hand-in-hand and talking about spending a lot more time together.

 setuid
Joined: 9/5/2008
Msg: 42 (view)
 
Doesn't EVERYONE like oral sex?
Posted: 9/30/2009 9:15:32 PM
In my experience (and I prefer to give than receive, but I have no problem receiving).. the best oral experiences are those shared with someone who genuinely enjoys giving oral.

There's a huge, HUGE difference between someone who gives oral because it's part of the standard menu to get to the main course, and someone who is completely content to just use oral for hours, without ever having actual penetrative sex itself.

If I had never experienced oral from a woman who truly enjoys giving it, I'd probably be in the category of those who prefer not to receive it at all.
 setuid
Joined: 9/5/2008
Msg: 14 (view)
 
Do women really prefer rough sex?
Posted: 9/20/2009 7:36:32 PM
This reminds me of a (somewhat graphic) quote I heard years and years ago:

"Treat the whores like women, and the women like whores..."

..and if you really dive into that, it makes sense. The beautiful women, who are used to getting sex 24x7 anytime they want, are used to being treated as objects, for that one purpose; a depository of bodily fluids. If you meet one, treat her like an actual woman, who has needs and a brain and other things about her, and she'll gladly reciprocate.

Likewise, the plain old librarian types who are used to being "just another face in the crowd", actually want to be treated and manhandled like the women they wish they could be (no, not "whores"). They want to be able to be fux0red 10 ways to Sunday, every day, and they love it (I've met a few in my time. Ahem.)

But I digress. It's all about what each woman wants. I will say though (based on my completely unethical statistics), that when a woman is amped up and ready to blow, you better be able to kick it into overdrive, and do NOT slow down, lest you find her ripping the hair off of the top of your head :)
 setuid
Joined: 9/5/2008
Msg: 11 (view)
 
How many women would admit to this????
Posted: 9/16/2009 8:33:17 PM

"If we're not getting a commitment, why should we BE committed?"
That street is a 2-way road, fortunately. A famous quote comes to mind:

"Never make someone your priority, while they make you their option."
 setuid
Joined: 9/5/2008
Msg: 9 (view)
 
How long should a man go without?
Posted: 9/13/2009 4:13:59 PM

"Setuid I find that hard to believe..."
What is hard to believe about it? I don't sleep around, and since I haven't found any serious relationships or partners, there's no other option. "Self-help" got boring fast, so I just focus my energy on other things.

That being said, I have been sexually "active", but not ACTUAL sex (see my previous thread about the woman who wanted everything but kisses and actual genital penetration on any orifice). She was a taker, not a giver.

Being sexually active and having sex are two very different worlds, however.
 setuid
Joined: 9/5/2008
Msg: 16 (view)
 
nothings working......is it the fact im a protective father?
Posted: 9/13/2009 3:46:56 PM
In my case (part-time father of a beautiful 5 year old princess), I keep the women away as long as possible, until there's an actual relationship there.

I don't want a revolving door of women coming into and out of my life, regardless of whether they meet my daughter or not. I don't want my daughter to get the impression that people (especially women) are "disposable", and come and go like that. I want her to grow up knowing that building lasting, meaningful relationships in life is crucial to ongoing happiness.

For that reason, my choices in women as potential partners... are no longer just my own.

I'm looking for someone who fits what I think I want and need in a partner (in terms of healthy living, goals, passion, intensity for life), but I'm also looking for someone who might make a good part-time role model to expose my daughter to at some point. This means no angry voices, no tempers, no chain smoking, no throwing things or hitting.
 setuid
Joined: 9/5/2008
Msg: 4 (view)
 
How long should a man go without?
Posted: 9/13/2009 3:12:06 PM
I'm going on 4 years without any... (except for that one night last December that I'd really like to forget, thanks).

No open offers on the table, and frankly... I'm getting used to not missing it.
 setuid
Joined: 9/5/2008
Msg: 60 (view)
 
peeking on dateing sites
Posted: 9/13/2009 7:16:48 AM
I'll at my 0.02 Euros on the matter...

Whatever your partner would have a problem doing if you were standing right there next to him, is cheating. The definition is very well accepted in the industry.

Now, whether that's cheating of a sexual, emotional or other nature is another matter... but the fact is that he hid it from you, and it put your relationship in questionable jeopardy. It's cheating.
 setuid
Joined: 9/5/2008
Msg: 30 (view)
 
talking dirty and sexting
Posted: 9/12/2009 7:54:33 PM

Please post your erotic reply letter so that all of us may read and critique - this could help you the next time around :D

I wish I could rate your post, because you just got "+5 Funny" for that :)

HAhAHaHahhahA....
 setuid
Joined: 9/5/2008
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Why the duck lips?
Posted: 9/12/2009 1:07:40 PM

Oh, I know what he is talking about...Are they posed at an angle too holding the camera way above their heads?


Google the term "Myspace Angles" and read the top couple of links... it describes exactly what you both are talking about, in gory, painful detail.

And yes, quite a lot of people deceptively use this technique to get more profile views, hits and dates.
 setuid
Joined: 9/5/2008
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Nice guys with Tats.
Posted: 9/12/2009 11:19:43 AM

I like the rat tats with maggots coming out of them in living color.
That's a real man.
Oh, the bigger the better!!!


Now, THAT's a real man! We all know size matters...

Ahem.

 setuid
Joined: 9/5/2008
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Nice guys with Tats.
Posted: 9/12/2009 11:03:50 AM
My guess is that Brad is just a bit angry because of a previous thread I started, where he asserts that I'm a "puppy dog", and in this thread, "p_ssy-whipped".

Sorry Brad, but when a man has respect and honor for the women he chooses to keep in his life, and treats them appropriately, that is not being a "puppy dog", nor is it being whipped.

I always take the high road, even if they're crawling in the gutters slinging mud at me.

I don't have to sling it back to feel good about myself, I just walk away, but I walk away with my morals and integrity intact. I don't have to sacrifice those just to make someone else feel bad for being the horrible person they've become in this world.

FYI: My tats are 12 years old, and have been featured in magazines before. I'm by no means a "bad boy", but they hold meaning for me as well.
 setuid
Joined: 9/5/2008
Msg: 4 (view)
 
You need to find someone better than me
Posted: 9/12/2009 9:22:56 AM

Said girl broke up with boyfriend and posted a profile up online to make herself feel better, try and get some self confidence up while getting over said ex. you come along, are showing interest, its flattering and self-esteem building for her. she still has a thing for the ex and is holding you at arms length, biding her time. perhaps ex finds out she's been dating other people, suddenly becomes territorial and wants her back. she actually has been wishing this would happen and backs way off of you. Basically, you were her band-aid for a little while and now she's ready to rip it off and toss it away.


She met him over a year ago via eHarmony.com. WE met on Match.com at roughly the same time. She said they've been on and off for a year, but the last time they were "together" (sexually or physically), she said was 3 months ago. She also says that I'm the only one she's physical with. In other words, she says she's not kissing or doing anything like that with anyone but me.

I don't know if she's got any online profiles anywhere, and frankly that doesn't matter to me... because I'm just trying to enjoy our time together, and undo the weird imprinting from our own past a year ago. I'm not trying to force her into monogamy, nor to "date" me.

But I do want her to be honest if I'm one of 17 guys she's interested in. I don't want to be "that guy".

Now, in the present, she claims that her and this recent ex were not good together, and they had a really bad sexual relationship. She told me that HE said he's glad they're "just friends" and wants to become "better friends" but "definitely not anything sexual". Then she said SHE is not a very "good lover", whatever that's supposed to mean. I can't take anything at face value anymore.

As I'm remembering this, I remembered she also said:

"You need to find someone better than me. You need to find someone who will treat you right."

"I need to find someone better than (ex-guy-she-spends-time-with)."

These kinds of statements strike me as odd. She was also planning on staying over his place last night and tonight... just as friends. She was also wearing his running pants, while they were at his house she said. When she came to my house late last night, she had on jeans, so she must have changed back (or as another poster in this thread suggested, "cleaned up", showered and changed back).

If you go to someone's house to just sit and watch a movie (even if there's cuddling, hudding, light petting, whatever)... do you change out of jeans, into someone else's running pants, and then back into jeans, to spend the night at another man's house?

She's apparently got a lot of stuff still at his house from when they broke up, and he's got some stuff at her house too, that she moved with her from her last place 6 months ago to the place she lives now. But she says he's never spent the night at her place. I've spent the night there twice in the last 3 weeks, and a handful of times at her previous place.

It's no wonder she's confused. I'M confused too! :(

I just wish she would come out and say it: "Look, I like you, and you treat me great, but you're not right for me, because... (whatever the reason is)".

Nothing makes sense when it comes to women. I haven't yet met a single one who is open, honest and tells the truth... even if it hurts.

Hrmph!

 setuid
Joined: 9/5/2008
Msg: 2 (view)
 
You need to find someone better than me
Posted: 9/12/2009 7:17:56 AM

Not all women are bad you know.

I'm beginning to think otherwise... after 4 years, hundreds of dead-ends, and still no hope of a connection (or even a second date)... I'm not sharing your optimism. (see my previous posts in the forums for the gorey "math" details).
 setuid
Joined: 9/5/2008
Msg: 1 (view)
 
"You need to find someone better than me"
Posted: 9/12/2009 6:59:34 AM
What exactly does this mean?

I got this comment last night from a woman I've been seriously interested in, and for the last few weeks (until a few days ago), she reciprocated that interest (but not in an overt physical way; she still holds off kissing me for reasons I can't understand but is trying to open up more, but other non-intercourse sexual activity seems fine with her).

She also said "You need someone who will treat you better than I do. I'm not nice to you."

For weeks in a row before that were great... good time together, laughs, lots of sharing back and forth. It felt like a nice relationship maturing well. We had an amazing Labor Day picnic at the beach. I cooked a bunch of food and brought a cooler, and a big spread and we spent the evening together at the beach with my young daughter. She wasn't expecting it at all, and she admitted that it was the best dinner anyone has ever cooked for her. While I stepped away, she even called her best friend to tell her how amazing it was.

But a few days ago, she became very standoffish to me, aloof... and I called her on it and said "What's wrong? You're shutting me out." She said "You noticed that? Wow, you're good!" and then I got the "I'm confused, and I don't want to hurt you or get hurt myself.." comment.

In my head, I was thinking "Ut oh, there's someone else, and she can't be honest with me about it right now." And then she said she needed some time to figure things out. We met a year ago, and didn't hit it off well, and after a month of knowing each other, parted ways until about six weeks ago. She might be confused about the way things were then vs. the way things are now. I don't know.

So I asked her point-blank, if I was sharing her heart with anyone else, and she said no. She insisted there was nobody else and she wasn't dating anyone else, and she even asked ME to tell HER if I started dating someone else. I told her that she was the only person I was interested in.

She spends a lot of time with a recent ex she claims is 100% platonic, which sets my hackles off a little bit. She was over his house yesterday "just watching a movie", and planned to stay the night there, and then called me from his house at almost midnight, to see if I wanted her to come over and cuddle. I said "Sure..." and she said she was leaving right away (the "friend" lives about 20 minutes from my house, apparently).

An hour later (almost 1am), I get a call back from her and she hasn't even left yet, because she got into a "long talk" with this friend. Eventually she came over (arrived by 2am), spent the night, we barely even touched each other, didn't kiss, she wasn't really receptive to me holding her while she slept, and she left this morning with a very cold, bland hug, and said she would call me this afternoon.

Why did I fall for this again? Why can't women just be honest, open and say whatever is on their mind, instead of twisting us up into knots wondering what WE could have possibly done wrong.

I need a woman's perspective on things. Thanks in advance.
 setuid
Joined: 9/5/2008
Msg: 34 (view)
 
Dating Abductees
Posted: 7/13/2009 5:44:54 PM

I would first determine if anal probing was used during the abduction. If it was I'd dump them because everyone knows once you've undergone anal probing that person now has shiite for brains.


Or... you at least know they've had anal (you know, if you're into that sort of thing)

j/k, that's hilarious though
 setuid
Joined: 9/5/2008
Msg: 46 (view)
 
Doing the math: 200/25/0
Posted: 6/12/2009 1:40:03 PM

Dude, next time, be less polite. If she says that definitely she would like to see you again, in a funny way tell her that "maybe" you may call her maybe not. Give yourself some value, not like she is doing you a favor. Unfortunately this is what happened to you, she felt pity for you, so she told you what you wanted to hear.


So you're basically suggesting I do the exact opposite of what everyone else here is suggesting... and NOT call her within the next day, two days at the most, and NOT keep the lines of communication open. I should be aloof, mysterious, and a someone who "might" call her back, or might not.

Somehow I don't think that's going to work with any woman I want to keep around in my life. Hey, if it works for you, great... but that's not my crowd.
 setuid
Joined: 9/5/2008
Msg: 40 (view)
 
Doing the math: 200/25/0
Posted: 6/12/2009 6:58:48 AM

Perhaps the text message you are sending is not a strong enough interest.


If I've felt some good chemistry and they've indicated they felt the same for me, I usually send something like: "I had a great time tonight, and am definitely interested in getting together again. Have a good night, sleep well :)" , or similar.


The men who were interested in me seriously enough for a second date did take the intiative and either CALL the next day, or at the very least email.


I do this as well, at least within the first 24 hours, 48 at the longest (depends on business schedules and all that). I never let a good one slip through my fingers if we both had a good time on the first date, or got along well in initial phone calls or emails.


I think you are victim of psycho babble like "He is not that in to you" where it is beaten into women's heads to let the man do the chasing.


I'll chase, up to a point. I won't "cling" or "stalk", if I don't see some sort of interest reciprocated back to me.

If I've set up the date, done all the preparation and driving, gone the extra mile (metaphorically), expressed my interest ON the date, after the date, and tried to get another date within the next day or two, keeping the lines of communication open... and I hear NOTHING back, I stop chasing. I won't run around and around and around, sending dozens of emails or texts or calls... if there is ZERO reciprocation. And I'm talking about reciprocation from women who had genuine interest, or lied about having genuine interest.


You know those 25 women. I suggest you contact them again with a friendly email and ask them where you dropped the ball and see if they would like a second meeting or date.


See, that's just it.. I didn't drop the ball, they did. I held the ball, dribbled it down the court, drove to the net... and found nothing there when I got to the other side.

Occam's Razor suggests that these women were either:

a.) abducted by aliens, with no justification for their silence and ignoring my attempts to communicate (even a "Had a great time, but I don't see anything more here for us" would be totally fine too)

b.) liars, feigning interest, when they really had none, and just wanted a fun night out without any intention to go further
 setuid
Joined: 9/5/2008
Msg: 36 (view)
 
Doing the math: 200/25/0
Posted: 6/11/2009 8:59:39 PM

If you had a good time on the first date at the end of that date ask her for a second date. Let us know how that strategy works!!


Well, I tried some of the suggestions here, in various ways... and it didn't work.

In fact, I went on a date on Sunday with a woman who was very close to my age, we had a great time just walking on the beach and chatting, then went out to get some food, and had laughs and some good chemistry and tension the whole time.

She openly admitted that she's been on a LOT of dates, and hands-down, I was the best first-date she's ever had, ever... from online dating.

I was joking around with her about how I still haven't had a second date, and some of my other dating horror stories. She reflected that back by saying she's never had a bad date in her life. She "screens" her dates pretty well beforehand. She also said that if she noticed something in me, in my personality that would want her NOT to have a second date, she would tell me. She said it must be the "stupid chicks you're finding" that aren't compatible and can't see what a great guy I am.

At the end of the night, we had a very long hug... the kind of hug where neither person wants to be the first to let go. She reiterated that she would definitely love to get together, and SOON. I told her I'd call her tomorrow and we could figure it out. I gave her a gentle kiss on the lips and thanked her for a great end to a very busy week and weekend.

On the way home, I texted her because I forgot to tell her something. The next day, we exchanged a couple of calls and emails. She was (as she put it) "VERY pleased" with the level of openness and communication so far.

I told her my basic schedule for the week, free times and work times and all of that, and asked her if she'd like to get together on Thursday to do something... 24 hours go by without any response. Then she emails me back and says she "can't guarantee" Thursday. 24 more hours go by, and she ignores part of an email where I mentioned catching up Thursday again. She did it again tonight in a brief text where I congratulated her on securing a new job she applied for.

It's now Thursday night, and she's now vanished completely. There's no second date in the future for this one either. I tried to match her level of communication, so it wasn't over-bearing or smothering. I tried to secure the second date pretty quickly. I tried to be a gentleman, but also cross the line with some overt physicality (without shoving my tongue down her throat).

All of that failed.

What bothers me the most, is that SHE was the one who said she couldn't see why anyone would not want a second date with me. And yet as it all played out, she did exactly what the rest of them did... said she wanted a second date, said she was VERY interested in me, and vanished too.

Lied to. Deceived. Manipulated again... Back to the drawing board I go.

 setuid
Joined: 9/5/2008
Msg: 3 (view)
 
8 months on PoF, 10 emails, 0 connections
Posted: 5/10/2009 2:34:52 PM
The problem is that it seems to take several hundred emails per response, and that's exhausting (in other words, sending out 200-300 emails to different women and receiving 1-2 responses in return, most of them "Sorry, not interested").

I've talked to other men and women on this site and the "other site", who have very superficial, very short (a sentence or two) profiles, and they're getting hundreds of profile views, winks and dozens of in-person dates per-month.

At this point, I think I'm going to conclude that my profile is too "real", and far too long. I'll probably cut about 90% out of it and see how that fares.
 setuid
Joined: 9/5/2008
Msg: 2 (view)
 
8 months on PoF, 10 emails, 0 connections
Posted: 5/10/2009 10:25:23 AM
All good points indeed, eyeseek. I'll cut back on the pics of my daughter and remove the "FairyLand" paragraph.

As for the schmaltz, I guess I could tone that back a bit too.

My photos are all very recent, ranging from mere months ago to a few years back. I look exactly the same as I did in high-school, including my weight and body style/type. I've been stuck with a cyclists build for the last 20+ years.

I'll try to look at it again through your "lens", and see if I can reduce some of the "padding" a bit.

The reason I went with a slightly longer profile, is to filter out the dead-end people who would normally be attracted to me if I said less, or showed less in my photos. I'd rather have a small handful of quality dates, than dozens of dead-end ones.

Thanks, er... "Cheers!"
 setuid
Joined: 9/5/2008
Msg: 1 (view)
 
8 months on PoF, 10 emails, 0 connections
Posted: 5/10/2009 9:57:25 AM
I've been on PoF for just over 8 months (and on Match.com for over a year), and while I send out dozens of well-written, thoughtful emails every week, I'm not getting any responses at all in any way.

I realize that it takes hundreds of emails to get that first quality response, but I've sent out more than that since I've been here, without so much as a hint of interest from anyone.

I've written and rewritten my profile, and had lots of people look at it from the outside, but it still isn't really turning any heads.

Am I saying too much? Not enough? Not enough of the RIGHT things?

Is being 100% real and honest killing my chances of meeting a quality partner?

It seems like such a dead-end. :(

Can someone take an objective view of my profile and see what might be lacking?

Thanks in advance.
 setuid
Joined: 9/5/2008
Msg: 28 (view)
 
Doing the math: 200/25/0
Posted: 5/1/2009 10:31:01 AM
Just try it. Just once. Will you do that and report back to all of us? It might just work. I know I'd either say yes or no and I'm sure other woman would too and then you don't had to wonder.


Yes, I'm going to be using a combination of ideas... I've been talking to some of the "dead-end" first dates, asking them now if asking them out a second time BEFORE the first date was over, or if crossing the line to kiss them would have brought them closer or farther away, and it seems... it would have brought some of them closer (the right ones anyway; the ones I had a strong interest in going further with).

I guess I've been "too nice", and fallen into the "friend zone", by not being more aggressive.

So yes, I'm going to try your (collective) approaches and see what works best.
 
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