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 Author Thread: Setting an Age preference? Too many old people showing up!
 mholmes63
Joined: 9/10/2008
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Setting an Age preference? Too many old people showing up!
Posted: 2/28/2013 10:29:19 AM
TropicalLove1:

You have an excellent point. And I do think it's cute to see an 80 year old couple holding hands in public.

Even still, it would be nice if I could refine the age on the 'New Users' screen....
 mholmes63
Joined: 9/10/2008
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Setting an Age preference? Too many old people showing up!
Posted: 2/28/2013 10:22:07 AM
Thanks for the suggestion. I live in the TampaBay area (in Florida); which has about 4.5 million residents. So, although your suggestion makes total sense, I don't think that is the problem here.

Used to be, the New Users screen seemed to respect the User Search age parameters. Now, it seems to be using from my age -5 to my age +10. I miss the old feature. The new way is kinda depressing....
 mholmes63
Joined: 9/10/2008
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Setting an Age preference? Too many old people showing up!
Posted: 2/27/2013 7:31:39 PM
Thanks for the reply.

Yes, I get those age parameters. But, they don't seem to work. My upper age limit is 51 and I'm still getting women showing up in their 60s. A few years older than me is fine, but 10 years? That's too much!

Where it is really getting crazy is when I click on New Users. Is there a place where I can specify my preferences?
 mholmes63
Joined: 9/10/2008
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Setting an Age preference? Too many old people showing up!
Posted: 2/27/2013 6:40:34 PM
Oh. And this now happens when I click on 'new users' too!
 mholmes63
Joined: 9/10/2008
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Setting an Age preference? Too many old people showing up!
Posted: 2/27/2013 6:31:37 PM
When I click on 'New Users', or I click on the pics on the top of a profile, many times, recently, I've started seeing profiles of people way older than my age preferences. Even 'My Matches' occasionally shows me someone older than my stated age range.

This didn't used to happen. I'm in my early 50's. I don't want to date anyone in their 60's. Is there a setting someplace that I can update? Has anyone else noticed this? It's been happening a couple of weeks.

Thanks!
 mholmes63
Joined: 9/10/2008
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Parental Relationships
Posted: 2/16/2009 11:06:59 AM
I think how someone feels about their family (parents included) says a lot about who they are as a person. Chances are, if your potential love interest 'hates' anyone, that person probably has a hard time forgiving and forgetting. In the end, being in a relationship with someone who cannot forgive and forget will make the relationship just that much harder.

I think that not getting along with one's parents is a choice that we make. I think taking it to the extremes of 'hating' is very self destructive.

Good luck to you.
 mholmes63
Joined: 9/10/2008
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Would you consider this rude behavior?
Posted: 12/23/2008 6:03:58 PM
I think there could be tons of reasons why a guy would do this; the best of which is that he already considered himself to be in a relationship with you.

I've dated several women who liked to 'pick' off my plate. At first, I thought it odd. My experience on this topic is that the women who picked off my plate tended to be very casual, happy, and easy-going.

My thought would be to not kick him to the curb over this one issue, but continue to get to know him. If it offends you, let him know. Communication is the key to any successful relationship!

Good luck and Merry Christmas!
 mholmes63
Joined: 9/10/2008
Msg: 14 (view)
 
Computer shuts off by itself .
Posted: 12/20/2008 10:29:18 AM
Can you re-create the problem easily? How about you give us one example of a site that causes the problem? That way someone from here can try it to see if it's a problem with the website or a problem with your computer.

Happy Holidays!
 mholmes63
Joined: 9/10/2008
Msg: 3 (view)
 
What am I doing wrong?
Posted: 12/8/2008 2:15:26 PM
I agree with Ceij56. The only thing I could add is that you are still pretty young. Most guys your age aren't looking for a long term relationship. They are just out to have fun and experience life. Like Ceij56 said, stay true to yourself and the right guy will come along. Just be patient!

Good luck!
 mholmes63
Joined: 9/10/2008
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Would It Be Creepy?
Posted: 12/5/2008 7:50:48 AM
Hey OP:

No, it's not creepy to connect with someone through a social networking site. Something like 'it was great to see you again'. Works just fine. Then ask to see if she'll be at the same place for the next game. If she's interested, she'll respond. Even if she doesn't respond, the next time you see her, go up and say hello (don't mention the social site unless she does). Good luck!
 mholmes63
Joined: 9/10/2008
Msg: 2 (view)
 
choosing the wrong dates?
Posted: 12/1/2008 9:29:21 PM
Hey OP:

Unfortunately, you'll probably have to put up with a few frogs while waiting for your one true prince. As long as you stay true to your beliefs, I'm pretty sure everything else will take care of itself. Be patient, keep the faith, and good luck.
 mholmes63
Joined: 9/10/2008
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Not a wedding band, is he still taken?
Posted: 11/29/2008 10:43:08 AM
Hmmmm. Sounds like this would be a great opportunity for you to try out your creative and resourceful side.

Next time you get to chat, asking 'So, are you seeing anyone' is usually a good opening line. It tells him that you are interested without putting yourself out there too far. The real trick is to practice what you'll say next. If you have a response ready for both 'Yes' and 'no', then the possibility of rejection won't seem nearly so great.

Good luck to you!
 mholmes63
Joined: 9/10/2008
Msg: 12 (view)
 
Postponed date... Indefinitely
Posted: 11/21/2008 7:06:20 AM
I think the real question is how did you handle it with her? It could have been a test to see how you will react. If you come off all needy, she'll probably bolt (i.e. call several times to try to reschedule). If you come off too cool, she think you've lost interest.

Of all my last cancellations, only 1 has ever resulted in us meeting. Some people have a hard time making the transition. I'd send her an email saying that you are sorry that that she had to cancel and leave it up to her to re-schedule ("I'd still like to meet you at some point, so when you feel ready, just let me know"). AND then, I'd start looking for someone else to date. If she comes around, great. If not, that's fine too.

Good luck.
 mholmes63
Joined: 9/10/2008
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Why is there less communication after intimacy?
Posted: 11/19/2008 10:21:59 AM
In my opinion, before someone gets 'invested' in a relationship, there really isn't any consequences to telling someone 'the wrong thing'. After we are 'invested' a relationship, we fear that discussing potentially difficult things will send them running in the wrong direction.

I have a friend on here. Let's call her Edison. She'll tell me things she only wishes she could tell her boyfriend. Why? Because she's afraid of how he'll react. With me, she could care less because I'm just a penpal.

Good luck to you!
 mholmes63
Joined: 9/10/2008
Msg: 4 (view)
 
I just don't get it.
Posted: 11/15/2008 10:14:45 AM
Rather than asking a bunch of strangers; how about you ask him? Texting you twice a day certainly says that you are on his mind. Maybe he's looking for a different kind of relationship than you. You won't know until you ask. Good luck!
 mholmes63
Joined: 9/10/2008
Msg: 7 (view)
 
is it true that men have no heart?
Posted: 10/30/2008 7:55:26 PM
This is silly. Of course men have hearts. We feel the same things women do; we just tend to keep our feelings a little more 'private'.
 mholmes63
Joined: 9/10/2008
Msg: 16 (view)
 
What does he mean? Trying to read him....
Posted: 10/19/2008 1:08:52 PM
First, let me tell you what every guy on here is thinking but afraid to say directly. You are beautiful and any guy would be lucky to be with you.

Rather than obsessing about what you may have done wrong and/or what he is or isn't doing, how about you focus on showing him all the things that make you such a great catch? I can see from your pictures that you have a loads of personality. Focus on having fun with him enjoying the time you to spend together. At the early stages of a relationship is when all the really great flirting, fun go anywhere, do anything dates, and that 'budding romance' stuff takes place.

Most guys are just looking for an opportunity to rise to the challenge of being 'a great guy'. The problem is there aren't enough women willing to let us try. In your case, you threw your virtue at him at the very beginning of the relationship. He hardly got the chance to really exercise his 'romantic muscles' before the two of you started showing each other your birthday suits.

Good luck to you!
 mholmes63
Joined: 9/10/2008
Msg: 17 (view)
 
How to communicate it to him?
Posted: 10/19/2008 12:30:06 PM
I agree with other posters, perhaps it's too soon in the relationship to have this discussion.

I'd suggest that you ask a couple of questions per date. Sort of sneak them in there with all your other questions. Where do you see yourself in 5 years (family wise) is great pillow talk. Next time, if he brought up kids in your first conversation, ask him what he thinks about kids, but maybe not directly. Ask him what he thinks he will like best about having kids, what sort of parent he think he'll be, what scares him the most, does he want to get his kids involved in sports; that kind of thing. Ask him if he thinks he will be a strict parent and how he'd like to handle discipline. This way you can he can feel free to talk about kids without having to commit to having kids with you right now.

If you concentrate on the fun aspects of having kids, you'll slowly help him to see having kids in a positive light. I'd caution you to ask him questions about what he wants, not what you think you want. If he's interested in what you think, then he'll give you the opportunity to express yourself.

I can tell that you are just waiting to 'gush' about how ready you are to have kids and how great you think that will be. As a parent myself, I think that's great. I think if you refrain from sounding like you are on the 'fast track' to having children, you'll avoid freaking him out and ruining an otherwise great relationship.

Guys like to do things in order (i.e. - decide that if you are marriage material) before entertaining thoughts past that. Women tend to see the 'whole picture'. If you try to make a guy focus on 'the whole picture' before he is ready, he'll walk away.

So, if he asks you a 'loaded question', I'd encourage you to think about step 1 of the man;s process (i.e - he's still trying to decide if you are 'the one'). I'd strongly suggest that you soft sell your answer (think for a second, and then say something along the lines of "I think I'd like to have kids someday, but only with the right person and only when my future mate and I decide that we are ready" If after a year of dating he's still not getting a clue, then the next step is "My body is screaming that it's ready to have kids, but my heart tells me no, not yet. I'm so conflicted internally that I could just 'pop' sometimes'. This lets him know what is on your mind and lets him explore your feelings without him feeling that you are trying to pressure him into anything. This way you are letting him know that you recognize that the ticking clock is a struggle that is going on inside you and not a problem that you expect him to rush in and fix.

Being a guy, I can tell you that I went from not wanting to have kids to wanting to have kids virtually over night. Something just 'clicked' inside and I was ready. And admittedly, there was nothing my ex could do to try to speed up the process. When I was ready, I was ready.

Good luck to you!
 mholmes63
Joined: 9/10/2008
Msg: 8 (view)
 
I DONT WANT TO BE MEAN....ADVICE PLEASE!!!
Posted: 10/16/2008 1:32:08 AM
OP:

I know it feels like you are being mean when you reject someone. But in reality, you are doing him a favor. Let him know right away. Sure, it's painful for both of you in the short term, but you'll both get over it. An acquaintance of mine (Jeff) pined away for 1o years for this girl Lisa. Lisa was never interested and Jeff wasted 10 years of his life. So sad. Good luck.
 mholmes63
Joined: 9/10/2008
Msg: 18 (view)
 
would you be confident enough
Posted: 10/15/2008 7:01:12 PM
I think there is a right way and a wrong way to buy an engagement ring. I plan to go about it ALL wrong. Why? Because if she still loves me after I totally screw up one of most important moments in her life, then she truly loves me and will be with me forever. If she doesn't? Well, then her heart was never mine in the first place! I like to call this approach to dating 'Reverse Polish Flirtation'. I just can't understand why I'm still single!
 mholmes63
Joined: 9/10/2008
Msg: 21 (view)
 
need advice
Posted: 10/15/2008 11:04:56 AM
Hey OP:

Your whole life, people will try to pressure you into doing one thing or another. The trick is learning how to quiet those voices and listen the the little one inside you. Most usually, you know the right thing to do. The problem is that the right choice is most always the hardest choice. In the end, it is your face that will be staring back at you every morning in the mirror.

Good luck to you in whatever you decide.
 mholmes63
Joined: 9/10/2008
Msg: 21 (view)
 
Difference bewteen serious flirting and go nowhere flirting??
Posted: 10/14/2008 7:24:14 AM
Is this guy flirting because he's interested or is he just a flirt? That's easy. Use comparative differential analysis. Do you know how long I've waited to use that in a sentence? Now all my life's ambitions have been satisfied and I can die a happy man! But I digress.

If he flirts with other woman the same way he flirts with you then he's just a flirt. Consider it a compliment. If he just flirts with only you that way, then you might have something there.

If he touches you on the forearm or elbow, then you have something there as well. He's interested and respectful. If he touches you on any of the 'romance' spots (i.e. hair, neck, shoulders, waist, upper thigh, butt, etc.) , then, in my opinion, he's looking for 'it' and not a relationship.

An unscientific test would be for you to touch his forearm while you are laughing at something he said. Touch, don't grab; don't linger. If he pulls back, he's flirting, but it won't ever go anywhere. If he touches you sometime in the next two minutes, then he's interested. Also, since you've touched him, you've sent him a signal that you would most likely say 'yes' if he asked you out on a date. The mere act of touching him at the right moment might be all that it takes to move the relationship forward.

Good luck!
 mholmes63
Joined: 9/10/2008
Msg: 18 (view)
 
Give him a chance = Or Am I being a Banana to Wait
Posted: 10/14/2008 7:08:19 AM
Being a hopeful romantic, I have a completely different view to propose.

Let's suppose that maybe he 'freaked' out right before the date (i.e. fearful that his 'perception' of your meeting won't match the reality). If this is the case, then I'd suggest that you try to let him know that you are very understanding about his canceling the meeting and that you look forward to meeting him in person. I'd even go so far as to say something along the lines of "I have no preconceived expectations", and "I'm very eager to meet you". Someone more 'street wise' than me probably can say this better, but I hope you get the idea. Good luck!
 mholmes63
Joined: 9/10/2008
Msg: 11 (view)
 
Swearing
Posted: 10/14/2008 6:53:28 AM
What I find so hilariously funny is when a 'good girl' throws in a few swear words by accident. First, there is this look of 'horror' that you've discovered some deep dark secret about them. Then lots of times, they'll turn a little red in the face. Then comes 'the recovery'. Either I'll get 'OMG, I just can't believe I said that'. Or, even better, they'll try to pass it off as 'normal' and throw in a few more just to prove that it wasn't a 'slip'; like they meant to do it all along. Either way, I'm rolling on the floor with laughter.

About the only thing more funny that the 'accidental swear word' is the first time they 'toot' in public. Oh man, the first few dates are always so much fun. You never know what to expect!

Hey everyone. Have a great day!
 mholmes63
Joined: 9/10/2008
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Long walks on the beach. Fact or Myth?
Posted: 10/14/2008 6:39:14 AM
I keep reading that every woman loves long walks on the beach. And they consider it very romantic to take a nice long stroll on the beach after nice dinner for two. Sounds good. In fact, I've undertaken this very endeavor on many occasions. The beach after dark definitely has its charm.

Living near the beach, I've had to occasion to take a stroll after dark many times. The reality is that there are very few folks out there after dark. Mostly it's locals with friends, not romantic couples. At any one time, there are 3 million people living in the Tampa Bay area and thousands of tourists. One would expect to see hundreds of romantic couple strolling on the beaches after dark, not the scattered few that I usually see.

So, is this a myth? Has romance somehow died a terrible death? Is this something that a woman only wants to do once in a lifetime? Or is 'a long walk on the beach' code for something else?

Can anyone enlighten me? Thanks!
 mholmes63
Joined: 9/10/2008
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Damned if you do, damned if you don't
Posted: 10/13/2008 7:15:10 AM
OP:

I think there is a certain negative stigma associated with being single; especially after a certain age. People tend to think 'what is wrong with you?' I also think that this might be more true for women than it is for men.

What do they call a man who is over 40 and a bachelor? A playboy? What's the name for a woman? A spinster?

Seems to me you are finally starting to ask the right questions.

Good luck!
 mholmes63
Joined: 9/10/2008
Msg: 20 (view)
 
Confused! Is she just not interested?
Posted: 10/11/2008 2:18:01 PM
Op:

Hold up your left hand. Now slap your self 3 times really hard. Feel better? I'm thinking maybe you are boring this woman to death. And you forgot the secret guy code.

If you really like this woman, then take charge. Plan some really great dates. Throw in some mystery and romance. Show her that you are interested and worth her time. Most women have several guys who are competing for their time. You need to make an effort or you'll be tossed to the side like yesterday's garbage.

If the romance thing is an issue, plan some great 'day dates'. Tease her a bit. I think you are spending too much time worrying and not enough time doing.

My only worry is that she may have already tuned out and moved on.

Good luck to you!
 mholmes63
Joined: 9/10/2008
Msg: 10 (view)
 
How to be more interesting profile wise
Posted: 10/6/2008 9:51:14 PM
Hey OP:

That is the funniest post ever. You have a great sense of humor. I just loved your profile. You should do a blog someplace. I'd bet you'd have tons of followers in no time.

Of course, I speed read your profile and 'broncos suppoter' somehow got translated into 'broncos sharpshooter' in my mind. I was thinking that their team is 'bad' this year, but certainly not that bad! :)

Good luck to you!
 mholmes63
Joined: 9/10/2008
Msg: 4 (view)
 
ex gf calls
Posted: 10/4/2008 9:40:21 AM
Hey OP:

It sounds to me like you still have feelings for this person. If you do (i.e. you can see yourself getting back together with her some day), I'd say that you are probably headed for disaster and heartache.

Why? Because I fear that you won't allow yourself to find true love in hopes this person may one day change her mind. We've all been there. The reality is that she rejected you and I don't think the reason matters. Even if you get back together, will she choose you because she somehow thinks you are better than before? Or is she just 'settling' in a moment of weakness? Would you ever know the difference?

I think if you free yourself emotionally from this person, you can open yourself up to some wonderful possibilities. If, in time, she decides she made a mistake, she knows how to find you. Plus, if you get on with your life... and she sees you getting on with your life, she'll see you 'at the top of your game', not as someone who is waiting around for table scraps.

I think we can all agree, most women find a guy who is 'on top of his game' very attractive.

Good luck to you!
 mholmes63
Joined: 9/10/2008
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Why are my female friends so critical?
Posted: 10/3/2008 9:45:42 AM
Dang JLMounce:

I never thought of it that way. I'm going to have to check out your theory.
 mholmes63
Joined: 9/10/2008
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Why are my female friends so critical?
Posted: 10/3/2008 9:44:10 AM
alexy twirlatica

I did ask. I just don't think I'm getting a straight answer. Most of the time I get the 'well, I don't think she's the right girl for you' comment. The way I look at it; unless whomever I'm dating is about to cause me imminent harm, my friends should be positive and supportive.

Pers14:
This makes sense. So, is there anything that I can do to make this less painful?
 mholmes63
Joined: 9/10/2008
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Why are my female friends so critical?
Posted: 10/3/2008 9:22:09 AM
Whenever I start dating someone new, all my guy friends are very supportive (i.e - hey, that's great, etc.). Most of my female friends are exactly the opposite. They end up criticizing either me or the person I'm dating. These are long time friends, and lately it's really getting to me.

Any insights would be greatly appreciated.
 
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