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 Author Thread: How to Tell A Female Friend She Needs to Lose a Few Pounds
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 89 (view)
How to Tell A Female Friend She Needs to Lose a Few Pounds
Posted: 6/23/2018 5:51:12 PM

1) They are looking for a rebound and intentionally get with a person as a means to get over someone else

Disagree Wholeheartedly. Doing so to mingle, get a #, get a date, or to whatever degree and whatever direction -- motivated by being on the rebound and needing to get in the mix again to help get over someone -- is Not being a predator. It does not imply one's f-ing with them because they don't announce they're getting over someone. It's only when they're PRETENDING to be More Into Them than they are -- intentionally to get said #, date, poon, or whatever that "satisfies" them, with the Intention of DITCHING them immediately after.

5) They enjoy the thrill of the chase but have no intention of keeping the person once they get them

Disagree there, too. Just because you're interacting/meshing with someone of the opp-sex -- does Not by default mean you're wanting to ride off in the sunset with them. At All. It's only when you MEAN to Intentionally give them that WILD mis-impression To satisfy your emotions (sex-related or not), *and* doing that happens to be The Key to garnering that other person's interest to what you're wanting to get out of them (again, sex-related or not).

We WANT to believe the other person was doing that when we Have Our Own Hopes Up and have no evidence, except they fizzled out shortly after X happened. X can be mingling/flirting, getting a #, then Poof -- not-ever-available/excuses/busy/disappearing. Or kissing at the bar. Or going out on a date to a place where they're a regular. Or a double-date. Or hooking up. Or whatever.

MOST of the time, no, they're not a "predator". They weren't "using us" with any ill-intent. We don't think about it that way if they're cordial/cool and we're not That into them. But we do when we dig them, and Assume they must have been playing us. Like those on POF who get frustrated when they're writing a guy or gal, and then Poof they disappear and/or seem suddenly not interested the next day. No Bob, chances are she Wasn't f-ing with you or had any intentions of that exactly happening.
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 87 (view)
How to Tell A Female Friend She Needs to Lose a Few Pounds
Posted: 6/23/2018 12:35:27 PM

The same amount of women are predators, if not more. It's not a gender specific thing.

I agree that it's about the same -- but here's the thing: Most of what we call "predators" are Not "predators". It's what our emotions Want to believe because they just aren't into us. We'll slap that label on people (mainly guys) when at the end of the day, all they did was hook up, but the other wished/wanted more. They "used" me! What a "predator"! But wait -- what about that Bob guy a few months ago? You hooked up with him that one night! "Oh, he's a nice guy, but I wasn't that into him." Ahhhhh, then it's fine, right? Point is -- neither are predators. It doesn't take "scheming" or false promises by any means to mingle, # exchange, and hook up with someone where your underlying intent isn't to ride off in the dating sunset with them. We just don't like it when we are into the other person more than they're into us. We then slap the "used" or "predator" label on it, erroneously (but backed by peers).

The above stuff about the fat girls being used by guys for sex because they are easy does worry me a lot.

What may put you at ease: The guys usually don't have any ill-will intent about them. There's still sexual attraction, and it doesn't take lying, scheming, or false promises to warm them up to fool around some time. Same goes with gals of any "type" where the guy isn't "That into", but has some sexual attraction.

I've hooked up with gals out of my league -- or not so much, but being a social butterfly and pretty cute has great looking guys swarming on her all the time. And in much of those situations, they fizzled out where I wanted to take them out (beyond a charity date). Were they predators? Did they Use me for sex? I'd still know them, and chit-chat with them at a particular bar or wherever they hang out at. We're both friendly with each other, the same as before we fooled around. So what gives? Some of us WANT to think we were used. It's easier to take than "They can do better than me". It's sexual/emotional frustration.

The "using"/"tricking" someone concept comes into play when the other person is Lying to you about how much they want to date you. Not just compliments -- those can be 100% For Real in the moment with beer-goggles on, of course. Instead, it's some stupid scheme to say they're So into you, when they're not -- which isn't an effective method to have anyway, if you didn't know the girl from Adam walking into it.
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 109 (view)
How to be an ahole and remain dateless
Posted: 6/23/2018 11:50:51 AM

If a guy is to go to any other man for advice, it should be to a man who a has been happily married for 50 years. The advice they can give is gold.

You say that with a notable "IF" -- as if guys shouldn't go to other guys for advice about the dating scene, by default. There's plenty of guys a guy shouldn't be going to -- but also IMO, the most favorable would be guys. Guys who are very successful in dating Yet not hot looking (not riding on his looks).

When it comes to dating advice, I would not take it from married people, especially if they’ve been married for a very long time. They’ve been out of the dating pool.

100% agree. As one example, I've run into newly divorced gals in their 30s-40s who were like newborns to the dating scene as if they were 20 years old and just out of their parents' house. They admittedly are confounded/confused/head-scratching with the dating scene they're new to as they got married in their early 20s and just got a divorce in their 30s, and kids have kept them home the whole time. Although there are some who aren't like that, of course (especially those with single gal pals who they go out with) -- in general, it's not the best pool to draw from.

Especially for guys who are timid "wallflowers" to the dating scene (hence the market for PUA type stuff). Several times I've observed a cute gal giving advice to said type of guy (or any single guy) -- when she's been in a serious relationship/marriage for umpteen years -- which talks about how she ("girls") loves flowers and heartfelt things given to her, and things that resonate in a Relationship, but not in the intro-period of Dating. Wallflower-type guys take this keep-a-Relationship-fruitful advice to intro-Dating, and it doesn't match very well.
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 1503 (view)
ALL choices have consequences
Posted: 6/22/2018 12:32:34 PM

^^ Do u have a PUA site?

No, but maybe for fun I should put one up that isn't over-the-top like PUAs tend to be.

You sound a tad bit like LEYKIS 101

No, I don't agree with much of his over-the-top stuff -- and some don't have much basis for it. Much the same as opposite-of-PUA stuff.

I think you think I'm like a PUA because like them, I express things that aren't "PC" when it comes to the dating market, and I look it from a numbers/robotic POV. Although PUAs instead do take an emotional POV -- to Motivate wallflower guys. Much of the PUA stuff is over-stereotyped + over-exaggerated, and some points just false -- but it doesn't need to be accurate. It just needs to get guys motivated to Do Something + have Some accuracy embedded in there that grandma's afraid to say and wish isn't true, for the wallflower guys to buy into it enough.

Instead, I just like to lay things out the way they are... and break down how certain things are false (PUA or opposite-of-PUA+pro-PC).
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 93 (view)
On dating a cheapskate.
Posted: 6/22/2018 12:03:24 PM

Leykis 101
Rules of the Classroom:

I think it's meant to be exaggerated/funny/tongue-in-cheek. That said, even though it's ridiculous, there is a market for over-the-top like that due to too many guys being shy wallflowers. You need a semi-truck just to move them 6 inches. It's based on some element of truth, but it's not meant to be exact -- so I think people should chill a bit when reading something so over-the-top. :)

1) Never date single mothers. Dating equals porking.
-Too much of a risk. She already made one mistake and some guy is paying out his ***hole for the next 18 years of his life.

I think this only has some truth if you're referring to those in their teens to early 20s. And didn't aim to get prego in the first place. Then there's that risk. You get in your late 20s / early 30s when she already has kids, the opposite is true and you should instead "fear" ones Wanting to have kids some day with their biological clock ticking loudly. Either way, using a fake name is the best form of birth control. ;)

2) Never spend more than $40 on a date. If possible, let her pay for everything.
-There is no reason you should feel obligated to pay for anything. However, there is nothing wrong with splitting things 50/50.

The amount depends on what you do. An initial date to get the balls rolling can be a quaint just-a-drink-or-two date, where under $40 would cover you and her, notably in Happy Hour. But I totally disagree on splitting 50/50 on a date. I would say this mindset should only apply when you're Not on a date -- and a word of wisdom to not try to buy your way into getting her #. But his POV for dates? Bad. At most, it should be to motion her to grab a round of drinks when you walk into a new bar after dinner to set the tone that not Everything is purely paid for.

3) If she doesn't bang you by the third date, Dump That **** (DTB)
-Chances are she has no intention of EVER screwing you.

I would say by date #5 at the most, as it varies from #3-#5 -- but his core idea is true. If you're just having handshakes & lemonade style dates after date #3 ends -- Leave. She's not that interested.

4) No spooning, cuddling, hugging, or staying over.
-Get in and get out. (No pun intended).

That's only if you're not that into her and just want the sex.

5) Never get involved with a co-worker unless you dont mind losing your job over it.
-In today's world, a man can be burned with sexual harassment very easily.

I agree, and there is a risk for unwarranted sexual-related complaints if you go past the platonic line -- but mainly, just standard drama is enough to avoid it. That said, allowing something to "slow roast" into something, in a work place where dating each other happens -- that's OK.

6) Women like men who are ***holes.
-If a woman sees that you are a ****, she will walk all over you. If they think that you are a busy guy and hard to get a hold of, the more they will want in your pants.

Women are more into a-holes than guys who are pu$$ies, that's for sure. However, it's best put that gals are more into guys who give out the vibe that they Can be an a-hole (if warranted?). And also -- being too busy & too hard to get will cost you more dates. That's more applicable to gals who you didn't go out with yet but see in a social setting a lot. Her "ehh maybe" interest will increase if you give out the "ehh maybe" vibe in return.

7) The "Looks/Self-Esteem Ratio"
The number at the top of the ratio is a 1-10 rating on her want this to be as high as possible. The number at the bottom of the ratio her want this to be as low as possible.

This is only true if you're trying to get a gal out of your league, to narrow in on one you may have a chance with. For a gal to be datING? You want both to be as high as possible.

8) Never buy a chick flowers, candies, teddy bears, etc.
-It is a waste of money. Buying a chick gifts with the intent on getting in her panties is usually a waste.

I agree. It'd take a certain breed of gal + a certain situation where that may not be a bad idea. Otherwise, it can not just be a waste, but backfiring with most girls in most situations.

9) Men and women can't be friends.
-For a woman, a guy friend is just a guy waiting for a chance to get in her pants. They are thinking about it all the time.

While I agree that you should distance the girl you're now dating from her "guy friends" for the most part + never invest in being a gal's "guy friend" if you Like her ... I totally disagree that gals in general know that her guy friends are wanting to get inside her pants -- which almost all are, passively or not. Most gals don't realize this, and Erroneously think it's the opposite way -- that most of their 1-on-1 guy friends want to be Just friends, while it's the small minority that want more. Tsk tsk. :)

10) Women like to keep guys on the back-burner.
-Most like to keep their options open

For the cute + single social butterflies, yes. Otherwise, no, there's not a trend like that for everyone else.

11) Chicks with nice racks will usually tell you about it.

They'll usually make some early comments on guys staring at them, how it's tough on the back, etc. But that's about it.

12) Catholic school equals crack in the ass.

I agree that gals who went to Catholic school can be quite naughty -- but overall, they're just like anyone else (including the naughty part).

13) Men don't like to dance
-Men will dance to get laid. Women dance to get men and attention.

For the most part, I agree. Even for many guys who Like dancing. Litmus test: Go to a bar where there's really no single chicks, and the guy who dances knows this + he knows there's a fat chance that any gals are going to flock in. But the DJ's music is decent, and there are a few gay & straight couples out there but it's still kinda dead (but not empty). Not feeling it, knowing you dancing isn't going to make single gals appear at the bar? It's at least about getting female interaction (=in pants). Still want to, knowing no single gals are going to show up? Yes, you really do like dancing in and of itself. Even if you're home alone.

14) Women by nature are attention whores.

There's truth to that. But there's some guys who are like that too. Women don't have a copyright on that at all.

15) Chicks like to travel in packs.

I don't think they have a copyright on this, either.

16) Fat chicks give good hummers.

I think there's truth in this one. But you don't want to totally bank on every one giving great BJs.

17) Never get married untill you are a minimum 25, recommended 30.

I agree. I would say don't get married until over 25, where an engagement would be 25 minimum (like college sweetheart you're still seeing).

18) Never carry or hold a chicks purse.

If you're not into them, and they Like you, I can understand -- but no, you can keep their purse on hold when they go take a sh!t in the bathroom.

19) Buying Drinks helps.
-Women like to have the booze factor.

I agree, but you don't want to run around buying girls drinks who aren't giving you the time of day. Overall waste of $$ with little return. You buy them a drink when there's mutual interest that seems initially established after a while. But doesn't this contradict with the whole "Always go 50/50 on dates"?
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 86 (view)
older woman, younger men
Posted: 6/22/2018 10:48:49 AM

I really have no idea how they met or what their relationship is about.

That's why I wouldn't put much stock in it being a Solidified Relationship-Relationship, given the significant Key difference in age -- sans significant issues with he himself that's not known, when $$ is not a factor into the equation. If in Vegas, I wouldn't hesitate to throw down some nice $$ on that, if a Gods-eye POV came into play to give the true answer to it all. :)

I dont think its always more older women with younger men. I know a girl my age who was with a 65 year old for about 7 years

I agree. When there's a Wow difference in age, it's almost always Older Guy -> Younger Gal. Almost always it's $$ coming into play, but if it's not, I can see the genders flipping on that, but it wouldn't be a Serious Relationship with the guy @30, lady @65+. It'd be more of a FWB. Which there are significantly older women who don't look that bad, and it's an interesting endeavor to pork a truly old lady. But to be truly An Item? If it were to be so, and $$/fame were not an issue, you can bank that the guy @30-40 has some health and/or mental issues if he's chasing that. But you can also bank with more confidence that although it may be talked about as a true item, that they're Not, and it's just a FWB.

and i know a 50 year old woman with a 38 year old man...

That's more understandable and not shocking for a serious Relationship.
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 15 (view)
Texting before calling/meeting
Posted: 6/22/2018 10:25:34 AM

Basically, you and this guy aren't compatible, he likes texting but you don't.

She doesn't like making the call, either. :)

He ignores your preference despite your direct request.

But he couldn't have called her right then, either. Again, the guy was off the mark, but I don't think he threw the pass in the stands necessarily. If a gal tells you to call her when she also says she's going to bed -- that's not a direct request to call her then. Many people take phone calls as an in-the-now, and Most people are 100% fine with texting and want to go the route of phone calling (especially when you haven't met the person) as an in-the-now setup via text.

In that situation, I would call him when I'm the person that wanted the phone conversation.

I agree. When going to bed, telling the other to give you a call, all they know is Right Then is not a good time. Ok. When is? You're obviously going to text again the next day, and (knock on wood) to find out when would be. He didn't inquire about when a good time to call would be (as opposed to text which is any time not in the middle of the night)... but he probably figured "Well, she wants to talk on the phone. Fine. She can call me when she's free or telling me when. We're obviously texting, so..." She didn't ask a question, she just threw it out there as she was going to bed.

None of these "hints" or guessing games. Next time, I think OP should just be like "Hey, let's chat on the phone. I'm free around [6:30]. That good for you?" Putting it in a form of a question when you're truly inquiring makes it more straight-up.
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 74 (view)
How to Tell A Female Friend She Needs to Lose a Few Pounds
Posted: 6/21/2018 12:26:33 PM

You're right in that eating choices and exercise choices do play a big part in weight but I will also say it's far nuanced than calories in --> fat --> exercise -->

It's true that it isn't as simple as X calories = Y extra-or-less pounds-on-belly. For most people anyway. But it's more than a "big part" when it comes to Lifestyle & choices in general. Certain foods are going to pack on the pounds for Sally but not for Barb, when neither are naturally rail-thin by any means. And certain genes are turned on/off due to upbringing and such, and it's not an easy feat to shift-gears to reverse the situation -- but certainly can be done. Not just for a "summer thing" which will shed something and make them look better -- but more of a Life-style change. Most people aren't willing to do that, if saying No to pot-pies is already a struggle. :)

Point is -- yes, it can be done -- even to the point of being truly thin (not even required), for everyone. And for those who are genetic outliers, it can still be done -- but you don't eat what your friends eat and you have to put time/effort/strategy into it. It brings to light that one shouldn't just "scoff" at those who are considered fat and aren't living all that unhealthy -- but at the same time, those who are fat can't play the "there's nothing I can do" card. That's why it makes my eyes roll when you have staunch conservatives in this "fat boat" -- yet, they'll scoff at others in life situations where it'd take just as much hellish effort to change their situation for the better (kids at young age; no college; sh!tty job; etc). One in that boat has to ditch the "pull yourself up by your bootstraps" BS. :)

Many obese women do get dates from scumbag men who think of them as easy lays. They're the kind of men who sweet talk their way into this. The woman buys into it, ends up putting out, but getting dumped after only one encounter. *Some* of these women *may* misinterpret the brief interest from these men as them being drawn to her ''beauty".

I think "fat" is merely one of many matching attributes in this situation. It's just gals lacking in looks in whatever-way, compared to a single guy they're liking. Many guys will fool around with a gal who he could "do better than", much more than gals will. So below-average-Sally doesn't put this in perspective -- so she thinks she's on-level with the slightly-above-average-Joes who got her # and porked her silly soon after. But as you point out, it's tough for anyone (especially Joe) to tell below-average-Sally that she Is below-average in looks, and society's social setup has it where guys aren't going to be like girls: So you can't assume a slightly-above-average-Joe is usually only going to go with average Janes or better when out and about at the bar/cafe/vacation.
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 149 (view)
Posted: 6/21/2018 11:48:48 AM

I don't approach guys & I've seen plenty of good-looking ones. I don't care for dating/getting to know strangers and have had better luck dating men who were already in my circle.

I think that becomes a mental/emotional self-fulfilling prophecy -- and all it takes is 1 between the two to make the chances lower because of that. It's natural though, to some extent. But some have a hex about dating/hanging with someone who doesn't know someone they know -- it ends up being "cliquey" due to an uncomfortable comfort-zone.

I'm all starry-eyed and began asking my co-worker about her roommate. She laughs and tells me he just texted her after leaving the restaurant saying, "Your friend is cute" & "she could get it". The co-worker then tells me he is 22, in the military and lives across water. I'm thinking, if we were to spend time together, either he or I would have to take the ferry *rolls eyes*

To be fair, most guys are going to heed the chase factor when something like that comes up, too. That's just feasibility. Like "Yeah, she is really cute -- BUT, she's Mormon," or "She lives Way up north," etc. I think when we're younger, that stuff matters less, but we end up realizing (emotionally & logically) thru 1st or 2nd hand experience over time it's generally a waste of time -- even for casual dating.

That doesn't play a role in the whole "How much does looks matter?" stuff. Otherwise, those being accurately accused of being too much into looks would be LD chasing online, hitting up gals totally not their type ("I'm atheist; I'm Mormon!"; "I'm looking for a$$, but I'll go on eHarmoney").
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 1496 (view)
Women are going to choose the best options
Posted: 6/20/2018 1:13:07 PM

I think they're more specific though to individuals, so being fat might not make a person unattractive but something else can (like for me if you're face isn't attractive then i'm not interested but fat wouldn't bother me).

Fat will affect the face, and face is #1 for everyone, although guys tend to give more credence to a body that's above-average than gals (but it still means something for gals; masculinity expressed). But just because some gals may like fat guys who aren't just big all-around but fat -- doesn't mean it's 50/50. It's far from random. That's something people's esteems can't take. The upside is that anyone (even HawkingJr) can find someone if they dig enough, with an on-par swagger/game/attitude/persona.

The 1-10 is about raw looks. Which is usually The thing when it comes to dating marketability. Knowledge of lots of $$ is rarely known, and rarely are they famous. Within certain circles you can have popularity play a role, but by and large that doesn't come into the equation either. Aside from overall looks (which has it's different attributes in itself), one's Dating Market Value usually is affected by:

- Just about Not Lacking in attitude/persona when it comes to stranger-meets-stranger to see if there's a "spark".

- Attitude/swagger/game/etc plays a significant role when the Looks don't stick out in a positive or negative way (neutral-zone) -- but random environmental factors can also increase or decrease your chances, too.

- If you're Above Waters in the Looks dept compared to your target, you can lack a bit in attitude/persona/Type... and if you're Below Waters in the Looks dept (but not Immediately ruled out by it), your attitude/persona/Type in how you come across can get you a W. But, like the neutral zone, random environmental factors can play a role, too.

Overall, the trend tends to be, IMO: Girls are generally into looks more than they claim... and when it comes to Relationship Potential, guys are not as into looks as folks believe either. They become more the same when Relationship is each's aim, assuming nothing else is standing out about their story. It's easier to land a (usually not-that-interested) Date with a gal with a Significantly greater Dating Market Value than you, than to get a string of dates, porking, or obviously datING her. Getting a # or landing a date is less "Ohhh" of a guy significantly lacking in Dating Market Value than the gal. It stands out when they become an item or you find out they've been porking on the side for some time.

Dating Market Value carries less weight when you've gotten to know them thru work or a relatively close social-group, over time. But it doesn't mean it should carry Expectations that Average Joe has great chances at getting Hot Veronica over time... because at that workplace/social-circle, every Below/Above/Average Joe is aiming for that, too.
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 28 (view)
How to Tell A Female Friend She Needs to Lose a Few Pounds
Posted: 6/18/2018 9:32:54 PM

I think that people should not derive their sense of confidence, self esteem, self worth etc. from their body image.

I think they should, in different ways. In one way, to compare it to my maximum potential. I should have lower confidence about myself if I'm well below what I could be. It doesn't mean I have to be uber-picky, but it's silly to think this is "dangerous" to do so because there are uber-picky people out there where self criticism backfires out of emotional instability.

My whole point is that one should be self-critical, and value themselves appropriately -- for better or for worse. Just as one shouldn't beat themselves down via over-criticism ("I'm worthless! I can never get what I want!"), one shouldn't inflate themselves up that's not fitting either ("Everyone's a winner! A shining star!"). Improve your weaknesses, keep your strengths polished, don't get obsessed about the small stuff, and accept your limitations (height, ethnicity, facial structure).
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 27 (view)
Is it really that bad
Posted: 6/18/2018 4:50:37 PM

I think it would be difficult for you to say what men like since you are a woman, but I can respect your opinion and still choose to have my own.

How your profile is set up now, is 100% fine. It's not costing you. But what men like is Looks. It's #1 with women too, but with men, there's a lot Less nixing it on someone who looks good to them.

The only other thing I can say is "No" to drinking. If you even drink a little on Holidays, I'd at least avoid the No, and just put in the profile that you don't hardly drink much. That's not a profile style/choice thing really, but just the only caveat a guy or gal may run into in their profile, outside Looks and having kids when under 25.
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 9 (view)
Posted: 6/18/2018 4:38:07 PM

Will you share your experience using a burner phone? Can burner phones receive text messages?

You don't really need a burner phone. Otherwise a notable % of women would be doing it (like married men) -- but that's not the case. But, whatever makes ya feel at ease.

You can get a small smart-phone for $15 on sale at Walmart sometimes thats Trac-compatible. So the type of phone doesn't really matter. The "flip phones" that LOOK old-school, actually ARE smart-phones. :) It's just for (inconvenient) style that makes ya feel better, although elsewhere maybe you could pick up a true non-Droid flip-phone.

In the end, the real cost is going to be the pay-as-you-go plan. With Tracphone, you can only use it for so long before all the minutes are wasted away for what ya paid for. And texts count as a minute. You can have it cover a longer period of time, although that of course costs even more.

Cell phones you can get cheap as dirt to work with anything. A "burner" phone is just one that is cheap + not on your regular plan, and usually not tied to You, as with Tracphone, you don't have to prove who you are thru it.
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 1478 (view)
Women are going to choose the best options
Posted: 6/18/2018 4:19:28 PM's the problem with the concept of "leagues": It's the same with bad-boy vs nice-guy, and alpha-male vs beta-male.

I would say "leagues" is on the same level as rating one's looks 1-10. There's a subjective read to it, 1-10. But when one is Clearly better looking than the other, with nothing else to make an exception out of it (fame/local-popularity, well-known-$$, the other having mental/emotional issues, etc), we say "they're out of your league". It doesn't mean you don't ever fish in that pond, but being Truly blind to it can make you waste your time if you're too focused on it. Looks matter. There's differences in looks. Looks is by default the #1 attribute to pull in people in or shoo them away. And there are sometimes Stark differences in that dept -- hence the term 'league', noting that.

And also, as I wrote before, having a leaguless outlook may be two different experiences....observing no leagues below you, and observing no leagues above you. Fishing in leagues above one's own league is a whole different ballgame, er, fishing game vs. below you.

True. If there are no 'leagues', then there's no universal looks, and looks is purely subjective -- which is not the case. Hence, you should expect your chances of what the people rate a "10" saying Yes to you being the same of what the people rate a "5", because it's all BS, right? And more importantly, your desire to have what the people rate a "5" is going to be the same as what the people rate a "10" -- because looks is just a random role of the dice... or so close to it, that there's little difference between them All (hence no such thing as a big-difference aka "league" difference).

Self-denying the concept that there's any big differences in looks, and that a gal who folks think is a "10" is going to be the same as a "5" saying Yes -- that does have it's advantage. Gives one more balls without even knowing it. But it has it's drawback too: I'm getting shot down Way too much -- wth? To that I would say "Because there Are such things as universally prettier than another. You're going after the prettier ones, and they are going to get better looking guys than you without too much effort. You DO realize a big difference in looks, underneath it all. Otherwise, you wouldn't be chasing the 8-10s, Mr Average Joe. If big difference in looks didn't exist, you'd be going after 2s just as much as 9s... and one man's 9 is another man's 2, and vice versa. That's Not how the world actually works."
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 25 (view)
How to Tell A Female Friend She Needs to Lose a Few Pounds
Posted: 6/18/2018 3:33:30 PM

To a lesser degree more sexual activity (with women and men) than women.
The last part just means men have slightly more hetero and homosexual sex than women do.

Again, you take "self reports" by those about sex with a Grain Of Salt. Otherwise, you have "evidence" that heterosexual men have had significantly more partners on average than heterosexual women -- which is Impossible.

Hetero men don't have more partners than hetero women, since the # of hetero men & women are roughly the same.

When it comes to self-reporting, you could say by men's CLAIMS, that they have a more liking to sex (duh) and are more open to it with strangers -- which, nobody needs a study for that, and of course I agree there. :) I'm just pointing out that the average # of "partners" hetero guys have ~Equal to # of "partners" hetero women have, since the # of guys & gals ~Equal.

It's a baseline to see how accurate your results are from questionable sources (they themselves). If I'm polling, and out of it, I have 1000 hetero men & 1000 hetero women, and the # of claimed partners is notably greater for guys than gals, then I know my data can't be Banked on. And in a nutshell, all these polls are off-key because Good Luck getting accurate results from people themselves about things like sex where judgement is cast.
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 41 (view)
Creepiest date in the world
Posted: 6/18/2018 2:08:58 AM

Henry gets an F for reading comprehension. The "repulsive" refers not to people who get high IQ scores, but people who claim high scores make them smart. Typical of someone who claims to be smart to show low intelligence.

You're right that there's some misread there -- but it's absurd for you to believe "People who score highest on IQ tests tend to have low social intelligence," which basically says High on IQ = low social intelligence for the most part. It's just as silly as the notion that those good at math = not great at English, etc. Or silly crap like "street smarts VS book smarts".


He wanted the OP to have his smart babies, yet he wanted her to drink alcohol which kills brain cells.

That's actually a myth. Although believing this may indicate low social intelligence and would further your belief that those with a high IQ = high chances of low social intelligence, fact is it doesn't kill brain cells. Drinking that much would require end up killing the person. Moderate drinking doesn't even damage the brain at all. It's full blown alcoholics, over time, can have damage to the brain (but brain cells are not 'killed' even then).

A drink or two is actually usually Better for you. Although, like Doritos, for many, it's tough to just have 1 or 2. So ya can't blame anyone from not even having A dirnk. But, it actually Lowers your blood sugar level when just having 1 or 2, and the book series The Zone had to adjust their no-alcohol rule when brought to their attention. When it comes to things like drugs & alcohol, we tend to Not have a line of 'over the top' when it comes to criticizing it.

As far as that date's concerned, that's really beyond wacky & weird. Hard to believe. I can see it getting to the point of the guy asking too many questions and expressing some rather weird wants/desires that are out in left field which would scare many away. Expecting *6* kids when you're turning 27, and wanting to move in real soon when having that intro date -- all while making you take tests? Possible, but if I were in Vegas, I'd bet on an exaggerated story. :)
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 20 (view)
When users go rogue
Posted: 6/18/2018 1:46:36 AM

Yep, it was "just a willy", but not one that I wanted to see. There's a difference between willies you're fond of, and ones that are shoved in your face, so to speak.

Well, he obviously doesn't know his willy is a tragic specimen, otherwise he wouldn't have sent it (when sober).

But what you bring up points out something interesting: Something can be just fine, but if I don't like it -- it's creepy, shoved in my face, etc. :) I think the guy's a moron -- even if his willy is a nice, ripe piece of fruit -- but it's an interesting POV on the matter... much like shirtless photos ("I better like what I see, otherwise it's a creepy thing to do").
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 7 (view)
Texting before calling/meeting
Posted: 6/18/2018 1:35:58 AM
I agree -- you should have called Him. Just like you can send a text to him, you can dial his #, too. And don't play the dating-game BS that because you're a lady, you don't do this-and-that. The communication between you two already hit the ground running. His "game" may not have been on, but he could have honestly thought you were hinting that You were going to call him, since when you mentioned that, you were going to bed & it would have been rude for him to call you.

Come on, now. How are you supposed to know ANYTHING about someone via text?

Ummm, how are you supposed to know Anything about someone via a phone call? It's information transmission between two people. Over the phone you get to know some more by 'reading' them, but at the same time, cut to the chase, and just meet. Either way, you can get to know about someone's attitude & how they are as a person, to some degree (and sometimes quite well; other times vague), whether it be email, text, or phone.

I finally text "I am interested, but I am now having trouble taking you seriously". He replies "no problem".

Here's the thing: You're wanting to Play Games by you not wanting to call him, but you wanting him to call you. And that you have some weird POV that nothing's real via text, but reality totally changes over the phone. Look -- you just give him a call if you're a phone-call person. He wasn't on-the-ball to call you up or to text you "when would be a good time?" instead of assuming you'd call him -- but you were going down this Narrow Expected Pathway-Only. Chill out. :)

You were too impatient & frustrated with your POV. Yes, he did lose interest when you're saying you can't take him seriously. He's like "What? She's saying she doesn't know me, like it's some words on the page of a romantic novel, but shoot -- I'm not writing her romantic-novel like stuff, and I tell her that, then she goes cold on me. I text her more, and she says she has a problem taking me seriously? WTH?"

Step away from the world-revolves-around-me POV. Just give him a call. And be apologetic about any mixups. Have an open mind. It may be a little too late at this point, but as long as you see/expect that, it should be OK. :)
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 64 (view)
The feminist man-hating agenda undertone is most women's profiles
Posted: 6/18/2018 1:25:21 AM

Seriously - get over it and start accepting us mature guys for what we are - people with a lot of life experience and (in general) a cool head for common sense and decency.

Well, there's enough guys who Aren't like that, hence their whining/complaining/angst unfortunately expressed in their profiles. But at least you can weed them out since they're upfront about their attitude problem with men/dating. Them doing this though pretty much exposes that there's a high % chance they're no peach, either.

So you frustrated about this is the same as another guy being frustrated that too many women are too overweight. Yeah, you don't want to date either. Move on!

There are plenty of women out there who aren't jaded & PO'd about men & dating. Go for them. Don't become jaded about the dating scene either. :)
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 131 (view)
Posted: 6/18/2018 1:06:42 AM

a guy created a Tin*r page posting half naked pictures of a model type guy and when messaging he only makes perverted and sexual statements. He has gotten tons of positive responses and proves that when you are attractive, you can get away with anything. If the pictures were of an average looking guy, he would just be a creep.

Yeah, that's not surprising. One of the reasons why the classic virtually-dateless Mr Nice Guy(tm) exists too often, is because of the Politically Correct Fables that conditioned into us, and they really buy into it as the Truth, when it's Not. Like the average # of people each gender has slept with, heterosexually. That # should be ~Equal. But every poll has the guy's higher, usually Significantly higher, which cannot be mathematically true, since there's ~Equal # of men & women. It's basic math to know that the average should be ~same, but it's it an example of Cultural Conditioning that gets one to not see it.

Raw sexual attractive looks is going to play a role into how one views the other's persona. Obviously if pushed far enough, they can always be a creep. But you can get away with a lot more without even being viewed upon as a creep, with the right look and/or raw sexual attractive look. Those who don't want they themselves being judged on looks Don't want to believe this. But it's just human nature. Many will also think it makes them seem too animalistic, when in fact, we are, and sex-driven creatures where it plays a Yuge role -- even if it doesn't at all translate into sex on the 1st date in the unisex bathroom.
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 61 (view)
On dating a cheapskate.
Posted: 6/18/2018 12:18:16 AM

So, the question is - do the alarms go off in your head?

Alarms are going to go off in some women's heads if they see you're driving a true beater car that could use some work, and your clothes don't fit well + don't look like they're on any expensive side to make up for that tackiness (thus, cheap).

In the end, gals in general aren't going to have an issue with a guy being frugal minded in His life. But of what he Does have: His house, his car, his clothes -- he makes it well Kept. Like your clothes being FITTING (which many guys in general miss the mark on, btw), especially if you're not paying much for them... that your house is well kept, and your beater car is polished well maintained where you wouldn't think it's a "beater" outside a mechanic's POV.

It's a good angle to have in general -- and kinda needed when one lives a really frugal lifestyle. Coupled of course, with not penny-pinching on the places to go out to, when out on dates. But you can have your 1st dates be bar & coffee bar dates at more quiet mid-range places, where it's not going to cost your wallet much anyway. You do this, she'd only notice you're a frugal guy If she's already been going steady with you for a while (but you're an item; so if you're compatible 2-3 months into it, it's not going to be a big issue with her if she's not money-hunting).
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 3 (view)
Would you date a disabled guy who only cant drive?
Posted: 6/18/2018 12:09:25 AM

I have cerebral palsy and all i cant do is physically drive but am able to do any thing else when it comes to being "normal" I have a house and a College degree and it doesn't seem to be enough.

Well, Just not being able to drive -- yeah, that'll cost you. But it shouldn't stop you from dating Altogether. Not being able to drive due to 3 DUIs is going to hurt you a lot worse than a physical handicap Barely hitting the mark for drive prevention, and nothing more.

So it's not the driving, if it's a "I can't ever get a date", if you have Uber at your disposal (ALWAYS use for dates & social gatherings; not the bus).

So the question is: What else is Noticeable as a disability? To whatever extent it is noticeable, the less % chance to garner a random gal's interest in a crowd who's in "your league" from a photo-comparison point of view. Which, by the way, is never going to be a High % anyway, disability or not. :) That said, anything noticeable in your speech, walking, balance, etc -- is going to play a sizeable role in how low that % goes. So if there is stuff there noticeable, like a real short guy like HawkingJr on here, don't put all your stock & hopes into Online Dating, although always still utilize it.

Regardless, whether there's little to nothing noticeable, or a lot -- you should always work on what all guys should work on anyway: Improvement on how you carry yourself & the mindset to have when in the dating circle. If you enhance this and read up on it (not with overdone PUA stuff, but more mainstream-ish stuff) -- you'll have a leg up on a lot of guys in terms of "luck". But this takes time and absorbtion -- but can be fun & interesting to read up on (like the book "How to Succeed With Women"), and to re-read multiples, etc. And to have some friends to go out to the bar with, to just Aim to be Wing Man / Observer, to soak stuff in Over Time. Combine those two things, and after a while, you're pretty much at 3rd base as far as succeeding in the dating field is concerned.

Last guy i spoke to on here for a long time had a chronic pain condition and it didn't bother me.

Of course not -- you weren't feeling his pain! ;)
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 99 (view)
Dating today... coffee dates and text messages are cop outs. bring donuts
Posted: 6/17/2018 11:48:55 PM

Coffee dates and sex = stds.

So dinner dates & sex = no stds? :) I don't see how having a coffee (or beer/wine) date, followed up by sex translates to anything worse than a date that had dinner to go along with it. I guess food is the anti-STD, huh? :)

I wouldn't date guys that are desperate for sex, because they may have resorted to risky behavior.

Just because guy Or gal has sex at the end of a 1st or 2nd date, doesn't mean they were desperate for it. Those who have a hex on sex, sure, would have to be desperate-horny to have sex with someone they don't know well. But those (like myself) who aren't conditioned into thinking that sex-is-bad-outside-Relationship -- no desperation required to follow thru on physical sparks, to take it under the covers.
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 80 (view)
older woman, younger men
Posted: 6/17/2018 11:44:02 PM

Cha-ching$? :)
Nope,my sister is hot.

Okay, so the 30 year old guy is not financially supported in any way shape or form by your sis. OK. Where I could find this not Too difficult to believe:

- The 30 year old guy may be young & healthy, but Not a looker. I find 'average looking' 18 year olds better looking than I did when I was 20, due to the 'supple youth' carrying more weight. So a gal who's 70 and great looking amongst 70 gals could find the 30 year old guy who she Wouldn't find attractive 30 years ago, nor would she be attracted to him Now if he aged Well over 30 years -- she does now, even though he's No Catch amongst his age group @30.

- He doesn't look that "good", but he doesn't look bad, but he's not healthy or has some mental or emotional disability that doesn't have to be known about, and his self-confidence due to it & past dating experiences, is Shot. The "supple youth" factor still plays into it for the 70 year old, cerebrally.

In a nutshell what I can't buy -- although anything is technically possible -- is a 70 year old, even a looker for her age, being in a Solidified Relationship with a decent looking, healthy 30 year old guy when $$ plays no role, either. A hookup, or even a FWB? A stretch, but I can buy that one.
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 18 (view)
How to Tell A Female Friend She Needs to Lose a Few Pounds
Posted: 6/17/2018 11:10:51 PM

number of sexual partners (males reported more partners, d = .25); frequency of intercourse (greater reported frequency for males, d = .31);

Taking out male-on-male & female-on-female, if make the # of guys & gals Equal: You realize that the average # of gals a guy sleeps with Is Equal to the # of # guys gals sleep with, right? :)

It's basic math -- but we're brainwashed into thinking not necessarily so, due to culture. Take an island of 5 guys & 5 gals. 1 guy's a player. He bangs all 5 gals. The average # guys & gals sleep with Is Equal (= 1). Again, if the # of guys & gals is Equal, too. No matter how you slice it & dice it, the average # will cum out equal.

But there are More (hetero) guys online than gals. If anything, the average # for gals should be Higher, since there's fewer women.

Let's take a mid-sized, isolated city in the midwest, using the normal/average hetero guy-to-girl ratio, and assuming everyone's playing in their own locality (but it's not like there's any place in US/Canada where there's more women than men):
250 guys -- 40 slept with 30 different gals
100 gals -- 30 slept with 40 different guys

In this example, there was some "ho sharing" going on. It only Helps the gals' %, but since there's fewer gals, the gals still "look worse":

Guys sleeping with a girl: 16% (40 / 250)
Gals sleeping with a guy: 30% (30 / 100)

Now, I can be selective and aim to make women look good. If you take the % of those who had sex Only from the # Who Had to At Least Have a 1st Date -- then the # of girls & guys are Equal:

50 guys -- 40 slept with 30 different girls (80%)
50 gals -- 30 slept with 40 different guys (60%)

Okay, better, but that's only one (favorable) way of looking at it. But it still doesn't say women who have an account online are "better" than men. It's just that the ones, IF this were to be true, the ones who have at least gone out on 1 date, in this random thought.

From what you're referring to is Self-Reporting. When it comes to anything about sex (judgement), take it as a grain of salt. In All surveys of how many different people have you had (hetero) sexual intercourse with -- men's is Always Higher. Many times a Lot Higher. But this is *IMPOSSIBLE*. :)

In REALITY, it's going to be ~Equal, since the # of hetero men & # of hetero women is ~Equal. Again, take an equal amount of men & an equal amount of women, and put them on an island. Whether you let 1 day pass or 1 year pass, the average # men sleep with is = # of women sleep with. Because every time a guy is (gasp) sleeping with a woman, a woman is (gasp) sleeping with a guy.

But since there's Less women online than men, when evaluating mere Users -- the average # of women who have slept with a guy from online is going to be Higher than the # of men who have slept with a gal, as there's about 2.5 guys for every 1 gal (guy's is going to be more watered down).
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 125 (view)
hey, don't knock the knockers
Posted: 6/17/2018 1:39:36 PM

IMO they can be tacky when a man is flexing in front of a mirror.

Sure, like any photo -- shirtless or not. EX: Insert a duck face on a guy, and it's going to generally not be such good results. :)

But in the end, I agree with the statement that you were quoting/responding to -- generally speaking, it works when you're in good shape, and backfires when you're not. How women (negatively) feel about it by what they claim is inaccurate, when the rubber meats the road -- as OKC has shown.

It's just another example of the dating scene: Just because guys or gals say they like or dislike X, and X is something that carries judgement, don't take their collective word for it.
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 78 (view)
older woman, younger men
Posted: 6/16/2018 10:35:54 AM

My sister is 70 and her boyfriend is 30.

Cha-ching$? :)
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 94 (view)
Dating today... coffee dates and text messages are cop outs. bring donuts
Posted: 6/14/2018 5:45:03 PM

People go on coffee dates because they have been stung

No, that's not why they go out on coffee dates. It's to make it a low-key date, not a Date-Date. You go to a coffee house or a low-key bar for a drink to chit-chat and talk. Both have the same motif (although coffee dates are well suited for any time of the day where a low-key bar may not be so ideal for that).

Dating meet, then sex. This has been the hardest thing for me to understand.

Having sex before having a date (from the bar or a party) -- or having a low-key date and then having sex the next go-round... it wasn't invented just a few years ago. Been around for quite a while. Go back enough decades, they still did it, although not quite as frequent, but a lot more than you think (they were just more quiet about it).

Why anyone would be on a dating site and only want hookups.

LOL. If you wanted hookups, where would you go? To the dating scene. Where's the dating scene online? A dating site! Why Wouldn't they go to a dating site? But a disclaimer: Most people (guys included) don't want Only hookups. They'd love to meat a gal where he she's Wow and start seeing her. But in the meantime, yeah, porking around is always an option.

It disappeared with the beginning of the video game culture and the 30-second attention span.

I don't think that helped, but I think the "impatience culture" is more modern than the 80s when the video game culture started. I would say the "impatience" culture started when IMing & texting started to take hold, emboldened by Facebook commenting & tweeting. The "summary culture".

That said: "What ever happened to dating and getting to know each other?" -- my question is: Do they not? Just because one fools around before being an item -- which again, is no "new" thing by any stretch -- doesn't mean they're not getting to know each other if they Do really like each other.

I think with Facebook and the like, you have (potential dating) options at your fingertips. Too many choices in the store of a certain product, the less apt you're going to buy one. Proven in free-sampling advertising at grocery stores. So they learned to limit their selection to try-out. Add to that, less people feel lonely without being an item with someone. Which is a good thing -- but also, less of a yearning to have someone for the sake of it. More (emotionally) independent. So that's not a focal point of -something- to Chase.

That said, the newest generation actually have less sexual partners than the older generation. WHAT? Yep. You can get the (social, sexual) attention from the comfort of your own home.
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 74 (view)
older woman, younger men
Posted: 6/14/2018 4:20:08 PM

As long as the guy is 18 and over it is legal. I know a lot of women over 30 with with 18 year old boyfriends.

That is false. I really don't think you know a lot of women over 30 with 18 year old Boyfriends, let alone ones who will occasionally hook up with one. Women over 30 aren't interested in being in places where you actually meet 18 year olds (most bars being 21+ up; few that are 18+ don't draw 30+ women to meet teenager guys).

It's more like over-30 women having guys in their mid-20s as the "See? A gal can date a younger guy." Not guys just over their mid-teens.
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 26 (view)
why do do many women have body type = thin
Posted: 6/14/2018 2:41:31 PM

Everyone has their own definition of what each body type means. Not saying that one person's "thin" is another person's "obese" but one person's "average" is another person's "a few extra pounds" or "thin".

Well, I'll say that it isn't Quite that open to do so. There are some universal markers to go by, at least:

1. "A few extra pounds", what does that mean? A few extra -- not a lot, or close to a lot, but handful or maybe two -- more than "Average". It's based on "Average".

2. "Thin" -- this is pretty universal. This basically means not Notably athletic thin, just thin. One can't say "thin for this area", but actually Thin. The only leeway could be in a very separated age-group (average @19, thin @40 with same body volume & shape) -- but either way, NO weight to lose, and you could afford from a health perspective to put on a few pounds. But all in all, it's pretty universal -- not a 'taste'.

3. "BBW" -- this is based off "a few extra pounds", meaning, you're a lot more pounds than "Average". There should be an in-between of "A few Extra" and "BBW". Instead, we allow "A few Extra" to be "A few Extras", which is OK.

4. "Average" -- you're Not universally Thin. You don't have an athletic body type. But you don't have to lose many pounds to hit an ideal weight, and it wouldn't take an intense summer program to become Thin. This is the "neutral zone" that others are directly or indirectly based on.
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 240 (view)
Heartbroken(and it's not what you think)
Posted: 6/14/2018 1:23:52 PM

NG, being married with kids may not be something you desire, but

Complete misread, emotional assumption on your part off the scales. It's about IT vs WHO.

if it's done and done well, it's an accomplishment.

It's not an IT, it's a WHO. That's my point. And yes -- Yuge Yuge difference, that some socially conditioned people do not understand. Almost the same as those in high school who haven't gone steady with anyone -- and fret about it, and will want to go steady with Anyone who they can merely get along with. Going steady with someone, by ITself, holds no value. But we're Raised to find value in IT -- because our parents want us to want IT, because IT gives the feeling of their kid's Stability. Our friends who are coupled up want us to want IT, because it socially matches up better, etc. Point is -- we have a high divorce rate that's thru the roof + far far more relationships that are "blah" at best, because of the Peer Pressure going after IT, not a Who -- and in the meantime, not enjoying being single & dating, and you get people like OP being depressed about not having the "IT", which ends up having a snowball effect in their luck ever finding a WHO.

I don't know about 5'9" being considered tall. That's one thing I have always thought worked against me.

It's not tall -- but point is, it's not short. In super tall areas (Nebraska, west Michigan), you'll find a little less comparative luck if you get down to the brass tax, but it's Not at all going to make a 5'9" guy go from bouncing with great date after date in Miami, FL to being disasterously dateless in Grand Rapids, MI. :)

You're not short. You're FINE on height. Also, your profile says 5'10" by the way. :) Which I can't razz you too much for that, because girls on average with any online experience will assume 5'9".

I think we all can agree that 6'0" is the standard.

No, 6'0" isn't "par" for women from short->above-average-height. 6'0" is "par" for relatively tall women. Otherwise, 6'0" is Ideal for the rest, on-paper. You're trying to find reasons that aren't there. If you're 5'9" and can get away with saying 5'10" in a profile, your height isn't a deterrent, unless you're chasing Only tall women.

As for personality, I think part of the problem was I was trying to be too perfect, when in reality it didn't matter to me one bit whether or not I was successful.

You don't want to be the caterer. Not only should your dog have taught you not to care so much about being coupled-up when you're down -- he should have let you know to chill out when trying to impress a gal. Basically, when single & not on a date, you should aim to self-improve as a matter of habit. But when on a date or talking to a gal to get a #, etc -- you're not trying to "impress her". Instead, you should just try to put your best foot forward and project yourself how you are, and if a gal DOES have some True underlying interest or more, you don't have to do a song & dance to make them like you. In fact, a song & dance in those cases, unless you are very talented at it (some are; most aren't), has a greater chance of backfiring -- despite what traditional mom, older sister, and aunt have to say.

I would always get the "nice guy" speech if I inquired about getting together again. Then they drop the phrase "no chemistry".

THAT is your achilles heel. One should work on their looks (body; style) being optimized, to help give them leeway on that front. But in the end, unless we're out of their league, being "Mr Nice Guy" is going to get you NOWHERE with social gals. If that comes natural, change it. Much the same as you giving advice to someone who's 50lbs overweight to change their diet. No, not easy -- it's not supposed to be easy like switching brands on something. It's a change that Feels greater than it is, but if it's too easy, it does little change.

It's how you're projecting yourself as a person with a gal. That needs to change. Which requires your mindset (nerves included) about the whole thing to change. Read up and study up on that (but avoid the too-far-off PUA stuff). Start with "How to Succeed with Women" book. :)
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 33 (view)
BIB method of dating....
Posted: 6/14/2018 2:46:30 AM

OMG do people really actually do stuff like this?

No, they don't. :) If you camp out at a grocery store long enough during prime-time TV hours hoping to find ladies with a stockpile of bananas (several clumps of them piled) at the top of her cart -- I'm sure after several months you may end up seeing a handful without a ring on, and maybe one of them is trying out this not-followed "thing". In the end, it's not a thing that's being done -- your chances are infinitely better hanging out in the produce section following gals with just a basket (not a shopping cart) without a ring, and striking up passing conversation-comments.
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 339 (view)
Instant turn aways: cheapskates
Posted: 6/13/2018 4:01:57 AM

If a man over 50 is still looking for someone 20+ years younger; NEXT!!! Also if they won't date someone a WHOPPING year older; NEXT!!

Bob: If I see a gal who is looking for a guy who's 6-foot or taller -- NEXT!!!!
Jim: Umm, Bob, you're 5'7". I think they're saying "Next", implicitly, to you first. Sour grapes?
Bob: Whatever, dude. And yes, I like sour grapes, why do you ask?
Jim: ... What about this gal? You should be frustrated with her. She's not talking about height, but about race!
Bob: Oh, is it a Caucasian gal only looking for guys who are African American?? NEXT to that!!
Jim: Close. She's African American and looking for guys who are African American or Hispanic...
Bob: Lemme see. Yeah, that's fine. Not upset about that.
Jim: What?? Wait, why not about this one?
Bob: Because I'm not looking for African American women. Unless she's like one of the Real Hot ones, as with any race.
Jim: Isn't that just like Height? Like a 5'6" gal who only wants 6 foot+ guys, actually would be wanting to date Real Hot guys who are 5'9"?
Bob: Dude, don't make this complicated.
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 196 (view)
See Dick Post
Posted: 6/13/2018 2:06:38 AM

I haven’t really figured out if it’s biological or the result of social programming.

It's more like is that how they REALLY feel underneath it all, or is it their social programming to say that and to feel that on the surface when Asked? Basically bullsh!tting reflexively thanks to social programming (thus at least pretty much believing it themselves).

Remember this, on a broader topic: What people say they are notably attracted to, and aren't consciously lying, isn't necessarily the same as what they Are notably attracted to. Even in opposite directions. Classic example is a really cute gal in a social group saying how she hates men who are like X/Y/Z (ex: typical jock guy) -- but then after the night has set in and she's had a few drinks (not drunk), she's pawing at just said type of guy. Of course, it's usually not to that extreme, but my point is what they say they want or don't want, isn't necessarily so.

Another example was on 's analyses they ran (before Match's parent company bought the organization). The unique thing about that site is all the survey questions about dating/sex/lifestyle/tastes that one can fill out. So as the saying goes, gals Hate guys with shirtless pics, right? Even gals in their 20s, as confirmed by their surveys of said gals on there in their 20s. Guess what the response rate was on guys With shirtless pics who were in their 20s? Significantly higher than what it should have been, based on such a high % of "No" by gals. Those shirtless guys got some of the best response rates despite the gals in their age group (and above) saying they didn't like them. Wait -- that can't be! The girls said they don't like it! ;) Once guys got in their 30s, said better-luck started to drop of course (more guys out of shape being shirtless in pics), and would skew into anti-luck nearing 40-range.

I don’t know if a woman can get turned on by just looking at a plain, average guy naked.

A woman most Certainly can. But what's her sexual mood, and how does her dating-luck relate to plain, average guys would be factors whether they do or not. And of course, social programming to Not like that.

Most guys can’t really only on their looks to attract women - they need to be well-rounded individuals - smart, funny, interesting, etc.

Most guys don't Need to have All those other qualities universally seen by women, no. Looks is #1. But yes, anti-smart, anti-funny, anti-interesting, etc can certainly kill most of a guy's luck, yep. It's not the only thing, but it does bear the most weight, for both genders. Women have other factors to be concerned about, and $$ and social popularity carries a lot more "make up factor" on being shy on looks, for gals than it does with guys -- IF either truly Are Known (many times isn't when it's stranger meeting stranger).

But looks being the #1 factor is something many people aren't aware of themselves. Social & self conditioning gets us that way about looks. Many are conditioned to feel that's so... primitive & shallow when it really isn't (not wanting to be judged on looks can certainly be a big factor on that). Plus, looks affects how we judge/view their persona, as well (and vice versa to some extent).
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 192 (view)
Any expectations of who would be attracted to you?
Posted: 6/12/2018 1:34:03 AM

Been sent so many dk pics i seriously started to wonder what was wrong with these men.

I always wondered why some guys put these out like rapid-fire to gals. Funny thing is, some of them are hung decently well, and have gotten some action/responses from them. Usually though, it's not guys sending it out as their initial message, but but jumping into it rather swiftly to "cut to the chase".

Women have told me that by visual they mean a man’s build, stature, smile, etc.

And when a man licks his lips over a woman's build & stature, it's the same thing -- Sexual. It's their Sexual Build. It's about sex.
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 164 (view)
Girls.. Does this happen to you?
Posted: 6/12/2018 1:25:26 AM

Hell, I had a Spanish woman at the pizza joint down the road from me call me "Papi" last week.

I should have blown a gasket and let her know how "creepy" and "predatory" it was. Maybe even stalkerish!

Or in response, ask her if she wanted to butter your breadstick! After all, she was being SO forward. What goes around, cums around!

If I'm not even dating the guy yet and he is doing it I'd think either he was something of a player or reaally needy and desperate maybe.

Depends what pet-label he's using, what people in the environment typically use, the context, and how often. One shouldn't have a "No Way-dar" on merely hearing the word "babe" or "hot stuff" in any situation in any way.
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 162 (view)
Why do people ghost/disappear on the FORUM ?
Posted: 6/12/2018 1:01:26 AM

So yes, it was a bad thing. I was never attracted to this guy, never in the slightest. I have fooled around with male acquaintances but there was mutual attraction.

Not so fast. :) How the guy looks should have Zero bearing on whether he did something bad or creepy, trying to cross the platonic line. Our flawed natural emotions can skew us reflexively in-the-moment, but at the end of the day, we have to put it in it's proper position. A litmus test: If they were a hottie I had a crush on -- would I still think they did something bad/wrong/creepy? The answer should be The Same, when it comes to passing judgement on the other guy or gal.

Obviously I have done it before with other male acquaintances. So if I'm not doing stuff with him, what does that say?

One possibility in an outsider's POV: That you haven't done it yet? I mean, we don't hookup Instantly with people we know.

That drunk-late-at-night approach was lame and desperate as hell.

I'm sure he was no Shakespeare, but how attracted you were to him should have played no role in your judgement of how he was toward you, is all I'm saying. Not that he was a-okay by any means. He told you a story about how he added his ex he didn't want to FB which wasn't a good idea that he regretted, due to flying all the way out to LA to meet a gal where they both aimed to fool around, but the obvious family sour note put an ixnay on that. Okay. I've heard worse. And I can see how things-in-line could turn you off, sure. But, again, if he was a hottie you had a crush on -- would you feel just as insulted?
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 234 (view)
Heartbroken(and it's not what you think)
Posted: 6/12/2018 12:40:53 AM

Most people my age are established, maybe married with kids, etc.

Being married with kids isn't an accomplishment. It can be an anti-accomplishment in some situations, nothing negative or positive in others, or with the right person, an accomplishment. Point being -- it's far Far better to be single & dating than settled down and knocking an [insert-lady-here] up.

That said, roughly-zero dating on any level for too long of a time isn't a good thing. If dating is too difficult with gals you could find reasonably attractive, then you need to work on looks and/or personality. Since you're not short, and are athletic, I'm assuming it's the latter, if your tastes aren't out of this world.

But a change in comfort-zone/persona would be required if dating comes difficult and you're already in your mid 30s. Almost the same as getting a solidly obese person and not only making them lose weight to average range & get in shape, but to keep that way as their lifestyle/comfort-zone indefinitely. "But this is who I AM," is what they'll say too. It all comes down to how bad you want to do it, and, like the comparable example, although rough & against-the-grain and the feeling of a lifestyle change -- it doesn't have to be close to perfect.
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 13 (view)
Vagina unsettles me
Posted: 6/11/2018 12:19:47 PM

First of all, I know that I am straight and definitely prefer women

Guys who are 100% straight don't merely 'prefer' women -- but that's the only thing they want. Bi guys can prefer women over dudes.

everything about them is a turn-on except their nu-nu

If you find their "nu-nu" a turn-off, you may not be so straight. ;)

my ex wanted to get frisky so she started giving me oral and ended up guiding my hand to rub her, then all of a sudden she slid my hand inside there and it felt so uncomfortable and I lost my drive over it, so just pretended that I wasn't ready and blamed commitment issues.

What made it feel uncomfortable? Obviously not taking the action, because She slid your hand in there. Unless she had some weird fungus-jungle you could feel or something -- you shouldn't have felt uncomfortable, besides maybe raw shyness/blushing over getting to "that base".
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 18 (view)
Her new job is getting in the way
Posted: 6/11/2018 12:09:31 PM

The restaurant closes at 9 pm but some nights she texts me that she is just leaving the restaurant at 11 pm. Ive worked a little tiny bit at a restaurant but I never heard of a place that takes so long to shut down.

It certainly can. Many stop serving/ordering @9, not that the last people eating/drinking are out the door @9. Ymmv depending on house rules, day of the week, busyness, etc. Last customers out could be closer to 10pm. Not that they can't get a bulk of closing-down done -- certainly the kitchen can, although 15m more than usual isn't unheard of. But doing the last count of checks and all -- that can extend longer, or tending to your last customers who are staying in later-than-usual will get in the way of closing down some, as with someone needing to leave early and another having to pick up their slack too, etc.

But in the end, if you two are an item, her being able to come over and crash at your place after work and such should be an option. But yes, her new job is going to make things less convenient. You work with her & adapt, and be more understanding about it.
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 78 (view)
Date to make it monthly late
Posted: 6/11/2018 11:59:53 AM

If a guy is expected to be the provider of action packed, thrill filled, and super exciting dates on each and every date, that can be exhausting and not sustainable-contrary to popular belief.

When a gal needs a super-exciting, thrill-filled date for satisfaction being out with a guy -- she's not that into him. :) Granted, a guy brushing up on his dating skillz may want to know how to execute that, but if he's having to do that every time, she's not that into him, but instead into going out.

And one doesn't need a Date as a reason to go Out. If you're a gal, you're not going to get everything paid for that can be found in Dates, although going to a singles bar will periodically get some of your drinks covered by an interested guy, if open to meet dudes.

In the end, you shouldn't go out on a Date for the sake of it. Especially if you're a guy where you're expected to pay her way. Instead, aim to go out to meat girls, where dates can be found, and if not, enjoying being out & about, and unwinding.
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 5 (view)
Help! Stuck between 2 guys... Needs advice!
Posted: 6/11/2018 11:25:35 AM
Go for a 3some. :) May the best man win!
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 24 (view)
why do do many women have body type = thin
Posted: 6/11/2018 11:21:17 AM
I'll find women who are as overweight as OP putting average -- but I will say I don't find that many putting Thin when they're on the borderline of average & a few extra pounds. There tends to be less subjective leeway on that one. But then again, I'm not in Texas.
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 9 (view)
Friend Facing Dilema With Girlfriend ( Age 26) of Two Years
Posted: 6/11/2018 11:17:53 AM

Meramec, after taxes and such, he makes about 320 per week.

That's $16,640 after taxes. Or $8/hr after taxes. So he's probably making close to $10/hr, which, after 10 years is a Low amount. He's 35, not 25. She shouldn't be interested in him, if she has to pay the rent & credit card bills + utilities. She should leave him, yeah. He's had plenty of time to take night classes and the like to get situated for a career job to make at least like twice as much starting out.

She should have lacked interest in him over time. Sorry.
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 11 (view)
Did i step over the line?
Posted: 6/11/2018 11:10:24 AM

'I know this sounds kinda sleazy but do you wanna go meet my dog?'

WTF? Sounds like you have a pet fetish - lol.

Meaning u wanna go back to my place? My dog had been a topic earlier so it wasn't such a random question.

It was a wack question, though. Why would it be sleazy to meet the dog you were talking about, if the dog is the center of the reason to go back to your place? WTF?

But she said no and ditched me soon after. Stopped talking to me then started flirting with other guys! Of course i came home alone to my dog.

Yikes. That is pretty bold by her. There's a reason for her to be turned off. But, she already did hook up with you before, and it shouldn't be enough to be flirting with other guys in front of you while on the date -- even if she's ending the date. She probably wasn't that interested leading up to it, but your question, in that Warped way, gave her 'reason' to be rude in return. She had a reason to just end it and be cold -- but to do that, yeah, that was too much. But in the end, ehhh, she was going to talk to other guys and get ball-banged by someone else anyway.

You should realize how wack your question was. You should have said, after talking a lot about him, "Do you want to meet my dog?" and kept it that. Then if she said yes, I'd like to sometime -- then you just say after these drinks, we can... or if it was still early, "later tonight we can". Basic common sense.

"I know this sounds kinda sleazy, but do you want to see my washing machine?"
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 31 (view)
1st date and she wants IT and your not feeling you do her anyway?
Posted: 6/11/2018 11:00:54 AM

1st date and she wants "IT" and your not feeling you do her anyway?

If you're physically attracted, by default, sure.

Do you do it anyway? Even if its misleading to her?

How is it misleading her if she asks You to go to her place after an hour of meeting? I think that happening is a clear sign that she's not a typical gal, hence, you shouldn't apply stereotypes to the situation -- like having sex with a gal early "misleads her" into thinking you're wanting to be BF/GF.

Don't mislead. If you're going to do it, make sure she understands that there should be no preconceived expectations.

I agree not to mislead, but I think it's OP's fear he would mislead, just by having sex on a 1st date -- even if it's her asking Him to go back to her place, only an hour after a 1st date. If anything, you'd assume this isn't her first rodeo and that becoming some item wasn't on her immediate docket.

That said, IF she was also expressing wants & needs & visions of being together as an item -- I think he could still agree to go back, but once there getting settled in and kissing, that he let her know that although he finds her attractive, hooking up doesn't at all expediate a process of being an item nor gives it more weight to become an item. A friendly reminder. But again, only if she's wack like that, expressing assumptions that they're going to be an item (which would probably turn me off too much if I already wasn't That into her).

Someone did me on the first date and I took it to mean he liked me and he went really cold and ghosted me.

If you're referring to that one date with the guy who wasn't that into you via chat for so long, that's not a good example. He ended up telling you On the date that he wasn't wanting to jump into anything, but he wanted to throw out the notion of hooking up that night. I think you misled yourself thinking that if you followed thru on it, he would follow-thru by seeing you -- which is emotions being manipulative, actually. Plus, it's not like out of the blue You said "Hey, let's go back to my place, wink-wink, nudge-nudge," an hour into the 1st date. He wouldn't be misleading you by saying Yes, yet not wanting to ride off into the relationship sunset with you. Nor did he in that situation when he brought up the idea, with his disclaimer.
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 96 (view)
What does Wants to date but nothing serious mean?
Posted: 6/11/2018 10:44:16 AM

When I see that, I take it as the person wants to meet new people and see where it goes.

Which, as you point out, is how it is in Any situation... and dare I say, regardless of intent on the dating scene. From my experience, a gal saying date-but-nothing-serious is not really any different than wanting a relationship+Dating as her choice below. A gal may not pick date-but-nothing-serious to give the impression she wants hookups, and when it boils down to it -- if she digs ya, she digs ya... if she doesn't that much, she doesn't that much.

Plenty of situations occur where the gal (or guy) explicitly "isn't looking for a BF/GF" -- but then they meet someone, after a couple dates really hit it off, and become an item rather swiftly.
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 198 (view)
this ladies, is how good guys become jerks
Posted: 6/11/2018 10:33:26 AM

I think he was already a jerk for wanting to get involved with someone that was currently with someone, and for being part of that pic she took to make her bf jealous.

I don't think that's being a Jerk at all. Naive? Sure. Mean to her? Of course not. She wanted to take a picture with him to make her (soon to be ex?) BF jealous, and he went along with it -- understandably thinking she may Like him, so when they break up, he'd be an option at least. I think his problem was he let his gut/heart dictate everything, thinking he would ride off into the sunset with her once she broke up with her BF in the background.

He probably didn't pick up on the signs she Wasn't that into him when the rubber met the road. He was in a situation where any reasonable guy would feel a bit let down when he'd have a bit of a crush on a gal who was breaking up with her BF, when she wasn't. If I'm going to hang out with a gal I know who's flirty & newly single, and she knows I like her in that way -- I'm going to be Ticked if she meets up with a guy while out and about with me, and kisses him in front of me and brushes me off once she has more desirable company. She did give him a last-minute warning, but that doesn't make things kosher. But OP is naive and had his hopes Too High leading up to this, which led him into an emotional car-crash that was avoidable.

In response to her last-minute warning, I would have told her that if she was wanting to be out with some guy she was attracted to, that I'll leave you two be. I think OP didn't do this because he would be "giving up", and understandable frustrated to punt the ball like that. Either way, he wasn't in a happy situation -- he just made it worse for himself. As long as he understands this, and that's not how most gals are -- he won't have this angst about girls/dating, and won't be a d!ck when it comes to dating.
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 69 (view)
older woman, younger men
Posted: 6/11/2018 10:11:00 AM

You’re also assuming that all younger men are broke, and don’t even have $20 to spare. Give me a break.

True, but if they're under 21 and in college, they most likely have money restrictions that are noticeable beyond coffee dates. But that's Really young for someone at or near 40. I think folks in the over 35 + single range are less likely going to be partying like rock stars and more likely more attracted to ones with relationship-potential. But from my observational experience, it's quite easy to find someone over 35 who isn't, and one under 30 who is. Many more factors play a role: Kids/kid-situation, having or not having peers who Do go out & single, how far off a breakup they are, etc.

When one goes out bar-hopping to various ones on weekend nights, you'll find a variety of age-groups & types kicking back and having fun. But you will find a higher % of 'older' people around Happy Hour time VS at night.
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 178 (view)
Any expectations of who would be attracted to you?
Posted: 6/11/2018 9:58:49 AM

There’s evidence that most women don’t get turned on just by seeing naked men.

... and finding "oiled up, tanned, overly-muscled men disgusting," -- take that as a grain of salt. It's over-said/over-played. Get ripped & tan, be on the beach barely wearing anything (as are most barely wearing anything), and oil yourself up as many are -- you're going to get more gals finding you attractive, not less. :)
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