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 Author Thread: who pays
 womaninprogress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 1162 (view)
 
who pays
Posted: 6/18/2017 1:59:26 PM
The person who consumes, pays. I pay for my crap, you pay for yours. If one person insists on paying, be appreciative and don't have a sense of entitlement. If you cannot afford to pay for your own meal, drink, movie ticket, whatever - then don't go.
 womaninprogress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 245 (view)
 
Why do men act like they are always busy?
Posted: 2/21/2017 6:05:47 PM

Keeping things in once a week, 1st date momentum. Pass.

I wonder when the fvck is the 2nd date if it takes a week or more to meet the 1st time.

A week isn't that long. We all have things to do - that's life. Why would anyone think that a week is that big a deal, especially so early on in the process?
 womaninprogress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 125 (view)
 
Approach Anxiety
Posted: 12/22/2016 6:14:53 PM

Lots of gals expecting an Eat, Prey and Love experience after a boring marriage. No 2nd date for them

What exactly does this mean?
 womaninprogress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 12 (view)
 
how would you take this?
Posted: 5/12/2016 6:31:03 PM
If I said this it would mean this is nice but if I meet someone 30 minutes away I'm going to go that route. Means she isn't going to consider you a serious option at that distance.
 womaninprogress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 79 (view)
 
People won't share or exchange pictures
Posted: 4/24/2016 11:14:23 AM
^^^Ok so it appears that men may need to have paid accounts to be able to do this. A few things have changed over the last couple years, that may be one of them. There must be a way to do this before exchanging personal information though - I guess men will have to pay up or post public pics. Shrug.
 womaninprogress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 71 (view)
 
People won't share or exchange pictures
Posted: 4/24/2016 8:03:43 AM
Even though this thread is from 2009, I'll add to it again.

Agreed that if you don't have a public pic posted and you are attempting to talk to someone in with projected intention to meet or date them at some point, there is no reason you can't send a pic privately.

And yes, you can do that here without exchanging private e-mail addresses. Upload, set to private, attach to e-mail. Done.
 womaninprogress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 4 (view)
 
talkin sexual. good or bad
Posted: 4/18/2016 4:32:10 PM
Yes, but only if she likes that type thing. How to tell? Ask.
 womaninprogress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 19 (view)
 
Message Settings Are Pretentious
Posted: 3/29/2016 11:33:49 AM
Heck I talk to 98% of the men who message me. I have interest in dating less than 2%. So no, it doesn't have to be about dating at all - in fact I have more productive conversations with guys who aren't interested in me. I wish more would message me just to talk with no other agenda.
 womaninprogress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Surely you can't write that?
Posted: 3/28/2016 1:06:22 PM
Maybe, but once I met them assuming there was interest (which let's face it isn't real frequent anyway) it would quickly be corrected and if they weren't on the same page we'd move on. No big deal.
 womaninprogress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Message Settings Are Pretentious
Posted: 3/28/2016 9:48:56 AM
What's your question?
 womaninprogress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 116 (view)
 
Why do middle age women still feel the need to be all kissy, huggy and feeling in a relationship
Posted: 3/28/2016 9:48:00 AM
I'm not big on all that either, but it's just a matter of level of affection matching someone else's. Find someone else who doesn't really like it either. Simple simple.
 womaninprogress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 1065 (view)
 
who pays
Posted: 3/25/2016 10:43:02 AM

I don't like "coffee dates" because I rather do something that's more exciting. But is still relatively inexpensive and low key. Such as Dave & Busters, festival, watching a game at a sports bar, mini golf etc. In general, I had a better time at these venues. Even if/when there's not enough attraction / interest for another date, I can still enjoy the activity for about an hour or so. It has nothing to do with money for me.

There's one thing I know about the place I meet someone - if the person I meet is a match for me and we're both interested in each other, it won't matter if we sit on a curb together. Since the object ideally would be to talk and get to know each other, I would think a place that has a major activity going on would distract from that.

I would, however like to do that type thing if we started dating seriously and have a common interest in certain places. I just prefer to do things like that with people I already know and like.

If we're not interested in each other I'd rather just end the meet after a short period of time, honestly.
 womaninprogress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 1020 (view)
 
who pays
Posted: 3/24/2016 9:11:59 AM

watch out for those gals that choose a place where you order and pay at the counter before seating.

I choose places like this sometimes. Of course I like to get there a half hour early and get my own whatever and crack a book before someone I'm meeting arrives. So that has nothing to do with anything.

I noticed that some of the women who are of the belief that a man must pay the entire bill for every date are totally against something cheap like a coffee date. They would never step foot in a place like a coffee shop to meet someone and would turn down an invitation to meet there. Their idea of a date is free meals and free drinks, and the more a man spends on a date, the more he is valued as a "real" man. Some use the excuse "I don't like coffee." The coffee shops I know of sell a lot more than just coffee. They have as much selection as a diner. But it's the idea that's a turn-off. Maybe they're more concerned with impressing their girlfriends by telling them a guy she met was willing to spend a ton of money on her.

I prefer coffee places because they are cheap, convenient and I don't have to sit with someone for more than 20 or 30 minutes I have no further interest in (and vice versa). I find that men get offended that I won't sit down to a meal with them on a first meet - and it's weird because you'd think they want to save time and money too before interest is established. If I have to I'll agree to dinner somewhere I have already wanted to go and would go to alone anyway, and then they are free to join and add to the experience (or not).

I get the line "I don't like coffee" or "it feels too much like an interview" also. And sorry, but it is an interview - there can be no romantic aspect to a first meet since no one knows if there's interest yet. My point here is I'm not sure you can win if two people have different mindsets about this.

I pay because I enjoy their company and don't want the issue of whether or not they can afford it at the time to be a determining factor in them deciding to accept or not. I've never dated destitute women so their ability TO pay has never entered into the picture. Experience has shown me that if the dating continues with a woman the financial aspect equals out in the long run. But initially since I'm the one asking... I'll pay. Old school I know. ;)

It makes more sense to ask someone you have met, know you like and want to get to know than someone you haven't met yet - so in that case you "hope" to enjoy their company actually, but I agree at the end of the day it's your call (and it's theirs to agree to it or not). This is what makes the world go around.
 womaninprogress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 298 (view)
 
Women in their 30's not having time for men
Posted: 3/24/2016 6:45:23 AM

Most of the women I know aren't going to put a guy front and center immediately, and sometimes ever. This is the 21st century, women have careers, hobbies, social networks, and everything else. A mature woman is going to have her life and want someone they can fit into it. The key is finding someone that you can fit into each others lives well. At first you might only get a date every week or 2. Over time it should become more and more frequent and if it doesn't have that conversation then. Don't waste your time either. But don't expect a woman to drop everything and spend all the time with you, especially if you are looking for a mature, professional woman.

This.

Exactly! What do some of you guys want, a woman who's got nothing else going on and pesters you for attention all the time because you're too busy? GTFOH
 womaninprogress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 229 (view)
 
Why is it so hard to meet someone?
Posted: 3/22/2016 12:32:13 PM
The balance is to respect your self and others. If that balance is lost in either direction it won't work (respect yourself more than others you are an a$$hole, respect others more than yourself, you are a doormat).

Furthermore, if someone doesn't want to date someone else for any reason, it's the best outcome for both parties. I tend to know myself and what I want so I will usually blame myself (as much as I can for someone who can take or leave dating anyway) but the truth is it's usually just a mismatch.

If someone isn't as interested in you as you are them, you don't want them anyway.
 womaninprogress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 952 (view)
 
who pays
Posted: 3/22/2016 11:52:34 AM

My Mother taught me to always have my own money. Simple.

It really is that simple.
 womaninprogress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Why do women lie about their body type
Posted: 3/22/2016 10:02:34 AM
Request a full body shot. Men do this too. If they get this, they will gladly post or send one (or it will already be part of the profile). If you like fit and you ARE fit, cause let's face it you should be able to offer what you request ideally, then they will not only understand but agree.
 womaninprogress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 936 (view)
 
who pays
Posted: 3/21/2016 12:30:38 PM

So, after 37 pages... Who pays?

Everyone should pay for themselves, or just stay home if they can't cut it. That would solve all this silliness.
 womaninprogress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 210 (view)
 
Why is it so hard to meet someone?
Posted: 3/18/2016 3:50:21 PM

Is the moral of the story to settle for someone you aren't necessarily attracted to?

Hell no. What would be the point? It won't be to get laid, there won't be much of that going on. If what I like isn't something that's an option for me, I think staying single is my best bet.
 womaninprogress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 554 (view)
 
who pays
Posted: 3/2/2016 12:00:41 PM
Who pays: The person or people who have consumed. Anything else is just an assumption. If you can't afford to eat, drink, participate - stay home. That is all.
 womaninprogress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 520 (view)
 
When women say there are no decent guys is what they really mean...
Posted: 2/10/2016 5:55:29 PM

So..be fake..pretend you are not really interested, when you actually are. If you REALLY weren't you wouldn't be IN the club in the first place? Good to know that meeting women has something in common with being a con man..hustler, flimflam artist, shark, sharpie..

Nope. Don't fake it. Go to the bar because you like the place - the music, the drinks, the food, whatever they have. If you're in the bar because you're looking to hook up, you're doing it wrong. Stop making women the focus - go out to go out. Meet people and learn about them. Drop the agenda. If you are friendly, conversational, positive and don't care what the outcome is you'll have better results.

" The really important thing is sincerity..once you can fake that, you'll have it made"..

Faking it is still hoping the outcome is in your favor, so it won't really work - and if it does it won't work the way you want it to. Stop hunting...just "be". Why doesn't anyone know how to do that? You are a dime a dozen if you're hunting, and women will sense it before you start talking and the walls will go up. 30+ years in the bar and nightclub business, trust me I know what I'm talking about. I've seen it and dealt with it a LOT.

While in the bar, do you also pretend that you cannot play pool very well, while really you are an expert..? Lose a couple of bucks with small bets in a few games..then sucker some dudes into betting BIG and clean up? Yeah, saw that in The Hustler, and the remake, The Color of Money..both starring Paul Newman..

Figures THIS is what you get from that. It's because you think going out and looking for women CONSTANTLY is normal. It's not. There are other things to care about.
 womaninprogress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 516 (view)
 
When women say there are no decent guys is what they really mean...
Posted: 2/10/2016 4:21:43 PM

This is an oversimplification. And like most such statements, is incorrect.
Women will go for the guy who projects confidence and /or aloofness.

If you go to the club, and sit around looking at all of the hot women like the fat kid in the candy store with no money in his pocket, well… You aren’t going to be getting any. Sorry, just the truth of the matter.

If you can manage to get the attention of the woman, all of the while not showing any particular interest, then you just might get lucky tonight.

YES!!
 womaninprogress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 477 (view)
 
When women say there are no decent guys is what they really mean...
Posted: 2/3/2016 8:11:30 PM
^^^He's lucky it's slipping away. This chick apparently has really bad relationship taste. Sounds like a win-win to me.
 womaninprogress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 62 (view)
 
What Are your Thoughts on Spankings..
Posted: 1/31/2016 8:14:38 AM
Said it before, I'll say it again. I love giving them. :)
 womaninprogress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 32 (view)
 
Not answering texts
Posted: 1/27/2016 9:39:40 AM

OMG, y'all still tawk'n bout that....those who are disorganized, inconsiderate and undisciplined...naturally would be disturbed by boundaries...regardless of what they may be...Carry on...

1. Yes, everyone will talk about that since it's the topic of the thread. What should we talk about, Pomegranates?
2. My opinion is that it's a controlling move - my stating that is just an opinion - no one's telling you not to do it or giving you orders (irony). Have a party. You're giving your opinion, others are also. Respect theirs if you want yours respected. Not rocket science.
 womaninprogress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 26 (view)
 
Not answering texts
Posted: 1/26/2016 6:14:39 AM

I agree with returning text within a reasonable timeline (especially if concerns business). But I disagree with writing the return texter off completely if they didn't follow my complicit guidelines without their prior knowledge of my personal parameters.

The person on the other end here is benefiting from this write off/cutting off of contact. Dodged bullet. This is a first world problem.
 womaninprogress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 54 (view)
 
Diasppointing
Posted: 1/23/2016 9:16:02 PM
For whatever reason there was no attraction. That's the point of meeting for coffee. Determining interest. If he's not interested once he gets there what should he do, date you anyway until he finds someone he is interested in?
 womaninprogress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 12 (view)
 
Not answering texts
Posted: 1/23/2016 8:39:49 PM
Text and e-mail are not time sensitive. If you want a quick response - go find the person or make a call. The point of texting and e-mailing is that it's supposed to be done at someone's convenience. It's not supposed to be a leash. People get back to you when they can/when they want to. Deal with it.
 womaninprogress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 20 (view)
 
What's Too* Clingy ?
Posted: 1/23/2016 8:34:41 PM

Once or twice a week isnt enough for me. I will lose interest.

My point exactly. Everyone is different. A woman who prefers once or twice a week will lose interest also in someone who has to have more. Mismatch.

As a stalker, I find the comparison offensive. Stalking requires ambition, and creativity.

I have tried to stalk but I keep falling prey to ambivalence and laziness. How do they focus?
 womaninprogress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 10 (view)
 
What's to Clingy ?
Posted: 1/22/2016 9:34:40 PM
People have different levels of affection, contact, speed in involvement and space required. A person who's clingy generally is someone who wants more of one or more of those things than you do typically when dating.

If I can see a guy once or twice a week and be fine with it but he wants to see me 4 or 5 times a week and can't adjust that to pace himself, I'm going to feel that he's clingy.

And yes, a non-mutual interest can be called that too.
 womaninprogress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 130 (view)
 
Why is it so hard to meet someone?
Posted: 1/22/2016 8:29:16 AM

I've known women like that too-they're newly single, and in no time, they're getting offers from guys to go out on dates without needing to advertise that they're single. There must be a secret news bulletin coming out every week that I don't know about, that announces what women are newly single and available, since everybody else seems to know who they are. lol. That was going on before the days of the internet and on line dating sites.

I think more men just approach whoever they have interest in and hope they're single. Beyond that women who are single are just out and about more when they are, so they are more likely to be hit on more. Odds.
 womaninprogress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 115 (view)
 
Why is it so hard to meet someone exciting and good looking?
Posted: 1/21/2016 9:47:17 AM

I can't speak for why others feel they have to choose one or the other....but i can say in my life, a woman who is as attractive on the outside as she is on the inside, tends to be already taken. What possible reason would her last lover have to let her go? she's gold.

What if she let him go? Just sayin'.
 womaninprogress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 82 (view)
 
Why is it so hard to meet someone?
Posted: 1/19/2016 6:06:43 AM

One thing we really learn from evolution is that the fittest does not win, nor does the strongest, or even the best at something, or even the smarter creature. The winner of the evolution game is simple. The most adaptable wins. Period.

If you try something and it does not work. You do not give up. You do not repeat the same. You adapt your approach.
The single most effective way to learn something completely new is through the most amazing of things: FAILURE.

When you win, you go home, celebrate, rest on your laurels and stop trying something new. But when you fail, you ponder, you question, and you maneuver into something new. The big problem is when we let failure condition ourself to an identity of failure, instead of a launching pad for success. It's something that many here have talked about and how you create elements of success, preferably in other areas of your life so they build the confidence so when you fail, it doesn't take you down, but see it for what it is, a path. Once you start to string together these events, this little failures, and small victories you can develop a repeatable path.

Quoted in agreement. Let's hope SOMEONE here on this site writes this down and actually follows it. It's good advice. No one and I mean NO ONE is born knowing how to do things the way that works FOR THEM, but we all learn what works for us by learning what DOES NOT work. We try, we fail, we regroup, we try again.

To no one in particular: If you say you can't - well, you're right. That will get you nowhere. The only thing that can be said then is, is that what you want? If not then change something. If so then quit yer ****in'. Don't do the same thing over and over and fail and expect everyone to want to hear about it. Sorry.
 womaninprogress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 72 (view)
 
Why is it so hard to meet someone?
Posted: 1/17/2016 8:59:42 AM

This is what worked for my former SO. "Didn't give a s h I t" doesn't mean that he was rude or mean or condescending. It means that he spoke HIS truth instead of trying to guess what would work for me and then parrot that to me.

I guess another way to say it was he was (or appeared to me) to be authentic.

Love this. It's the way I try to be also. I don't want someone to guess what I want to hear and try to feed it to me. I want someone to be who they are and honest about their feelings even if it might deter me - because that would mean we're not a match. And that's perfectly fine. Life goes on.
 womaninprogress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 16 (view)
 
Women taking the lead?
Posted: 1/16/2016 1:21:06 PM

I can't imagine a scenario whereby I would be dating a man for several months and have to ask to see him.

I would expect it to be more like "what are we doing this weekend?", not "can I see you this weekend?".

Exactly. Once dating for a while IME it's assumed you will be doing stuff together unless one of you has plans in advance to do something else on a particular weekend (travel, hang out with friends, work, whatever) then it's brought up: "I know we usually do something on weekends but weekend after next I have plans to do this..."
 womaninprogress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 17 (view)
 
Why is approaching so difficult?
Posted: 1/15/2016 6:23:08 PM

Why don't YOU try getting rejected a thousand times and see how used to it you get, and then come back and let us know.

I have enough times - if you don't take it personally it's not such a big deal. And yes, it's possible to not have it affect you personally - by realizing it's not something that's being done TO you. It's just life. Some won't be attracted to you. In order to date you have to be realistic about that. How do you leverage that? Remembering all the women you weren't into and how it wasn't something you did on purpose.

Do people like getting rejected by the college of their choice?
Do authors like getting rejected by publishers?
Do musicians like getting rejected by record companies?

No one has to LIKE rejection. However they can realize that it will happen and that when it does it doesn't make the person who's not mutually interested a bad guy, nor does it make you undesirable to everyone. It's part of the process and therefore you need to anticipate it and gracefully accept it when it does happen and move on without an extreme emotional reaction. It has a lot to do with self security.

Nobody likes rejection, unless they are a true masochist.

This is an interesting statement. Is rejection (or what most call rejection but it's really a non-mutual interest) that hurtful to you? It should get easier with time. Have you ever done sales?
 womaninprogress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 16 (view)
 
Dating political opposites
Posted: 1/14/2016 10:00:38 AM

I hate all politics, therefore those who care about politics are political opposites. That shit is sheep heard nonsense... any and all.

I agree with this. Except for the spelling of "herd" of course.
 womaninprogress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 36 (view)
 
Why is it so hard to meet someone?
Posted: 1/14/2016 5:50:22 AM

It's because the men you have something in common with are most likely gays or geeks. Try getting some interests that would have a higher percentage of heterosexual men in it. You can then find someone who isn't just looking for sex.

Even if this were true, and it isn't (geeks are a bad thing??) - you're asking her to take up hobbies she's not really interested in to catch a man. What are we living in, 1957? How retro. GTFOH with that crap.

Music; IT; ID; technical writing; digital art; illustration; sous chefs; anthropology; culture studies? All straight dudes galore. Hip, cool muthafukas to boot. Everything other than dancing.

Yep. I'll second this.
 womaninprogress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Why is approaching so difficult?
Posted: 1/13/2016 12:52:27 PM

Everyone says just walk up to someone. Sure sounds easy right?

It is. I can't say that everyone has said this but I have. Do it all the time.

I dunno for me its not!

Everything is easier once you've done it a few times.

Why I'm scared to approach a woman is beyond me.

Agreed.

I really want to start, life is too short to worry about the what ifs. Im at the point to where I don't even like online dating anymore. It's much more adventurous to meet others in person. How can I build up enough courage? What approaches do women dig?

You don't build up courage, you just do it. Starting today start talking to everyone you see. It won't take long before you get the hang of how to do what works for you. But you have to jump in and suck at it first in order to learn. Sorry.

Because of the distinct possibility of an ego-crushing rejection.

Maybe view it differently and it won't be so "soul crushing". Everyone you have interest in is potentially not mutually interested. I'm not sure why when it happens it's so upsetting. It's part of the process. The point is not to be liked by everyone, the point is to weed out the ones who don't like you and find the ones who do.
 womaninprogress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 17 (view)
 
Why is it so hard to meet someone?
Posted: 1/12/2016 6:13:25 PM
I agree that meeting someone is easy, in fact it's unavoidable. Meeting someone with a mutually romantic intention is a bit tougher.

You have to understand what I mean by this: you have to enjoy life - get a good healthy group of friends around you, enjoy your family, enjoy what you do for a living (or enjoy what it pays until you find something you are passionate about), enjoy your solitude and appreciate it - someday you'll crave it, and also appreciate what you have. While being open and positive about dating, make personal connections and just learn about people you meet in your travels.

Find time to feed your interests. I agree with getting involved with meetup or something similar where you can get together with people who have similar hobbies - BUT, don't do it to find guys to date, do it to branch out your personal network and enrich your environment.

Realize that men and dating is best as a side effect to a full and healthy social life. If you try to force dating it may elude you, and you will also cause yourself to feel you failed at something you don't have much control over except for the way you view it. Ever try to squeeze a wet bar of soap, or get a stray animal to come to you by following it? It has the opposite effect.

More often then not...a woman's Vibe...is her calling card, if it's bad...men pickup on it and stay away.

This is something I had to comment on. This is absolutely the truth for men AND women. What I said above will only work if you do it for the sake of it. If you do anything because you are trying to find someone, it will be the only purpose for participating and you will constantly monitor how successful it is in getting you that goal, which means you will miss the experiences in front of you and you will certainly project a vibe similar to shopping for a man - which most men are, of course, deterred by.

I'm a firm believer that the best way for a woman to get a really good guy, is to pick him herself...try it.

This is also true. You will improve your odds by approaching men you like. However, don't steamroll them and take charge and run the show - just break the ice, make conversation, learn about them and let them know in a direct but friendly way that you find them attractive, and then step back and let them either step up and respond or not - and regardless of which way it goes take your cue and respond gracefully.

Learn to be OK with rejection and move on and stay positive. It's not about what happens, it's about how you handle it that makes you who you are. The more you deal with rejection, the more used to it you'll become and the more you will be OK with it. The more you can handle it the less risky it is to approach someone. It will sting the first couple times but like anything you do long enough you'll get really good at weathering it.

Lastly, walk away from anyone who tells you that something about you isn't good enough for them. Where are you meeting guys who say these things?
 womaninprogress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 22 (view)
 
Let him know we are not a good match
Posted: 1/12/2016 5:56:31 AM

My question is: should I have said nothing and have him wait for me to contact him in two weeks which was the original plan? I am open to any constructive advice about this. My old self would have just avoided everything. This was my attempt to be upfront and honest about my true feelings.

You went with your instincts and gave it to him straight so he had the information he needed. That's all most people can ask for on a dating site. You didn't waste his time, which is the honorable thing to do if you 're not interested in continued correspondence.

I talk to everyone too unless they are vulgar or insulting. I talk to 98% of those who message me. I am interested in dating maybe less than 3%. If someone has a problem with me chatting with them despite lack of interest that's too bad. My profile addresses it...and a few other things. If you don't want to read it that's fine but you may be caught off guard when I tell you we're not a match after talking to you for a couple days.
 womaninprogress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Why do woman ignore guys rather tell them the truth?
Posted: 1/12/2016 5:46:17 AM
The internet is impersonal, so usually people tend to feel you don't need an explanation. It's definitely not like you need to hear there's lack of interest as it's obvious. Also, it's a possible fear of having to continue the conversation when telling the truth from people who don't like what they hear.

Good news is you haven't met her yet so there's not much of a loss. You'll be over it quickly.

Your ex is a different story - if you date someone for any length of time they deserve to be told face to face if you don't have any interest in the relationship. Your ex did it to avoid the confrontation, probably.
 womaninprogress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Guess what I did............
Posted: 1/11/2016 9:34:50 AM
I missed the hand to mouth question. I would peel oranges, and chew on straws and toothpicks. I also used to get a relaxing effect from running my hands in warm water, weird but I did whatever worked.

To kill the craving I ate and drank whatever didn't go with smoking. Turns out water, for example would be gross to drink with a cigarette, so I drank a lot of water - which of course I needed to do anyway.
 womaninprogress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Guess what I did............
Posted: 1/11/2016 5:48:34 AM
I quit 16 years ago - it gets easier. The money you save and the thought of having to quit again should keep you from going back to it.

Congrats. Good work!
 womaninprogress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 270 (view)
 
who pays
Posted: 1/7/2016 6:24:57 AM

If a man's sense of masculinity is so shaky that he feels threatened by equality in a relationship, he's not much of a catch, IMO. It demonstrates to me that he's insecure and has control issues.

This.
 womaninprogress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 63 (view)
 
Speed Dating
Posted: 1/3/2016 1:59:37 PM
My friends and I are going to find one in Atlanta this year and do it for kicks, no expectations. Should be fun.
 womaninprogress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 165 (view)
 
the one not in the driver seat.
Posted: 12/29/2015 5:41:03 AM

What about a guy who doesn't really turn you on? Does that mean he has to pay the bill because he failed to really turn you on, and that's his punishment for not doing so?

Most women won't be on a date with a guy that doesn't turn them on unless it's an initial meeting where they don't have established interest (or lack of it) yet. I agree with her that in that case you pay for yourself - and in my case it's expected that it be short inexpensive and convenient so no one's wasting time, gas, money before knowing if they are interested.


It really is simple, people. If you care about who pays, then match up with someone who has the same perspective as you, whatever that happens to be. If you don't care about who pays, then you have a lot more options. Do we really need 7 pages to figure that out?

I always thought that men who didn't want to pay should just throw it in their profiles to avoid those women. Seems simple enough. Women who expect men to pick up the check can do the same. Beyond that, yes you find someone who does things the way you do, or hold out until you find someone who does, as it were.

I'm actually more interested in why people get so bent out of shape that other people they'll never date, or even meet have different opinion/preference/rule around paying for first meet, first date, subsequent dates, or even when living together.

I think it makes them question their process, and beliefs - and frankly they don't want to do that. The thought that someone may be out there that disagrees means more are - and changes the landscape of dating prospects for them to some degree. People don't want to deal with anything that complicated.
 womaninprogress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 152 (view)
 
who pays
Posted: 12/27/2015 7:24:28 AM
When I eat I expect to pay for it - I feel that's just a responsibility as an adult. Whether I am on a date, with friends or eating by myself. As an adult I don't consume things I can't afford. But - that's just me. When in a relationship I tend to pick up the check every so often for both, but still always offer to and expect to pay for my own half of things.

Earlier on I am usually trying to avoid obligation (unless of course I am fine with it and/or someone is trying to physically fight me for the check). Someone always paying to me makes me feel like I can't pay my own way and when someone says "I can get this" my knee jerk reaction is "yeah, so can I" - yes, that's all in my head, and I am somewhat independent about stuff like this - but it is what it is.

Anyhow, at the end of the day no matter what anyone says here - the dynamic of your relationship has to work for the two of you. If this bothers you and not her you may not have the same views on finances. If everything else is perfect for you both try to compromise with her on this in discussion - communication is a huge part of any working relationship. If you can't discuss and work around this to make it so that you are both happy with the results, it's possible you aren't a match.
 womaninprogress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 18 (view)
 
LTR freak outs
Posted: 12/27/2015 5:45:32 AM

So my question is, why do you guys FREAK OUT when a woman says she wants a relationship as if she's forcing you into a marriage contract on day one?

It's the way it's worded. Intent should be "open to a relationship". Some women freak out over it too - I should know, I am one. While I am good with something becoming a relationship if it fits eventually, something about the wording makes it seem like a mission or goal and feels like something I have to dodge. It's all about the dynamic.

Is it because they're not mature in the head yet because I've seen plenty of men admitting they are looking for a relationship and desire children (those genuine guys, not those players that say what you want to hear to get you in bed!).

If your intentions are mutual here it won't be as shocking to either side, which I believe is their intention.

What really weirds me out is the guys who have "hoping to marry" or "looking for my future wife" in their profile. Yikes!
 womaninprogress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 28 (view)
 
Anger issues
Posted: 12/27/2015 5:18:59 AM
Anger/frustration is an emotional reaction, and I don't really entertain those even from myself.

Sure I can get angry when something happens that affects my life or schedule in a negative way but I will quickly try to turn that into some sort of action to solve the issue. Otherwise I usually don't tend to sugar coat things or hold on to any stress.

There are people that seem to enjoy being perpetually angry or depressed or like feel they deserve something they aren't being given. Looks exhausting.
 
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