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 Author Thread: Would you end contact with someone due to unrequited like?
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 123 (view)
Would you end contact with someone due to unrequited like?
Posted: 3/16/2018 4:19:03 PM

A number of you have spoken about there not being a physical attraction. I am 62 yrs old and she is 57. Is physical attraction still important at these ages ?

Of course. You can make the argument that one's less picky due to needing support if/when they're at or nearing retirement when finding a potential relationship... but that's about it. One's taste in looks is going to go down naturally, but at the same time, so will the looks-range in their actual options. It's relative to the age-range you can feasibly match-up with.

Looks matter, always will -- to both genders as the #1 element. And even for someone like you, you get that 'feeling' that 'click' -- that's due to Looks without any baracade-quality you'll often find in gals who are as cute as she. Looks isn't limited to pure-direct sexual thoughts. I remember one gal light-years ago in a forum was talking about how girls don't care much about looks and she doesn't at all -- but wants a guy 6'0"+. She didn't realize height/body-shape Is dealing with looks.
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 226 (view)
Instant turn aways
Posted: 3/15/2018 4:20:19 AM

How many guys could really handle and trust the girl who is all smiles, very outgoing, and talks to everyone?? The truth is, the average insecure schmuck will probably be shitting himself the first time she goes out somewhere without him.

True. She'd have to demonstrate that part of her schtick is also stepping away from a guy seemingly flirting with her... not one of those types who go "Well, what am I supposed to say?" and just eat it, and keep rolling with them, claiming they're just trying to be nice, etc. Otherwise, jealously to some degree reasonably sets in. Instead, she shouldn't be afraid to step away from even the attractive guys who are flirting, as she should understand being all-smiles & outgoing to everyone is going to trigger a good portion of that (gotta prove that it's not Really for attention).

But I've known gals who were very outgoing & social with everyone in general, but weren't the same as flighty play-naive type gals who'd mingle with the boys all the time for attention. Over time, we can settle into a comfort-zone where we notice how she differentiates herself from those types.
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 40 (view)
Fed up
Posted: 3/15/2018 1:13:56 AM

I am so tired of the excuses men give! If you really liked me you would...? Fill in the blank with whatever you will

It's because they lack sufficient attraction in you, or enough to overcome boredom/other-options after some time... plus lacking the ballz to tell you that straight up (and themselves). It's a people thing, though. There's no shortage with gals like that. Both there's plenty in both genders who aren't like that.

I think to avoid it is to avoid trying to "win over" a guy... or to take going out with a guy having a nice time, even dating as = wanting to ride off in the sunset and crazy 'bout ya for the long run. As you say, it takes time. When one's not spousal-hunting (=feeling empty not having a significant other) -- it's easier to avoid. And also, don't chase those out of your league, and/or guys with a certain "swagger" that has lured ya in.

The number of books and classes on how to lie to people is astounding!

Man! I never took that class! I was always stuck in Home Ec. Argh. :) But I will say the avoidance of telling the truth straight up is why people are led on. Not out of manipulation most of the time. We'd like to think that. Makes the ones not-that-into-us-but-dated-us more of a bad person. Gals included.

Telling the Truth to avoid stuff like this would be a robot:
"Well [Bob | Sally], I think you're mildly cute. Nothing clicks on paper or how we mesh that would raise my attraction toward you more, but that doesn't happen much either. I can see liking the excitement of dating someone new somewhat, but it'll fade. Again, you're not good looking enough to me for it to go much past that. In the end, you'll get flustered and dislike me, and there'll be too much drama. Sure, I could get my fun with [dinners | sex], and we could be fine friends+ if you were OK with that, but I don't think it'd be worth it."
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 54 (view)
Why can she Masturbate, and I can't in our relationship?
Posted: 3/15/2018 12:57:23 AM

Maybe she was masturbating because you didn't want to have sex enough,and when she caught you doing it was pissed because she's been waiting for you to f*ck her

Yeah, but his point was that when she caught him masturbating after she said No, she flipped out. So a double-standard would apply if she found it OK to go into "self serve" when she felt he wasn't serving her enough.

she flips-out and doesn't speak to me for three days! Who's the bad guy here, or am I alone again in this situation?

I think what you're missing is that you're supposed to video tape YOU TWO having sex, and to masturbate to THAT. If you're masturbating to that, she won't have a problem. And she won't have a problem if you pass the video along to friends to do the same, too. That's the most important part. ;)
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 110 (view)
Casual sex and dating...
Posted: 3/14/2018 9:04:45 PM

It's nothing to be jealous of. I could pull d*ck multiple days a week but it's not worth the emotional and physical stress.

Certainly you can, but so can many many women who aren't so pretty either. That doesn't mean jealousy disappears. Plenty of very pretty but uptight gals mall-watching at a bar, and scoff at cute-but-not-as-pretty Jane clamouring on some guys and getting attention (and thus possibly d*ck). A pretty Penny can be jealous of an over flirty Felicia hornying-in on a guy that Penny was talking to previously.

And condoms don't protect against everything.

Neither does kissing. Or even mutual masturbation, playing too close, if we're talking 100%. Nor is going out at night frequently even in the safest way VS always staying at home. Take away tribalism, and weigh the actual pros & cons realistically, when it comes to everything -- and the argument doesn't hold much water. That is, of course, if you don't count a "con" as one scoffing at the idea of fun-whimsical sex -- even if there were zero physical consequences under any & all conditions. That's actually The "con" -- brought on by tribal ideology that thwarts most.

One had unprotected sex with a guy off Tinder (their first meet) and the other ****ed some dude she met on Instagram.

As said before, it's about being stupid with sex -- as with many other things -- whether they were a guy they were already datING when it happened, a new boyfriend, an LTR, or some guy she met that night. Sex with someone you meet in-the-moment didn't cause their predicaments. Thinking so is just emotion overriding logic.

But is casual sex really arbitrary sex?

I don't think it's limited to that, no. Casual sex is, well, casual sex. Technically in the confines of a Relationship you can have casual sex ("Babe, pull over... pull over. F it, let's bang, nobody will see.") -- but for clarification, that's within that context of a Relationship. When not within any other context, I guess the assumption is -- sex within a casual relationship between the two.

People I know who engage in casual sex, still tend to pick a "type" of partner.

Oh, of course. Many guys would love it if it was truly random what gals picked.

They don't just want any sex organ, they want some type of personality behind it, even if it appears to be on some superficial level.

Yeah, even to mingle with for a while and to indulge in flirting/attraction-exchange/mingling. So obviously if one were to have casual sex with said person, it'd cum after that's established. That said, some gals when in frisky-fun mode, it's more that the Attractive guy is interactive, not dumb, has a personality, they seem to jive/flow decently well. That's about it -- which, to be fair, may not be So easy to cum by for every gal, if/when she's waiting on guys to approach Her to start mingling. Although when a gal isn't That attracted to a guy, or has her guard-up about "men", it doesn't take much to "toss" them out in those depts.
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 68 (view)
When's the last time you met someone in real life to date?
Posted: 3/14/2018 10:10:15 AM

Norwegianplayer it's called honesty. Not something you'd understand

It was a Joke... I didn't meet an ex in the back of an adult movie theater by the dumpster (or did I?). As I said above that, I agree one shouldn't be in position to have to lie that they met via online. However, my (extreme) example was to also make the point that there can be situations where it'd be best not to reveal. It's not their business if it was under embarrassing circumstances or may cast (hasty, inaccurate) judgement. So yeah, IMO, technically you can have the right to alter the full-fledged answer, if that's the case.

What’s all this dumpster talk?
I’m missing something here.

Danny DeVito explains it, in this 35 second video (it's called a Dumpster Hump):

I work at a place where this is frowned on. I can't except gifts or anything from a customer.

I understand that... like you can't be "picked up" at work at all. I would think many gals aren't liking that so much by default anyway. I just figured my example wasn't picking up, but more socializing no different than with a female customer you'd be chatting a lot with on a slow day. But the actual "pick up" (phone # exchange, flirting, etc) wouldn't happen there, was my point.

"Wait, I saw you chatting with a guy at Bob's Sports Bar this weekend and I think he bought you a drink. I believe I saw him in Here a couple weeks ago! Ooooh, you're in Troubbbblllle...!"? You're a jewelry designer, correct? Wouldn't it be more the case that he Was a customer, not Is? :)
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 219 (view)
Instant turn aways
Posted: 3/14/2018 2:20:24 AM

Why? This is the internet, a profile most often is not what is really the person, but only what the person PORTRAYS their self as.

Yeah, and their point was how they were portraying themselves, was a bummer. Pretending that their picture is very possibly fake won't help a rational person either. That said, I do disagree with what makes them sad. If a hottie states in their profile that they only want to date a hottie -- one shouldn't get upset. Their chances were LOW regardless anyway. It was just a reminder. :)

People have different criteria. Some people place an importance on intellect, or common interests, or income/socio-economics over just appearances.

Yeah, but, one's not going to get too much of that without meeting, let alone talking. What gets you even talking? Looks & Style. There's little to go on otherwise with most... and that's more about not seeing flags that they Won't have any common interests or that they seem to Not have a sufficient income. But truly meshing, if that's what one is into, goes beyond bullet-point words of one's interests + typed-in job phrase.

So you think most 60 year old men expect to meet (even if they try to go 10-15 years younger) a Barbie/Bombshell that falls at their feet?

One would be crazy to think that 60 year old men expect that, yeah, I agree...

What about all the emotional baggage, plus intellect/IQ, character, personality, common interests & socio-economics?

Well, to be fair -- he's not going to turn down a young, ripe Barbie-Bombshell because she's not so wealthy & doesn't indulge in his common interests as part of her repitoire. He's going to have more leeway on other attributes, of course. But so will women with a guy who pulls their physical attractive strings.

If a person doesn't think someone who is their "equal" isn't good enough for them, they are delusional.

One study showed that although people are too self-critical about their looks -- they still, in another way, think they look better than they do, when comparing themselves to potential mates. But I agree with what you say -- one can't sit around and whine about the opp-sex so much. There's a Hell of a lot of variance within a gender. It'd be like saying "every restaurant's the same".
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 60 (view)
When's the last time you met someone in real life to date?
Posted: 3/14/2018 1:39:26 AM

I hope I didn’t give the impression anyone is better than no one.

Well, I will say this: One can think they don't think that, when "anyone" = anyone worthy of going out on a date, but at the end of the day, they certainly can think that. Litmus test: If one has a feeling of 'empty' more often than not when not in a Relationship, they're not passing the test very well. :)

But, Iv been separated about 3 years now, and been on Pof nearly 2 1/2 years

Flings or LD Relationships have more feasibility when married-but-separated... Has an embedded distance. When looking for something Real (LD Relationships aren't) -- WAY lower chances of finding someone who's a good catch. You'll just be frustrating yourself that there Is a good chance. Me saying that to people isn't killing dreams -- chasing that idea is, when people do. I'm sure you have learned that though at this point, of course.

short relationship, and he didn’t want anyone to know we met on of Pof let alone that he was even on the site..

That's Soooo 2002. At the same time though, I understand when a gal's shy about it. You can just agree not to mention online but not lie by saying you met where you First Met. Of course, that leaves it open by lying-by-false-impression if asked detailed follow-up questions about it all. I'm not going to go out of my way if/when things settled in, to lie that we merely met via online.

I wouldn't continue dating anyone who wanted to lie about how we met.

Well, an ex-gf of mine held that position, but she was wrong in that statement. My rebuttal? "Do you REALLY want to tell your mom that we met behind the dumpster of an adult movie theater? Really?" ;)

Everyman I have had a relationship with all 4 1/2 of them I met in real life.

Yeah, sorry about my friend Sam. He's rightfully counted as a half guy when he's half-sized down there... he claims it was a fishing accident, but I dunno. Never played Matlock with him on that one...

I just don't and won't date my customers.

I understand that as a basic default thing. But what if you had some nice chats with a now (finished-up) customer, and thru convo you both realize you very possibly cross paths at a particular tavern/place once in a while, and he suggests that 'we' should try running into each other there sometime (no # exchanged)... would you be weirded-out by that? Nix him when you ran into him 1-2 weeks later?
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 102 (view)
Casual sex and dating...
Posted: 3/13/2018 1:43:55 PM

I meant that in the sense of -I know people who have sex on dates -as well as those with relationships. We are friends. I respect their right to their decision and they respect mine.

To be fair though, you Don't respect the decision to have casual sex -- which is sex in a casual situation; like just on a mere date. You made that quite apparent laying it out. Just call a spade a spade. :) I think with certain friends we can be respectful of Them doing something we don't respect, as the human condition is prone to contradiction.

Women (many – most?) can be very jealous of seeing other women (better looking women?) going out and having fun with men while they are sitting home wishing the phone would ring. So they call these women who are getting attention from men names. Names like “whores” and “easy” and other demeaning prejudicial terms.

Yes, I agree. Most of the female name-calling/scoffing of those who do have casual sex is fueled by other females. And other males who "can't get any". Both seeded by jealousy. But if you eliminate the female scoffing at girls who get the male attention -- you'd have a more open, less stressful environment.

A lot of the problems caused by the religious ninnys are due to jealousy. Fear that other people are having fun while they’re not.

Yeah, I agree. They WANT consequences. Religion's basis is to emphasize discipline in life, which we all need to at least be reminded of. And definitely when raising kids, many folks who aren't even very religious still like that environment-setting for their kids. After all, they're not hitting the night clubs while in this mode for the next 20 years. Once situated into that, we Don't want to hear about Barbara being out late at night every Fri & Sat, and sowing some oats here and there. Not without Consequences! Give us the consequences! Not that one's consciously thinking that off the top of their head (some nearly are though) -- but that's really the underpinnings of it. And when there Are plenty of people & stories of people doing stupid stuff, we can be conditioned that it Is wrong.

But at the end of the day, it's overboard. Yes, play your cards right -- no card tricks required -- you can have fun enjoying weekend nights in social nightlife places that come in a variety of genres that aren't what mamma would "like" so much.... while avoiding bad consequences.

Just like some people think every bar's the same -- social conservative people will think everyone who likes going out and enjoying a carefree social life outside the confines of "family values" are all the same, too. They don't Want to believe that negative consequences are not virtually guaranteed.
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 47 (view)
Stormy Daniels
Posted: 3/13/2018 1:07:27 PM

Sure it is. One of these days the president will be led out of the white house in handcuffs. He might even be made to do a perp walk across the front lawn. Keep dreaming.

Of course he won't face jail at all. Better chance that he'd be porking some gal on the white house lawn than that. But combined with other non-related issues, the campaign fund violation potential with this -- could get him impeached & thrown out If the Dems take the House & Senate. But that's a big Could and a big If, tho.

What will most likely happen is that it will be enough to ensure that in 2 years that he will be voted out by the people + the Dems do finish off taking both the House & Senate. That's the thing Republicans have to fear, with Trump being how he is.
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 12 (view)
My Dating Experience In June 2016
Posted: 3/12/2018 7:48:18 PM

In this section it says Experiences so what do you expect to see here?

I think the thing in question, by default, would be you (the poster) questioning about what-went-wrong. Unless it's a "hey everyone, post your weird experiences here". No biggie. :)

In your situation, yeah, that girl Bolted out of the blue. When she said "close one hun" -- what did you say back? That's an odd text she sent you after seeing you from afar and bolting. One could make the case that she was just nervous.... but really, 99% chance she was staunchly unattracted (and otherwise nervous anyway).

Back when you were young and few had a device for taking photos that could be sent over the 'Net...I met a woman from halfway across the country ....... We agreed to snail mail each other a photo. So I had one developed, and put it in the mail and waited...and waited....and waited.

Yeah, apparently the classic "I don't care about looks" thing was put to the test. I think what that usually means is just "You don't have to be a hot guy," but it still means a lot, and when it comes to people we don't know -- it's by far the #1 thing for both genders.

I would have emailed back with a "I thought it was about looks there for a second. Obviously my photo had nothing to do with it. Phew!"
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 8 (view)
is it a fake profile?
Posted: 3/12/2018 7:20:43 PM

all her profile had was 'ask me'. I normally pass up profiles that just have 'ask me' but I thought I'd give her a shot.

.... because she was hot. :)

She replied, the convo seemed real and she asked for my number saying she'll text me there, which I gave. She hasn't texted yet. Am I just lucky or is she a fake?

Why would she be a fake identity? Because she didn't text you? There's no association with that. What Would be associated would be a link to a website that she texted you. Not getting a text -- she could have texted the wrong one. ~24hrs later, I'd write her and say that you didn't get a text from her.
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 1482 (view)
Can men deal with NOT getting blowjobs?
Posted: 3/12/2018 3:06:51 PM

I like giving blow jobs but seeing c*m or touching or having it in my mouth makes me dry wretch like I'm going to spew.
How do I fix it? It's such an annoyance. Its like I have a phobia

I thought in another post you said you didn't like giving BJs.

Anyway, even SEEING cum -- if that freaks you out, then yeah, you do have way too much an issue. Not that it should make you horny-as-hell, but, getting freaked out by merely seeing it does mean there's an issue to resolve there.

I would honestly say start with seeing it on "tv", in porn genre that's not on the dirty side. Get exposed to it. You may Want to Not like seeing it, so I guess the very first step is realizing that it's not a bad thing. It's a body fluid, like a gal's juices getting wet. Expose yourself to both, watch it, etc.
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 98 (view)
Who Is Too Young or Too Old for You to Date?
Posted: 3/12/2018 3:02:08 PM

A softwear engineer and that's his pic? I don't buy it. I think he's just a nut.

Softwear? Lol. Sounds like he's an engineer to get into a woman's underpants. :)

That depends. If the older person is rich, famous, powerful etc, that could neutralize any advantage(s) the younger person might have.

Or just Clearly better looking. Or the older woman being Clearly better looking than the younger guy, but his youth merely gives him the edge to roll with some. Age difference is only 1 factor. Seeing the youth in someone is a physically attractive notion, but not the only one at all.
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 208 (view)
Instant turn aways
Posted: 3/12/2018 2:54:37 PM

But, most these men are overweight, bald and obviously not taking good care themselve's

LOL - you treat being bald as if it's not taking care of themselves. WTH?

When I was 20, and looking for a husband I took more pride in my appearance.

That's pretty sad "looking for a husband". At any age. Not something to have pride in. Also, pride in one's appearance... Having a little pride in working to keep oneself in decent shape is fine, but beyond that -- one shouldn't be riddled with pride outside recently losing some weight or getting good shape.

Now 60, I'm not looking for the same thing. And age and health are figured in there.

I would hope at 20 one wouldn't be "husband hunting", as if having one in and of itself is some positive. Otherwise, that's just playing high-school games. But I don't see how age & health factor into being more open to short-term VS long-term relationship potentials when out on the dating field. guys shouldn't watch to much porn.

Ouch! Bitter, eh? So basically you scoff at guys who are bald & out of shape... "but dammit, you guys need to stop watching porn and expecting Me to look good! I'm not 20 anymore!" ;)

Watching porn isn't going to get a guy wanting/expecting 25-year olds when he's 60, any more than watching prime time TV or leafing thru fashion magazines. You mine as well just say "Only watch Golden Girls and AARP magazines, please!" :)
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 28 (view)
Treading on eggshells in messages
Posted: 3/12/2018 1:58:23 PM

First one seemed fine to start with but she asked why I broke up in previous relationship.
I said I didn't want to get married so she left the relationship.
She said in that case I don't want to talk to you.

You Just/Only said "I didn't want to get married"? You're basically saying you're anti-marriage. Now, the gal is way too uptight to just bolt right there, but it is going to make a gal's eyebrow raise at least. Instead you say something like "It was great dating and becoming BF/GF was natural and just fine, but we seemed to grow apart over time. So when she wanted to follow-thru on her long-term aim of moving to [Ohio], while I myself never have my heart set on that, it was easier for both of us not to take that extra leap." Sure, you'll put in some fictional fillers in there, but, when they're making hasty judgement calls by asking those type of questions off the bat -- they deserve a "based on a true story" version.

People asking those questions right off the bat can be not so bad. Sometimes they're just looking for the red flags like dramatic stories showing how you pair up with crazy ones (which means you're not the pick of the litter), so besides that, you'll be fine. Others though, will ask it because they believe that if you're in a Relationship, there's no reason you two should break up -- almost as if it's a pseudo-marriage -- so something/someone was deadly "wrong", which only spells drama for you in their eyes. However, those who are in love with being in love (in love with being IN a Relationship) -- are more apt to run into defunct relationships (breaking up or not).

Second one said hello and I asked me how I was.
I said I was feeling a bit lonely tonight.
No reply.

You'll get them fizzling out a lot after initial contact. You're just 1 of many guys she's at least saying something to. However, don't say "I'm feeling a bit lonely tonight." That's kinda creepy/weird.
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 161 (view)
34 year old and fancy a 53 year old, but she takes ages to text
Posted: 3/12/2018 1:10:21 PM

Small update- First date with new girl last night. Went super well. Not going to bore you with the details but 2nd date is set for tomorrow so I must have done something right for a change....! Let's see how it goes.

Small but significant update for those interested!

Everything had been going well until 6pm last night! I was introduced to her 9 year old son last weekend and all went very well. We went bowling last week with him and had a great time.

So this is with the NEW GIRL, *not* the hair-dresser, right? What you write shows this, but there was a gap between time, and folks were talking about the hair-dresser situation still.... so just making it clear, is all. :)

You try not to take them on board but it was hard not to- I'll admit I was hurt as all was going so well.
So we're still very much ok, but I feel this has taken us 10 steps back and I don't know how we'll resolve this as I feel any man in her life would end up in this situation anyway... We really like one another but this is the 'downside' of dating someone with kids I guess...

It can end up being harder for you than she, if she's not new to dating but you are new to it when kids are involved. You spend time with the kid, etc -- you're not just dating, but starting to Mesh Lives. Big step. It is a pain, but, at the end of the day, he's just b!tching about stuff.

IMO, I'd just have it set where it'd be "No, I'm not spending the night," for several times where he gets comfortable with it... and you just leave really late / super early after a round or two of sex. Then, after several times, his comfort-zone will set in (knock on wood) after getting comfortable with you, and you can then sleep over.
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 88 (view)
Casual sex and dating...
Posted: 3/12/2018 12:56:56 PM

Casual Sex with "Just any and all men" I choose that's willing?
"Sounds Great!" Sign me up!

Nobody's propagating that.

Casual Sex:

Does not guarantee Great Sex, Relationships, Marriage, or Love.
...but possible delusions of them.

May cause-- Unwanted pregnancy along with STDS. Getting pumped and dumped. No knowledge of who baby daddy is. Child wanting to know who daddy is. (Issues child deals with later because of it.) STD passed to child from pregnancy. Struggling single parent.

May cause Abortion.

... and more. Here's the thing. Let's just cut to the chase: It's easy for an individual not to get pregnant. We all know that. But some of us Want that to be a problem as much as possible. As with infections. Why? Because the Concept of sex not being wrapped up in a blanket of "Love" is The thing unwanted. It's what mama doesn't like.

It's a cultural no-no underneath it all, being the reason why one doesn't like it. And hate to break it to ya -- sex while just-dating is casual sex. There may or may not be a crush by one of the individuals, but there is no actual Love and has All the "beware of" signs you tout. So you can't have sex with a guy you're just-dating. :)
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 88 (view)
Who Is Too Young or Too Old for You to Date?
Posted: 3/12/2018 12:03:09 AM

Many men expect women who are over 10 years older than them to fall in love!

Uhhhh, I'd say the opposite. Going for women 10 years+ older than them is "MILF Hunting" -- it's the ease of "just for fun" that entices them, not any expectation to fall in love. I think you're taking the messages from young guys too literally. :)

I think young men and women are much more likely to believe in love while older people often get more cynical and put up more walls.

I agree with that. Heck, we realize that hitting 30. But that's not just youthful-thinking, but it's buying into what maw & paw want us to believe -- the "ride off into the sunset", being in love with being in love. Admittedly, we all would want that for our kids... because, if they're not riding off in the sunset, and are social? What are they doing? Having fun in the bedroom -- f that! :)

Reality sets in later in life. Comparatively speaking, yeah, sure, it's "cynical". And more apt to be truly cynical if they were "all in" to the idea of puppy dogs & ice cream when they found out it was boring outside Xmas photos and the like, and having kids aren't Hallmark cards. But I think for the most part, it's just the lack of flawed warm-fuzzies.

Just remember that the younger person has the most power in the relationship. It is what it is!!!

All other things being equal, And there's a sizable age difference, sure. They're the more wanted one. The more wanted one has the upper hand. Age difference-advantage not required.

No, the one who cares the least has the power, and it could be either one of them.

I agree there, too. When you're tripping over your own feet to win the other over, you lose power. When (usually) a gal gets bombarded by online messages and guys macking on them at events/bars/outings, they're going to be more vulnerable to be turned on by guy who isn't kissing her a$$.
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 528 (view)
Guns a right but healthcare a privilege?
Posted: 3/11/2018 4:59:21 PM

State rights, or should the Federal Government over rule state rights?

Fed Govt rules over state rights... but when the default age is 18, making the age be 21 to buy a gun in a state is different than making it 16. The Fed Govt is not going to intervene, but I can see someone fighting it to the point of a federal court, where it's deemed that they should be able to buy one at 18. But that'd be tough IMO, seeing how you need to be 21 to drink a light beer, while saying at 18 you always have the guaranteed right to buy an AR-15.

IMO, I see needing to be 21 to buy a rifle not being much different than a state saying that you need to have a 3 day waiting period or something.

I would say the best solution would be to have it where if you want a gun at 18-20, you need to go thru verified gun safety training courses + psychological evaluation.
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 51 (view)
When's the last time you met someone in real life to date?
Posted: 3/11/2018 4:52:15 PM

I don’t care how we meet, I just wish it would happen soon......

Well, stop wasting your time! Get dolled up, and hang out by the dumpster behind Wal-Mart! A prince or two is waiting for you! ;)
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 109 (view)
Would you end contact with someone due to unrequited like?
Posted: 3/11/2018 4:38:16 PM

I laid my cards on the table and maybe that is a mistake.

Not at all. Don't follow your "gut". Worst advice. Ever. It's just your emotions, and when you're in a situation like your own, it'll point you in the Wrong direction. Laying your cards out on the table was a Good thing. You already gave it some time after she friend-zoned you -- too much time, in fact, but you finally did it. :)

The woman says there is no interest and I find that confusing because of the amount of contact we have still.

Many girls like to have guy-friends. Especially ones who find them attractive. They feel wanted + get along better with guys in general. But I can see it being confusing because most girls step away -- and won't want to be 1-on-1 friends with a guy they Friend-Zoned post-date. But when they do -- it doesn't mean they Like you in-that-way. It's just that they're selfish for attention, even if they're otherwise a nice gal.

She is looking for that magic instant connection and hasn't been successful in the long time she has been on this site. She says that she felt it once but he rejected her.

Basically, she's not physically Attracted to you. Plain and Simple. She's not going to tell you that. Who does that? Almost nobody. They don't want to hear it about themselves, either. You're not in a complicated situation. It's a Very Very Simple situation. She friend-zoned you, and wanted to be friends. That makes it More Clear it's Physical Attraction, plain and simple.

That "spark" -- it requires being good "on paper" that you point out + getting along like you two have + *PHYSICAL ATTRACTION*. That's all a "spark" really consists of. She's not physically attracted to you, hence, no "spark" felt by her. Plain and simple.

These are the things she wants so why not give me a chance and see if an attraction develops.

NO NO NO. And NO. :) Look, you two click as friends just fine -- so that more complicated part is already out of the way. A gal who friend-zones you post 1st date, then chats with you a lot Still keeping you in the friend-zone -- she's Not going to be attracted to you. It's not going to "develop". In your situation? Never will. Ever. Period. :)

I want to try this and don't want to give up yet on what could be a good thing for both of us.

You have the mindset of a (harmless) stalker. You're not getting it. Physical attraction's required. You don't have it. She Shouldn't want to "give it a chance". And neither should you. Wake up, man.

Your hopes are riding on DIFFERENT scenarios. Like where a gal isn't That into a guy, they date some, but she keeps a distance. It isn't that. She friend-zoned you right after the 1st date, kept talking to you a lot, and Verified it's Just Friends and she has no 'spark' (physical attraction; 100% requirement) with you. It doesn't get any more clearer than this, man.
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 4 (view)
Why does my ex girlfriend still text me?
Posted: 3/11/2018 3:17:03 PM

2 months ago saying she needs time and space and that "couples breakup and get back together all the time".

They do, as more of a "fix" because even when you are the one who broke up with the other, and the other is Not a good match for you, you'll still miss them... and have your sexual needs (no extra notch on the bedpost), etc. But getting back together usually does not last very long. Again, it's almost always just a "fix". Always see it that way, dude. Otherwise, you're just following your "gut" ie emotions. Not a good idea.

she has texted me basically every 4 days it's almost like a pattern. When we texts its usually short conversations about 4-5 messages each. I put in effort but she makes no effort when she texts me.

That isn't much. It's just her "fix". Should be obvious to you, once you take the blinders off. You just don't want to face (the hurtful) reality.

Is there any hope here? Should I be worried since she doesn't put any effort into her texts?

Hope for what? Getting back together? No, you're not going to. Otherwise it would have happened already. Why should you be worried that she doesn't put "effort" into texts? Dude, she's NOT YOUR GIRLFRIEND. At all. Not even remotely close to it. You. Are. Broken. Up. Repeat that to yourself. :)

Is she just texting me to show me that she cares because she knows that I'm hurting?

That and, as I said, there's a little mild missing even when we broke up with someone for good reason. The reason she broke up with you is because she wasn't attracted to you sufficiently. She wanted other guys inside. And has. Just remember that. You need to move on, man.

What's best for you + will make you feel better is to move on, and do so by purposely Not giving her what she wants. She will never Like you in-that-way at all, if she Feels that you do to her. Period. So it Requires you to Truly move on (not fake it; we can all see thru it at the end of the day). Don't respond to her texts. Don't text her. Get out there and chase other girls.

Treat it the same way as if she has a new BF she's having amazing sex with daily. That's the Only way you'll Move On. Don't sit at the bus stop. It ain't coming. She is. With Brad. :)
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 83 (view)
Casual sex and dating...
Posted: 3/10/2018 4:30:48 PM

I've never met a woman with deep and enduring love for herself who risked pregnancy and disease to have meaningless sex with some random guy she just met.

Having sex with "a random" girl or guy they Just met also means meeting itself was random... like you're at a bar/party/event, mingling around, then say "Hey, let's bang in my car." Sure, chances are much higher they have at least some issues if it's on that far-end version of 'random'. But there's a Huge gap between that and still merely not being in a Relationship. And we all know a candle-lit bedroom and love for one another isn't a requirement for sex itself to have any meaning. Far from it.

Plenty of gals had a good self-esteem + had sex on Spring Break in college, or had sexual relations on date #1/#2/#3 with someone they were clicking really well with, before any dating-relationship took hold... or even with someone where they're not chasing to be in a relationship with and one didn't end up formulating.

Many who Do have emotional issues are the those who hiss at those situations. The only Real problem is when it's one's "schtick", not that given enough time single that said things will happen sometimes from the non-uptight types.

I don't think women are actually more "open" to casual sex nowadays, more like settling for sex when what they really want is love.

Funny thing is, an analyis was done on this... Surprisingly, despite what most think, and there being more open communication to the opp-sex outside one's neighborhood thanks to Facebook & the internet -- the # of those one slept with on average for Millenials is Lower than previous Generation X. Many are like "Huh? That can't be true!" Again, it's the average #. Why? For much the same reason we tend to be sitting-around too much with our phone these days. What seems to happen is that gals are getting sufficient male attention via IM/texting guys, not having to do so in person -- where one's in position to hastily hook-up.

Sex is one of the easiest ways to get male attention and for someone with low self-esteem and low self-respect

Well, we get the attention prior to anything sexual (kissing or more), otherwise the sexual actions wouldn't had. It's the optional immediate follow-thru after attention established, right? Instead of maybe just kissing, then texting day to day, and going out on a 2-3 dates and Then truly fooling around -- some will "put out" hours after the initial greeting. I think when a gal has a low self-esteem, she'll do that where it wasn't "that one time" type of situation, but more of a "that's how I roll".

Being that casual sex is correlated with depression among young women, women receive the short end of the stick in that bargain.

I think the odd thing is, a good portion of it is a self-fulfilling prophecy. Driven By women, too. It's the concept that if you sleep with someone too quickly, you're a (scoff) "ho". Sure, jealous guys fuel that, but jealous women fuel much of that.

So if the people label something in their culture as "bad" that makes you a "bad person" -- where it's natural -- it Will have a negative impact on someone when they do take that action. Even if they're more independently minded than the next person.

And let's be honest -- it doesn't have to deal with pregnancy (easily avoidable Now), or potential infections. Say in the future we a one-pill cure or block of all infections. Would the theme suddenly be lifted? Of course not. It doesn't stem from that. That's a (phew) reason to heed them from having "meaningless" aka "fun" sexual relations with non-BF/GFs. IMO, I think hidden underneath it all, it stems from Jealousy + natural safety mindset for one's offspring.
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 264 (view)
Posted: 3/9/2018 9:31:35 AM

Sent out about 200 emails to just anyone to see if I got a response and I didn't.
Except one message from someone I didn't even contact !
Sods law I guess.

OR having a photo that looks like a mugshot. Seriously, it's the type of photo that one would see on the news about someone, and the news wouldn't be delightfully cheerful about them. I suggest changing it up, your luck will be better. :)
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 34 (view)
Do i give up?
Posted: 3/8/2018 8:45:02 PM

they carried your Uncle Jack off?

Yes. It was a messy situation. ;)

You told him to shit or get off the pot but when he still kept sitting you kept talking. Give up.

An easy response to that: "It takes me a while to take a sh!t. I'm a little constipated. Be patient..." It helps one buy time when they're wishy-washy. :)

Looking back, I should've cut contact after the second time he disappeared and gave no response when I agreed to go out with him. But I was naive to OlD at the time.

I agree with that POV wholeheartedly. However, someone in OP's position is going to think with their "gut" / "heart" too much. What they feel is that they'd be giving up a legit chance with said guy (or girl), when in reality, it's not a legit chance at all.

It reminds me of something with the same odds: You do meet them, you hang out with them, but they don't want to kiss you on date #3, but still go out. Like the excuses of not wanting to meet -- theirs are BS, too. You, say, do get G-rated flash-point kisses after waiting it out (like that even means anything) -- but to have a nightcap at one's place for more than 2 minutes or whatever... shoot, it's been over a month, what gives?

Oh, the "I've been thru a lot," or "I take it slow," etc. excuse. They may have gone thru a lot and are off-key to the dating scene, sure -- but that's not the reason why they're clearly Uncomfortable kissing and cozying up. Instead, it's the reason why they're even going out past date #1 or #2 with someone they're Not attracted to. :)
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 101 (view)
Would you end contact with someone due to unrequited like?
Posted: 3/8/2018 7:11:37 PM

We met for coffee which went well also but a few days later when I contacted her, she dropped the friend hammer on me. I asked for an explanation but she would not give one. It seemed to me that she felt the same way toward me as I did with her. Her profile listed the same things that I want and is prepared to give . She never said that she found fault with me, so what is the issue.

She's Not *ATTRACTED* to you. Physically. Just because you have the markers on what-i-like-in-someone matching up with her, doesn't mean she's going to be attracted to you. Well, it does -- if she's Physically Attracted. She's not.

Your situation's Easier than the original one. The OP wasn't referring to someone officially Friend-Zoning the other. That's not a big mystery on what to do. You drop the hammer on them and say See Ya. That's what you should have done.... because you're not getting it -- you're basically like the gay guy friend to her. :)

What the OP was referring to is more frustrating and doesn't happen all the time. The OP was vague about it, but it's a vague situation with a girl where she's not that into you but she likes hanging out with you -- no big "move" has been made, but no "friend zone" has been established by her either.

IMO, you give it some time -- and a Little more if you really like like her. But if it's 3rd date and you read her emotions aren't that into you much even though she's friendly -- and getting a G-rated non-passionate small kiss at that point takes a lot of "game" and "smoothness"... she's not into you, man. You bolt then. It has nothing to do with things "moving too fast" or any BS spouted like that. :)

At least the gal you talked to & went out on a date with friend-zoned you. YOU should back away and just be honest, and tell her that the only reason you talk to her so much and are 1-on-1 friends with her is because you're Attracted to her and figured she might come around. "If you're attracted to me, you'd like me In-That-Way. If you don't, then I gotta bolt, I'm sorry. And I don't want pretend-attraction to be a guy-friend shoulder to lean on. I'm stronger than that, and it's not good for either of us."
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 661 (view)
Anybody get frustrated with not getting responses?
Posted: 3/8/2018 1:39:00 AM

I'm asserting ït's easier to get a date within one's own level of attractiveness, or close to it.

Easier for a guy because you notice that when there's a difference in looks, it's more often the girl is more attractive than the guy? No. We wish. :)

Go to a bar -- you'll see plenty of guys "swinging lower". You'll see much fewer gals "swinging lower", and if so, not soo low. In this case, it's a pairing-up environment where it's in the opposite direction that you describe, if one were to take a close look, when ignoring solidified BF/GF or Husband/Wife.

Look online -- do you think women are pairing up with less looking guys much, taking $$-hunters out of the equation? I certainly don't see that. The 2.5 : 1 guy-to-girl ratio helps prevent that by itself.

It's not harder for a pretty gal to get a pretty guy. Pairing-up with someone is easier for a gal, comparatively speaking, actually. It's a completely different ball of wax for a girl VS a guy, when they want to find someone to taste-test. So each party's psychology is different... and if there's a tilt toward gals willing to be Dating guys a solid notch or two below their 'league' more readily than vice-versa -- here's my POV:

- As I said before, girls give a higher value to other attributes that guy's don't nearly as much (security/status/stability/connections). Looks is still definitely the #1 "in" for any social & stable gal, but a good looking guy VS a Hot guy carries not as much weight than it would to a dude. Pass/fail concept carries more weight due to other attributes.

- Since guys care less about the other attributes, the other 'bad stuff' is less likely to "nix" it for him when the gal's better looking. Thus, you're more likely to see them paired up (more time spent).

- For a guy to 'get' a prettier girl, that's a Yuge thing. He's going to want to stick to that more, as it takes more effort to get a date going with someone prettier than him. For a girl? A sexy outfit, being outgoing & flirty -- she can get a prettier guy wanting to take a stab.

- Due to this, the average Jane KNOWS she can get an above-average Jim. Sure. Been there, done that (again and again). There's no "victory" in doing so as it would for an average Joe to hook up with an above-average Annie. So less sense of "accomplishment" as found in a gal would be Natural, just given how things flow like this. Combine that with a gal, by default, more interested in other attributes to "pass" where guys are lesser concerned -- it makes Sense that she'll be More Willing to date a guy who she still finds attractive but "could do better".
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 39 (view)
Do people still talk to the person before opting to go out on a date?
Posted: 3/7/2018 9:27:09 PM

But when it comes to deeper level talking, I can't be doing that with two guys at once. Just can't. Only one deeper-level conversation at a time. More than one and I feel like a player.

Again, if you haven't met, it's not actually Real. You're not dating them or close to it. At all. But you don't want to be pen-paling it so deeply with someone anyway. Although it can be sweet, it usually ends up as a waste of time, overall (although those who are content with mere at-home attention can sadly get their fill).

A player requires meeting someone -- and Meating someone. :)

I understand it feeling "wrong" -- but girls do it. A lot. And so do guys (although it's harder for guys to talk to more than one person online, as opposed to females). The reason you feel like you're "playin'" is because you're taking it too seriously, as if you're kinda dating or something. Furthest thing from it.

It's not real until you meet. Your emotions leading to a skewed POV is just holding ya back. :(
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 36 (view)
Do people still talk to the person before opting to go out on a date?
Posted: 3/7/2018 1:32:35 PM

I tried multi-dating. I found it too overly stressful.

It can be too much, although with just-a-date with more than one guy -- that stress may just be brought on by yourself, getting too hyped about it. :)

Maybe I waste time but if I start talking to someone that interests me, I don't talk to other guys. The way I see it is if you are really serious about wanting to find the right person, you need to put all your eggs into one basket.

No, no, no. Play "zone", not "man to man"! As said in the movie Hoosiers -- "we cannot beat them playing man-to-man!" :) Seriously.

You start merely Talking to a guy online, you're getting too hyped about it. Nothing's real until you meat. Err, meet. :)

Here's an analogy to some guys who complain on the forums: He sees a profile of a gal he really likes. He puts tons of thought & time into writing her. He waits for a response. Tick tock, tick tock. "Ugggh. Why isn't she responding? ... It's been 3 days now! Why can't they just give me an appreciative thank-you response that they're not interested??"

He's creating the stress himself. He's doing himself a disservice. He's looking at how things work the Wrong Way. Much the same as meeting someone. It should only be a 'challenge' when you've had a good 1st date with someone. Sure, talking to more than one at a time can be distracting, but you have to realize that that by itself doesn't have a lot of value -- it's just your emotions getting excited about it.

It's Not a better move to talk to one guy at once. It's silly to think "they're the one". You're not going to sacrifice chances with them if you're talking to another guy. Again, it's not real until you meet. You think YOU'RE the only gal he's talking to? :)
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 655 (view)
Anybody get frustrated with not getting responses?
Posted: 3/7/2018 1:15:14 PM

Women tend to focus on factors such as career, income, stability when looking for a mate, a provider for their children. Later, when they get bored and cheat on their “good provider”, looks are the primary factor.

Now, don't say "get bored" -- it's that she's unhappy, and it's His fault that she's not happy. Therefore, although not the perfect moves, it's not cheating! ;)

I think the attributes you point out there hold weight, yes -- but lesser now than yesteryear. Kind of like Older Men. As one of the older guys posted on here, he points out that he's not getting the benefit of being "older" that he thought he would get, from younger-year expectations. That pool has "shrunk", and IMO, goes down the same path as women being dependent on income provisions.

Women generally of course will want a guy to have at least as much, if not at least a little more "career/income" than she. A sense of stability, even when she's an independent working woman. A sense that she Could and can lean on him, when necessary.

A guy? Unlike yesteryear, guys generally feel a negative when it comes to a gal who's not self-sufficient and would need to be financially Dependent (for general living) a guy, as her way of life.

Exception for power, power is the greatest of all aphrodisiacs as far as women are concerned.

I agree -- much like fame. That sense that you're a "big baller" with lots of power -- not merely a little more than average Joe -- I think that has more biological roots to it. Different than "he can provide for me". I think for many guys, there's also a positive to that when a gal is a big-baller, too. That said, I think it holds more weight for women when the guy is the power-baller.

IMO, I think nowadays, since gals are more self-sufficient as the Norm, just "he makes more money than your average Joe" isn't a big 'score' like it once was. Women have less a Motive to pair-up with a guy who she could do better in the looks dept. But yes, it's still there. IMO, it needs to "stick out" more VS yesteryear.

I do understand that all of the women here in the forums are special, and none of this is meant to apply to you. You are all perfect human beings, and are only concerned with inner beauty.

Exactly. Goes without saying! :)
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 61 (view)
Casual sex and dating...
Posted: 3/7/2018 12:43:46 PM

[old-school isn't necessarily a good school]
Your opinion--Certainly not mine, (and looks like we have different music preferences as well.)

Well, it's not just my opinion though -- that Broad statement of old-school isn't Necessarily good-school -- otherwise, one's just in love with the concept of nostalgia itself. Claiming that something actually Has objective value it, yet all that's to go on is nostalgia, is objectively going down the wrong road. Unfortunately this far too often goes unchallenged.

It's just a fact that there are many old-school "values" that are negative. The warm-fuzzies from upbringing & memories doesn't make a proposed value objectively Better, even though it'll fool our emotions that it is. Sure, some will claim that "Oh it's just how I am and how I feel," when challenged, but at the end of the day, it's not just a feeling to them. But, a lot of people Pick-n-Choose which "old school" values they like, yet still call themselves "old-school" because that's how they want to be. Like casual sex ala casual dating, even though mama would have none of that! :)

hahaha -Nope. It isn't. (Not how I define it anyway.) ymmv

I'm just using the English language here as the backdrop. If I'm "just dating" someone -- it's a casual situation between them and I, correct? Therefore, if I'm having sex with someone in which it's just a casual situation between them and I, how does that not fit the bill of "casual sex"? The 'just' in "just dating" is to emphasize that it's a casual situation, not a serious one.

1. When someone has been having sex with several different people.

Which yes, I agree = "sleeping around", as I said that before, sure...

2. Sometimes used pejoratively when referring to a person in a relationship who's been cheating on his or her partner.

I used the term with the second sense in mind.

But doesn't #1 imply casual sex, which you're not a fan of? I thought that was your main thing. I don't think there's ever an argument about cheating being bad or not. I think we all agree on that one.

Exactly, and it's always astounding to know many Christians believe morality can't exist without religion.

I've had arguments and did a college debate on this. Those who do believe this want to believe it's true, because it gives their religion more value. There are many Xians who don't believe this, but believe it's a reinforcement tool... kind of like leaning on what your parents say as it keeps you "in line", in that regard. To a fundamentalist, the thought that you don't Need Xianity to be ethical? Sucks the value & strength of the beliefs right out.
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 48 (view)
Casual sex and dating...
Posted: 3/7/2018 1:16:12 AM

How does it became a negative and how is being a Christiane make this sour-grapes?

It's not being Christian that makes it sour-grapes. A vast majority of church-going Christians, let alone just Christian, have sex well before marriage. A majority are going to do so when they're involved with someone, without getting married to them on their mind.

It's more being a Virgin at an older age + not being able to get "some" that makes it sour-grapes. But to be fair, I'm sure at this point, it's sort of a scary notion too.

For instance, an ex-gf of mine Way back in college was a Pretty virgin @23. She had a high-sex drive, masturbated twice a day, and we did everything except have sex (and often). She prided herself on it, and would mildly scoff at pretty girls at college or church for having sex with guys they'd date. I had to call her out on it. Why? She had nothing to "brag" about. The kicker: Her vagina was Abnormally Tight. Big-time super tight. Her gyno told her she had to start using it, otherwise it'd cause problems for the future. She couldn't even wear a tampon, and my pinky couldn't get in - lol. She had no room or reason to 'brag'.

While I do fell this way I cant say 100% that if I had someone who I could have sex with that I wouldn't do it has I have not had that kind of temptation before but what I can say is I am not the kind of person that would have sex with some one who I like just meet or didn't know that while.

Here's the thing though: It's not about having 1-night stands or someone on the 2nd date. But, it's about having sex with someone you're DatING, and not have been dating forever either. Like dates themselves, we need to shed our comfort zone. There are a number of guys like you -- all that Xian or not -- with no opportunities or sexual experiences, but they tend to be 16-20.

It's weird, awkward, a "big deal". But it's not like you go from striking out at the plate with a girl yet-again to one day hitting a grand slam. You'll hit a single many times, and then with another girl, move to 2nd base... then after some time, move to 3rd base. This Natural NORMAL human experience that you do lack will help Shape your comfort-zone.

It's good you don't pine over it, frustrated, etc. But at the same time, you should move to improve to be Able to get sexual interaction (kissing=sexual interaction). Baby steps with an open mind, man. :)
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 650 (view)
Anybody get frustrated with not getting responses?
Posted: 3/7/2018 12:56:10 AM

I also agree with the point you made below, but will add that sometimes big discrepancies in looks will show up several years into the relationship, when one partner doesn't age as well as the other, or one partner lets themselves go, while the other stays fit. I think that occurs equally among the sexes.

Yeah, you'll see it happen thru either gender... the aging/letting-oneself-go thing. So when they initially started the Relationship, and as many are more-or-less in the same 'league', it could divert either way down the line.

I think NY's angle was implying that when guy & gal pair-up, the gal will tend to look better than the guy. There is no Tendency with that, taking the $$/fame out of the equation... unless you get on the picky scale (no 'league' difference). I say that because I guess there is an argument to be made that even though there are more Independent women out there nowadays, overall, a gal will typically have more "concerns" when it comes to sizing up a potential mate... which would give guys a (greater) opportunity to make up for what might be slightly lacking in the looks dept, all other things being equal.
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 81 (view)
What is the hardest part of divorce?
Posted: 3/7/2018 12:40:04 AM

The hardest part of divorcing is deciding who to have sex with first

That's why you go for more than 1 at a time. Nothing better than a sampler platter after being starved for so long, right? ;)
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 27 (view)
Why I think it's important to look for these specific qualities in a potential partner:
Posted: 3/7/2018 12:37:27 AM

I think most ppl put their best foot forward before you see the fungus under their toenails.

Then it's a turn-on! Some of us like those get down-n-dirty.

Would be nice to find the whole package but that takes time to find and unwrap.

You're telling me! Takes forever to find that damn thing, take it out of the wrapper, and then put it on the package. Dating isn't easy.
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 490 (view)
Guns a right but healthcare a privelage?
Posted: 3/6/2018 3:30:39 PM

hubub in the media as well as among Republican party members over Obama's attempts to socialise the healthcare system in the USA to make it so that everyone can recieve treatment equally.

His plan wasn't that. It was to put everyone into Getting healthcare Insurance coverage -- and to have price limits on people... ensuring everyone gets it, which would in fact, bring down market costs. It's a socialization-effect to some degree, yeah -- to positively affect the market. But it's not socialized healthcare at all.

Why should it be a constitutional right for any American to own a gun while only those with a lot of money can have full healthcare benefits from the best doctors in the country while others who don't have as much money can't get the same treatment

Well, that backfires in Canada, from what I've heard from Canadians directly. It's great for day-to-day doctors visits and nothing special, but, you have to wait in line Forever to get anything out of the ordinary. Many come down to the states for that reason. That said, our healthcare system then (and still now) is screwed up.

However, you're comparing apples and oranges. "It's our right to own an XBox, but people don't have equal footing to get the same health care." I don't see how the two compare.

Question is: Should be make money not an issue, and everyone get whatever healthcare they want when they want it? Wouldn't work. Maybe in 100 years when technology's super advanced. This is 'Merica... our wholesomeness includes stuffing down grandma's fat-ridden apple pies with 8 ounces of gravy on our meat! Yeee Haww! ;)

You want incentive to not sicken yourself, to pay less. So no, 100% health care for any and all causes & reasons, I do not believe is a human right. At the same time, for Feasibility sake -- IMO, it's best to Encourage and give access to Basic care/checkups/treatments like going to the doctor, and to have that covered thru a contributing tax... but then if you want More than that, that's where various health Plans would come in.

I do think the Govt should just be the insurance company, which would lower costs even more. Being a health insurance company takes no innovation or invention, as it's running analyses and covering the bases. They could allow private companies to "compete", to give those anti-Govt folk peace of mind (but it'd have to be non-profit to compete effectively).
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 45 (view)
Kindness and Authority.
Posted: 3/6/2018 3:12:27 PM

Awe how sweet....I will donate the first Canadian $1 only worth 80 cents US

According to this link, that'd knock the Round Trip flight down to under $242.
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 644 (view)
Anybody get frustrated with not getting responses?
Posted: 3/6/2018 3:08:22 PM

That's usually the case, but there are some exceptions. The actor, Pierce Brosnan, is much more attractive than his younger wife, Keely Shaye Smith. They were roughly equal in attractiveness when they first met, but she hasn't aged well, IMO.

Oh yeah, there's always exceptions. :) That's the point... it sticks out like a sore thumb. And even in that situation, it's post-marriage, not two singles starting to date. But in Hollywood, you will see a difference of looks when Dating... like an actress with some not-so-great-looking musician or movie director -- but I think fame/talent comes into play there a lot, too.

Well, now that I think on it. I'm pretty sure I'm more attractive than Norweigianguy. Of course, I guess it depends on what we're wearing.

Well, easy for you to say, you have the birthday hat on! Now, if I wore the birthday hat, then... oh wait, yeah, you'd be even More attractive than me. :) All I was saying is that although not precise, we do have the ability to size people up comparatively on looks, success, and yeah, even dress wear. :)
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 44 (view)
Casual sex and dating...
Posted: 3/6/2018 2:49:23 PM

No to the "casual" sex. (Raised old school here)

On the topic of sex or not, old-school isn't necessarily a good school. Plenty of bad songs, old school. :)

While I understand if we're "just dating" he can do as he pleases--as can I.

But isn't that "casual" sex, if it's sex during "just dating"? I would think our "old school" grandmas would shake their finger at that one (but not two fingers; that would be new school).

However if I find what pleases him is sleeping around- that tells me all I need to know about any relationship we "were" having... and extra glad I didn't sleep with him!

Not if you came to find out already after "just dating". ;)

Sex is more than "casual" to me and I want it to be to him as well.

Well, if sex were just "casual", you wouldn't see guys being so horny. It'd be more like watching an afternoon baseball game to them. Or sex with their wife. Kidding (kinda).

In all seriousness, I would put casual sex as having sex with someone where the relationship between the two is casual (or less than casual). Clicking on date #1/#2/#3 would be having casual sex, when it's "just" date #1/#2/#3 in each other's eyes. Or having a FWB.

I don't think having a FWB (or even a fvck-buddy) = sleeping around. I think sleeping around would mean you're a serial dater who Does have casual sex on date #1/#2/#3 quite frequently.

Personally, I have no problem with "sleeping around", as long as said person plays it safe + doesn't lead the other on, when the other likes them more than they like them. But I can understand one not being a fan of it. Understandable.
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 145 (view)
Would you ever try to get a ex back who dumped you?
Posted: 3/6/2018 1:03:13 PM

He wasn't truthful about his relationship status. He had the choice to make and he made his bed now he has to lay in it.

He wasn't truthful about his relationship status with other people he'd mingle with, or with you (was dating someone else when he met you)?

We were friends till his new wife ended that.

In the end, if you ended up popping out a baby you made with him + ended up being Friends, all my thing is... if/when mutually single, and that change comes about, I dunno... it opens up the doors down the line more than just "Was dating a guy who wasn't truthful about his relationship status, so I left." I don't think it's about going "backwards" necessarily. I mean, you're already "stuck" with them + Friends, so, if mutually single, go ahead and wiggle. ;)

We also lived 4 hours apart so this came easy to do for him.

If you live 4 hours apart from you would make being friends not so easy, new wife or not... and obviously a parent-kids relationship would be really hard, too.

I rather like having no man in my life at this time.

If you associate seeing a guy with that, I can't blame ya... although realize that that doesn't define guys. Our "gut" can lead us astray, to make our immediate-emotional needs dictate things, which can end up biting us in the arse.
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 136 (view)
Older men's expectations
Posted: 3/6/2018 12:50:59 PM

The only reason I mentioned him not being attractive was because of his expectation that all he had to do was snap and a woman would drive all that way to watch TV. I would not drive 5 minutes for an offer like that no matter what he looked like.

Basically, sure, you were measuring his Chances of a girl rolling with it. It's going to be Small regardless, given that distance. But again, he has Nothing to lose, if he's bored at the moment and online just perusing. I know You wouldn't drive 5 minutes for an offer like that -- but suddenly his chances would get better (although so would his chances of word getting around town and his wife finding out).
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 18 (view)
Do i give up?
Posted: 3/6/2018 12:41:33 PM

the definition of insanity - doing same thing over and over and expecting a different result....

I used to think that, but my Uncle Jack proved me wrong. On the 10th try of going to Sally's place, knocking on her door in the middle of the night... the cops showed up and carried him away. Tu che Uncle Jack, tu che. You did get a different result on that 10th try. You're not crazy after all. ;)
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 637 (view)
Anybody get frustrated with not getting responses?
Posted: 3/6/2018 12:25:43 PM

About attractiveness, I think women tend to be more attractive than their male partners, so the starting level for where to start for a level of actractiveness is already higher than a man's attractiveness.

I think you have to hit up certain demographics to find that... like older men with $$ marrying younger prettier gals... fast forward 20 years later, sure. But in reality, the trend is, men & women tend to be roughly in the same league.

You eliminate guys with bling-bling ($), or gals who scrape by with no $, eliminate fame/popularity, or close social-ties -- the trend is, men & women pair up within their own 'league' so to speak. One speed-dating experiment showed this. Which guys women marked off as a 'match' didn't quite fit their mold of saying looks wasn't that important.

It's the 21st century, things are different than 50 years ago.

I've honestly never looked at a guy and thought "he's better (or not so better) looking than I am."

I have, but I'm a guy. :) "Oh, The Rock? He's got nothing on me," wouldn't be my first thoughts - lol. Build & facial structure tells most of the story, give or take.

But to what you said... have you never seen a couple and think "Whoah, she could do better" (in looks)? I think we are better at judging others' looks VS our own, but, just generic lines... I could think "Yes, Jennifer Garner is better looking than me," meaning that if I walked into a restaurant holding hands with her, I Would expect some folks to think "Whoah, she could do better." :)
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 39 (view)
Kindness and Authority.
Posted: 3/6/2018 12:02:41 PM

Why "pretty" girls? You are as superficial as the women whom you chastise and berate. Speaking from personal experience, 99% of men who have wanted to be my "friend" thought it was a path to sex or a relationship.

To be fair, the OP's been at least berated & chastised to some degree, by the few women he's chased/been involved with. I think The Joker's aim on "pretty girls" makes him bark up the wrong tree, and combined with his emotional issues, the prettier ones who will bite will be the ones with emotional problems of their own. And his cycle continues.

I'm hoping to wake up and find BC next to Florida.

My friend's crazy cousin living in Florida said the same thing -- wanting to wake up one day and find Big C*ck in a neighboring state. Turns out his wish came through after getting locked up in a Georgia penitentiary!

The Catholics get around that by saying you got what you deserved, not what you asked for.

Which can be a fitting response -- depending on what you prayed for. However, if your prayer was "I pray that all the children in the flood down south survive," and you find out on the news the next day that 10 kids died... well, either God's an a-hole or those were some mean-a$$ kids.
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 80 (view)
Never been married suddenly at 50 you wanna marry someone REALLY
Posted: 3/6/2018 11:33:01 AM

You know what I mean, doing for someone else and not expecting anything from THEM in return.

Not getting any thing in return from Them doesn't mean you're not getting anything out of it in return. Gratitude. We're social beings. The feeling of recognition/appreciation/gratitude, not even high, is what we want in return. Without that, we don't want to do it. "How 'bout a little gratitude, huh, a-hole? I cook dinner for you 5-6 nights a week, and you act like I'm no different than the pizza delivery boy?"

In the end, I laugh at this never-married = selfish. Selfish? Where does This come from? I could see something else, but where does Selfish come from? You think there's a shortage of Selfish guys who Are married? Or Were married umpteen years ago?

"No Donna, don't worry! Jim was married like 10 years ago. Hence, a great chance he's not a selfish guy!" Don't see it. At all.

You could say those who've never been married are not good looking VS those who have been. Many many decades ago, there would be that correlation. Today, it depends on the environment. You go out to a small town in the midwest of people born & bred there, and guys 40+ never-married -- yeah, he's more likely less on the totem pole in looks. You go out to big cities in southern California -- nope, has nothing to do with looks.

I don't see how getting married = unselfish act. Or how there's some universal 'rule' that one's socially withdrawn (when it can be the Opposite too), or looks very poor, if never married. At least the latter Had some merit. I don't see how Selfishness plays a role, as many people Get married for their own Self Interest, fitting in to do "what's right" communally.
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 11 (view)
Should I go for it?
Posted: 3/5/2018 10:29:29 PM

If after a couple of days of not hearing from him.....
Maybe a text of Hi how's your week going.
No mention of a plan.

I understand the angle, but given this, I wouldn't agree. She said to get home safe and to text tomorrow (Sunday). No reason why anyone would have been put off by it at all. If anything, he could have just taken it as a get-home-safe text, ignoring the 2nd part.

IMO, she should just cut to the chase. Leaving her last text as "... text me tomorrow", then a couple days later just a "Hi" -- gives signs of desperate/chasing, albeit mild. Cutting to the chase would give a better impression + test his interest. "Hey [Rob], it was good seeing ya at the party. Let me know if you want to grab a drink [downtown] later this week/weekend."

If he's put off by That -- that Means he lacks interest. When one has at least moderate interest, it's not going to come close to putting them off. In fact, they'll Like that when they do have like about the girl.

And from the OP's perspective -- it's to do that for Peace of Mind, not to wait on a reply. It's for that small % chance that he missed/forgot that right-after-party text by her, or when coming back into reality during the week, he forgot (doh!).
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 16 (view)
Entitlement and boundaries
Posted: 3/5/2018 1:27:05 PM

Is there anything you feel entitled to? If so, who is responsible for providing that?

We all feel entitled to something, rightfully or wrongfully. It doesn't always require a "who" for "providing". Your question's way too vague.

If we don't get what we need, who's fault is that? Ours, for not fighting for it?

Depends, depends, depends.

I believe I'm responsible for accepting or rejecting whatever it is I want in a relationship with a spouse, even if they "blow it" when it comes to my expectation, but promises made? I expect them to keep them. (if they can).

Depends what it is. Don't use your "gut" (aka Feelings) as the benchmark. Step outside yourself and assess things based on what is fair.

What about our parents or our children? Should they accommodate us? We them? Should we tolerate? Expect anything?

You're being Way too vague. You need to give concrete examples -- and assess variations where "I kinda feel entitled to X, but I'm actually Not" VS "I feel entitled to X, and yes, One is entitled to at least that."

We're entitled to Respect from someone when we're respectful to them. We're not fully entitled to x/y/z from a spouse if you made an unrealistic x/y/z Demand that wouldn't be realistic to fully get from them, even when they agree to it. Assuming x/y/z by default, isn't how people are by nature -- but something more than that.

Am I entitled to a GF to never go out to the bars with friends, because she said she wouldn't and my sacred "gut" tells me I have the right to be jealous if she does and that it's wrong? No.
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 14 (view)
Seeing someone who has a girlfriend
Posted: 3/5/2018 1:09:08 PM

However, we have recently started seeing each other again. I don't know what to do because i think she needs to know.

No, you're FINE! Look, he and his GF are just shy. They want a 3-some with you. You just need to ask him And her about it, and say that you're interested.

next he'll pass you an STD

I think he already gave her the Super Terrific D!ck. :)
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 7 (view)
Do i give up?
Posted: 3/5/2018 12:56:47 PM

I have been talking to a guy I met on of for about 3 months. We have talked on the phone a few times but never met.

He has no kids, never married

It's not him being busy. It really, truly isn't. It's a lack of interest on meeting you in person. Could be a variety of things, but not interested is not interested. Period. Many times, the guy's got a GF + busy -- so "I'm busy". But a variety of other factors can play a role like not looking nearly as good as his pics ("I'm working on it"), sh!tty car where he can't hardly travel, etc. But who cares?

You should just tell him to cut thru the BS. There's no reason one should be pen-pals for over a month living 20m away, and you gave him every chance, it going ~3 months. Don't let your curiosity as to 'why' get the best of ya.
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