Show ALL Forums
Posted In Forum:

Home   login   MyForums  
 
 Author Thread: Dealing with Just ask me as a Profile
 bookBelle
Joined: 10/24/2008
Msg: 54 (view)
 
Dealing with Just ask me as a Profile
Posted: 4/1/2015 12:33:53 AM
Oh yeah, I totally agree that it's a horses for courses kind of thing. Maybe the blank profile is working for them, and that's fine. I'm not saying that people with blank profiles should change, just that a blank profile is something that will make me think, "next".
For me, part of what I like about OLD (when I do it - I'm not looking right now) is that ideally I can see upfront if I have anything in common, or if we are not a match. It's not that I can't initiate conversation... it's just that if I have no idea what that person is like, or what kind of person they're looking for, I'm less likely to bother starting a conversation with them, than with someone who has filled out their profile and says, for example, that they're hoping to meet someone bookish. That's just my personal opinion, and my personal approach to online dating (when I do it).
And like others have said, it means I can just click over the blank profiles to find someone who is a match for me, like a weeding out process. That's good too.
I'm not particularly bothered about it... I'm just here for the forums, so I'm just making conversation. :)
 bookBelle
Joined: 10/24/2008
Msg: 49 (view)
 
Dealing with Just ask me as a Profile
Posted: 3/31/2015 3:31:53 PM
*Off-topic: I am not dating at the moment, haven't for ages. I'm just here for the forums at the moment.

On topic:
The thing I think about blank profiles where the only thing the person has written is "just ask me", is that in my opinion, it kind of negates the point of an online dating profile. To my mind, part of the whole point of online dating, is that you can see by someone's profile whether you have anything in common, what kind of relationship they're looking for (if any), if they're religious or not, if they want kids/have kids, what their hobbies are, etc etc. If all they have is a photo or two and "just ask", I might as well just be asking random people I see walking down the street. In which case, why have a profile?
Writing about yourself on your profile gives people an "in" - something with which to start a conversation: "I saw on your profile that your a fan of band XYZ. What's your favourite song/album of theirs? I saw them in concert last month and they're totally worth seeing live!" and so on.

If you meet someone IRL, do you start there with, "So, what do you want to know about me?" No. Also, generally when you meet someone in real life situations, you can start by talking about the venue/activity, or asking how they know the person who introduced you, or asking where their accent is from (if applicable). If you meet at a beer festival for example and are both drinking *insert beer type here*, you presumably have something in common.
On an online dating profile, all someone has to go on is your profile, rather than all the cues listed above. If all you've put is "just ask me", you're expecting the other person to not only make all the effort in starting the conversation, you're expecting them to be interested enough in you from a few pictures and no information apart from your height/body type/location etc, if you've even bothered to fill that in, too. If you want someone to start talking to you, then it's polite to give them a starting point.

For me personally, a blank "just ask me" profile doesn't SELL the person the way I think online dating profiles are supposed to. Surely, people create a profile hoping to find a match, right? You're effectively advertising yourself, in the hope of finding someone you click with. IMO, "just ask", isn't much of an advertisement.
 bookBelle
Joined: 10/24/2008
Msg: 29 (view)
 
Do you want children?
Posted: 11/26/2013 2:48:22 PM
I am childfree by choice. I NEVER want to have children. Ever. No biological children, no step children, no foster/adopted children. Period.
I will not date parents, either.

I am 23, and wish I were in a position to get myself sterilised. I'm even more bummed that my preferred method of sterilisation has been withdrawn due to a patent lawsuit. :(

To all those people saying, "you're young, you'll change your mind", PLEASE STOP. I know my own mind, and I hate hearing that bingo. It's so patronising and condescending, and I find it REALLY insulting.
I'm willing to bet there are people out there who have known what they wanted to do in life from a young age. One of my friends knew from primary school that she wanted to be a nurse, and that's what she's doing today, scrubs and all. If your friend tells you they've wanted to be a doctor/lawyer/engineer/vet/fireman/*insert occupation here* since the age of 5, and that they're in college/training to do so, do you ask them if they're sure it's what they want? Some people I know, have known from an early age that they DO want children, and some have had them already. My cousin knew ever since she can remember that she wanted to be a mum... now she is one. Nobody ever told HER that she would change her mind, or regret it. Just because I have come to the opposite conclusion, does not mean I am wrong. I just know what's right for me.

You know all those people who are devastated by fertility/practical problems, because they so desperately want a baby?
I'm on the other side of the coin. My fertility makes me feel like I'm being held hostage by my own body, and that no one will listen to me about what I want to do (or not) with my own freaking reproductive organs. Or if I do speak up about it, I'm "young and don't know what (I) want yet", I'll "change (my) mind", or whatever. It's so, so frustrating.
I've not yet found the courage to speak to a doctor about my choices yet, because of other childfree people I know having such trouble getting a doctor to listen. Would you believe, in this day and age, a woman getting sterilised is asked what her HUSBAND, or other partner, would think of it, and has she asked his permission? Aargh.
Doctors warn against sterilisation because it's "permanent", or "irreversible".
1) I jolly well hope so, otherwise it's pointless getting it done.
2) So is bringing a child into the world.

OK, some posters here thought they never wanted kids, and ended up having them. Good for you, but please don't project YOUR experiences onto those of us who know we don't want kids. Some of us actually do know our own minds, even in our early 20s.
 bookBelle
Joined: 10/24/2008
Msg: 16 (view)
 
A friend dating your ex
Posted: 8/13/2013 10:18:58 AM

Imagine you found out through the grapevine (and confirmed by Facebook) that your friend is now dating your last recent long-term ex. The only way they got to know of each other was through you. However, there was definitely nothing going on between them while you were a couple. The friend was not the reason for the break-up, or even the indirect reason. After your relationship was permanently ended (and some time had passed), your friend started dating your ex without talking to you about it.


If there was nothing going on between them while we were a couple, the friend had nothing to do with the break-up, and the relationship is already over, then no, I wouldn't mind. Just because me and my ex weren't compatible, doesn't mean my friend and my ex aren't. I think the only time I'd have a problem with it is if the ex had hurt me/was abusive etc.

Otherwise, meh. Why would I have a problem with it?
I don't own my exes. Nor do I get to veto my friend's choice of boyfriend. If me and my ex are over, and my friend goes out with them *after* the breakup, then that's fine by me.
 bookBelle
Joined: 10/24/2008
Msg: 364 (view)
 
Natural and hairy women?
Posted: 5/29/2013 3:44:31 AM

Hairy men yes.
Hairy women ewww no.


Double standard much?

If a guy wants ME to be hairless as a woman, he'd better not be a hypocrite. IF I (hypothetically) go to all that pain/effort of hair removal, you can bet I'm not doing it for a guy who resembles a gorilla. If you expect me to remove my body hair for you, I expect you to do the same for me. Simples.
 bookBelle
Joined: 10/24/2008
Msg: 302 (view)
 
If your date used a 50% off coupon on your first date...
Posted: 2/23/2013 2:48:32 PM
Oh, and some people need to learn that there is actually a difference between frugality and being cheap.

I look to save money on loads of things. If I'm buying, say, an iPod, I look around and see where has it for the best price. Money saved, and I still have the exact same product as if I'd bought it in the store's competitor.
If I'm going on a date, and happen to have a coupon for the place we're going, the result (nice meal/fun activity or whatever) is still the same, I just haven't paid as much for it. I still treat and tip the waiter/waitress well, I don't tell, or even suggest to someone, what they "can" or "can't" have from the menu, I don't count out every last penny. The ONLY difference in the entire experience is how much money I'm paying. Simples.

Meh, if someone would not date me simply for using a coupon, fine. It means we're not a match.

Most people save money in some way or another... the only difference is how.
For example, insuring your car with a specific insurer because they are offering the same cover as their competitor, for less money.
Buying a specific phone/tv/internet package because it works out as a good deal.
Changing gas/electricity providers/banks if their competitors work out at better value.
Going for a run in the park each day rather than having a gym membership.
 bookBelle
Joined: 10/24/2008
Msg: 10 (view)
 
Borrowing money
Posted: 2/21/2013 7:32:51 PM
I try not to borrow anymore, it causes too many problems. It's been a while since I've needed to borrow money from anyone.

I have been known to lend, or even give some people money if they need it.
In some cases, it's situations like my sister (a student) needing money for a taxi when she was in a rush to get the train back up to uni for an exam, and I had cash on me. My mother gave me money back for that (and it's not something my sister does regularly), no big deal.
When a friend needed money for groceries, I gave him the money and told him not to worry about paying it back (he was unemployed at the time). I don't lend out what I can't afford to lose, and I wasn't going to see him go hungry for the sake of a little bit of money.
 bookBelle
Joined: 10/24/2008
Msg: 239 (view)
 
If your date used a 50% off coupon on your first date...
Posted: 2/21/2013 12:10:11 PM

I don't want to start a feud, but I think most of the women here saying that they'd be fine with it are lying. Whether they want to admit to it or not, they'd probably find the guy to be lacking in class (or they'd label him as cheap) for using a coupon on a first date.

I've read so many women in these forums talking about how they expect a man to pay, they expect a man to make the first move, they expect a man to send the first email, they expect a man to make the first phone call, they expect a man to pursue.....lots of expectations in other words.

I think the real truth is that they'd be fine using a coupon with a man they are already exclusive with because there is no need to capture interest or impress. You've already decided to date one another so the coupon becomes unimportant. But I know how women talk and I also know many many women that would judge a man for using a coupon on the first date.

I agree the coupon isn't a big deal at all. It's smart money management if you ask me. It frees up some of our money to be spent on the next activity that follows dinner (assuming we're splitting the bill).


Well, spilling_fire, I'm not one of the women who's "lying".
I'm not someone who "expects" a guy to make the first move/pursue me, pay for things.
Several guys I've been involved with, have been because *I* pursued *them* first. No damsel waiting for a shining knight here.
Just because YOU know women who would judge a man for using a coupon on a first date, doesn't mean that those of us who have commented on here saying we wouldn't mind, are lying.

If a guy uses a coupon on the first date, yes I would actually be fine with it... whether or not I would have a problem, would depend on his ATTITUDE, rather than the use of the coupon itself.
Counting out every single penny in a miserly fashion, especially when the bill isn't that expensive? Tipping poorly or not at all, when the service and food has been fine? Telling me I can only order the cheapest items on the menu? Yeah, those would be problems for me.
Simply using a coupon? Not a problem at all, even on the first date.
 bookBelle
Joined: 10/24/2008
Msg: 157 (view)
 
If your date used a 50% off coupon on your first date...
Posted: 2/13/2013 3:39:08 AM
Seriously, people?

I don't see what the big deal is.
A coupon doesn't (necessarily) mean someone can't otherwise afford something, or that they're having financial problems. It could just mean the person is sensible with their money.

Of course I bring enough money to cover a date anyway, but if one of us has a coupon/gift card etc for money off and offers to use it, I don't see the problem.

Most people save money on something, just depends what. For example, if I'm buying music on iTunes, I'll often check to see if there's a cheaper version further down the list (there often is). Often a particular song might be cheaper to buy from one album than another. Same song, different price, is all.
Or if I go to the cinema with my friends, we'll generally go at the cheaper times if possible.

If my date has a coupon for somewhere we would go anyway, I don't see the problem.
 bookBelle
Joined: 10/24/2008
Msg: 70 (view)
 
What do you wish for your ex?
Posted: 2/11/2013 1:52:05 PM
I've not really thought about any of my exes in a while, but if I were to wish anything for them, yeah, I'd want to wish them a good life. Also not forgetting:

2 of them: I wish they'd understand that being in the same room, saying "hi" and making conversation does not mean I want to get back together. It means, enough time has passed since we broke up that I no longer find it awkward to be around them.
 bookBelle
Joined: 10/24/2008
Msg: 24 (view)
 
Do you ever look at the Profile of the OPPOSITE SEX??
Posted: 2/4/2013 12:47:32 PM
Yep. (Only when I'm looking to meet someone though.)
But then, I'm bisexual.
 bookBelle
Joined: 10/24/2008
Msg: 53 (view)
 
Handles it
Posted: 2/3/2013 1:44:14 PM
"I'm not properly over my ex yet."
So why are you out on a date with me?!
 bookBelle
Joined: 10/24/2008
Msg: 34 (view)
 
Worst dating advice in the world
Posted: 2/1/2013 11:38:47 AM
I'm not keen on "the rules".

If I like someone, I'm not waiting three whole days to call them. Maybe one.

The whole, not saying yes to weekend invitations after Wednesday or whenever... whatever. Sometimes it just so happens that I haven't made plans for the weekend. Not every day of my life is scheduled down to the last minute; I enjoy having some weekends free to do whatever I want, and perhaps do something spontaneous. If that spontaneity involves a date, so be it. Sue me.

Always waiting for the guy to make the move. Uh-uh. Guys aren't psychic.

I don't play games with people. If I want to play, I get out the Scrabble or Monopoly set, or sit down at the piano.
 bookBelle
Joined: 10/24/2008
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Sparing feelings
Posted: 2/1/2013 10:57:40 AM
Personally, I prefer silence, although I don't mind a cordial "no thanks" if that's what people want to do.

The only time I get annoyed (but not hurt, anymore), is when someone is rude about it. As in, "Bahahahaha, why would I go out with someone like YOU? Are you retarded as well as ugly?" or somesuch.

But yeah... not all women are that hurt by rejection. Women get employed in sales too, you know. ;)
 bookBelle
Joined: 10/24/2008
Msg: 30 (view)
 
Would you take in in your ex in a time of need?
Posted: 2/1/2013 3:27:06 AM
I've never had occasion to help an ex, but I have tried to help people I don't like, and who would never do anything for me.

First year of uni, I was living in halls of residence. A girl who lived downstairs from me, was wandering around halls in the middle of the night, completely drunk. (I barely knew her at that point.) She was knocking on a lot of doors, convinced each room was hers. I didn't know which room was hers, or what floor, but I knew she didn't live on the same part of the hall as I did. She was also (in my opinion) an obnoxious cow, who never cared about how her actions affected other people, but expected everyone else to cater to her whims.
Anyway, she was wandering around absolutely drunk in the middle of the night, hole in her dress, no shoes on, no idea which room was hers or even if she was in the right building. (There were 3 blocks of halls that looked exactly the same on the inside.) I got out of bed and decided that I should at least try to help her, because otherwise she might fall down the stairs or get sick or something. So I went out into the hallway with her, and held her hand, trying to find out what room she was in. Fortunately, one door she knocked on was her friend's room, so I left her with her friend who delivered her to her room (and bed).
Now, I never liked this girl, at all, and I thought she got worse as the year went on. (I don't see her nowadays, fortunately.) But as much as I disliked her, I was never going to leave her in such a vulnerable state on her own.
 bookBelle
Joined: 10/24/2008
Msg: 40 (view)
 
Is being Bi really that bad?
Posted: 2/1/2013 1:28:05 AM

I don't see how someone could earn trust when they may have slept with any of there friends.

Just because you and some people you know can't be friends with someone of the gender you're attracted to, without getting feelings for them, doesn't mean others of us can't. I'm bi, I have lesbian friends, guy friends, whatever... doesn't mean I would sleep with them even when single. "may have slept with any of their friends..." exactly. MAY HAVE. Not actually HAVE. I "may have" done any number of things in my life. Doesn't mean I have, or would. But meh, if you don't want to go out with someone based on *hypothetical possibilities*, whatever.

I know gamers who will play one-0n-one with someone on the opposite sex, or the sex they are attracted to, purely because both of them like playing a specific game and their partner doesn't. It doesn't mean they're sleeping with them, or attracted to them. Like the gay male friends I have, who will spend evenings playing XBox with guy mates. No ulterior motive, just gaming.

As a bisexual person, I can understand people not being comfortable with someone who has been with the same/opposite sex (fill the blank dependent on gender and preference). Some guys can't see themselves with a girl who has been with girls, some girls can't see themselves with a guy who has been with guys, etc etc. I get that.
For some people, it's as simple a reason as they donate blood, and need to tick boxes in order to do so. I've had that happen, and completely get that, too.

What bugs me, is the automatic *assumption* that just because someone is bisexual, that they must be promiscuous and/or unfaithful. Or fancy them.
Along with my lesbian and other bisexual friends, I get this all the time. A straight girl will find out I/one of my friends like(s) girls, and their first question will be, "Do you fancy me?" As if liking girls automatically means liking THEM.
I don't fancy every girl I see. I don't fancy every guy I see.
I have friends I don't fancy. I have friends I would never go out with, or sleep with, or do anything sexual with. Just because some/a lot of people can't be friends with someone of the gender they are attracted to without having feelings for them, doesn't mean NO ONE can.
 bookBelle
Joined: 10/24/2008
Msg: 38 (view)
 
Is being Bi really that bad?
Posted: 1/31/2013 1:55:18 PM

its a pain the arse aint it tbh.

i wouldnt date a bi woman as i couldnt be doing with the hassle. if i go to my lad mates house for a drink / fifa no partners will ever care, if i go to a female friends it would raise questions/a grilling and i personally dont believe you can be "friends" with a person of the sex your attracted to. i probably be flamed for my view.

if a girlfriend of mine wants to go to the cinema or for a meal with just another guy she can consider herself single (groups mixed etc i dont mind but not 1 on 1)

so where as i can go for a drink at a male friends house and the girl genuinely wouldnt bat an eyelid, if YOU was to go to a male friends house she has the same worries as if you was seeing a girl. so you going to play fifa at your mates in a girls mind equals - i wonder if hes getting his****sucked right now.

same thing if i had a bi gf was to go out with a fit lesbian friend with massive boobs, it would make me feel massively insecure, i dont have boobs, or a vagina. id dump instantly rather than put up with the hassle

just my 2 pence on the situation


"so where as i can go for a drink at a male friends house and the girl genuinely wouldnt bat an eyelid, if YOU was to go to a male friends house she has the same worries as if you was seeing a girl. so you going to play fifa at your mates in a girls mind equals - i wonder if hes getting his****sucked right now. "
Please don't project YOUR PERSONAL insecurities on people you don't know. Not everyone shares your opinion that two people can't be friends if they attracted to those of that gender. If "she" has the "same worries", then "she" obviously doesn't trust someone enough.

"same thing if i had a bi gf was to go out with a fit lesbian friend with massive boobs, it would make me feel massively insecure, i dont have boobs, or a vagina. id dump instantly rather than put up with the hassle"
I am bisexual. I have lesbian friends. I am NOT attracted to them. Are you attracted to EVERY girl you know, or EVERY girl you see walking down the street? Well, neither am I. My sexuality doesn't change that.
"I don't have..." is kind of irrelevant. I've dated guys who were 6'4", I've dated guys who were 5'6". That doesn't mean the shorter guys were in competition with the taller ones... it was always the PERSON I was attracted to. Every guy I've been out with has been different to the last. I've been out with all sorts of different guys, including different races and nationalities, just to give an example. Just because I've been out with, say, a black guy before, doesn't mean I spend dates with a white guy thinking, "bummer, he doesn't have an afro."
You said "it would make me feel massively insecure". Note the word "ME". YOU are the one feeling insecure. This is YOUR problem. Personally, if I'm in a relationship, I TRUST the person I'm with, so I have no need to be insecure about stuff like that. I'm confident enough that if someone (male or female) is going out with ME, then it's me they want. But hey, thanks for saving us bisexuals the HASSLE of going out with someone so insecure, who wouldn't trust us simply based on not having a strict "type" of person we're attracted to (ie, men only).

If we went out and you went to a female friend's house to play Fifa, I personally would be fine with that. I have no interest in playing Fifa, and would not be good enough to play without making it a REALLY boring session for you, so of course I'd expect you to play it with someone else - male or female.

It's all about how much YOU trust your partner. If I'm in a relationship, that person should know me well enough, and trust me enough, to know that even if my lesbian friends/male friends DID by chance ever want to jump my bones (LOL, trust me that will never happen), I wouldn't be down with it. I don't do infidelity. Not TO anyone, and not WITH anyone. And I trust whoever I'm with the same way.
 bookBelle
Joined: 10/24/2008
Msg: 30 (view)
 
Is being Bi really that bad?
Posted: 1/30/2013 2:34:44 PM

I think the general concensus is that men can't really be bisexual -- you're either gay or straight. And hetero men would never even be curious enough to have sex with another guy because that would make them gay.

I probably didn't word that very well, but I think you get my point. Not many women, including myself, would voluntarily get involved with someone who proclaims to be bisexual. It's hard enough dealing with him looking at other women ... now we gotta wonder if he's eyeballing the neighbor guy. Even though you say that's not what's happening, how else can you explain it? I mean, you say you're bisexual -- meaning you like men and women. So it's obvious that women would be competing with men on some level.


Not everyone's sexuality is that solidly fixed at the end of a scale. For some of us, it's fluid.

Also, what is WITH peoples' assumptions that a bisexual person is unfaithful/looking at other people?
Like the OP, I am also bisexual.
Let me try and explain, for those who don't get it, using examples. Do you have a "type" of man/woman you go for? Maybe it's the tattooed, rough tough biker. Maybe it's the straight-laced Christian who is extremely prim and proper. The city lawyer/doctor who works so many hours a week. The artist. The maths geek. Whatever. Well, do you ALWAYS go for that same type of person in all of your relationships? Or have you been attracted to different types of men (/women, depending on preference)?
Well, not everyone has a specific "type" of person they are attracted to. In my case, those parameters extend to sex. (Sex and gender are different, by the way. Your sex is the physical manifestation - the chromosomes, genitalia, sexual organs, etc. A person's gender doesn't necessarily match their body.) For me, I'm attracted to the person, whether they're male/female, whatever. And when I'm in a relationship, my partner never has to worry about me "eyeballing" ANYONE, male or female. It's just not something I do.

SOME straight, or gay, people might "eyeball" other men/women while they have a partner. That's not to say everyone of that sexuality does. By the same token, SOME bisexual people may do that, but not all of us do.
I actually find it offensive when people automatically assume that bisexual people are unfaithful by default. It is possible to like more than one type of person - to have varied tastes.

Maybe some people need to learn to trust their partners more, or be more secure in themselves/their relationships.
I don't automatically assume that the person I'm with is "eyeballing" other people - male or female. Nor do I do it myself.


OP, some girls may have a problem with your bisexuality.
Sometimes, like some posters in this thread, they make (incorrect) assumptions about what it means to be bisexual. (Promiscuous, unfaithful, etc.)
For others, they just can't get their head around the idea of being with a guy who has been with another guy. (Although, this could also be for other reasons, such as they give blood.)
However, not all girls/guys will care. I certainly don't. :)
 bookBelle
Joined: 10/24/2008
Msg: 19 (view)
 
which is better for a profile: funny or serious
Posted: 1/30/2013 2:02:03 PM
Just a profile that represents the person.
If they're a funny person, with some zany, off-the-wall sense of humour, always playing pranks and stuff, then yeah, a funny profile would be representative of them.
Flipside, if they're a serious sort of person.

It all depends on the person.
 bookBelle
Joined: 10/24/2008
Msg: 80 (view)
 
Best friend cheats on BF
Posted: 12/20/2012 4:05:54 PM

Wow people are so judgemental. My take is the following......Never, ever, ever get in the middle of anybody's relationship. If you go and tell the man he's being cheated on he will confront her, she will tell him a convenient lie and he will believe her and you will come out of it as the bad guy. He won't trust you and neither will she....any more. So don't put yourself in this position. Why is she telling you these things? Answer=> Because she trusts you and she thinks you love her (as far as friends go) and feels you will not judge her.
Has she been dishonest with you? If not then I would not worry about your own relationship with her.

Obviously you are not comfy with her secret. So let her know that and make her back off.


1. If he believes the girlfriend, that's his lookout. I believe people should be informed. What they do with that knowledge is down to them.

2. The "trust" of someone who betrays someone's trust by cheating, doesn't mean much to me. Some other people here may feel the same. It depends if you care about being seen as the "bad guy". Someone has to be. Personally, I value my conscience more than that.

3. Why WOULD anyone be "comfy" with such a secret?
 bookBelle
Joined: 10/24/2008
Msg: 79 (view)
 
Best friend cheats on BF
Posted: 12/20/2012 3:44:32 PM
I have never been able to understand how people can cheat on someone they profess to care about.

I had a friend, A, who cheated on his boyfriend, B. By the time I went to stay with them early this year and got to know B properly, they were living together. A thought it was fun to go off with other guys, but laughed that we had no proof he ever cheated. B knew that A did it, and was upset by it, because he liked A more than A liked him. One night when we went out ended on a sour note when A got off with another guy.
I hated what A was doing to B. Unfortunately, it took a long time for me to ditch A as a friend. But on the other hand, B knew exactly what A was doing, but refused to walk away because he loved A. So because B was aware, I left them to it, and became friends with B before they broke up. After they broke up, B asked me what I knew of A's cheating, so I told him about the events I knew of. (All of which B knew anyway.)

For me, getting involved depends on two major factors:
1. Remorse. I knew some people who cheated on their partners, then completely regretted it. As far as I know, they came clean and told them, and learned from it.
2. Whether or not the partner knows. When A was cheating on B, I told A that I didn't approve, but I stayed out of it because B knew what was going on and still stuck around.
If the partner doesn't know, I would want them to know - whether the cheater tells them or I do. I can't control how the partner reacts to that information - they might break up the relationship, they might decide to stay with the cheater. I may not like it if they decide to remain with the cheater, but at the end of the day it's their choice. Knowledge is power... it's up to them what they do with the information.

I don't generally stay friends with cheaters, especially those who show no remorse - so I wouldn't care about losing the "friendship". It's not even the sleeping around - it's the deception and betrayal. If people want to be promiscuous, go ahead... but I'm not going to smile and nod while they cheat on someone to do it.

If I were being cheated on, I would want to know. Maybe I'm naive; maybe it's because I like knowing where I stand; maybe it's because I see cheating in such black-and white, and could never imagine doing it myself. At least if I know, I can make decisions based on that.
 bookBelle
Joined: 10/24/2008
Msg: 155 (view)
 
What puts you off messaging someone?
Posted: 12/14/2012 4:15:39 PM
"I'm mature for my age."
No. If you say it, it shows that you're not. People who really *are* mature, don't tell people they are.

Text speak.
I am 22. I grew up texting. However, text speak originated because text messages have a character limit, and as a teenager on a PAYG mobile, texts cost money. When I received a £40 monthly allowance as a teen, topping up just £10 a month felt like a fortune, so yes, I used text speak because it meant the difference between paying 10p and paying 20p to send a message. In email and online profiles, the character allowance is sufficient to allow full sentences and proper spelling/grammar/punctuation, and (generally) does not cost money. Therefore, there is no need for text speak on here.

A bland, or otherwise uninformative profile.
A blank profile full off fkdpkaovgjmolfksh/ "cba now, will fill in later", with "anything you want to know, just ask" as the only full sentence, does nothing to interest me.
 bookBelle
Joined: 10/24/2008
Msg: 36 (view)
 
What wrong with swearing?
Posted: 12/14/2012 3:53:06 PM
Like others have said, there is a time and a place.

If I'm alone in the house and painfully stub my toe, I might let a word out - but not too loudly, because I wouldn't want the neighbours to hear.

I don't like hearing kids swearing, or people who use it for every other word without some really good reason. Swearing in the presence of children, especially when the person continues to do so, and loudly, after being asked to tone it down for the sake of young ears, is one particular bugbear of mine. I'm only 22, and I especially find this a problem with teenagers and twentysomethings.

Another one that bugs me is continual/prolonged/loud swearing in a confined space, or somewhere it is difficult to move away. If I'm on a bus for an hour, and have no other way to get to my destination, I do not want to be stuck on a bus where I can't get away from it. Likewise, if I'm in a queue at the bank/in a shop for something I really need to get, and don't have the option of just doing it another time.
It's just basic consideration and courtesy to other people.

Within context, I have no problem with swearing.
If I listen to rap and hip hop, I generally expect effing and liberal use of colourful language. The CDs come with explicit content warning labels for that purpose.
Likewise with TV shows after the watershed. (Though I often find that the tv channel will introduce the show with something like, "with strong language from the start, here's..." if that's the case.)
If I'm watching Tim Minchin, I know his performances aren't generally something I'd share with my grandparents, but I still find it hilarious.
For me, it is sometimes a case of whether or not I am *expecting* it.
 bookBelle
Joined: 10/24/2008
Msg: 131 (view)
 
What words should be banned from profiles?
Posted: 6/23/2012 12:37:48 PM

If you mean the one which goes , ''if you cant handle me at my worst, you dont deserve me at my best'', then i totally agree. To me that screams out, ''i'm a psycho with rapid mood swings and a split personality''.

And don't get me started on BBW...you're not a BBW, you're a fatty!!!


Yep, that quote.

And err... thanks.
I didn't choose "BBW" as some fat pride thing. (I'm actually working on losing weight at the moment.) But out of the drop down selection that POF offers, I chose the option that I felt wasn't going to be misleading, as I know I'm more than "a few extra pounds." If POF were to offer "overweight" or something similar as an option, then I wouldn't be using the "BBW" tag.
Though, your statement is just the sort of thing I meant in my post. You don't find fat people attractive? That's absolutely fine, and I definitely don't expect everyone to do so. I just feel that some people could employ a little more tact and diplomacy, or just common courtesy and manners. I find rudeness about as attractive as other people find fat.
 bookBelle
Joined: 10/24/2008
Msg: 123 (view)
 
What words should be banned from profiles?
Posted: 6/17/2012 11:47:53 AM
"Anything you want to know, just ask" ... on an otherwise/practically empty profile. Ask what? You've given me nothing to go on.

People who type in "txt spk" or any other variation. You wouldn't turn up to a meeting/date in scruffy/dirty clothes if you have clean ones hanging in the wardrobe, so why type like that when you're perfectly capable of spelling, grammar and punctuation. I accept some people have dyslexia or other problems, but otherwise I prefer people who don't butcher the written word because they think it makes them look "cool" or somesuch.

"My friends tell me I'm..." Of course they do - they're your friends. They wouldn't be your friends to start with if they *didn't* think you were nice/charming/sweet/funny/wild etc.

As other people have said, the whole, "no cheaters/players/liars" etc.

Rudeness. I get it, you want someone who takes care of themselves, who can join you on that hike, or run marathons with you or whatever, or for whatever other reason you can think of. Nothing wrong with that, but there's no need to be rude about it.

That Marylin Monroe quote. You're not being original, or feisty, or whatever you think. It's just annoying.

"Looking for a prince/want to be treated like a princess." If you're looking for a prince, there are a fair few of them round the world - Harry's not the only one left.
Personally, I don't want to be treated like a "princess". I want to be treated like an EQUAL.

"I'm a cool guy/girl... I go to work, hang out with my friends, love my family, love life. Message me, yeah?"
Why? I have no idea what sort of person you are. I don't know if you go out clubbing every weekend, what your interests or hobbies are, what your beliefs are. Give me a REASON to message you.

"Real guys want meat, not a bone!"
Argh. Don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with having confidence in the way you look. But you don't need to put down a whole load of other women in order to show this. In fact, I always feel that this sort of statement is defensive, inferring a lack of confidence rather than a lot of it.
 bookBelle
Joined: 10/24/2008
Msg: 39 (view)
 
Things that should not be posted as a status on Facebook?
Posted: 6/6/2012 3:30:50 AM
I had a friend who spent ALL his time on facebook, then constantly moaned about not wanting to be updated about stuff. And yet, when I suggested that if he didn't want to be updated about stuff he actually switch of facebook and live real life, *I* was supposedly the one in the wrong?
Note, HAD a friend. I have since "unfriended" him.

To be honest, I don't like it when all someone does on facebook is moan about their day.
"Back to work tomorrow, urgh!"
"Another crappy day at work..."
"I'm bored..."
"So much work to do! Stressed!"
"Hungover... AGAIN"
I can understand every once in a while, if you have a real problem. But every day? What makes you think I want to see whiney status updates ALL the time? Negativity just brings the mood down.
At work, people comment that I'm always smiling and positive and happy. Well, yes... because if I grump and snap and moan, it makes me feel lousy, and has a negative affect on the people I work with.

I've been having a facebook cull this week. It kind of shocked me, to be honest, to realise how many people I've kept on out of politeness. Friends of friends, or people I went to school with years ago, or people from halls at uni. People who hardly said 2 words to me in all that time, and people who, if I turned up to a party tomorrow, wouldn't even say hi to me. (Even people who when I DID turn up to a party at uni, smiled at me once and then turned back to their friends. What was I thinking?!)
I'd been working on the delusion that I couldn't "unfriend" these people, because it would be rude, and what if they got offended? :O But this week I got to thinking... nah. If they were really the sort of person who cared about being deleted off my facebook, they would have spoken to me.

Taboos?
Well... I tend not to put photos of people up on facebook without their permission. I mean, if I'm on a night out with friends and they ASK me to put the photos up, fine. But I'm especially careful with photos of children. (Some parents, quite reasonably, don't want photos of their kids on the internet.) I asked my aunt's permission to put up a photo of her and her kids from a family wedding, even though she was fine with it and already had photos of her children on her page.
I don't talk about work on facebook. Yes, my page is set to private, but there are apparently ways that employers/potential employers could get round that. Besides, I think ****ing about your job on Facebook is rather unprofessional. (Just my opinion.)
 bookBelle
Joined: 10/24/2008
Msg: 28 (view)
 
Musical guilty pleasures
Posted: 5/28/2012 1:47:39 PM
I have no "guilty" pleasures when it comes to music. I like what I like (which is practically everything, to be honest), and I really don't care what people think about that. It makes for a lot of fun when people try and embarrass me by teasing me for liking, say, Jedward... while I just sit there completely unbothered.

Tee hee :P
 bookBelle
Joined: 10/24/2008
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Box Sets
Posted: 5/5/2012 10:58:14 AM
Me and my brother, between us, managed to collect all 7 seasons of Buffy on DVD. :D All of mine have somehow migrated to his room, though!

My brother is also watching the Glee series on DVD. He's got the complete (so far) box set.
 bookBelle
Joined: 10/24/2008
Msg: 26 (view)
 
Is there anything about yourself that annoys you?
Posted: 4/16/2012 2:03:13 PM
I get annoyed with myself for being spectacularly awful at remembering names and faces. Considering I currently work in the pastoral office at a school, this is NOT helpful. There are some students I do remember, but not many. I'm polite and helpful, but some pupils need a reality check. There are 1,000 kids in this school, so unless they're a regular in the pastoral office, or there's a particular reason I'm supposed to know about them, then I WILL ask their name.
Some people seem to think I'm being rude, like I'm implying that they're forgettable or something, or that I just can't be bothered to learn their name. :( This is really not the case - it's just that I actually have a problem linking names and faces.

I'm annoyed that I'm what people might call "slow". I don't feel unintelligent, and I got nicely average grades in school.... but I just tend to take a minute or so longer to process things in my head. This leads to some people thinking I'm rather stupid, or that I haven't heard or understood them when they give me instructions. For example, I burnt myself a few weeks ago (not badly at all), and in the 30 seconds or so that I was just processing the information in my head to go to turn on the tap, my dad told me to run my hand under cold water, as if I hadn't thought of that.
This slowness annoys me, as I spend half the time being told things I already know/am just about to do, if they'd give me a minute or two to process it. Argh.
 bookBelle
Joined: 10/24/2008
Msg: 723 (view)
 
Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 4/12/2012 3:25:17 AM
LintSpotter:

I recall in high school meeting with the counsellor to determine my post-secondary course of action and hearing him tell me that I need to research the fields that I would be considering for both the prerequisite and the potential for employment in different regions. The information is out there if you research and ask questions – I can’t imagine anyone spending $100k on anything without researching or asking questions… can you?


Sounds like you had a good school counsellor. My school was also extremely helpful in terms of university applications/career advice, etc.
However, not everyone is that fortunate.

My mother is a high school teacher (maths), and has been for several decades. She's taught in all sorts of schools, including lots of deprived/inner-city schools etc, where expectations were so low, that it was considered surprising when any students managed to do *anything* with their life other than sign on for the dole.
One such example, was the girl in my mother's class, who managed to scrape a C grade, and ended up working in a travel agency when she left school. May not sound like much, but when you consider that she was one of a small percentage in her class to get *any* sort of qualification or job, she was considered to have done well. (Btw, I'm not saying anything against travel agents.)

Not all schools can/do provide such good careers advice as your school or mine did.

Also, the job market can change while you're training/studying for a certain career path. For example, at the moment, public libraries are struggling and even closing in the UK. So, even if someone has studied/trained to become a librarian, and paid tens of thousands to the universities to do so... it doesn't guarantee a job at the end of it. That does NOT mean that that person has not researched or asked questions before getting into that debt - just that circumstances changed by the time the person has acquired that debt.
 bookBelle
Joined: 10/24/2008
Msg: 710 (view)
 
Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 4/10/2012 2:30:21 PM
Archangel 07:
I already said this before, Don't date if you don't have your shit together. One of my friends went thru her divorce and had to move back to her parents place. She handled her own business first before she started dating and I'm doing the same thing as she is. I'm not dating anyone right now because I'm handling my own business right now. ( saving up for car repairs, want to move out into the city, etc ) I have goals I'm focused on and I'm not letting anyone or any drama get in the way of them.


This is basically what I'm doing.
Thing is, I'm living with my parents for the moment in order to save up and move out, once and for all. In order to move out, I'll need to cover things like rent deposits, council tax, moving costs, etc etc - all the usual stuff you have to pay for. Those will require money... which I'm working to save at the moment.
Also, in order to move out, I will of course need a *permanent* job, so I can *continue* to pay rent/bills etc. My current job is temporary (one year long), and ends this summer. I also plan to save a bit more, and move out next year when I really feel I have enough money, and will have a permanent job lined up to do so.

I'm not dating at the moment - I've put all that on hold. I turned someone down a while ago, because I don't feel I'm in the right situation to go out with anyone at present. There are several personal things I wish to work on, and I want to move out as well. I also just don't feel I can have an adult relationship, while still having to inform my parents where I'm going, what time I'll be back, etc. (I know I'm 22. But I'm sure there are parents on here who still wait up for their 20something kids to get back after a night out, if they live at home. I can't change the fact that my mother WILL stay up until I get back at 2am from a club, however much I try to reassure her.) In order to move out, I need to save up enough money; in order to save up enough to move out, I need to live with my parents for a bit; living under my parents' roof also means respecting their rules/routines/how they do things. While *I* can deal with that, I don't think it's fair to expect someone else to, too. So, until I've moved out and become completely independent, I don't date. Simples.



As for the whole adults living at home. If you're supporting your parents, do you and do what you have to and if you're not supporting your parents and you're mooching off of them and taking advantage of them, get your ass of your high horse and support them and handle your own business.


There are a lot of reasons people live with their parents. Yes, it's commendable when it's to take care of their parents, but sometimes life also throws curveballs you don't expect. People can move back in with their parents for all sorts of reasons.
When I was about 7/8, my dad's job moved him to the offices he's in now, several hundred miles away from where we lived at the time. After selling our old house, and while my parents were looking for a new house close to my dad's work, my parents moved us in with my grandparents, who lived a short commute from my dad's new office, for a few months. It wasn't to "mooch" off my grandparents - it was simply the best arrangement at the time.

My parents are able and willing for me to stay until I sort myself out and move out (properly, this time). They'd personally rather I sort myself out at home. If I hadn't moved back home, considering I had no job and no money, I'd have been dependent on the state, at least temporarily - or homeless. Now, considering my parents have the means for me to live at home, and would rather have me here while I work and save to move out, would people really prefer that I had gone on the dole/got council housing etc, just to be able to say that I lived away from my parents?

People are going to criticise, whatever I do, so meh. Whatever. Next year, I'll hopefully have moved out, and be in a position to have a relationship if I so choose.
Until then, I'm just going to keep working towards that goal, whatever people think of me.
 Bookbelle
Joined: 10/24/2008
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Physical Imperfections
Posted: 11/19/2011 12:44:47 PM
I went to the orthodontist once, when I was 15. He told me I had an "open bite", but that he could fix it by breaking my jaw and resetting it. I did a mental cost-benefit analysis... and figured that I was fine with the open bite. It's never really caused me any problems, so I didn't see the point in putting myself through the pain to "fix" it.
Meh, at the end of the day it's down to personal choice.
 Bookbelle
Joined: 10/24/2008
Msg: 60 (view)
 
Has anyone dated someone with asbergers?
Posted: 11/12/2011 12:37:57 PM
I have two female friends who have some form of autistic spectrum disorder. (ASD)
They are now going out, and have been for a while now; when my friend told me she was going out with the other girl, I could have kicked myself for not introducing them sooner because they are such a good match! (I knew they were both lesbians before they started going out.)
Both of them have trouble picking up on some social cues, and both dislike being touched by most people. One of them, the friend I knew first, often says or does things that may be rude/blunt/inappropriate, smply because she doesn't realise that what she says or does might offend or upset people.

They absolutely hate being described as a "cute" couple, so I tend to say that they're "well matched", or "well suited".

I'm totally not saying that people with Aspergers should only date other people with the same condition; just that it happened to work well in this instance where my two friends happen to be autistic.
As long as the partner understands and accepts the condition as being part of the person, I don't see a problem.

I haven't gone out with anyone myself who has Aspergers, but if we liked each other and were compatible, I wouldn't see the problem, same as with anyone else.
 Bookbelle
Joined: 10/24/2008
Msg: 55 (view)
 
Could you eat Dog.
Posted: 10/23/2011 10:35:18 AM

TV chef Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall has said that there's no difference between eating pork and eating puppies.

The star of the River Cottage series thinks that the only thing stopping us doing so is our attachment to dogs as pets.

Speaking to the Radio Times, he said: “In principle, but not in practice, I have no objection to a high-welfare organic puppy farm.

I know in some countrys they do eat dog's, attachment or not I couldnt eat dog.
Could you ?


Yep, I could if I liked the taste.
They're not an endangered species. Or poisonous.
It's called the food chain.

It's not like you'll be eating your own pet, or go into a restaurant and be taken to choose the (still alive) dog you want to eat, like some places do with lobsters, and it's not like you form an attachment to it. " You'll have the Dog? Excellent choice, Madam. I can highly recommend that three year old chihuahua in the corner, the one named Twinkletoes."
 Bookbelle
Joined: 10/24/2008
Msg: 56 (view)
 
What's your guilty single pleasure?
Posted: 10/12/2011 2:48:08 PM
Being able to finish whatever book I happen to be reading.

Being able to sleep soundly without someone snoring next to me.

Not being pestered for sex when I'm actually just not interested in having it, or being asked WHY I don't happen to want sex at any given moment.
 Bookbelle
Joined: 10/24/2008
Msg: 33 (view)
 
Hermaphrodite - be honest, would you?
Posted: 10/1/2011 2:47:29 AM
I would. Male, female, transgender, intersex... doesn't matter to me so long as I like the person.
 Bookbelle
Joined: 10/24/2008
Msg: 53 (view)
 
Straight but Being Hit On by the Same Sex
Posted: 9/30/2011 1:37:06 PM
I happen to be bi, and not bothered... happy to go out with guys, girls, transgendered people, and anyone in between. :)

If someone of the same sex approaches you and you're not interested, my view is that (unless they're really pestering/harassing you after you've said no) one should politely decline, just as one would with someone they're not interested in of the opposite sex. It's perfectly OK to say you're not that way inclined.
Some girls I've approached in the past have basically said, "Thanks, but I'm straight." That's OK, each to they're own.

I see no reason why one should be rude (straight, gay or whatever), unless the person has been pestering/harassing one after having been declined / is too obnoxious/thick-skinned to take a hint.

But that's just me.
Maybe it's because some people I know in the LGBT community are so vulnerable when it comes to their gender/sexuality in the first place, that they really don't need to be kicked when they're down, so to speak.
 Bookbelle
Joined: 10/24/2008
Msg: 58 (view)
 
The perfect partner
Posted: 9/28/2011 1:13:46 PM

Writing ability of Shakesphere


What, like someone who can actually *spell* Shakespeare?
 bookBelle
Joined: 10/24/2008
Msg: 19 (view)
 
Friends in New Relationships Forgetting You
Posted: 7/9/2011 8:03:55 PM
Fortunately I've never abandoned my friends during a relationship.

My most recent ex, started out kinda long distance, with him up in our uni town (Aberdeen) a few days a week for tutorials, then travelling backwards and forwards between here and Leeds (where he actually lived) for the remainder. We did spent quite a bit of the time he was up here together, but for the other half of the week, and even at times when he was up here, I did go out and see friends etc.
Towards the end (which was around exam time), he all but moved in with me. Even then, I went out and saw friends - I never ditched them for the relationship.

I have seen friends who spend all their time with their new partner, to the exclusion of everyone else... I find that rather sad actually. Generally, they have been the ones who didn't last as long. One couple spent literally ALL their time together, to the point where when my friend arranged to go out to a gathering to catch up with friends, his boyfriend got upset that my friend didn't want to take him.
 Bookbelle
Joined: 10/24/2008
Msg: 36 (view)
 
What does it take for you to Block someone on POF?
Posted: 7/9/2011 4:57:57 PM
The only time I've blocked someone, it was a man old enough to be my father, who first off totally misread my profile, then talked about settling down and having kids in the immediate future!

I'm only on POF for the forums at the moment (though I have used it for dating, and have met people off here - I'm just taking a break for now to work on personal issues), but I had put "open/undecided" on whether I wanted kids. (Seeing as I'm only 21 now, and think that if I WERE to have kids, it would be when I am settled, in a LTR - preferably married - and hopefully actually planning to have them.)
Anyway, first (and only) email, he wrote something like, "Oh I see you want kids, I do too! "

WHOA!
First of all, I am in NO WAY ready to have kids, and don't know if I even *want* to have any. Even if I did, I have no plans to settle down with someone only a few years younger than my parents!

So I sent a reply saying NO in no uncertain terms, and blocked him. I found him creepy, quite honestly.
Partly, I felt creeped out because ever since I was about 15, I have had old men and generally creepy guys approaching me... obviously feeling that, because I'm overweight etc, that I must have such low self esteem or whatever that I'll be totally grateful for any male attention I get, no matter how old/unattractive/creepy they are.
 Bookbelle
Joined: 10/24/2008
Msg: 16 (view)
 
Ladies, have you ever intentionally sandbagged at something you are good at?
Posted: 7/7/2011 5:20:41 PM

I'm bad at everything so I don't have to pretend I'm not, but I wouldn't care for someone purposely playing badly to not show me up. I also wouldn't care for someone who is really good showing off to a bunch of amateurs. I like it when people just want to have fun and play a game or sport, not everything is a competition.


Exactly this for me, when it comes to sports. My coordination etc is completely lousy, but I'll always have a go. I'm not really that competitive... if I'm playing something active, it's generally for fun, not to win. However, I'm generally so much worse than everyone else that it's blindingly obvious to me if someone's playing badly to make me feel better. I generally prefer that people don't waste their efforts doing it... my ego won't be dented just because I lose a game! It's supposed to be fun.

I did teach a guy at uni how to play Scrabble last year, though. He'd never played before, so I played nicely... I didn't play badly, but I just didn't do things that would deliberately mess up any possible move he could make.

My younger brother can absolutely slaughter me in a game of chess. I see no shame in this... after all, he plays more often than I do, and so has had more practise.
 bookBelle
Joined: 10/24/2008
Msg: 506 (view)
 
Does having sex when you meet for the first time ruin a chance for a real relationship?
Posted: 7/7/2011 7:06:01 AM
When I met my ex, I was in a club having a night out with friends. He wanted to come back to mine... I said no.

I said no because I really liked him.
Instead, we gave each other our numbers, and I arranged to meet him the next day. That was the best thing I did - it led to one of the nicest relationships I've ever had. We're not together anymore, but I have absolutely no regrets.

I know some people who apparently have had sex that led to a relationship. I guess there is the potential for it to happen.

However, personally... I've found that for ME, the sooner I have sex with someone, the less likely I am to end up in a relationship with them. :)
 bookBelle
Joined: 10/24/2008
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Inappropriate age difference?
Posted: 7/7/2011 6:56:46 AM
It totally depends on the people.

A friend of mine is 20, and her boyfriend is 29. They've been together for more than a year now, and are very happy.
Another's friends parents have a 10 year age gap, and have been married for over 20 years with several kids.

It can work, it just depends on the people.
 bookBelle
Joined: 10/24/2008
Msg: 17 (view)
 
You could not be more Wrong about Me
Posted: 7/7/2011 6:46:07 AM

. As for dating Bigger Woman- I Would prefure to date
a Bigger Woman or BBW beacuse I find them more down to earth
and real.



... you were saying, OP?

You *do* judge by looks, despite your pleas that you don't. You prefer bigger women. Nothing wrong with that.

In that statement, you judged thinner/smaller women as not being so "down to earth" as bigger women are. That's still a judgement.

You like bigger women, good for you. However, please quit whining about the fact that not all women are attracted to bigger men. Do the slimmer women you meet moan that *you* aren't attracted to *them*?
 bookBelle
Joined: 10/24/2008
Msg: 426 (view)
 
Why is a decent girlfriend so hard to find?
Posted: 6/28/2011 6:00:59 AM

Why is it that, when it comes to dating, people are so dismissive of the idea that one is owed something for good behaviour? Isn't this the moral code we all live by in all other aspects of our lives? Why does it not apply to dating? It's simple manners, isn't it?


There's nothing wrong with good behaviour. However, why is it that, when it comes to dating, people think they are OWED something by the world simply for not being an ass (in their opinion)?

Good behaviour does not automatically = attraction. You can be the nicest guy in the world, but if the attraction isn't there, it simply ISN'T THERE.
 bookBelle
Joined: 10/24/2008
Msg: 51 (view)
 
Being judged for a fetish
Posted: 6/28/2011 5:43:20 AM
It's not a bad thing.

I personally don't see the problem. It's not breaking the law, no-one's being hurt etc, so I see nothing wrong. Just because she doesn't share that personal interest, doesn't make it any less of a valid interest. I don't happen to like golf, for instance... doesn't mean I look at a golf course and think "that's not normal".

Ignore her. If you like hentai, then enjoy it. :)
 bookBelle
Joined: 10/24/2008
Msg: 110 (view)
 
Going out by yourself.
Posted: 6/28/2011 5:34:47 AM
Do it.

I met my ex because he went to the bar by himself... if he'd not gone because he'd been too worried about what people would think of a guy by himself at the bar, I would have missed out on a great relationship.


I've always been comfortable going places by myself. In my early teens, my parents would only pay for me to go to the cinema, rather than shopping, at the weekends. So, I'd regularly go to the cinema alone, and hang around the punk shop in town where the friendly people hung out. Didn't always lead to long-lasting friendships etc, but I met some interesting people and had some great conversations along the way.
Anyway, I'd get back to school on Monday, and when everyone discussed what they did at the weekend etc, when I told them, people in my class would often say, "What, you went by yourself?! Couldn't you find someone to go with you?"
Thing is, a lot of girls I met at school (I went to an all-girls' school) wouldn't go anywhere without someone else. It got to the point where, even at aged 16+, girls would beg their friends, "someone come to the toilets with me, I don't want to go on my own." The girls' room was often a mere ten feet away. A lot of these girls got it into their heads that if you went ANYWHERE by yourself, without at least one other person in tow, it meant you were seen as a loner with no friends.


I've been clubbing by myself once or twice. Halloween 2009, during my first semester at uni, I was hanging round with a group of guy mates. We went to the usual uni bar in town, and some of said guys started talking to a group of girls. All well and good, but I'd heard that the gothic castle bar was supposed to be great for that night, and wanted to go. None of the guys would budge, so I just walked off and went by myself, and had a great night.
 bookBelle
Joined: 10/24/2008
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Why so many young woman on here?
Posted: 6/25/2011 10:53:35 PM
I'm 21.

Partly, I think it's because we've grown up in the digital age. When I was 12/13, my friends had Bebo. This moved on to Myspace, then Facebook. For a lot of us, meeting people through the internet isn't a big deal. (Can't speak for all girls in their early 20s, this is just my viewpoint.) My friends and I have literally grown up on the internet, so sites like this are just another use for it, imo.

For me, it was just another way of meeting people - just another channel. It's not the ONLY way to meet people, but it is *A* way of meeting people. The internet can introduce you to people you might not meet otherwise... it just opens up more opportunities.

Personally, it wasn't an ego thing for me... I can't speak for all other girls my age though. Everyone's different.
 bookBelle
Joined: 10/24/2008
Msg: 335 (view)
 
Men-does it bother you if a woman's legs are not shaved?
Posted: 6/18/2011 6:35:50 PM

women HAVE to have their legs.

their PITS

their chochas.

otherwise...

its a deal

B
R
E
A
K
E
R


Fair enough...

BUT!
In my opinion, any guy who expects ME to remove (most/all) body hair, should remove his own in return. Fair's fair.

 bookBelle
Joined: 10/24/2008
Msg: 20 (view)
 
Ther Wolf Pack- One of a Woman's Greatest Obstacles to a Serious Relationship
Posted: 6/18/2011 2:45:28 PM

And this is gender specific how?. Men have the exact same mine fields to navigate when it comes to women. At least the guys aren't spending all their time****blocking like the women are. The biggest obstacle a guy has to over come in one of these pack of women are the****blockers. You tell me how to get past the****blockers and I will give you some hint on how to lure away a lone wolf.


I do agree that it's not gender specific. However, the only time my friends and I "****block" is when our friend is drunk/vulnerable/not in a fit state to make a decision. Other than that, I leave my friends to make their own choices about guys/relationships etc.

I went out one night with a male friend and some other friends. My male friend liked the look of a girl in the club we were at, and so went to make his move. (He did pull her several times during the course of the night, actually... before finding out she was only out to get drinks bought for her. But meh.) He wanted to take things further, but he came back to me at one point and said that her friends (she was with 2 other girls) were ****blocking. Now, I'd seen her through all this time... she was extremely drunk, especially by the end of the night. When closing time came, her friends practically had to carry her out. I passed my friend's number on to her friends for him, but explained to my friend that for a lot of girls I know, it's just a general rule that if your (female) friend is so drunk that she's in no fit state to make decisions like that, then you don't let her go off with a guy, however nice he seems.

But generally, I don't ****block. Even if I don't think much of a guy, it's my friend's decision what she does, not mine.

In terms of the "wolf pack"... meh. I usually figure that if a guy is sticking that closely with his friends, he's there to have fun with his friends, not pull.
 
Show ALL Forums