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 Author Thread: Should I let my ex husband see our daughter even though he doesn't help at all?
 sleftout
Joined: 11/5/2005
Msg: 19 (view)
 
Should I let my ex husband see our daughter even though he doesn't help at all?
Posted: 3/5/2009 7:21:16 PM
I don't know the laws in your state...but here in Missouri...the Judge will tell you that he can make up the money...but not the lost time with the children...that is where I sit right now...like you he pays not a dime...I am solely supporting my girls...but I still let him have them on Wednesday nights...every other weekend...and his 4 weeks in the summer...I'm doing right by the law and my girls...they can and have formed their own opinion of their Dad...

You have a tough situation...being in two different states...but as someone mentionedl...I would appeal for supervised visits...that little girl is the most precious thing you have in life right now...and it is up to you to protect her...

My ex is self employed in construction...he tells the judge with the economy he is not working...well the pictures I have prove differently...however actually getting to court to present my case is difficult...with his attorney postponing them all the time...

I wish you all the best...you sound like a wonderful Mom...and that is something that she will always remember...
 sleftout
Joined: 11/5/2005
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Two Questions About Cheating: 1) Why? & 2) Always a Cheater?
Posted: 5/15/2007 6:53:16 PM
Well Lib lets see.....my ex husband (I was #3...should have told me something) cheated on wife # 1, #2, #3, #2 again..(with the soon to be #4)....and is now working on getting married to #4......I didn't find out about the cheating on #1, & #2 until he cheated on me.....

So sadly in my eyes......yes.......always a cheater.....until I am proven wrong...I would have preferred to have been told that he wanted out.......for whatever reason....rather than to have him find someone.....make sure it was going to work.....then leave me...

Honesty is a big thing with me.......

Good luck to your friend.......but he has already had two......what is going to stop him from continuing to have them....
 sleftout
Joined: 11/5/2005
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Long Distance relationship Question!?!
Posted: 5/7/2007 5:55:26 AM
OP....I wouldn't want to be in your situation......what a tough decision for both of you.....but maybe given more time....the answers will be clearer to both of you....

I sympathise with her.....over loosing a child......but on the other hand you have your son...and it would be like you loosing him.......I could never do that.....maybe she just needs time to understand that she would not be loosing her daughter all over again....but gaining a wonderful man and a great boy too......she will always have memories of her daughter......but does she want to loose what she has....that she can hold and touch......

Wow........wish I could help.....but I think this is something that both of you are going to have to think long and hard on........

Best of luck to you........
 sleftout
Joined: 11/5/2005
Msg: 3 (view)
 
How do you get over the pain of cheating?
Posted: 5/2/2007 9:37:16 AM
OP....I'm not sure the pain ever goes away completely......sometimes it is juts a dull ache but it is there......but one thing that you have to know and believe is that you are making a better life for you and your girls and that right now is what is important.....

Sadly people change an not always for the better....she is loosing out so much in life by not seeing her girls....she will regret that later on......

As for her saying that she has not loved you in a long time.....that could be her way of getting back at you for kicking her out...trying to hurt you in return.....and of course she is going to tell everyone she is happy.....she doesn't want anyone to know how much she screwed up...

I wish you all the best.....but it is like they tell you in AA.....One Day At A Time......it will get better....it will get easier...

I wish you all the strength in the world to get thru this......
 sleftout
Joined: 11/5/2005
Msg: 26 (view)
 
love on the rocks
Posted: 5/1/2007 1:14:50 PM
For me it was the silence........barely communicating.......no kiss on the way to work....no kiss coming home......the sadness in his eyes.......the signs are there......you just need to look for them........pay attention.......it is the little things that are missing....
 sleftout
Joined: 11/5/2005
Msg: 13 (view)
 
She said 'i have everything i want' but im not happy
Posted: 5/1/2007 1:08:52 PM
The sad thing is I had everyting he thought I wanted except him at home more often with me and the girls........apparently she does not have everything she wants....there is something missing.....have you asked......talked to her to find out what she feels she is missing.......it could be something as small as a phone call after you leave for work to tell her you miss her already............
 sleftout
Joined: 11/5/2005
Msg: 4 (view)
 
panic....is it natural
Posted: 5/1/2007 12:37:36 PM
Yes it is natural.......enjoy the feeling........it will pass.....you are just deep inside wondering if it will work.........let it go.......just enjoy each other.........

Best of luck to both of you..........
 sleftout
Joined: 11/5/2005
Msg: 16 (view)
 
Do I / Dont I???????
Posted: 5/1/2007 12:34:42 PM
Ah logic should win everytime......but going with your heart is sometimes dangerous.........so go see him.....leave early to avoid the traffic......just give it more time....and he should want this too with his daughter........he should want to make sure that you are not physco......(not saying either of you are) he has her to think about.........and should be concern about bringing someone to his home where she will be that she does not know.............
 sleftout
Joined: 11/5/2005
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Do I / Dont I???????
Posted: 5/1/2007 12:26:52 PM
Duckling......yes it is a nightmare......but worth it in the end..........and love knows no distance.........honestly if he really cares for you 75 miles is nothing between the two of you.......take turns going to see each other.......meet 1/2 way......

Sorry guess I am just a cautious person.........I don't like to be hurt or see someone else hurt......I just think that given some time.......things might be clearer for both of you......
 sleftout
Joined: 11/5/2005
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Do I / Dont I???????
Posted: 5/1/2007 12:22:47 PM
Oh Duckling........I wish I had an answer for you......but this is something you have to decide for yourself......but hun.......look closely.....and hard.....look at all you are about to give up.........is he really the one.....after only one meeting......if he is then you know what to do.....

But........is there a reason why you can't talk more.....see each other more and just make sure........that it will all work out........

Best of luck to you.......in what ever you decide.....
 sleftout
Joined: 11/5/2005
Msg: 86 (view)
 
Free Agent
Posted: 4/30/2007 6:56:07 AM
LOL.......ok if that is what it is going to take to get to see them for free.....I'm all for it.......do I get to do touch ups in photoshop too...........LOL......that could turn out to be interesting.....

Have you heard anymore from anyone on the float trip.....even though I can't go I'm still interested in hearing what is going on.........
 sleftout
Joined: 11/5/2005
Msg: 84 (view)
 
How about a float trip in Stlouis area??
Posted: 4/22/2007 1:08:50 PM
OMG for sale............that just isn't right......LOL......I should at least get a set free....since you are going to be able to wear the itty.....bitty....speedos.......because of me......wait........just let me look at the proofs...........then I can choose which ones you will want to post for sale.......that will work.............LOL
 sleftout
Joined: 11/5/2005
Msg: 82 (view)
 
How about a float trip in Stlouis area??
Posted: 4/20/2007 1:09:22 PM
Hmmmmm OK everyone listen up.......I want pictures of that of John in his speedos that are 4 times too small.......close ups......distant.......any type of picture.......share....share....share....with me........since it is my kids that aren't going and he is going to BARE all for the trip..........LOL
 sleftout
Joined: 11/5/2005
Msg: 80 (view)
 
How about a float trip in Stlouis area??
Posted: 4/18/2007 8:46:28 AM
dizzy..........shoot no you are in plenty of time........you may want to read back a few posts.......looks like it is planned for toward the end of July.........and John has posted some web sites to look at........If memory serves me right (and it doesn't always....LOL) I think it was planned for Bass.........but if you look back you will get more info...on rafts..canoes.......and lodging...............

Trish
 sleftout
Joined: 11/5/2005
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Flounder to Gold Fish
Posted: 4/16/2007 8:27:58 PM
OP......maybe they are just trying to be what you want them to be........and in doing so think that they can hook you.....and keep you......when in reality if they would just be themselves...they might find the right one for them......I know when I initially meet someone my guard is up......but I'm not a completely different person......just cautious...but I don't change who I am...to much work to try and pretend to be someone I am not.........

Best of luck in your fishing...........
 sleftout
Joined: 11/5/2005
Msg: 15 (view)
 
Hi Everyone In Missouri
Posted: 4/14/2007 4:37:04 PM
Yes....I imagine they have......sounds like you al have a great time.......seems like no one wants to plan anything here close by.........so ya'll may just see me there some day...
 sleftout
Joined: 11/5/2005
Msg: 13 (view)
 
Hi Everyone In Missouri
Posted: 4/14/2007 10:01:11 AM
Oh jazzmin.......sounds wonderful........if I lived closer......but is quite a drive for me for a few hours.............LOL...maybe one of these weekends.....I will come up and join ya'll and just get a hotel room............
 sleftout
Joined: 11/5/2005
Msg: 78 (view)
 
July 27th
Posted: 4/14/2007 9:56:26 AM
Um exactly why I don't want to bring them........LOL....I would like to be able to let my hair down and have some fun......and not have to keep track of them..........my gosh they would be all over the place........besides they are not the floating type........no tv or gameboy and they would drive me crazy.........we had an overnight camp out a couple of weeks ago....and what a nightmare.........nope never again.........LOL

I appreciate the thought...but maybe next time........or some weekend we could all just meet somewhere and have a good time..........if I'm lucky it would be on his weekend........as of now....I am enjoying the peace and quiet..........LOL
 sleftout
Joined: 11/5/2005
Msg: 121 (view)
 
Reporting And deleting Main images
Posted: 4/13/2007 7:17:00 AM
hmmm last time I checked this was a free site........unlike others that you have to pay to be on......so me......I have no problem with this.......you can either post a picture or you don't....it is really as simple as that.......
 sleftout
Joined: 11/5/2005
Msg: 11 (view)
 
Hi Everyone In Missouri
Posted: 4/12/2007 10:03:57 AM
Sad thing is offshorefreedom....is I just found the Missouri forums.........been on here two years......and just now discovered it......I have been to the forums....but never this one......and yes........the Missouri forum....seems to be shall we say very slowwwwwwww.....a get together would be great......but no one seems to want to step up to the plate and organize it......how about you...will you organize something?????
 sleftout
Joined: 11/5/2005
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Canadian Women
Posted: 4/12/2007 9:39:23 AM
Oh tileguy......Missouri has women like that too......the agressive take charge women....then we also have the quiet shy ones.......I think it all depends in the area that you live....and the places that you go.......I live in a small town just South of St. Louis....and I have seen all types here......

Sorry you haven't had luck in meeting the one for you.......but your search is not over you just have to weed the bad from the good......there are always going to be gold diggers.....and yes some that are not as smart as you would like them to be.........but out there somewhere is your Ms. Right..........but the same goes for the men too.....I have met the ones that want you to support them.........and that are not the brightest crayon in the box.....but they were in the box...........but I haven't given up hope......somewhere out there he is waiting.....wondering when I will find him...........

Take Care....
 sleftout
Joined: 11/5/2005
Msg: 4 (view)
 
attitude or not
Posted: 4/12/2007 9:25:20 AM
I don't think it is so much an attitude...but the way you worded it....."Gramps"..I know some men over 60 who I would never call a gramps.....they look younger than I do....and most times can keep up with my girls when I can't........so I think if the "Gramps" wasn't in there it wouldn't think of it as an attitude.....
 sleftout
Joined: 11/5/2005
Msg: 8 (view)
 
STARTING A SINGLES WEEKLY GET-TOGETHER IN SO. CO. SEEKING SINGLE MEN & LADIES-INTERESTED.
Posted: 4/12/2007 9:14:47 AM
This would be great......but seems like the ball has been dropped since it was originally posted so long ago.....anyone else want to pick it up and run with it.....I would love a get together on a weekend (as I only have two a month without my girs) to get to know some other people......

Take care everyone.....
Trish
 sleftout
Joined: 11/5/2005
Msg: 227 (view)
 
Hello
Posted: 4/11/2007 4:52:03 PM
Amazing.......I've been on her about 2 years and I have just now discovered the forums.......what a world out there.......LOL

Anyway.....I'm a Mom to two girls 9 & 6......and Live about 15 miles south of St. Louis.......would love to talk and meet with others close by..........

Trish
 sleftout
Joined: 11/5/2005
Msg: 76 (view)
 
July 27th
Posted: 4/5/2007 8:08:40 AM
John......I will have my girls that weekend.........I hope that everyone has a great time.........I will be thinking of ya'll............seems the ex won't trade weekends......guess his getting married in Hawaii has something to do with that.....LOL
 sleftout
Joined: 11/5/2005
Msg: 5 (view)
 
How do you move on from a cheating ex husband?
Posted: 3/14/2007 3:41:08 PM
I wish I could tell you that it will all be better.......but I won't sugar coat it for you.........it takes time.....morefor some than others....my ex cheated on me in July 2004......I had no clue.....there were no signs.....I have went back over that year in my mind a hundred times.....and I still come up with the same thing.......nothing was out of the ordinary.....anyway he was cheating on me with his 2nd ex wife.......and to top it off I got my "I want a Divorce" by email.......

I thought I was going to loose my mind......in fact I lost about 4 months that I have no memory of......we even went to Florida during this time.....and I have pictures but no recollection of going.......I lost over 60 pounds during this 4 month time.....I shook so bad that I couldn't drive or hold onto anything......and I had two small children to take care of........I have no clue what I did with my girls during this time.......

But now it is 2007 and I am doing good......better than I thought I would.........he was my world.....but I found that my world still goes on without him.......I'm ready to date now and I honestly think I can trust again........not all men are like him and I have to remember that.......everyone is different............I can't judge all men by what my ex has done......

So all I guess I can say is take it one day at a time.....your heart will heal....and you will be more trusting......and you may get hurt again.....but life comes with not guarentees........

God Luck hun.....
 sleftout
Joined: 11/5/2005
Msg: 66 (view)
 
One
Posted: 3/10/2007 10:51:19 AM
Hmmmm ok one trailer......one cabin......one guy.....John it sounds like you might just be one busy fella......ummmm I mean that is .....going back and forth that is to make sure that everyone is secure in their cabin......trailer......and stacked just right.....
 sleftout
Joined: 11/5/2005
Msg: 9 (view)
 
toilet training help!!
Posted: 3/9/2007 5:02:13 PM
OP.........for my girls I put a sticker chart up in the bathroom........when they used the potty they got a sticker......when they didn't it was left blank........I bought stickers that they really liked and they got to choose the one to put on the chart.........

They really liked the idea......and took no time at all to potty train them.....
 sleftout
Joined: 11/5/2005
Msg: 64 (view)
 
Still On......
Posted: 3/7/2007 5:27:43 PM
Sorry......I have been busy.........got tons of girl scout things going on.........trying to get ready for out weekend campout then end of this month.......and the cookies came in so it is a nightmare sorting 176 cases of them.........

I looked at all the sites John......thanks again for sending them.......me I'm a cabin girl.....as I don't have a tent and all that good stuff...
 sleftout
Joined: 11/5/2005
Msg: 3 (view)
 
goodbye
Posted: 3/5/2007 6:26:02 PM
I wish you both the very best............
 sleftout
Joined: 11/5/2005
Msg: 16 (view)
 
So how mature was your break up? If it was at all.
Posted: 3/4/2007 4:50:56 PM
Breakups are hard......especially when one wants it and the other one doesn't....mine well it was hard......but understandable......my ex said he had been married all of his adult life.....(I was wife #3).......and he had never been sober and single......(he is now sober 12 years)....and we were married 10 of those years........and with two small girls.......sure it was hard...but I loved him enought to set him free......give him what he wanted.......only to find out he had been seeing ex-wife #2.......was I mad.....was I bitter.......I was hurt....it was the lies that hurt.....honesty would have been so much better.....

Is he happy now........I'm not sure.....he is on girlfriend #2......but we get along....we are able to talk and discuss things concerning the girls.....and that is good........I don't see a reason to condem him......he is searching for what he wants.....and I hope that he finds it.....
 sleftout
Joined: 11/5/2005
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Dating without the drunk
Posted: 3/3/2007 10:34:35 PM
Ponie congratulations on your sobriety.........it is a long hard road.....my ex is a recovering alcoholic of almost 13 years now......I see it as a great accomplishment in ones life.....and I for one applaud anyone who makes it the first 30 days......the hardest days....and then continues to strive for sobriety.....

Good luck on your search for that woman.....yes she is out there.....waiting for the chance to walk thru life with you and support you...

I can say from first hand experience that it is wonderful......to see the happiness on someones face when they receive that coin each year......I don't think there is anything better than that...(well maybe the exitement of you children being born)....

I have found that AA friends are some of the greatest friends you can have........

Good luck and continued success.........
 sleftout
Joined: 11/5/2005
Msg: 38 (view)
 
Has anyone had a chance to checkout the websites???
Posted: 2/22/2007 6:34:36 PM
Sorry John.......I haven't had a chance yet......I had a family member in Steelville pass away.....so I have been dealing with that......I promise to get to it this weekend and will give ya a holler and let you know.....but I will pretty much agree with you experienced swimmers and floaters.......lol.......I'm pretty easy going........
 sleftout
Joined: 11/5/2005
Msg: 36 (view)
 
How about a float trip in Stlouis area??
Posted: 2/17/2007 8:15:04 PM
Thanks for the sites John.......I will check them out probably Sunday........
 sleftout
Joined: 11/5/2005
Msg: 33 (view)
 
How about a float trip in Stlouis area??
Posted: 2/16/2007 7:48:41 PM
LOL.........ok....ok....I get everyones point........I'm relaxed.....I will just hang with your friends.......4 life vests that will work..........one for each leg and each arm.........I'm all set.........Ok I'm ready to go now....................geezzzzz I could use meeting some new people and having fun........seems my friends are growing old on me..........LOL
 sleftout
Joined: 11/5/2005
Msg: 31 (view)
 
How about a float trip in Stlouis area??
Posted: 2/16/2007 3:42:45 PM
LOL.........well I'm out of excuses for not being able to get into the water then.....

I have no choice but to jump in with both feet now don't I.........

Trish
 sleftout
Joined: 11/5/2005
Msg: 29 (view)
 
How about a float trip in Stlouis area??
Posted: 2/16/2007 2:49:48 PM
Ok a reply from a non swimmer here.......innertubes have no bottoms.....canoes....they tip easily...kayaks........they are small......rubber rafts.....hmmmmm they are big and close to the water.......ok I think I will sit on the bank and watch ya all out there and cheer ya on....any other non swimmers that want to sit and keep me company.........LOL....Can you tell I'm scared of sinking out there somewhere.........LOL

Thanks so much John....for doing all the leg work on this.........it is much appreciated.......but if there is anything I can do.......give me a holler....I would be more than happy to help......
 sleftout
Joined: 11/5/2005
Msg: 21 (view)
 
Valentines Day Stories
Posted: 2/15/2007 2:11:00 PM
I had a wonderful Valentines Day.......9 years ago I received a gift on on Valentines Day that continues to give......my oldest daughter was born........so she and I and my youngest daughter spent it together.....doing what they wanted to do........so see......I will never have a lousy Valentines Day as long as I have her and her sister.....
 sleftout
Joined: 11/5/2005
Msg: 13 (view)
 
Why leave the relationship?
Posted: 2/15/2007 2:04:45 PM
Ktexas........I wish I knew.......I had been married almost 10 years.....with two beautiful daughters and my husband looked at me one day and said.......I'm sorry I Love You......but I'm not in love with you.........????? talk about throwing someone a curve......it hit me blind sided........I had no clue....did not see it coming......no arguements nothing.......but I found out he had been seeing his 2nd ex wife.....so maybe that was the basis.......he needed something new and exciting.......needless to say he is no longer with that one.....but on to another one.......and planning marriage to this one.....

But I agree with you.......if you are in a slump......you need to work on the relationship if it meant anything at all to you....he was not willing to try but to give up........I won't work he said.......but I believe it could have worked......it would just take some communication and effort on both parts to make it work........I married late......thought we were both mature enough for it to last forever....

The sad thing I learned was that I was willing to change and compromise for him......but he was not willing to make any changes........just willing to give up.......

So if someone knows the answer......I'm like you......I would like to know......
 sleftout
Joined: 11/5/2005
Msg: 10 (view)
 
If you had a second chance at a lost love, would you go for it?
Posted: 2/15/2007 1:56:09 PM
Ryles......yes in a heart beat........they say you only Love once truely and deeply......but you were young and scared.....you have grown since then......loved and lost love....and I think that if both of you can get past the past......start a new beginning.....then yes go for it...leave what happened in the past there.........start fresh.........and take time......get to know one another all over again......because neither one of you are the same people that you were 7 years ago.......and enjoy the second chance you are getting.......

Good Luck to You.......
 sleftout
Joined: 11/5/2005
Msg: 21 (view)
 
How about a float trip in Stlouis area??
Posted: 2/12/2007 6:47:17 PM
John.........sounds like you have been busy.......and I agree that a group meeting would be nice......we can all meet and figure out how many of us are going......(keeping my fingers crossed it is a weekend my girls are with their dad) and get things finalized.....

Well then it sound like several that can swim will have to get to the owner quick and make sure he has his few too many drinks.........LOL

Thanks for the work you are putting int this........

Trish
 sleftout
Joined: 11/5/2005
Msg: 13 (view)
 
How about a float trip in Stlouis area??
Posted: 2/11/2007 9:43:13 AM
Thanks lively14u........makes me feel better and safer......I agree about July.....the water is great then.......I'll keep checking back to see how it is coming along.....glad to see there are a few more interested.....
 sleftout
Joined: 11/5/2005
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Thanks johnz
Posted: 2/8/2007 8:10:27 AM
Awe thanks.....but as I said earlier I can't swim......and my luck I would be the one to tip us over....LOL

I can understand the specific age group.......I would feel uncomfortable with a group of 20 year olds and being the only one in my 40s....

I think it would be great if you can get some of these people together for an outing....but wow......seems like St. Louis doesn't appear to have much interest in even just getting together for anything at all.....float trip.....get together.....anything would be nice.....just to meet some of the people in the area.....

But I will keep checking back to see if anyone is up for anything.....maybe I need to move to Canada......seems like that is where all the get togethers are happening......

Have a great day......
 sleftout
Joined: 11/5/2005
Msg: 6 (view)
 
elliebab I like your ideal
Posted: 2/8/2007 4:49:50 AM
Well that leaves me out............ya all have a great time.........
 sleftout
Joined: 11/5/2005
Msg: 134 (view)
 
Anyone from Missouri???
Posted: 2/2/2007 12:57:47 PM
About 15 miles South of St. Louis here.......I think it would be great.......but it seems that we get a thread going and it stops......would love a get together somewhere here.....maybe someone can pick this up and get it rolling.........I know there are a lot of Missourians...here on POF........maybe they just don't read the forums..........
 sleftout
Joined: 11/5/2005
Msg: 2 (view)
 
How about a float trip in Stlouis area??
Posted: 1/23/2007 10:28:19 AM
If someone teaches me how to swim before then I am game........LOL.....
 
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