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 Author Thread: Guess what I'm about to do...
 Shutterblink
Joined: 5/17/2015
Msg: 16 (view)
 
Guess what I'm about to do...
Posted: 5/1/2016 6:45:09 PM
Good luck NJgirl!! If you are willing to share I would be interested in what parts you actually find is easy/difficult and compared to what you thought would be easy/difficult.
 shutterblink
Joined: 5/17/2015
Msg: 10 (view)
 
A guy who bailed on our plans twice in row is now contacting me again???
Posted: 4/1/2016 5:45:33 PM
One of things it has taken me a while to learn from online dating is that when someone shows you who they are - Listen. In this case he has shown you he is inconsiderate and flaky. Given enough time most people will show you who they really are for good or bad.
 shutterblink
Joined: 5/17/2015
Msg: 16 (view)
 
Ice breaking ??
Posted: 3/8/2016 7:45:47 PM

“Any time I get a message that mentions something specific about those things, I will respond. Even if I’m not interested”

I wish you wouldn’t. On the surface it may seem polite, but really it’s just false hope for the many men who have single digit response rates.

@HawkingJr
I guess this will be one of those 'damned if you, damned if you don't' things. I get called out for politely saying No thanks as well as going the no response route. Do however let me clarify that I make it clear that I am not interested.
 shutterblink
Joined: 5/17/2015
Msg: 11 (view)
 
Ice breaking ??
Posted: 3/7/2016 7:33:34 PM


WOW !!!!
That is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much better than no response at all !!
( eye roll )


Willwba - Butterchickenchuck has a good point. Regardless of your messages, prepare yourself for a variety of No Thanks responses, no responses or even rude responses. For me its a mindset of 'if I don't take the shot, I can't possibly score' (bear with me on the hockey metaphor).
 shutterblink
Joined: 5/17/2015
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Ice breaking ??
Posted: 3/7/2016 6:29:22 PM

Find the nugget in her profile. Women love to talk about themselves and if you can find that little thing in her profile that has that. You are in. Start a conversation as if you have already been talking to her. So start in the middle. Never sound like a form letter, it will click her off. First contacts should never be more than about 3 sentences and end it by asking a question.


^^^^ This is great advice.
Willwba - If you look at my profile, what can you see that is a good starting point for you? I’ve listed authors, based my tag line and some quirky things around a favourite tv show, talked about where I’ve travelled, etc. Any one of those things can be an ice breaker. Best email lately was someone asking me to suggest what he should use in his za kit.

Any time I get a message that mentions something specific about those things, I will respond. Even if I’m not interested – if someone has taken the few minutes to get specific I will at least reply with a Thanks but No Thanks email. ALWAYS ask a question! Someone who has just said ‘Hi’ or worse, ‘look at my profile’…. how am I supposed to reply?
 shutterblink
Joined: 5/17/2015
Msg: 14 (view)
 
How to select a photographer for profile picture?
Posted: 2/13/2016 2:23:33 PM
Might I suggest inquiring at a photography class. There are many students who would love to have someone to pose and practice with. It can be a win-win, you give them an hour of your time to use you as a model and out of the thousands of pictures they'd take, you would have some good ones to load. Likely with lots of different styles and looks, indoor, outdoor, casual, posed, etc.
 shutterblink
Joined: 5/17/2015
Msg: 57 (view)
 
cut and pasters
Posted: 2/6/2016 1:13:07 PM
@showboat

I don't write first messages

I've seen you mention this before, can I ask why? I'm curious - what do you do if you find a profile that really appeals to you?
 shutterblink
Joined: 5/17/2015
Msg: 48 (view)
 
Hope springs eternal
Posted: 1/18/2016 8:57:30 PM

There's something that reinforces behaviour even more effectively than consistent reward, and that is random reward. Kind of like with gambling... Hey! Online dating is sort of a gamble...


Oh boy is that true! When my phone buzzes and I see that envelope icon that tells me I have an POF email, there is a thrum of excitement. Particularly if I had recently emailed someone... 'oh boy - did he reply?' Oft times even if there is a let down 'nope, wasn't him' it doesn't completely negate the first bit of thrill.
 shutterblink
Joined: 5/17/2015
Msg: 27 (view)
 
Hope springs eternal
Posted: 1/17/2016 9:59:30 PM

ohenryx
Item 2, I remembered you posting, quite recently, about having 10 or 12 men in a row stand you up.

I would thank you for your sympathy however I think you are confusing me with someone else. I will say though, with that many times being stood up - my hope would likely spring a leak!

And for the record... I always clap for TinkerBell.
 shutterblink
Joined: 5/17/2015
Msg: 3 (view)
 
what not to say on a first date (for fun)
Posted: 1/17/2016 7:28:42 PM
When I was in my mid twenties a friend set me up on a blind date. I arrived at the location driving an SUV which at the time was not a popular vehicle. When I found my date inside, he commented that he saw what I had been driving and then asked "Are you sure you are a girl - only men or lesbians drive those". I could not have left the table any faster than I did.
 shutterblink
Joined: 5/17/2015
Msg: 23 (view)
 
Hope springs eternal
Posted: 1/17/2016 7:11:01 PM

I thought this was the one place single people could gather and be their nasty selves without worrying about their level of do-ability being assessed :(

I adore the 'selves' here and would never judge levels of do-ability ;)

@Ouija - Thanks1 I'm loving the time saved in the morning, shorter is definitely easier.
 shutterblink
Joined: 5/17/2015
Msg: 10 (view)
 
Hope springs eternal
Posted: 1/17/2016 2:17:48 PM

The casinos of Las Vegas count on that philosophy to keep their profits rolling in.
Just one more spin of the wheel, just one more roll of the dice.


True but unlike Vegas there is no real cost here other than time.
 shutterblink
Joined: 5/17/2015
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Hope springs eternal
Posted: 1/17/2016 1:23:43 PM
^^^
So that is 3 for stubbornness or stick-to-it-ivess. I like it :)
 shutterblink
Joined: 5/17/2015
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Hope springs eternal
Posted: 1/17/2016 11:42:13 AM
With online dating, I usually start out enthusiastic and full of energy but at some point during the process I start to fade and then I know it’s time to delete or take a break.

Over the Christmas season I had hidden my profile with the intention of deleting. Then during the New Years festivities a couple of things happened. First I met a lovely couple who had a wonderful relationship – flirty, fun, affectionate and unabashedly in love. Secondly, I spent time with a close friend who has worked very hard on some personal issues and he is the happiest I’ve ever seen him. Lastly, I pulled out my camera and hit the mountains taking some of the best photos I’ve taken all year.

It was all so damn positive and uplifting that I’m reenergized and raring to go.

I’m curious – what keeps the hope alive for you or fills the tank so that you stay engaged with OLD?
 shutterblink
Joined: 5/17/2015
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Wallpaper. Good or terrible idea. Help needed please.
Posted: 1/5/2016 7:37:03 PM
I love wallpaper and think it can transform a room. I'm not sure about a brick look though. I like the idea of it but the
best success I've had with wallpaper was designs and patterns that weren't trying to mimic a real thing. It would really
depend on the quality of the visual. Having said that, I helped a friend hang a mural style paper that was a forest and it looked fantastic.

Here in Canada a painter would do it but if you're not willing to try it yourself, make sure they have experience. I've seen free weekend sessions on wallpaper hanging advertised at my local hardware store and I'm sure there are some great quick videos online. I've been helping friends and family hang paper for years, it can be quite easy depending on the pattern.
 shutterblink
Joined: 5/17/2015
Msg: 910 (view)
 
No RANT today
Posted: 12/26/2015 11:36:18 AM
No rant today, only gratitude for the spirit of the season and time spent with family and friends.
 shutterblink
Joined: 5/17/2015
Msg: 13 (view)
 
The Kindness of Strangers
Posted: 12/18/2015 10:07:15 PM

So...all hail this unknown kid! Hail!

Three cheers for the noble unknown child.
It is a lovely story that you have told very well.
 shutterblink
Joined: 5/17/2015
Msg: 849 (view)
 
RANT
Posted: 12/16/2015 9:35:44 PM
Today's rant is brought to you by the letters S and B
As in... Snow Brush
As in... brush the d@mn snow off your vehicle windows before you 'attempt' to drive
An 8 inch square slightly above the steering wheel is not considered an unobstructed view

-end rant
 shutterblink
Joined: 5/17/2015
Msg: 490 (view)
 
The Walking Dead
Posted: 12/13/2015 10:33:34 AM
That is the season 5 finale episode. You are good to go for season six! 6 started in October and has aired.... six episodes I think. The show is on a break until Feb 14.

It's ridiculous that I know this much about this show.
 shutterblink
Joined: 5/17/2015
Msg: 497 (view)
 
RANT
Posted: 11/18/2015 8:33:07 PM
Today's PSA - Public Space Invader

If we are in a line up (in this case - airport security) and I can feel your breath on my neck
And you are not Jeffrey Dean Morgan

You are standing to close to me.

At a minimum I should be able to have my bag on my shoulder and turn a circle and not hit you with my bag. If you are within that range... you are a space invader. If in doubt, immediately take 2 steps back or to the left.
 shutterblink
Joined: 5/17/2015
Msg: 483 (view)
 
The Walking Dead
Posted: 11/16/2015 9:18:33 PM
I will be so frustrated if the 'fall finale' finishes and we have no definitive answer about what happened to Glenn!
p.s. Please don't make him dead
p.p.s Pretty please
 shutterblink
Joined: 5/17/2015
Msg: 426 (view)
 
RANT
Posted: 11/11/2015 6:40:55 PM

To be fair, that meant you weren't busy and more free time to respond that evening -- why didn't you?


If he had asked that question or even any question really, or given me more than a few minutes to respond – I would have explained further…. That I did shut off my phone because we were in the theatre, that my friend was in rough shape so I stayed for a bit of time and that I would like to meet him for coffee in the afternoon.


He has nothing to lose by being rude when he tells someone to delete his number


I do understand the points you’ve made and I could have said something along the lines of 'let's talk tomorrow' but the reality is he jumped to conclusions and there was something to lose - an opportunity to meet. An actual conversation would have helped him realize that the friend I was with is an old family friend who is in a committed gay relationship.
 shutterblink
Joined: 5/17/2015
Msg: 413 (view)
 
RANT
Posted: 11/11/2015 6:41:10 AM
Today’s rant is more of a ‘whew… dodged that bullet’

After about 48 hours of emailing on the site:
Him: Can I have your number so we can talk?
Me: Sure XXX-XXXX but I’m heading into a movie so my phone is going to be off
Him: Okay, so no talking immediately, enjoy the movie.
Him: (a few hours later) How was the movie?
Me: (the following morning) Good morning. Actually didn’t see the movie, my friend got sick and I had to drive him home. Some sort of migraine.
Him: Oh, I hope you didn’t have to drive far
Him: (About 5 minutes later and paraphrased) I hope you are enjoying your time on POF, good luck to you with that. I think you were on a date last night otherwise you would have texted me last night and I’m not into that so delete my number and don’t ever contact me again.
In less than 12 hours of him having my number I’d gone from interesting and funny to a cheating liar. Dodged that, whew!
 shutterblink
Joined: 5/17/2015
Msg: 474 (view)
 
The Walking Dead
Posted: 10/17/2015 9:11:04 AM
Getting to the Terminus station was the last part of Season 4. Carol going all Rambo to facilitate the rescue was the season premiere of Season 5. They are now airing Season 6.

I'm a bit obsessed with this show as well :)
 shutterblink
Joined: 5/17/2015
Msg: 57 (view)
 
RANT
Posted: 10/11/2015 10:44:03 AM
Two for me today:

1. Highway driving: Slow moving vehicles keep right. There are signs and everything so move that POS over.

2. Stop asking me for more pics! You obviously liked the ones you saw or you wouldn't have contacted me, if you want a clearer idea of what I look like then lets meet.
 shutterblink
Joined: 5/17/2015
Msg: 75 (view)
 
Violence and Women
Posted: 9/5/2015 8:18:36 AM

I posted about that exact thing not long ago. When we gave the safety awarness classes that was discussed at length. That's what they hope to accomplish with an ambush or blitz attack. Paralysis by fear. Doesn't matter how proficient you may be in self defense if you can't move.


When I was in my late twenties the company I worked for sponsored a self-defence class for women. At the end of the day we were given the opportunity to be ‘attacked’ by a university student all suited up in padding. I was terrified but decided to try it. I learned two very valuable things about myself:

First: I had always envisioned that I would yell my fool head off. I can be very loud so always thought this would be a tool I could count on in a bad situation. When this person came at me from behind…. Not a peep. Not even a thought about screaming… all my energy went into the struggle of getting away.

Second: At one point while struggling we ended up half prone and I was able to leverage myself out of his grasp enough to stand up and get out of his range. Did I turn and run as I should have, No! Although I’m sure it was adrenaline, I was MAD! Really mad. So I stepped in towards him and started kicking him while he was prone!! He caught my leg and for a second time I had to fight to get away.

After the class was over and I had time to absorb what happened, I was absolutely shocked that I had put myself back in danger. Even though I’ve never been accosted by a stranger, anytime I’ve been in situation where I’ve felt even the mildest risk, I flash back to that day what I learned about myself.
 shutterblink
Joined: 5/17/2015
Msg: 21 (view)
 
Violence and Women
Posted: 9/3/2015 5:15:52 PM
Within my closest group of girlfriends of which there are 6 of us, 3 of us have been physically assaulted and 1 of us had an emotionally abusive childhood. I don't know how that compares with the statistics... however all have had counselling and if I were to poll them, they would consider themselves healed from the trauma. That is not too say there aren't scars - just that they are healed.
 shutterblink
Joined: 5/17/2015
Msg: 12 (view)
 
A lightbulb moment
Posted: 8/28/2015 2:14:03 PM

the confidence he gave me and the experiences with him is something I will always treasure.

That is lovely. If nothing else, I hope for the same. In this new mindset, I’m ready to absorb and grow.


I am fairly young so I am sure I will have more lightbulb moments

Impressive – I was much older than you when I had those particular lightbulbs go on. It can be so hard to recognize how toxic a relationship has become because it can happen incrementally.
 shutterblink
Joined: 5/17/2015
Msg: 8 (view)
 
A lightbulb moment
Posted: 8/28/2015 9:40:43 AM

Another aspect, is not to leap to conclusion based on appearances about someone's behavior, since you are dealing with another culture it's better to discuss things and find out what is really happening.


So true! There was a moment at around our 4th or 5th date when I misunderstood something. I assumed his behaviour meant something negative when in reality it was reticence... a different response that was a cultural difference.
 shutterblink
Joined: 5/17/2015
Msg: 7 (view)
 
A lightbulb moment
Posted: 8/28/2015 9:33:43 AM

just curious, OP, have the two of you met yet?

Yes, we have spent a lot of time together. I'm pragmatic enough know that some of the excitement is from the blush of a new relationship and things are still very new but I am seeing myself in a new light.
 shutterblink
Joined: 5/17/2015
Msg: 1 (view)
 
A lightbulb moment
Posted: 8/28/2015 8:09:38 AM
This round of online dating is teaching me so much about myself that I’ve had a bit of a ‘eureka’ moment. I’ve met someone that I’ve connected with very deeply and although I never thought that I had a type, he is completely different from anyone I’ve dated before.

One of the big things is that he was born and raised in Europe and I’ve realized that in other relationships I’ve relied on an innate commonality that comes from being raised in the same culture and that may have been a bit of a crutch for me. The fact that English is not his first language means that how I communicated with other men before doesn’t quite work – the references or assumptions don’t work. A phrase or comment I may have used before to imply how I was feeling doesn’t cut it now – I have to state things more simply which in reality is clearer and honestly more heartfelt.

As I have been navigating this new relationship I’ve realized it’s taking me out of my comfort zone which rather than being scary is actually quite refreshing. I’ve gotten out of my own way and that has really opened me up to a having a deep relationship with someone that I never would have thought was right for me.

It’s still early stages but now that the gates are open I’m excited to see where this leads the two of us and more importantly how I am going to change because of it. I’m curious as to whether any of you have had eureka moments about yourself in the beginning stages of a relationship and the impact it had on you and the relationship.
 shutterblink
Joined: 5/17/2015
Msg: 64 (view)
 
Pre-date routine
Posted: 7/13/2015 5:30:12 PM

On that note, another interesting question about preparing is: Do you try to look your best for a first meet?


The difference between regular me (going to work, out with the friends, etc.) isn’t much different than what I look like for a date. The hair and makeup may be fresher looking for a first meet but that’s probably the extent of it. If we were going somewhere very upscale then the clothes would be dressier but then again that would be more like a 3rd date… if it goes that far.
 shutterblink
Joined: 5/17/2015
Msg: 45 (view)
 
Pre-date routine
Posted: 7/12/2015 6:09:40 PM

Doesn't have to be complicated eh?

Agreed! I don't really look any different whether it is a regular 'get ready' or for a date but I guess I feel different. Carving out the extra time and doing what I can to make myself more present or in the moment makes me fee; more open to what may lay ahead.
 shutterblink
Joined: 5/17/2015
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Pre-date routine
Posted: 7/11/2015 5:24:22 PM

greasing up with Crisco

Funny, I've heard that Crisco is bad for the leather mask :)
 shutterblink
Joined: 5/17/2015
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Pre-date routine
Posted: 7/11/2015 5:10:35 PM
Hi all. Last night I was getting ready to go on a ‘First meet’ with someone from the site and I realized that I’ve developed a couple of pre-date rituals. I like to listen to classical music while I’m getting ready – I clears my mind and allows me to reset a bit mentally if I’ve had a stressful day. Other little things like choosing a specific perfume or piece of jewellery are becoming part of the norm as well.

I’m curious if others have a routine or ritual for that critical first or second date? Do you do it for good luck or because it’s become a habit.
 shutterblink
Joined: 5/17/2015
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Bad username epidemic
Posted: 7/5/2015 7:52:21 PM

WHAT would you think [or do?] if a guy wrote to you who met all of your requirements or "most" of what YOU were "looking for in a mate"... but his username rubbed you the wrong way?


I would (and do) read the profiles of anyone who contacts me. If the profile or communication shows even a modicum of effort, I would likely dismiss or ignore the name. Having said that, the purpose of a profile is to be some reflection of who a person is and a name could be seen as the handshake or first impression. A crass or blatantly distasteful username could undermine that first impression.

In the big scheme of OLD, I admit it is a small thing, some days those matter and some days those don’t. I find myself falling back on something my grandmother drilled into me as a teenager – ‘Words and intent have power and meaning, use them well.’
 shutterblink
Joined: 5/17/2015
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Bad username epidemic
Posted: 7/5/2015 2:39:40 PM
I don't know what is worse, the username or the fact it had been used 88 times already! Yikes!
 shutterblink
Joined: 5/17/2015
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Bad username epidemic
Posted: 7/5/2015 1:54:43 PM
I’ve recently rejoined the site and it is almost exactly as I remembered except for one thing… the terrible usernames. Names that indicate your affection for pantyhose, contain words like attack or the seemingly endless variations of being a lover of body parts and/or the number 69 make it hard for me to take a grown man seriously.

I realize when you’re sitting at the keyboard with writer’s block a person can get desperate but am I only one that finds these types of names a turn off? I'm curious to know how much effort people put into their usernames?
 
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