Show ALL Forums
Posted In Forum:

Home   login   MyForums  
 Author Thread: 'Younger' older women. Why?
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 279 (view)
'Younger' older women. Why?
Posted: 9/18/2018 8:19:48 AM

When a woman is promiscuous/has many partners, it accelerates their aging. It has to do w/ the immune system, sperm & the membrane linings of the vagina, mouth or anus. The more often any membrane is exposed to different DNA the weaker the protective barrier/immune system becomes.

That's a complete crock of sh!t - lol. Your membranes in the mouth are constantly exposed to different DNA when eating. Your silly bought-into bad hypothesis-turned-fact has no bearing on it, and is just based on trying to keep people from sleeping around. Best not to do that with silly fables, then those who do won't take Anything seriously. Kind of like saying pot makes people crazy... or having a few beers makes you do crazy crazy things. When when one takes a hit off a blunt, or has a few beers -- they realize everyone else is a crock... and then don't listen to what the good cautionary advice is, as a result.
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 268 (view)
why do do many women have body type = thin
Posted: 9/18/2018 7:55:07 AM

I'd like to reduce my starch/sugars more than what I am but the truth is that ones like bread, pasta, rice and potatoes are cheap and they fill up my kids' stomachs. So while I can't afford to do healthy and low carb and high protein every day, 3 or 4 times a week is slightly manageable.

You don't want to tank up on bread, pasta, rice, and potatoes. Not for one day. There's ways around that, on a budgetary scale. The bigger/real problem is, as you point out -- it's the people you're around. You can't help yourself, which is tough for anyone.
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 36 (view)
Lack of sexual experience. It is a turn off?
Posted: 9/17/2018 10:09:42 PM

If 20 men are on island with 20 women....and all of them men had sex with the same one girl....
then there is NOT an even result!!
Her number is 20....the men's are 1....and the rest of the women 0!!

Yes! And guess what the AVERAGE is for each *gender*? The SAME! :)

A person doesn't have an average -- they have a #. Each person within a gender has a #. Take the sum total among each in a gender, and divide by the number in that gender. It's. The. Same. 1. :) (drops mic)

No you can't, because it's a dumb question that doesn't deserve a response.

I agree. The problem is, when you don't give a response, the questioner who's serious about asking that question is going to assume it's negative (either virgin or near virgin at a non-young age; or "too many"). Knowing that, that's why I think it's ethical to give a skewed response.

Kind of like if a semi-creepy guy on a 1st date goes, "So your mom lives on xxxx Elm Street in Springfield, just north of 1st street?" you could say Yes if she did... or say No even though she did. :)
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 17 (view)
Leaving POF for eharmony
Posted: 9/17/2018 9:57:32 PM

Even in our age group, what you call a misogynist, others call a man's man.

I think a man's man can be found at the gay bar, actually. ;) I always chuckle at that term... couldn't help myself there. But I get what you're saying.

There is a very large subset of women that respond to that. Just look at all of the "nice guy" threads.

I agree. And such a subset can/will be found in more traditional circles, too. Although I think gals getting frisky over big trucks or a guy being a bondsman is kind of high-schoolish -- it does have at least some positive weight with many in a certain subset. Problem is, still, an average Joe @54 shouldn't be expecting to be pulling gals in their early to mid 30s despite that. If a guy's going to go "Pshaw!" to a site like POF which has a +/- 14 year cut-off, he better be wielding some looks (or $$) that goes beyond the norm.
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 301 (view)
Do nice guys finish last?
Posted: 9/17/2018 9:38:38 PM

I mean finding them for dating.

Which requires them to also be a viable dating option, which is obviously harder than people-watching.

There are quite a few handsome single men available in my age range to date. Not so many highly intelligent men, most of those are taken. At least the ones I come into contact with.

Well, you can't detect High intelligence (not just smart) by merely coming into contact with them. Detecting that takes much more than having a 10 second look across the room for looks. One of my points was, yeah, certain qualities are harder to find that looks because you can't judge a book by it's cover (except looks).

I think, I won't speak for most women. I would say, I will take a smart man as long as he was attractive to me. He doesn't need to be handsome.

I was referring to you saying that you find handsome men more trouble than what they're worth -- and you'd take a smart man over a smart handsome man, as long as the non-handsome man wasn't so anti-attractive. Yes, you obviously do not at all speak for most women on that. But in another way, it's still paying attention to looks when one is intimidated or turned off by too good of looks.

I would take a smart guy over a handsome guy. This no way means the handsome guy is stupid.

True. But it was clearly implying a handsome guy, by default, isn't smart (doesn't make them stupid, but...). Just like my question implied guys from Ohio aren't in the smart category. I mean, you can clarify that no no no, you don't find handsome men lacking intelligence. OK, I wouldn't bet the farm that you really feel that way in mid-discussion, but that's fair to say. I'm just saying "Would you want to date a smart guy, or a guy from Ohio?" Is going to show one's implications, when worded like that.

I sincerely doubt anyone is so desperate not to be alone, that they would just marry or date someone, because that person were more willing to put up with "their shiat"

I never remotely implied they would.

Women have their own money and abodes, they don't need a man to "put up with their shiat"

Not all women do (or enough), but yes, many women do. But as a side note, many women will end up feeling lonely -- not their bank account not fruitful enough.

Most of the time, I think that shiat we hear of is just angry bitter men who can't handle a woman as a equal. If she doesn't agree with his thinking or has thoughts of her own, he thinks she has a bad attitude.

Oh, sure, there definitely is that. But what I was saying is, women who prefer a man not to be so handsome, and purposely would rather have an average Joe (with good compatible qualities) -- they tend to be the more difficult to get along with in dating at least.... not necessarily snotty amongst their peers or anything, but when dating, they can have other issues such as intimidation/lack-of-esteem with good looking guys, fear of lack of control that they can have with other ones, etc. YMMV as to the reason(s).
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 286 (view)
Are Women on POF Just Looking For a Ego Boost ?
Posted: 9/17/2018 9:24:43 PM

I don't know what I fear more: that I won't like them but they'll like me and I'll have to hurt their feelings OR that I'll like them but they won't like me and they'll have to hurt my feelings. I haven't gone on a meetup with someone new in a while.

The first step to your problem is to realize it's objectively a true problem. Otherwise it will continue. It stems from:

Back in the days before old I was way too damn shy and avoided men I liked out of utter panic.

Basically, no, if they live in your town -- you don't pen-pal. It's not a "well, I'm just this type". It's actually being out in left-field, to that extent. It's hiding behind a computer screen. :) It shouldn't be respected as a type or characteristic, but a problem aimed to be resolved down the line. I'm not saying this at all to be mean, but to erase thoughts that it's "OK". Otherwise, your luck will continue to run dry, as you're only short-changing yourself. They're just someone in your town you talked with online, and you only talk to them if they seem like a viable dating option.

No different than if you met a guy at the bar, chatted a bit over a drink or two, exchanged #s, then texted. You don't sit there and text for 2 weeks before agreeing to meet him.
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 8 (view)
OKcupid adopts swiping like Tinder
Posted: 9/17/2018 6:41:31 PM

Norwegian, it's true! Someone wrote you a message... But we won't show it to you! In my email it says "he's somewhere in your matches... Closer to the top" I can't see my message and the gentleman thinks im rude and didn't answer! Aaargh.

Hmmmm. Interesting. I've never seen that on there. But, I guess the lesson learned is: Always Swipe Right. Always. That way, you'll never run into that. :)
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 6 (view)
OKcupid adopts swiping like Tinder
Posted: 9/17/2018 4:22:36 PM

They ask you questions like: do you support ACLU? Do you support abortion? The hell??????? Im here to date, not register to vote.

All those questions are Optional. You can choose not to answer what you want. They have every question in the book. I find it interesting. :)

My complaints are: if someone writes me a message but I haven't liked him myself, I can't see the message. I dont have time to play hide and seek!

I never ran into that, although I don't use the site much. Mine was in my search, there were very few. Any I nixed in double-match, nor nixed me, didn't show. Which is a time saver, although gives the illusion that there's not too many people on the site if you've been fruitfully weeding thru it for a while. :)
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 264 (view)
why do do many women have body type = thin
Posted: 9/17/2018 1:13:29 PM

Counting calories is not the only way to lose weight. I don't count calories, but instead, find it easier to simply watch my carbohydrate intake.

Our food pyramid is kind of out of whack where it aims for too big on carbs, notably in an eat-a-lot society. That said, my aim was to know how many calories Exactly what you're doing when you already tried but it's not going so well. So many people estimate or slip into estimating, especially adding cheat treats & days, etc. People are a lot worse at it than they think. If it's "too much a pain" to be exact on it -- one's most likely Off by more than they think. It's more a Psychological thing to keep one on track.

But yes, it's What you eat that's very important. Which is why it's a waste of time to go on a diet of stuff one Dislikes for several months to drop some pounds (sans for a wedding or class reunion). It will always come back, if that's the case. It's to change it to something one's Comfortable with, as Their Way. Otherwise, one's just wasting their time.
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 83 (view)
Women Don't Know What They Want
Posted: 9/17/2018 11:39:39 AM

I still have this viewpoint that a real man can fight and be a protector and drives around in a big truck, hunts, fishes and does hard outdoor work.

You watch too many truck commercials and get giddy about it. :)
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 3 (view)
OKcupid adopts swiping like Tinder
Posted: 9/17/2018 11:27:16 AM
It's not the same, though. You don't need a double-like to write them (just checked). I think You need to Like them to write them. And maybe if they Don't like you, they don't show up in the Browse Matches list? Which I think is a good thing that nobody else does. Why have someone who marked "No" on you for a mutual match be in your listings.
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 11 (view)
Leaving POF for eharmony
Posted: 9/17/2018 11:20:59 AM

you can't choose your age range that your age range is chosen for you

I agree that the age-range thing isn't the best ideas on the site. That said, @54, trying to get a gal in her 30's -- especially when it's a Serious-Dating-Only aimed site like eHarmony, you'd have to be the exception not the rule, which you're not (unless you were aiming Really low on looks & where they're at in life; still a lot of tough luck along the way). eHarmony isn't a place to pick up young gals. You'll be disappointed if you're aiming for gals under 40 looking for their Romeo.
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 258 (view)
why do do many women have body type = thin
Posted: 9/17/2018 11:14:08 AM

To make estimations you need to be very good at knowing exactly how much is in what you eat and knowing roughly how much of what you can be eating to lose weight.

What I was referring to is not to make any estimations at all. People will think they're on target but be terrible at it. Just by what you Are doing when half-a$$ trying or fully trying. It puts things in perspective, and that alone makes it easier, when one, like July is "I try, but it really doesn't work!" No estimates. No cheat days. :)
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 294 (view)
Do nice guys finish last?
Posted: 9/17/2018 10:03:31 AM

It's easy to find a pretty guy, not easy to find a smart guy. [My definition of smart]. My thoughts are, most women don't let those types of men go.

If you mean "find" as in scoping them out -- sure. It's easy to "find" them good looking guys, even if they're only 10% of the population. Mall-watching alone does it. That doesn't work for smart guys -- especially if you're wanting super-high intelligence. A 1st date won't cut it either (unless you're talking about the feeling-of them being Really smart). Either way, it's another reason why looks is the #1 without us realizing it. It's Easy to process. It's usually not one's #1 (conscious) concern, as it's automatic instinctual weeding process gives the illusion that it doesn't play a role. Certain qualities about a person require more than brain-scanning a crowd.

As far as most women not letting smart men go? Yes, they do. Very intelligent doesn't mean sufficient looks, nor sufficient attitude, compatibility, etc. Most women are not like "I want a guy who's Really smart, AND not Too handsome."

I would interpret that as the guy from Ohio may not be as smart as the smart guy, but, I wouldn't automatically assume the Ohio man was dumb.

I think it's pretty clear if I say "Would you want to date a smart guy, or a guy from Ohio?" -- it Clearly implies men from Ohio are not smart. It's a slap to those living in Ohio. :)

Is this kind of behaviour not against guy code? I hope you got busted.

It wasn't a little sister, but his older sister, and I was older than she by a few years. She ended up dating his BFF swiftly after she I and were seeing each other -- who was a couple years younger than He (and married him). :) ANd their friendship never changed. She was under-the-radar seeing one of his friends a couple years prior to my shindig. It was a guy-code concern -- and wouldn't have happened with a little sister. Nor did I "chase" this older sister, either. She was worried he'd flip out, which was Greatly exaggerated. She only hung around his friends in their adult life. His basic thing was confirmed that, yeah, his friends can/get acquainted with her -- but he just wants no drama.

Still not sure on what constitutes "having your way". I want something, I go after it and usually get it. I don't need any man, handsome or average looking to "give into me" to do that. I prefer an equal, not someone I can walk all over like a puppy dog.

Most who are that type, don't get it so much. :) It's not about Needing a guy, as in fact most are independently minded on that front. And this technically goes for both genders. But in a nutshell, to a good looking gal, a good looking guy isn't going to put up with her sh!t if she has an attitude problem. A guy who's not Good looking is more likely going to feel more grateful to 'get' her and she can get away with walking on him some. Association to said gal with attitude problem (whether it be huge or not that huge but still an issue) -- good looking guys are a-holes, even when they're not... because she's not "getting her way", but with Average Joes, she realizes she gets what "she deserves" more.
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 12 (view)
Profile requirements
Posted: 9/17/2018 1:48:38 AM

People may not want to say "divorced" if they were married for 2 years 20 years ago and have been factually single for most of their life

I agree. If someone was married for a hot second + no kids a long time ago, and put Single, there should be no "Well I Never!" reactions. I once briefly dated a gal who was married @23 for a couple years... they didn't have kids, and got a divorce (as they somehow thought getting married would make things 'wonderful' since they were college bf/gf for so logn). Essentially, she didn't live a life of marriage. Besides having a wedding event itself, they were just like they were before, and broke up.
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 256 (view)
why do do many women have body type = thin
Posted: 9/17/2018 1:44:30 AM

Physical activity doesn't burn as much energy as you think it does aka 1 hr of walking only like 100 calories for me. Its about 80% based on consuming right food and amount of calories and 20% to burn any small excess of energy off

True. Pound for pound, it's what you're eating & how much that makes the biggest difference. "Sneaking" things in, "cheat days", etc., can easily add up much more than one thinks.... they'll think they're only taking in X calories a day and doing well, but in reality, it's solidly more than that. That's why I think if people count calories not by estimates but adding up all the numbers On Every Single Big or Little Thing -- that alone helps a lot by itself.
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 279 (view)
Are Women on POF Just Looking For a Ego Boost ?
Posted: 9/17/2018 1:41:41 AM

If she's talking to you she is probably at least a little interested.

No. That's the trap He fell into. If she's talking to you, lives in your area, but can't/won't meet you -- she's not interested in-that-way. It's a clear litmus test of interest vs no-interest.

It can be pretty scary meeting a strange eye somewhere.

For the very Few, going beyond a couple weeks. And if one is caught up with that on that unhealthy scale, then that by itself is going to push interest away.
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 273 (view)
Are Women on POF Just Looking For a Ego Boost ?
Posted: 9/16/2018 6:06:13 PM

That happened to me in February and it made me feel like absolute s**t. The girl in question was someone I got talking to in November, December maybe. We got along alright, we had things in common, had a good laugh. I asked her maybe three times if she'd like to go on a date with me, she said she'd like to talk a bit more.

If you're talking to a girl (in your general area) and she doesn't want to meet you within a couple weeks -- she's not interested. Period. You should be kicking Yourself, instead, for riding that fake train. :) I think many of us have done that when young & new to the Internet... but it's a quick lesson to learn.
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 14 (view)
Lack of interest.
Posted: 9/16/2018 6:01:36 PM

In my perspective they're amazing. Similar values/goals/interests/views, have their acts together, great personality, good jobs, drama free. We have a great night out and I see all these good things that come together to make who they are. I just can't get interested in what they're offering. What do you think I'm not being honest with myself about?

Because if you Really Did think they were amazing you would be interested in them. Simple as that. Also, you say that after you start up a convo, within a day or two you're looking to stop talking. They're THAT Amazing, huh? And yet here, you're talking about going out with them -- kind of a confusing mismatch here, but whatever. And, shall I include, your claim that 75% of these Amazing women you write to, not only will give a response, but have a Conversation. Far fetched claim there, too.

If from your perspective a woman's amazing with great personality, looks, etc and matches your type as you say -- you'll have interest. If you're not interested, no, from your perspective you don't think they're good looking + great personality + drama free + amazing. Sorry. :)
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 271 (view)
'Younger' older women. Why?
Posted: 9/16/2018 5:54:27 PM

Last summer I met two women in a field study program who were in their early 50's but were super fit and I thought in their mid 30's maximum.

I think it's just your age-perception that's Off. It changes when we get older, so I think you're just getting older. I razz ya a bit, but I'm also being serious. I can be like "What? You're 22?" when I'm thinking they're 27-ish... or look at an older woman and think she's younger -- but nothing like early 50s -> early 30s. I've never seen that on TV nor IRL. More like "late 30s at the youngest, probably early 40s" are the Wow-factors when running into women in early 50s.

I'm blessed with great genes. ;-)

I'm blessed with great jeans. That I got on sale, too!
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 26 (view)
Forum people
Posted: 9/16/2018 5:38:12 PM

Still, some of my own posts look bad even to me. Could it be that just words creates an uglier persona than overall demeanor?

I think the forum brings out more negative thoughts / views than positive ones, sure. Because the forums aim on problems/issues. Not "I got a date! I know exactly what to do, too!", ya know?

It's more like "I finally got a date and this guy/gal went to the bathroom and never came back. I know I weight 50lbs more than my pictures, but what I did I say or do that was so wrong on the date??"
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 31 (view)
Lack of sexual experience. It is a turn off?
Posted: 9/16/2018 5:31:55 PM

NEVER ask the how many people thing only because it could scare most

Well, more importantly, you can't expect the truth -- even from pretty honest people. Surveys totally prove this, as # of people straight folks had sex with should be ~even between men & women. But it's always men higher than women, almost always significantly higher. So don't expect the truth anyway, just awkwardness of asking it. :)

IMO, when one asks -- it gives the other person a legit opening to lie, to some degree. It's an unfair question, and the kind where Not answering at all implies the answer is a negative answer.

I married a virgin and have only been with 1 man in my life. Half of my marriage our sex life was lame, and the other half was non-existent due to medical problems.

That's why one shouldn't marry a virgin. For the same reason one shouldn't marry someone they never went on a trip with, either.

I've read through some threads and I find that most men prefer their women to be experienced in the sex department.

Yeah, if you're past college age -- that's pretty much true for men & women. Experienced as in they know what they're doing and they can do it at least decently well because of it.

Would the fact that I've only been with one man make you assume that I might be bad in bed?

Good news for you as a woman, it takes less "skill". Just openness. And on top of that, it doesn't require tons of experience with Many Different guys to have adequate sexperience. I guess the comfort zone of getting porked by a guy who's NOT your Ex who was the only one you ever had sex with, is the first concern. Guys don't like girls who are overly-emotional about sexual relations.

In a nutshell, you're not sitting in any predicament. If a guy likes you, and you say you haven't had much sex with your Ex and your kind of rusty in the bedroom -- he'll have no problem teaching you lessons. :)
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 25 (view)
Living at home.
Posted: 9/16/2018 5:21:32 PM

I won't regret this. NG mentioned that it might slow down my dating life. Maybe but dating isn't the reason that I am doing this. I get my parents and sisters back plus nieces and nephews.

Yeah, obviously it wasn't due to dating. And you being older, it's not as bad moving in with your parents when you're in your 30s, as far as affecting the dating life. But it still definitely will, to some degree. It's part of weighing the pros & cons. And if the dating scene is low on the totem pole for you, then yeah, obviously from what you describe -- moving back is a good thing all-around.
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 106 (view)
Middle-aged Tardy Dates
Posted: 9/16/2018 5:15:00 PM

When it comes to dates I do not want to be the first one there left waiting. I get much more nervous. If the guy I'm seeing gets there first at least I don't have to sit there worrying about being stood up.

BUT, as you pointed out in another thread... you have your cell phone to play on! See? Problem solved! ;)

I don't mind getting to a bar earlier than a friend (or date) of mine. With a date of a girl I really like, I in fact prefer to get there early and get a drink under my belt and scope the landscape, first.
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 279 (view)
When's the last time you met someone in real life to date?
Posted: 9/16/2018 5:05:56 PM

You would've had a field day with them for sure!

Oh heck yes. Geology Dept is the last place I would have thought to go to, in terms of finding really cute nerd girls -- robots or not!

I know way more about the rocks and geology of western Ireland than I do anywhere else. So it has a special place in my heart because of that.

Hmmm, sure it's not about the beer, too? :)

We also don't have very interesting rocks. Mostly sedimentary rocks, which aren't as cool. Igneous and metamorphic rocks are more interesting.

Interesting. Yeah, I never took Geology, so someone in my position can't truly appreciate it.

It's a shame it's so soft.

That's what She said! ;)

Years ago if you were bored you sought out human contact by going out to a bar or visiting someone. Now you just go on your cellphone to talk to someone. Its kind of sad.

One study found that teens are having less sexual partners now VS yesteryear, because of always being on their cell phones, and gals don't need to be in person to get male attention anymore. So I guess that's at least a good by-product of it. :)

That said, I think thoughts/worries what this refers to is overblown. You are making human contact -- even moreso but on a lower level, being online all the time chatting with peers thru FB or texting. And I don't think it makes people homebodies, although it makes being a homebody more inviting than it otherwise has been. But I don't see things as people not going out enough. I see it as people when going out, become more "occupied" when alone (friend goes to bathroom, left, or is being waited on) -- which makes it a bit more of a hurdle for guys they don't know to approach.
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 281 (view)
Do nice guys finish last?
Posted: 9/16/2018 4:54:20 PM

The only problem is, I'm in Canada. That is how we spell it here. This should clear this up!

Ahhh! It does, eh! Sorry, my bad -- I thought you were from the States. :)

If I say I prefer a tall guy over a short guy, that doesn't automatically mean every man who isn't tall is a midget. You are one black and white thinker.

Well, that's different. You're talking about the Same concept between the two. Your example there would be like saying I prefer a smart gal over a dumb gal. There's no assumptions on that. And correct, it doesn't imply super-smart or super-dumb on each part. But when I use two Different concepts, and there is an existing stereotype out there held by some that pretty people lack intelligence -- saying I'd prefer a smart girl who's not great looking over a pretty girl, implies that stereotype.

Too me, smart is highly intelligent. There aren't too many of them around. Handsome men are a dime a dozen.

So if someone's merely worthy of being called intelligent, they're not smart? :) I agree it could imply high intelligence based on the context... or not. But okay, you mean you'd take a Highly Intelligent guy who's clearly not good looking at all, over a guy who's really handsome + pretty intelligent. I don't totally buy that, but OK. :)

As far as handsome men being a dime a dozen... I guess technically on the subjective level that could be true for someone. But on the objective scale, I guess in certain circles they're a dime a dozen... but if it's too populated in society as a whole, they're not tooo handsome (as it relies on comparison to others).

Just because I say a man Is "smart" does not mean I think every other man is dumb".

I agree. But that wasn't the same context. It'd be more like "Would you want to date a really smart guy, or a guy from Ohio?" Guess what I implied about Ohio (that I have no shame in implying)? :)

Maybe for a younger gal. At my age, not too many men can give me anything I can't give myself. I have my own money, home, car, financial security. Just much less drama with average men.

I wasn't referring to that... I was referring to "having your way". A friend's sister who I secretly was seeing for a couple months -- she's Great looking. But the bossy type, can definitely be difficult to get along with, etc., and it's a night & day difference in getting what she wants out of a guy, between seeing a Hot guy and an average Joe. She ended up marrying Clearly an average Joe in looks (who always had a crush on her since he was a kid; she gets what she wants moreso than any other guy she'd date).
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 55 (view)
How do you know when a women is flirting with you?
Posted: 9/16/2018 1:25:00 PM

It depends, it's usually more subtle than men flirting with women so you have to look hard.

I agree that women are much more subtle in general situations, but...

If you're talking about a perfect 10 in a nightclub, if she keeps talking to you, that's a good sign.

Well, of Any gal, actually. Technically, if she's not a perfect 10, the chances are greater she has interest in you if she keeps talking with ya.

You want to be able to tell the difference between a woman making casual conversation and a woman talking to you and asking you questions about yourself because she wants to get to know you.

Very true. If they ask About You, that's a sign of interest. Not flirting -- but then again, flirting isn't the only sign of interest. Most guys don't outright flirt until there's signs of interest after trying to strike up conversation.

I felt bad for him and also thought he was cute, so I looked at him with a hint of a tender smile. It all happened in a nano second in a crowd and he was upset about his flyers but he immediately acknowledged me with a hello. He knew! :)

You should have licked your lips and blew him a kiss. You would have made his day + you'd know he got the message! :)
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 276 (view)
Do nice guys finish last?
Posted: 9/16/2018 1:04:31 PM

^^^ Oh bulls*hit, default my a*ss ^^^ it doesn't necessarily mean anything of the sort, need I explain something as simple as ~ a " preference " to you ?

It certainly does. "I'd take a smart girl over a pretty girl any day of the week" -- implies pretty girls, by default, aren't smart (and smart girls aren't so pretty either). Especially if it's surrounding an argument defending myself that I'm not that into looks (which people do too often, out of pride; which is weird).

If you are in Canada, it is spelled correctly, if you are in the States, it is spelled wrong. Shoot me now

Like I said, it wasn't a big deal as an American. You weren't trying to spell it in British-English, you just misspelled -- but Who cares.

I was referring more to highly intelligent men, like Mustang, not average intelligence men.

You said you'd pick a smart man over a handsome man. Basically, a guy who's above average in intelligence over a guy who's above average in looks. Not super-hot and super-intelligent.

I would take a smart man over a handsome smart man, as long as I didn't find him down right ugly.

Why? You'd purposely pick a guy who's Not handsome, when they're both smart?

They see someone with a handsome guy and they do there darnedest to get his attention.

I'll give you that. When you are with a gal, you get more attention from girls. It's weird. Seinfeld did an episode on that, where George suddenly got female attention when he wore a wedding ring lol. You're giving yourself market value, so in some ways it can work. But with guys, we're not quite like that. As you point out, some women can be very catty, where it's to a lesser degree among men, from my experience (1st and 2nd hand).

Last one didn't even wait to do it behind my back, waltzed right over, stuck her ass in my face and asked him to take her for a ride on his Harley. He set her straight and we left, but who wants to deal with that crap? No thanks.

Okay. Yeah, I know some girls who say they don't want notably good looking guys because of what you refer to. IMO, and I'm sure you'll Disagree -- it's more about getting what they want & comfort-zone. Usually they're pretty nice looking themselves (like yourself for your age). They find they can't get what they want from guys as good looking as they are (or shades better). But with average Joes, they can. But I agree that girls looking at the guy & always having flirting potential adds fire to the flames.

As a guy, when you date someone out of your league, or just pretty + very social -- you run into that. I've walked from some girls who were quite pretty + uber-social and didn't know how to shoo guys away. Said types of gals Swear they want to but can't nor know how to do it, etc -- which, underneath it all, I call BS on. I believe that some truly do believe they can't / know how to shoo them away, but underneath it all -- it flourishes more with them because they like the attention. It's hard for some who desire positive reinforcement, to push it away.
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 254 (view)
why do do many women have body type = thin
Posted: 9/16/2018 12:38:45 PM

I think julystorm22 could put "average" in her profile.

I think she could get away with it too, but would be a mundane example of how people define "average" that people understandably roll their eyes about. Her weight is more than she looks as she carries it pretty well... she looks clearly in the "a few extra pounds" category, nothing more nothing less, really. Basically if working out / properly dieting, not far from an Inarguable "average", as she's obviously closer to that.

What is the point though? I want to make damn sure someone is aware of my looks including a full body shot.before I go on a date.

True. For the same reason someone shouldn't put a couple pics up there that gives them The Best Look Ever, that doesn't look too much like them IRL walking in the door. Actually, if you put a Worse look on there with pics, but not horrible, but enough to get a date to go thru -- the other person will like you more than you Are worth, when you look better than your pics (positive surprises are extra positive, like negative surprises are extra negative).
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 262 (view)
Do nice guys finish last?
Posted: 9/14/2018 12:05:38 PM

Daniel, I just wanted to tell you that you were wrong about the spelling of offence. There is no difference in meaning between offence and offense.

It's not about difference in meaning. If one's American, or it's writing American to American (this forum is a mixed pot), it is a spelling mistake. I mean, it's not a big deal -- but you get a spelling mistake in Any American English venue by going by another language's different spelling.

Sorry, that was in NO way aimed at YOU. I just threw that in there for those who like to twist my words around. Just trying to make it clear, I don't think all or most men are dumb.

I didn't see anything where any word Twisting would be there in your sentence. But it did clearly say that most men are not smart. :) I think a "Sorry, but not sorry" would have been a more logistically fitting follow-up. ;)

They [handsome men] don't always lack intelligence.

I don't think there was a disagreement about ALL men (of any type). But your sentence "I would take a smart man before a handsome man, as long as I didn't find him down right ugly," does imply that handsome men are by default not smart. Kind of stereotyping -- kind of like pretty gals lack intelligence, that some guys erroneously go by.

Personally, I just think handsome men are more trouble then what they're worth , in a lot of cases.

Okay, separate from intelligence or lack thereof -- handsome men are more trouble than they're worth. Hmmm. Actually I believe that in a Relative sense, in a certain way. Pretty women or handsome men whose looks are above what a particular person could easily "get" -- yes, they will be more difficult to go down dating alley with. With Difficult People, said pretty woman or handsome man doesn't have to be out of their league to have a good degree of difficulty... they'd find that going for someone who they themselves are at least a little better looking than, would make things easier.
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 271 (view)
When's the last time you met someone in real life to date?
Posted: 9/14/2018 9:50:56 AM

You'd be surprised. UIUC's geology class when I graduated was more female than male, and they were all cute. Boston University's field camp in Ireland had 3 males (maybe 4), and the rest of a class of about 30 were females (from all over the U.S.), and the majority were cute.

Holy cow! I should have majored in that instead! I would have struck gold with cute nerd girls wanting to take over the world (which would include taking over me, since I'd be in their class!).

Get me anywhere near rocks, minerals, or in the country of Ireland, and my geology nerd comes out real quick! :) Being back in Ireland this summer made me really miss it.

What is it about Ireland and their rocks? You realize we have Plenty of rocks here in the midwest which you can unleash your rock hammer on, to heart's content! :)
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 97 (view)
What is holding you back
Posted: 9/13/2018 8:38:56 PM

Every male must grow up and be a real man, and stop whining over his broken toy.

I agree. My point is: There's a Yuge difference between whining over your ex VS being in talks about past relationships/dating where you bring up pros & cons about them -- and I would hope there'd be cons. If it's only wonderous Pros, then, well, that's even worse. They're truly chasing their ex, then! But even in the disasterous situation where one's still pining over their ex (negative or positive), it doesn't mean they're going to doing so unless you put them in that position to pine about.

There are definitely no guys to meet at work, considering the field I'm in.

What about the hot gym teacher? There's always a hot male gym teacher at every school, right??

There are no guys to meet in my house. So unless a guy came knocking on my rock, there's very little opportunity for meeting someone.

Or a guy comes knocking at your door: "You ordered a sausage pizza?" lol

Naw, I understand. But when you go to the Blackhawks games alone, I think there's a little more opportunity. I'm sure not every situation you're in is at home or in the classroom! And at home, there's the online scene in all it's glory.

you have a good idea of the amount of messages girls receive. I hope things worked out for her!

Not really. She went out on a date with a guy to a (minor league) hockey game, and she was turned off. She gave him a 2nd date because on paper he was a decent guy (which, as telling me this I told her that wasn't a good idea) -- and the nails in the coffin came in right after that. She then threw in the towel.

The reason why she wanted me to make a profile is because I made one for our friend, her male roommate. A shy nice looking guy. I made him one -- and the first gal he met, who was a virgin but I wouldn't have guessed it -- he married. No lie, I swear. I was shocked.

This thread is starting to get depressing.

Well, I tried to liven things up with virgins getting married off of POF. I know, sounds like Sci-Fi! :) But I swear, it's 100% true. Makes me want to make other people's profiles (she wrote him first; I rubbed that in on him).

I can't believe that there are that many people out there who want to screw someone else over when things go south in a relationship.

I unfortunately think to Some extent, it's the gravitational pull to do so when things go south in a Relationship. Or to make it go south when one's not sufficiently happy in a healthy way over time. People have handbooks on how to go about approaching a girl, asking a gal out, what to do on a date, etc etc. Standard Ops. But what about "So you're not into your GF/BF anymore and they're doing nothing wrong?" People instead let their what was once mild frustration build over time, and seep out... become difficult, which leads to the other being difficult, and the fire builds... and bad things happen. That's what happens too many times anyway.
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 247 (view)
Do nice guys finish last?
Posted: 9/13/2018 7:46:33 PM

Looks may be the #1 attractant for some people, others not so much.

Virtually everyone. Again, it's on a different "scale" than other attributes. For instance, Face is the #1 attractant within looks, but many people say it's not to them -- but most are wrong (yes, even about what they like).

I would take a smart man before a handsome man, as long as I didn't find him down right ugly.

If he's only a step above downright ugly -- you're not going to want him either. Nor should you (even though a charity date or two could theoretically lead you to find him mildly physically attractive where your initial size-up was off; but that's never a good game to play anyway). And why the assumption that a handsome man lacks intelligence?

A man has to stimulate my brain before he gets too far with me.

Well, we're not talking about getting to 2nd base or anything, but to get a # or a conversation of interest on a dating site, etc. To even get the audition. Many guys aren't going to be in position to stimulate a gal's brain to do so if he doesn't know her from Adam, and is at a bar/event/shindig or online. It's getting the ball rolling where he could stimulate you, resonate with you, etc -- where you start to hit that other gear to "go further". I would hope you wouldn't go out with strangers who are clearly unattractive, even if not downright ugly, based off a mingling conversation where he seemed like merely a smart guy.

Good looking guys are a dime a dozen, smart men, are a little harder to come by. No offence intended.

I like the passive aggressive jab at the end, nice nice. Smart men are aren't hard to come by. Good looking guys are hard to come by for gals who are good looking themselves (for more than a 1-night stand anyway).

The difficult part is being on the same wavelength as someone and resonating with them, with mutual attraction in-that-way. It'll require multiple ingredients. Lacking intelligence will obviously kill it for many (for you, and I too). Lacking looks where there's insufficient sexual attraction will too. The latter, you can spot mall-watching. The former, one cannot -- although one can assume.... by the way they look.
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 92 (view)
What is holding you back
Posted: 9/13/2018 11:49:58 AM

I always assumed my extreme nerdiness and general shyness would derail any male interest.

Nerdiness, not so much. Shyness with evil death stare, yes (to varying degrees). :)

It took years (including a couple on here) for him to find me living under my rock.

You live in Chi-town! That's too far fetched. I could maybe buy that even if in Naperville, but Chicago? I assume rocks get kicked all the time out there.

I don't get out much, and it's nice and cozy under my rock. If things don't work out, someone else would have to find me under here.

I understand. Old habits die hard, for better or worse. Under rocks included. And yes, if things don't work out, I don't think it'd take too long for someone else to find you under the rock. After all, the cute nerd robot take-over-the-world agenda should make that a little easier. :)

I think everyone who says this is way overestimating the amount of messages you think cute girls get. Unless you are referring to hot girls, who may get more.

Granted, this was 6 years ago, but I created a girl's profile in a midwestern city -- far smaller than Chicago. She wasn't hot. Average Jane. While finishing up filling her profile out, it sent me to another link to do the Questionnaire. Already had Mail! Guys were lining up to her as fast as if I made her walk into a bar wearing a shirt that says "I want to get laid tonight". And no, her profile was Standard, I swear. And no male-nude shots thrown at her or anything. I told her about this when I met up with my friends at a bar and also to give her her username+pass, and she immediately said "Can you make it say I'm just looking to go out on some dates and have fun, not looking for a relationship?" She was on the rebound. I said "OH NO. You DON'T want that. Just check out your mailbox, first." Point is, she got a Lot of immediate attention, and not just from weirdos.

As for Mr. Trebek...that explains a lot. He should know better than to complain about his ex all the time!

Yes, exactly. He's so consumed with trivia, he misses some of the key points in life. But that's what this thread is about! ;)

So all knowing person with no kids, and no ex who has kids with anyone give us your wisdom on experience on knowledge on how to get out of a situation you have no control over being in except to eliminate the ex spouse out of your life kids or not.

I think what the Lion's saying is that if one talks negative about their ex in any way, they're going to be talking smack about You. And if they talk smack about their ex's even to their gal-pals, they're going to be talking smack about them. It's a broad emotional brush to paint -- a poor man's way of dealing with past experiences of being talked bad about.

I think the real concern should be whether one, in the dating circuit with someone else, goes on complaining about their Ex. Even with kids where you have to mesh lives to some degree -- even though it doesn't at all indicate you're going to talk smack about anyone you raise an eyebrow with -- it'll ruin your dating chances if you like the other. I think it's just as simple as that.
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 230 (view)
why do do many women have body type = thin
Posted: 9/13/2018 10:39:04 AM

But what is "thin" in Los Angeles or Vancouver would be classified as anorexic and underweight in Texas and Saskatchewan.

True. It varies from area to area if you're borderline. Like in southern California, what here in the midwest we consider thin, could be average out there. She's not That thin, but she Is slender. But in LA, you'll find more gals saying Average, because, well, she's not Skinny, and a more average body is more on the thin side.

Either way though, it doesn't have to be all that skewed (this topic is about how it 'should' be). Many women when browsing out there are just as fitting Thin as many out here in midwest put Thin. Browsing out there in LA, you'll find more gals who are objectively thin but put Average than you'll find out here. But you'll still even find them out here oddly enough, because gals can be picky/critical about their weight. On the flip side, out here, you'll find more gals putting "Average" when they have more than "a few" extra pounds, where you're less likely to find that out in LA, due to all the slender ladies. There Is an Objective measuring stick, even if it does get a little skewed a bit if there's a high % of skinny or fat people around us in a certain area we settle into.
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 236 (view)
Do nice guys finish last?
Posted: 9/13/2018 10:19:19 AM

Thus, looks don't matter overall as much you claim they do.
Sure they do. It's a bit different for me and women though. Many women don't have to work because they have good looks and a rich guy will take care of them. Subconsciously, looks matter even when doing job interviews and other things. Attractive people get treated better even if it's not conscious. It can also extend relationships because people will be willing to put up with more nonsense from an above average partner.

I agree with you on that. I see it the other way around from my own experience + 2nd-hand observation over the many years. Looks means more than we Want them to. We associate looks with superficiality. We think that if we're not ditching a nice looking, upstanding person for someone better looking without any great characteristics -- looks don't matter to us. But that's not what anyone's saying.

Like our dearly departed Pig has said (I'm paraphrasing), "good looks better have one hell of a supporting cast to keep me interested."

I agree with that, too. Especially for Pig, who would need a hell of a lot to go down relationship-alley with a gal. Good looks isn't enough to cut the mustard. They will Help to shine a better light on the supporting cast if their look & type of look resonates with us... but obviously it can't create a false illusion (for most anyway).

Saying looks is #1 doesn't mean one's blindly ditching another other based on an uptick on looks, by any means. Much the same if one's claiming one's sense of humor is #1, they're not going to ditch a really funny guy they're dating for some other guy who seems a bit funnier because she heard some jokes one night by him. And it doesn't mean one needs one with legitimate stand-up comedian talent to consider dating, either -- or that it covers Everything.
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 233 (view)
Do nice guys finish last?
Posted: 9/12/2018 10:18:55 PM

I like to say, as long as they are attractive to me.

Sure. That doesn't mean it's not #1. Looks being #1 doesn't imply that one's picky about looks. It just means it's the #1 thing -- and again, not that you're pondering at all over, either. Also, if there's only one potential guy, not surrounded by any, all things being ~equal (them being a prospect usually indicates estimate anyway) -- the better looking guy To You will win the day. It will shade the light on other things better, even if by a smidge (with some, by a good margin). And technically, it doesn't mean they're who you'd rank on an objective 1-10 best-looking list -- but the way they resonate with you on their facial structure, expressions, skin, clothing, body shape in combo -- can draw ya in more.

I've had dates with men who I originally didn't find all that attractive looking. After spending some time with them and getting to know them, they suddenly became more attractive to me.

And if you didn't "end up" finding him physically attractive, you would have wasted your time & his (and there's plenty of stories of someone complaining when that happened; they feel they got hosed). There's no real interest when you don't find them sexually (physically) attractive. But, we can see that they aren't all that UNattractive, but, well, we see there's nothing we can put our finger on why we aren't really (sexually) attracted to them... but they genuinely want a date... okay. But freeze-frame: We're not into them. Most likely a Bad idea to have this date. BUT, sometimes, yes, we Do become sexually attracted to them and they look better to us.

Looks change the lens in which we see them as a person & their characteristics, to varying degrees (big or small). Also, the opposite direction can happen, where as we know them, that can alter the lens in how we see their looks. One example of that, is an actor/actress in a movie who has a great character & great performance -- and the guy is ga-ga attracted about her, but, in reality, she's not much more than an average Jane.
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 85 (view)
What is holding you back
Posted: 9/12/2018 1:10:54 PM

True fact!

Locked up in a nun house, are we? :)

I expected none.

Again, I can see expecting fewer than a social doppleganger, but None? Do you wear a nun outfit?? :)

I do [evil death stare], and it's gotten worse since I became a teacher.

Well, all it takes a little liquid courage for a guy to overcome that... although I do see how that can at least somewhat compete with a nun outfit...

And that's probably the real answer.

The rock it is! Yeah, I'd utilize that rock hammer to crack it open. As you say, you're already out of the shell some -- lucky guy he is! But if things don't work out, don't crawl under another rock. Although with a cute gal's POF mailbox, the bombardment will pretty much pierce thru any rock. :)

I wanna hear the story! That was the one thing I didn't like about Alf. That explains a lot (about Mr. Trebek)!

Well, Alf wanted to eat the girl's cat, and I wanted to do the same (but not in reference to her pet) -- and I had to argue that Alf was wrong that what he wanted was a more satisfying exercise. Well, she overheard us arguing, and she didn't want to talk to either of us ever again. Human-like women on Melmac are very sensitive when overhearing guy-talk, apparently!

Mr Trebek... well, his ex-GF moved to Melmac but he never wanted to see her again, because he was complaining about her all the time. So us taking him as hostage actually was a blessing in disguise. He made his peace by beating her silly at Jeopardy, and once satisfied and relaxed, he was off his game enough where Alf beat him. Then, we sent him back. He's originally from Canada (no lie), so I think going to a different place wasn't that rough on him!
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 228 (view)
Do nice guys finish last?
Posted: 9/12/2018 12:23:10 PM

I personally, avoid good-looking guys so looks aren't number 1 for me.

It still is #1 for you, and just about everyone else. For most, we don't think about it -- so although it's not the #1 thing on our mind of concerns, it's the #1 factor that comes into play. And guess what? When you're purposely shying away from a too-good-looking guy -- it's just as much coming into play! And you're still not going to think twice about going for a guy Way less looking than you, either, even if you're more open to a guy who you'll walk past once your self esteem goes up.

I still don't know why people are so hell-bent on downplaying how looks comes into things. Looks even changes how we read their personality (ex: you think a guy who's a 7 or higher is a waste of time as far as getting along with you; others may think a guy who's an 8+ is most likely arrogant, etc).

But again, most of the time, looks isn't thought about -- hence the illusion (that makes us look/feel better) that looks doesn't play much of a role. Ohhh yes it does. Oh yes it does. :)
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 217 (view)
why do do many women have body type = thin
Posted: 9/11/2018 11:53:49 PM

Athletic should just be eliminated from this category I think. You can be athletic and skinny or athletic and built like a brick shithouse.

Yes, you can have different body types of Athletic. But eliminating Athletic, there is nothing resorting to being toned or muscular. Athletic is different variants of being notably toned and/or muscular.
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 64 (view)
Not looking for hookups anymore
Posted: 9/11/2018 11:13:18 PM

Yeah, most of what you are saying has a good deal of validity but you would have to ignore the disgust factor.

Or personal frustration factor, in this case. Which should Not get in the way of validity and skew if one is going to make claims about rights & wrongs.

As an example, I have an extreme aversion to tattoos on women. Never in my life have I been lonely enough to even consider touching one. Say I see a woman's profile with a visible tattoo? I don't want to date her. I don't want to hookup with her either. She isn't even fit for donkey shows.

Yes, but if you were to say these women frustrate the heck out of you -- how dare they? Uhhhh, no. You basically say, "Dammit, I wish they wouldn't do that; she'd be so good looking if she didn't have that [giant tattoo | super-short hair | hippie-clothing]." I'm not going to be upset at them, even though there's an aww-shucks when I can also see the natural beauty. I'd be a fool. :)

That said though, I look beyond that and don't have such ixnay killers, necessarily.

I think the OP was more about when women say they don't want hookups, yet usually go ahead and hook up with the type of guys they say they hate... that stuff confuses alot of guys. It used to confuse me as well.

My point is -- one would be the world's biggest fool to take a woman saying she's not into hookups or casual dating anymore on her profile, or when you initially talking from online = That. That would be frustration turning into Erroneous assumption, is my point. It's even worse than being stereotypical. It doesn't even have that. She's going to say that to Sub-Par Sam *AND* Good-Looking Gary.

What you're referring to is something different, OP, from your first post. Where you have a female friend who you like (that's maybe why she's more of a friend than acquaintance; or a friend at all), who's porked around with guys... claims to like Nice Guys... says that to you and complains how men are, blah blah -- then, low and behold, she gets ball-banged by a cute guy the next weekend.... thus, why you're Frustrated.

Essentially that is someone who says one thing and does another. It's Not: Because they say this certain thing, they Will Do Another; you don't have to even look to see, because it's happened before. No. That's what my point is.
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 74 (view)
What is holding you back
Posted: 9/11/2018 10:47:03 PM

I'm sorry, but there's a misunderstanding somewhere. Those friends did NOT talk badly about their bf to me. Or about their husbands to me. That was my point.

I think his English is off, and maybe leading to my understanding being off too... I thought he was aiming that at ME, about their EX BFs or husbands. Hence his "to Another Dude someday". If he did mean that to you -- like a gal-pal talking badly about her S.O. to You, no, it doesn't mean she's going to be talking smack about You to others. Since you wouldn't be a potential S.O., you'd need more evidence to back up the claim that she would Certainly be talking smack about you to others... basically that she talks smack about virtually everyone where there's little to get upset about, but she does it anyway.

This didn't really happen. I wasn't hit on much by guys in general, let alone guy friends.

LOL. I find that Very hard to believe...

Remember, I have that "stay away" vibe. :)

Yeah, true, but, still. I can understand you not getting the "expected" amount of guys doing so. But either you have an evil death stare and are anti-guy ... or you've been living under a rock (that you haven't smashed with a rock hammer!) to get very very little.

For real?! You're Norwegian? Do you know the Hansens from Deadliest Catch? :-P

No, I meant you calling me out by name giving the wrong impression, would be giving the wrong impression that I'm Norwegian, by Using my name. Meaning -- no, I'm actually Not Norwegian IRL. :)

And here I thought you were really from Melmac with Alf and Mr. Trebek.

Kinda-sorta. I am from Melmac, and but Alf and I didn't end up getting along so well. He was wanting to eat a girl's cat, I liked the girl.... long story. But more importantly, Mr Trebek isn't from Melmac. We just captured him and held him hostage there for long while, until he lost to one of us playing Jeopardy (off the reruns).

No women on this planet will complain to you about her exs either you are a friend, bf, or husband, unless she will complain to someone else about you.

I have no idea where you get that hasty, teenage-bitter-like assumption, tho. Or man, right? Or do you believe it's just a woman thing?

If a person talks to me (whether I be dating her or just a friend) about an ex, that expresses negatively about said ex, no, that does not = they're going to talk badly about me to someone else. I should only expect them to, to Certain Others, if I do something bad To Them, on that Same Level (or worse) that they were expressing negatively about -- and what I mean about Certain Others, means those who are also on the same level as me, then. In the end, I'm not worried. Unless they're Whining about stuff that has little substance and are over-reacting and shouldn't be complaining. Whether they would or wouldn't do the same about me -- I wouldn't care... I wouldn't want to deal with that.
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 210 (view)
Do nice guys finish last?
Posted: 9/11/2018 1:06:37 PM

The thing about nice guys is they are only “nice” because they aren’t in a position to be an assertive a**hole to begin with. Give them the looks and the confidence though and I guarantee you these “nice guys” will be no better than the jerks they criticise.

That's just frustration talking out of not being able to get a girl. As noted above, there's plenty of non-hot guys who are a-holes. Plenty. Good looking guys, or shall I say, notably Good Looking compared to the female in question, do have an apt to not be that into them, thus labeled as jerks... or not jerks but induce a chase by said gal, who gets frustrated, but Tiny Timmy who's her guy friend gets frustrated that better looking guys are all jerks. :)

Same bitterness goes when guys complain about "hot chicks" being all b!tchy and everything. But when you're a good looking guy in their eyes, they're no more b!tchy than any other gal.

Good looks
Good job
Good character (niceness)

It's more like:

(1) Good Looks. If not, rest is moot and unrecognized -- NEXT! (and usually can't be without effort).

(2) If (1) applies, then not a bad job -- avoiding the weeding factor. A Great job will bump him over another guy who just doesn't have a bad one, if he's just a prospect too.

(3) If both (1) & (2) apply, then she'll be willing to talk and/or go out to get to know him as actual character can't be seen in intros and the like. If one likes the other a good amount while the other doesn't like them quite as much, then they're an a-hole (either gender).
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 57 (view)
Not looking for hookups anymore
Posted: 9/11/2018 12:27:22 PM

Somehow, I don't think that it is as simple as all that. There is the loyalty aspect to consider. In essence, she is saying that he isn't as attractive as any of the long toms that came before. The only reason that this situation exists at all is because these others possess a talent that he lacks.

Wait, wait tho. We're not necessarily talking about a gal talking to a specific guy (or the OP), necessarily. We're talking about a gal's PROFILE saying she's done with hookups, right? And even if a gal is saying she's done with casual dating (or hooking up; more specific) to a guy when there's an exchange of "what are you looking for?" -- it doesn't mean he's lower on the totem pole. She's going to say that to Hot Rick just as she'll say it to Cold**** if she even converses with the latter guy. :)

I think there's a big difference between chasing a gal IRL who's a bit out of your league (but not way out), and you Do get a chance, but she gives you a warning that she's not into hooking up and she needs a real guy.... VS being online projecting the same thing in her profiles and intro-messages on what one's looking for.

If you wanted to compare it Online -- then her profile would be more in the Opposite direction of what she preaches to the specific guy.

In the end, a guy should only get some level of frustration if her profile is the Opposite of what she preaches directly to him and sees a pattern. Of course, if that's the case, he's chasing girls out of his league for the most part. (Sorry Charlie). If he's upset that her profile says she's not looking for hookups (even tho she looks like no nun) or casual dating... or when initially chatting she says that and he profile certainly doesn't conflict with that -- then the guy's just sexually frustrated. It in NO WAY takes a gal doling out different cards to Sub-Par Sam VS Good Looking Gary, for her to say on her profile or initially that she's not looking for hookups / casual dating.
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 68 (view)
What is holding you back
Posted: 9/10/2018 7:19:24 PM

I was referring to a few of my female friends. Girls are way more apt to complain to a female friend than a guy they are dating, IMO.

Yeah, that's what I assumed. But, as you point out, if they didn't date much and were with guys who they were going to get hitched with, makes sense you would hear less about it anyway. Now, if they were guy friends, then it's quite common for them to complain about a gal they are/were-just-dating to give out the hints to their cute (even robot) female friend.

I almost called you out by name, but I didn't want anyone to get the wrong impression.

Oh, the wrong impression that I'm actually Norwegian, given my online name. True, true... lol.

Do you ever get over to southwest Michigan? New Buffalo? St Joe?

Or Kalamazoo. Go Broncos. :)

Any woman talks badly about her BF or husband to you, she must talk badly about you to another dude someday.

Not necessarily. I mean, we can get picky about what "talking badly" is. I'm taking the notion that they're complaining about them -- not merely saying something in the non-positive level when questioned by the guy they're dating about their past relationships. With that said, no, not every gal who has said stuff about their recently past relationship doesn't talk smack about all the guys they ever dated. Now, of the few who DO -- sure, then I guess you could make that assumption.

Forget about about pretty is she, and the good sex you may get from her

I certainly couldn't block that out of my memory if both categories are scoring high on the charts - lol. But yes, that's not everything for a Relationship.
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 51 (view)
Not looking for hookups anymore
Posted: 9/10/2018 2:04:26 PM

Trouble is, I find this really off putting. Hard to put my finger on exactly what bothers me, whether it feels like I'm being punished for other men's dishonesty or that I'm being used because the kind of guys these women used to go for don't have decent jobs or something and so they're not really interested in me for who I am...

I think the real punishment you speak of is "Wait, whoah, wait! You hooked up with him, him, and him -- but why not me?? Why do I get the short end of the stick, having to, (sigh), take you out a bunch of times before I get some poon??"

Yeah, I can understand the frustration. ;)

In reality, I don't notice women saying this all the time, but I'll always see something reflecting that. Stuff like "Not into hooking up or casual dating. Been there, done that. I'm looking for real Relationship material." Okay. So how does this hurt You, if you're Also looking for a Relationship? I can understand it's a buzz killer if you're scoping out a doable-casually-dateable, but that's about it. I've felt that natural reflex when profile browsing.

But say she's Hot. And has a great job. And her interests seem to line up with yours. What's the big deal? What's making them Less available to You? That you can't get some quick action? OK. But that's about it. Cheer up, sunshine! :)
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 6 (view)
Lack of interest.
Posted: 9/10/2018 1:58:06 PM

It's not that they aren't amazing women it's that I'm just not interested in them.

If they were amazing women, you Would be interested in them, as you also say...

I'm ridiculously lonely and want to find someone to share my life with

... hence, I don't think you're being fully honest with yourself.
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 5 (view)
Loose skin a deal breaker?
Posted: 9/10/2018 1:44:44 PM
Yes, we do care about loose skin. But like anything else -- the question is, How Much? They'd like the latter than the former, don't get me wrong. But if there's Too Much loose skin, there will be guys who will want neither. I think you're probably pretty self conscious where unideal = total disaster where it wouldn't, though.

I'd just warn some guys that you're in good shape now, but, "I did lose a lot of weight in just one year and have some loose skin," after talking for a while and clicking. If there's "too much" you can get it removed. But no need to do it if there's some extra around lower abdomen area that merely doesn't allow ya to be "cut" down there.
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 262 (view)
When's the last time you met someone in real life to date?
Posted: 9/10/2018 1:40:00 PM

You'd be surprised. The women I've met in their 30's all have the baby rabies.

The women Without kids in their 30s -- yes, it's no surprise to find one's biological clock ticking at full speed. But that's not the point here. Undecided doesn't = wanting to have more kids. It means they haven't literally put in the nail in the coffin on the idea given stars lined up, if they have them already (or not). Girls with a hankering for having kids are not going to put Undecided. July explains it pretty clearly.

No, I was smashing rocks in different countries with my rock hammer as a geology major. :)

Geology major? You don't look at all like a geology major. But then again, that's what helps you be a cute nerd, thus the pull to create a robot army of your own kind.

Then I realized that if I built my robot army of cute nerds, we could totally take over the world as teachers. After all, I have had LOTS of minions as a teacher, and then sent them off into the world to do my bidding. :)

Yes, true. Cute nerds fit the teaching role much better than being out in the field doing geology, and you'll find more like yourself in that arena... while conditioning the minions to do your Real work, to take over the greater Chicago area. :)
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 64 (view)
What is holding you back
Posted: 9/10/2018 1:30:47 PM

Perhaps you are dating the wrong women. I can't speak for all women, but I can speak for myself and quite a few of my friends who never complained about their exes.

That's pretty impressive, if they're just friends. A decent catch of a person is less apt to complain about their ex to someone they begin dating (or have a crush on). That said, though...

Maybe some fellows on here can speak to dating a girl who also never complained about past relationships.

... I can. I've had gals I was datING (not merely landing A date) who have complained about an ex when she was on the rebound (expected). But in a nutshell, from my experience, with a gal you're hitting it off well with, it is common to never have heard them b!tch about their ex. If you're running into that, you're barking up the wrong trees (they're too much better looking than you and/or not over their ex, & that's your "catch").
Show ALL Forums