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 Author Thread: Ladies - Security or Winging It?
 southaustingal
Joined: 11/2/2008
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Ladies - Security or Winging It?
Posted: 9/16/2011 6:29:57 AM
I thought bumfuk was in Texas.......
 southaustingal
Joined: 11/2/2008
Msg: 41 (view)
 
Should i be insulted? Would you be?
Posted: 9/6/2011 7:03:15 AM
"My match would be as good communicator as i am."

I see the problem. Your idea of being a good communicator is "I will send you numerous texts with a number of grammatical and spelling errors and expect you to think I know what I am talking about because I say so. Oh, also, I have a really crappy attitude that I will expect you to understand and accept because I am so good at telling you about it. And when you actually have a meaningful communication with me and express your feelings after some thoughtful reflections over the fact I hit you up for money and it isn’t what I expect then I will post a grammatically incorrect, misspelled rant on forums to explain how outraged I am that you think differently than I do."
I can tell you right now if any man I met that “fell on hard times” so that he had to borrow $100 to pay rent at your age (aka not 22 years old) then I would be out of there ASAP. It isn’t about whether or not you paid your fair share on dates (duh……you should) or helped with little chores (I am sure she has done the same) but whether or not you have your shit together as a mature, self-sufficient, grown up adult who can provide for himself. I would give serious second thought to someone who couldn’t because it will only get worse going forward.
So no, you should not be insulted. You should grow a pair of nads, buck up and learn to support yourself and NEVER ask to borrow money again from a woman friend.
 southaustingal
Joined: 11/2/2008
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Dating opinion - please read
Posted: 8/29/2011 7:28:19 AM
I think it is a good sign that you have talked about it up front. You both have legitimate opinions and so now you need to find a little room to compromise. Keep it casual and go out with her a couple of times to see if that great first date turns into an even better second and third date. I cannot tell you the number of times that something that started out great just fizzled out after several dates. This allows both of you to get to know one another better without the pressure of it being “all or nothing”. If after a couple of dates you would like a stronger commitment to really date just one another then have another talk and see if there is acceptable middle ground that will work for both of you. If not then you can walk away knowing you made a good decision. But hey, if it works then you may have given something special the chance to grow. Either way I can’t see where giving it a little time to be sure is a bad thing.
 southaustingal
Joined: 11/2/2008
Msg: 72 (view)
 
Afraid of dating a good looking person?
Posted: 8/15/2011 6:58:47 AM
I read about this in one of those advice columns just this week. Seems that a girl wrote in that she had met her boyfriends x and she was drop dead gorgeous, a doctor, funny and the whole package. The only reason the two of them broke up was that the boyfriend was always looking over his shoulder that someone better would come along for her. The x girlfriend broke up with him in spite of the fact she kept reassuring him it wouldn’t happen because he couldn’t get over his insecurities. So after the meeting he told his current girlfriend he was dating her because that wouldn’t happen with her. OUCH! She said that she was now insecure wondering if he wasn’t looking for someone like his x. Too me, this is what happens when you base something on looks, appearance or superficial aspects. And that is sometimes (note I say sometimes) why it is a problem dating someone who is too good looking. They are superficial, all about looks and you do start checking over your shoulder.

On the other hand, real love and compatibility is based on connecting beyond the looks at that level where the two of you think, feel, talk, joke, love and laugh together. You know deep down that you “get” one another and that is something that looks alone can’t compete with. So like with many answers, it depends on the person. They can be attractive and be a superficial, all-about-looks total narcissist or attractive and be down to earth and desiring a real connection like the next person.
 southaustingal
Joined: 11/2/2008
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Percentage of fake profiles on paid versus free dating sites?
Posted: 8/10/2011 9:06:43 AM
I agree with the school of there are more fake profiles on match. When I was on match I would receive a number of emails that would say all the right things and then ask to talk on yahoo immediately. Sure sign of a scam. Another one is that you will get a wink or email and when you click on the profile it shows that it has been removed. There are also fake posters on there of people who will try and get you to pay or reenlist so your money can keep on flowing in. I also have had what I call faux winks. Either you haven’t paid or your subscription has expired and what do you know, one of the guys you have been eyeing winks at you. Well the only way to actually “talk” to him is to pay. I did this a couple of times and sometimes there was dead air (as in fake profile but now you have my money) or the guy came back with some version of “huh?”.
There are fake posters on POF but mainly in that they exaggerate or out right lie about who they are but at least I have never had to pay money for the privilege of being lied to and I have never run across a scammer like I did on match.
 southaustingal
Joined: 11/2/2008
Msg: 35 (view)
 
Romantic regrets. Do you have any?
Posted: 8/9/2011 5:51:24 AM
Yes. My biggest regret is my last boyfriend who topped the turd pile.
 southaustingal
Joined: 11/2/2008
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Weigh In (figuratively!) on This One,?
Posted: 8/8/2011 5:52:50 AM
To answer your question, way, way too long. All the guys my age seem to be dating woman 10-15 years younger and I seem to appeal to the over 70 age group. So my dating pool seems to be a clogged up cesspool of moldy flotsam.
 southaustingal
Joined: 11/2/2008
Msg: 10 (view)
 
LDR can work out if you are sincere
Posted: 8/8/2011 5:42:06 AM
Ahhhh, a happy ending. Thanks for sharing that it can happen to those of us who keep on trying.
 southaustingal
Joined: 11/2/2008
Msg: 39 (view)
 
Don't write that check....
Posted: 8/8/2011 5:35:30 AM
Years ago when I was 20, I loaned an x boy friend that was still my friend $250. Needless to say there were lots of excuses, game playing and avoidance and I never got one penny back. So I learned a valuable lesson and I never loan out money unless I am willing to write it off if it doesn't come back. I am sure that karma took care of him. Now if anyone I meet puts any variation of "I need money" in a sentence then I am out of there.

Don't beat yourself up but do learn the lesson and don't do it again.
 southaustingal
Joined: 11/2/2008
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Looking for tips
Posted: 8/2/2011 6:13:21 AM
Great tips and thanks so much.

I have a strong sense of humor but it seems to come off as lame when I write a profile. I try to keep it light and full of fun which is how my friends tell me they see me so thanks Pink, I will try and lighten it up. Also to Auss and Mek, I will give the advice a try and see if I can tweak it to get across who I am in a more consolidated and less "I" way.

And to half time dad, THANKS. It is great that someone in my age group can read it and get it. I actually am a very positive person and don't want a profile that comes across as bitter or negative. I know it only takes one so I keep all my positive energies out there.

As to my friends, they have read it and thought it should work. They are as confused as I am as to how it is working. I have a guy friend that was on here for a year before he met his "one". The weekend he met her, he had 5 dates. I couldn't believe it. 5 dates in one weekend. I haven't even had 5 dates this year.

As to my emails, I always refer to the profile and what I liked about it in particular. For example, one guy was wearing a giants jersey at Cowboy stadium so I made a comment about football which I love. No repsonse.

Thanks again guys.
 southaustingal
Joined: 11/2/2008
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Unforgettable
Posted: 8/2/2011 5:56:00 AM
I don't respond and just move along. The older I get the harder it is to remember many things but for some reason I never forget an on-line date face. Names are much harder for me to remember. I recently had a great first with a guy who texted "Thanks Lynda" for the birthday wish only my name isn't Lynda. That didn't bother me since I do it all the time but I never heard back so I guess Lynda was the better option.

Onward through the fog as they say.
 southaustingal
Joined: 11/2/2008
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Looking for tips
Posted: 8/1/2011 12:26:55 PM
Thanks Mr. Natural. I have tried to be "real" and the pictures from as early as last month to about a year ago. But no luck so far.
 southaustingal
Joined: 11/2/2008
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Looking for tips
Posted: 8/1/2011 11:26:02 AM
Yes. They read my profile and never respond. That's why I thought I could use a little help.
 southaustingal
Joined: 11/2/2008
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Unforgettable
Posted: 8/1/2011 7:46:48 AM
I recently received an email from a gentleman who introduced himself and asked if we could get to know one another. The problem was that we did know each other. We had two meetings last year and after the second one, I knew he wasn’t for me. Long story short, he made it clear that his x-wife footed all the bills and paid for everything and he was looking for the same in a new woman.

I know I may not be the most unforgettable woman a guy ever meets but I find it hard to believe he would totally forget we met. My pictures and profile haven’t changed that much for someone not to look at them and go “Gee she looks familiar”. This isn’t the first time that this has happened either. I met another guy on here and had a very lack luster lunch where we both decided there was no further interest. Sure enough, several months later he is emailing me wanting to meet. Not only that but he emailed three more times while I just kept ignoring them.
Does this happen to others and how do you handle it?
 southaustingal
Joined: 11/2/2008
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Looking for tips
Posted: 8/1/2011 7:35:28 AM
Hi all,

I have been on here for awhile (sigh). I seem to attract the exact opposite of what I am looking for. One example was a hermit who was 4 inches shorter who liked to collect rocks. I like to go to ROCK concerts. I also seem to be a hit with the over 70 group which is too old for me.

The pictures are recent and I tried my best to discribe me but so far no luck. I know this site works because I have had several friends meet someone and now they are happily together. I try to stay positive but there must be something I can do that would get better results.

Any constructive comments appreciated.
 southaustingal
Joined: 11/2/2008
Msg: 77 (view)
 
Tats for over 45
Posted: 7/19/2011 6:33:37 AM
I have one that I got when I was 48. It is on my shoulder and can be hidden or revealed at my choice. And I work out enough that I don't plan on it sagging. However, I was thinking about getting a gnome on my butt check. If it does start to sag it will turn into a dwarf and then finally, a gnarly witch. I mean you can plan to have your tat sag with you.
 southaustingal
Joined: 11/2/2008
Msg: 4 (view)
 
First meetings...confirmations/cancellations.
Posted: 7/18/2011 6:42:19 AM
I love cowboy's stories. Gives you hope and at the same time, can be really depressing.

I usually share my cell number before a meeting in case something happens and I have never had any problems with it. And in fact, just like with Cowboy's story, it was used because someone got lost and was running late. Only in my case the guy who walked in was not worth waiting for......one of these days.
 southaustingal
Joined: 11/2/2008
Msg: 22 (view)
 
Should I Move On?
Posted: 6/24/2011 5:47:36 AM
Listen to what he is saying and take it as his truth. He is not interested in anything with connections and you are so YES you should move on. Staying in this situation will only hurt more down the road, I guarantee......been there done that myself and won't ever do it again.
 southaustingal
Joined: 11/2/2008
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Telephone contacting
Posted: 5/9/2011 5:37:32 AM
Not a deal breaker at all. I agree that it is something you should talk about early on because I would be curious why someone wouldn't call me. Plus you want to find out if someone has a problem with it. If they do, then this would not be the kind of person you would want anyway. It shows a real lack of compassion and understanding of what is important. Something similar could happen to all of us as we age. I know that all these loud concerts I have been to will take their toll one day.
 southaustingal
Joined: 11/2/2008
Msg: 13 (view)
 
When is it considered cheating?
Posted: 4/6/2011 6:44:52 AM
I noticed that the OP is not commenting. Me thinks she thought this thread would go in a different direction.

I think what the OP did is immature, hurtful, manipulative and reeking of jealousy. It almost screams out “Look your new boyfriend is more interested in me”. Not only that, but then you make sure to crash and burn any chances your friend has with this guy. While I do think the friend needs a dating reality check I also think she needs new friends.

I noticed the Phd and being a pediatrician also. If this is true it just goes to show that formal education does not mean the person is really all that smart.
 southaustingal
Joined: 11/2/2008
Msg: 26 (view)
 
Another Chance or too weird?
Posted: 4/6/2011 6:36:13 AM
I remember a time when I had a decent lunch date and would have considered a second date until the phone calls started. He called me right after the date saying how he would have liked to kiss me in the parking lot but thought that was too forward. Then he called back 4 more times all while I was at work so I let them go to voice mail after the first one. By the time I got to the 4th voice mail he was cussing me out for not taking his calls and called me a player for messing with his emotions. He did call back a few days later and leave me a message apologizing for his behavior and wanting a second chance. Needless to say, that did not happen since this one was clearly over the top.

On the other hand, I have had the text where they started sending pictures of private body parts so count yourself lucky that at least he was clothed.

As to what to do, I am with the group that thinks you should proceed with caution. This is definitely a yellow flag if not a red flag but I don’t think you know enough to throw in the black flag. It could be that he is socially awkward and he is gushing over the fact that he finally met someone incredible that he really likes. Then again, it could be a sign that he is emotionally immature, clingy and a potential whack job. Having one more meeting will hopefully show you which way the wind is blowing.

Good luck and I really do hope this turns out to have a happy ending.
 southaustingal
Joined: 11/2/2008
Msg: 118 (view)
 
Frustrated with inappropriate comments
Posted: 4/5/2011 5:49:07 AM
"If I had a dollar for every poster or POF person Ive annoyed because of my profile or what ive said on the forums I could buy the Dallas Cowboys and the stadium ."

Wouldn't you want to buy a winning team......At least we would be rid of Jerry Jones.
 southaustingal
Joined: 11/2/2008
Msg: 15 (view)
 
Who You Attract vs Who You're Attracted To
Posted: 3/28/2011 6:11:46 AM
I have taken a break from actively looking for someone for this very reason and it can be very frustrating. I look at it like the Price is Right with that game that has a range finder that moves up and down the scale. I have a pretty wide range for first contacts. I don’t go too high on the scale so I am not being unrealistic but I also don’t want to go to low and end up with people where we have very little in common and no physical attraction.

I would think there would be a bunch of guys who fell into my range but just like the OP, the ones I have interest in have no interest in me. If I electronically approach them then I am usually met with dead air or even insults. When I look at the profiles of those that are interested in me then it just becomes depressing. One example: A guy who is 5 inches shorter, has only one picture that makes him look like Fred Mertz, lives 70 miles away, 13 years older, has a short, poorly written profile riddled with typos and describes his favorite thing to do is to look for unusual rocks. My profile says I like rock concerts not looking for rocks.

I know it is bad when my list of people who want to meet me looks like an advertisement for America’s Most Wanted.
 southaustingal
Joined: 11/2/2008
Msg: 34 (view)
 
Weird sleeping habit, about to kill a nice potential relationship.
Posted: 2/24/2011 6:13:43 AM
I think "learning" how to sleep with someone new is always challenging. I am so used to my bed, my pillow and having it all to my self that to try to either have someone stay over or sleep somewhere else makes it hard to get a good night sleep. Then you add things like noise, small bed, snoring, movement, animals, etc and it is even harder.

So I would look for things you can change (like a king size bed instead of a twin so why isn't she sleeping over at your house), things you can compromise (TV noise) and things that you can't change (snoring would be one for most people). If after you have done everything to adjust and still can't catch Zee's then you need to consider sleeping a part.

My x-husband snored like a freight train crashing through a tin building. He also went to work at 1:00am so the lights came on at midnight. I had to be at work at 8:00 so we were just not compatible when if came to sleeping togehter so we slept in two different rooms. I prefer to share the same bed with the man I love but sometimes it is just not practical and if you want the relationship then you give it up on the sleeping space.
 southaustingal
Joined: 11/2/2008
Msg: 16 (view)
 
Help needed
Posted: 2/22/2011 5:54:26 AM
I TOTALLY agree with Igor. You need not put your own "read" into what is going on. As the mother of a 15 year old son, I can tell you from experience you don't know what is going on after just three months. And your idea of disrespect may be coping skills that they have come to terms with in order to function. Not all of us raise cookie cutter kids and each one is different in how the relate to others.
 southaustingal
Joined: 11/2/2008
Msg: 7 (view)
 
And you're telling me this because?
Posted: 2/22/2011 5:46:50 AM
I tell you what is TMI: going on a second date and having him tell me that first he is "addicted" to internet dating and second that October was a good month for him. He slept with 4 different women and even dumped one the day after he slept with her in order to pursue someone else.

Sharing POF stories is interesting to me. Sharing your potential STD's stories not.
 southaustingal
Joined: 11/2/2008
Msg: 33 (view)
 
Underwear and eyeballs
Posted: 2/2/2011 5:53:25 AM
Actually the underwear picture would be expected but the eyeball was the creepy one. And I too usually like to talk to someone before I meet him. If he had actually driven up from Houston only to then find out how creepy he was would be far worse than a few texts. At least they were fun to talk about and I have not heard from him since.
 southaustingal
Joined: 11/2/2008
Msg: 30 (view)
 
Underwear and eyeballs
Posted: 2/1/2011 6:40:47 AM
I was out walking in my neighborhood the other day and I saw a guy with a batman tee shirt. OMG I had flash backs to the little “peakage” package and I now think I will never be able to see a cartoon character again without seeing black silk. I have been scarred for life so there must be a lawsuit somewhere here. I can see it now "Your honor, my client suffers from Bugs Bunnyitis"
 southaustingal
Joined: 11/2/2008
Msg: 24 (view)
 
Underwear and eyeballs
Posted: 1/25/2011 5:56:39 AM
I agree with Rush on this one. I don't want an unsolicted, lewd picture from ANYONE I don't know and not in a relationship with and I don't care how attractive and well hung he is. Is is just creepy.

And I did think they were more girl panties than guys short. Gives new meaning to "put your big girl panties on." This saying wasn't intended for guys in order to send shots of their privates to the unknow.
 southaustingal
Joined: 11/2/2008
Msg: 13 (view)
 
Underwear and eyeballs
Posted: 1/21/2011 12:39:28 PM
I am not sure what grape smugglers are but they looked to be non-boxers and more whitey-tighties except they were black and silky. And it was definitely the little one-eyed snake.
 southaustingal
Joined: 11/2/2008
Msg: 11 (view)
 
Underwear and eyeballs
Posted: 1/21/2011 11:16:53 AM
Not sure about the female equivalent. Maybe a football jersey with beer in hand, a cute apron with a home made pie or a little black dress with a sexy pair of high heels. I would think this would be a bigger turn on than boobs and thongs.
 southaustingal
Joined: 11/2/2008
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Underwear and eyeballs
Posted: 1/21/2011 8:58:16 AM
Actually if a man wanted to get my attention and turn me on he should send me a picture of him fully clothed and cooking or doing dishes or yard work with a great big smile of his face and a twinkle in his eye.......not his eyeball.
 southaustingal
Joined: 11/2/2008
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Underwear and eyeballs
Posted: 1/21/2011 8:16:24 AM
Unfortunately, I have been internet dating for what seems to be way too long but this was my first “sexting” incident. I guess I have been lucky to avoid men like this so far but it was certainly creepy. Not only that, but did nothing from a turn-on standard. I mean superman underwear, really!!!! And yes, thank god there was underwear but I still couldn’t get past the image of my two year old in his underoos saying “look at my weenie”. In fact, I think my son at 2 was more mature then this yahoo.

I know a bunch of men and women participate in this kind of activity but I find it totally odd and can’t understand what they are thinking other than maybe I will get lucky and get laid. But seriously, in your 50’s you can’t come up with anything better than this…..
 southaustingal
Joined: 11/2/2008
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Underwear and eyeballs
Posted: 1/21/2011 6:19:54 AM
Even with all my experiences with on-line dating this one kind of blew me away. I was emailing a man I met on another site who lives in the Houston area. We got to the point where we exchanged phone numbers and talked a couple of times. Anyway, he started sending pictures of himself to my phone. They were standard pictures of him so I had my daughter take one of me at lunch and sent it off on my new smart phone. I figured this was the new way for people to check out that your pictures are recent and you look like you say you do. Then the weirdness started. He sent me a picture of his bare chest, a close up of his eyeball and one in Superman underwear where he was apparently trying to show off his package. It reminded me of my son when he was two running around in his underroos. He texted me and asked what I thought of the pictures and I told him I did not know what to think of pictures of underwear and eyeballs. He called me after that wanting to come up and spend "at least the weekend" with me. I told him I did not operate that way and that I really did not think we were a match. Didn't hear anything else for a couple of weeks and then I got this text about a "long, sensuous, tantalizing full body massage." I ignored it.

Well yesterday the pictures started again. One of his face, one of his chest, one of his biceps and yes (you know it’s coming) one in black silk undies with some "peakage" coming out of the top if you know what I mean. I texted back "Dude lose my number and do not ever contact me again". He called me a loser and I hope that is the end of it.

My question is who thinks it is appropriate to send personal and provocative pictures over a phone to a complete stranger????? Does this happen to others? I know that he was hoping I would respond in kind and while not a prude, cannot see myself sending off pictures of me in my undies to a stranger. I can't understand how anyone would think this would get anything but a negative reaction from someone looking for a relationship but maybe I am behind the curve on this. Am I the one out of date here and has this become the new thing?
 southaustingal
Joined: 11/2/2008
Msg: 15 (view)
 
Motorcycle rides as first dates?
Posted: 1/14/2011 6:25:22 AM
"What is the deal with older women in their 40's and 50's disliking motorcycles? Yes, I would definitely ride on the back of a man's bike during our first date. Sounds like a lot of fun to me"

Maybe because you have never been on the back of a bike with someone who scares the living sh*t out of you. I got on the back of a bike as a second date and vowed never to do it again until I know what kind of rider he is. Passing a car at 80 miles an hour on a curve with a truck headed for us was enough for me. Plus, I found out that I really didn't have much in common with him on that second meeting and I was stuck spending all day with him holding on to his backside for dear life.
 southaustingal
Joined: 11/2/2008
Msg: 27 (view)
 
First meet, am I being unrealistic?
Posted: 1/14/2011 6:19:23 AM
Ah, the age old question of exclusivity on one date versus the multiple dater.
I have been one of those women who some guy canceled on at the last minute because he had met “the one” the night before only to see him back on POF about a month later. I can tell you that no matter how good a first date is I am not interested in someone who will be "exclusive" based on one meeting. To me, it shows a lack of emotional maturity because I think finding out if someone is right for you takes time.

I think you need to take a deep breath and learn from this. First, he is being honest with you when all he has to say is he is busy. I think this shows a lot of character. Second, I think him keeping the date is not only the polite thing to do but also very wise. He has had ONE date with you and that is not enough to determine long term potential. I know others feel differently but I see nothing wrong with him continuing to get to know you and also seeing others. Hopefully you will keep moving to the top of his list in comparison to others so that you will both know that the two of you really have something special. If not, then as everyone is saying, wish him well because you don’t want someone who isn’t totally into you and best to learn that early on.
 southaustingal
Joined: 11/2/2008
Msg: 42 (view)
 
Woman makes a habit of getting even with her exes, should I keep seeing her?.
Posted: 1/10/2011 5:50:49 AM
Never make a promise not to hold somthing against someone until you find out what it is........
 southaustingal
Joined: 11/2/2008
Msg: 95 (view)
 
Wierdest things Dates have done!
Posted: 1/5/2011 6:15:47 AM
Met a guy from another web site. He started off by telling me he was an x professional football player that got hurt, a musician who played with BB King, Barbara Streisand 's and Leslie Ann Warren's body guard (he even did her voice), taught Jon Peters how to drive a Ferrari, had a x girlfriend with a black AMX who he dumped when he fixed her computer and found porn shots with another man, was arrested and went to jail for kidnapping his son who he did not have custody of, saved Dell millions of dollars when he went to work for them (even though he was a service tech), usually drove BMW's but was currently in a pick up truck and was an x chipndales dancer who could dance better than any black guy (got up and showed me in the Restaurant). But the final straw was when he told me about his 3 foot tall pet parrot who "has the softest toungue in the world when you kiss him". That is when I excused myself and went to bang my head in the bathroom stall. The guy did not ask one thing about me and when I left I was glad he didn't.
 southaustingal
Joined: 11/2/2008
Msg: 41 (view)
 
Instant turn offs, legitimate gripe or just nitpicking
Posted: 10/22/2010 5:51:24 AM
A major deal breaker for me is someone who wears sandals with socks. Especially white socks with black flip flop type sandals. For some reason it is an immediate turn off for me. Also, a profile of a guy who has his dog in every picture and calls it his "princess" or something like that. Looks to be that there is no room f0r a woman. Then finally, a guy who uses any word like "skinny" to describe his ideal woman.
 southaustingal
Joined: 11/2/2008
Msg: 41 (view)
 
Is sensualness an action or a perception?
Posted: 9/22/2010 6:06:12 AM
To me, it is an attitude or a way of thinking where you engage all your senses in the enjoyment of your life and it shows. This is what others outwardly pick up on it. It is savoring, touching, experiencing, desiring, dancing, moving, laughing and tingling over all the pleasure in life. Some people enjoy life at this level and others don’t get it. But yes, I have met both men and women who exude sensuality.
 southaustingal
Joined: 11/2/2008
Msg: 14 (view)
 
How do you advertise for similar libidos
Posted: 9/21/2010 2:23:27 PM
Bikeman and onenightengement nailed it (so to speak). There were many of you with provocative thoughts on the subject so thank you.

To me, sensuality is more of an attitude and not just about sex. It is about finding excitement and pleasure in all kinds of things in life that you would like to share with a partner. And yes, you want to be on the same wave length when it comes to being physical because as many of you have noted, it can lead to a miserable match if the two of you are different. Been there, done that and don’t ever want to do it again. I figured if I put it out there (again, so to speak) that I would weed out those men who have little or no interest in a more tantalizing intimacy. And for the record, this is not about guys who have medical issues because I have talked to several of them have not lost their sensual side even if the sexual part looks differently as we get older.

And, for the record, I have not received inappropriate emails from anyone so maybe no one is even looking at the profile.
 southaustingal
Joined: 11/2/2008
Msg: 1 (view)
 
How do you advertise for similar libidos
Posted: 9/16/2010 12:15:51 PM
I recently tried a thread and of course, people read my profile. One little line says “I am playful, sensuous and a great kisser still looking for butterflies”. I got a number of pretty negative remarks about not putting that kind of information in a profile. Yet, I am 53 and looking for a fellow my age who is a kindred spirit shall we say. It is not as much about sex as it is about attitude and enjoyment just like a lot of things we put on a profile. I thought long and hard about adding it to my profile and I did so because it is still an important part of who I am and what I am looking for in a mate. And at 53 I meet a lot of guys my own age who seem to prefer canasta to canoodling so I thought it would help find that person who still prefers sparking instead of snoozing.

So far I really haven’t gotten in inappropriate emails so it really hasn’t lit up the fires of controversy all that much. But it did get me wondering, how far do you go in trying to explain what you are looking for from a passion standpoint? Is sensuality still as as much a part of your life as it was in your younger days? And if it is really important to you, how do you go about describing it in your profile without coming across as a floozy that people feel free to bash.
 southaustingal
Joined: 11/2/2008
Msg: 8 (view)
 
First email and all ready talk of kissing
Posted: 9/16/2010 11:45:09 AM
Actually none of the above Motown. I wanted to meet him because it looked like we had a lot in common, probably knew some of the same people and may run into each other since we both like the same places. Austin is a small town that way. He looked like he would be someone interesting to get to know and that's all I look for in a first meeting. If things take off from there well then great.

Not meaning to make a mountain here but his offer really wasn't sexual in nature but more about intimacy. I am a firm believer that each person stays in control of whether or not touching, kissing, etc occurs especially at the first meeting. In saying it would happen, it appeared to me that he was taking away my option to decide. I debated answering and did so for the above reasons and thought he could respect boundaries. I guess not since I didn't hear back and if that is the way he thinks then I am very glad I didn't. I just found it interesting that a person would put that out there in a first email as an expectation.
 southaustingal
Joined: 11/2/2008
Msg: 6 (view)
 
First email and all ready talk of kissing
Posted: 9/15/2010 4:01:04 PM
Thank you Sabrosura for being a little more open minded.

I debated long and hard before putting that language out there because I know that it could bring out a lot of crazy responses. The truth is that I don't get that many emails and believe it or not so far none have been inappropriate. The only reason I did put it on my profile is because to me it is more attitude about who are and what you would like to find in a mate.

To the person who asked about whether or not it would make a difference if he were cuter.....hard to say. I am like a lot of you out here and we all have certain types that are more appealing but, as we know , is different for all of us. In fact, I tend to stay away from the really cute guys because they are not my type. In this case one picture was blury and from a distance and the other was not flattering. That is why I will meet someone if there is enough in common to see if something sparks.

As to the comments on "unless I am blown away" I will stand by that one. I have had first dates where I meet someone who is totally awesome and there is chemistry and sparks. A couple of these have turned into longer term relationships. So if you are both totally attracted to one another then a brush, a hand holding or sneaking a kiss feels right. It is not contrived or expected but feels natural. I don't think there is anything wrong with sharing a kiss on the first meeting if you have found someone you really like. I also don' t think it is wrong to have a meeing and just shake hands if there isn't any chemistry. For the guy who expects a kiss every date then you must be very lucky at picking women you would like to kiss because I have meet some guys where it ain't going to happen. With this guy, I told him I would not mind meeting him to find out more but not to have expecatations around anything physical. So I was setting boundaries which should be okay on a first meeting.

As the guy who wants me to edit my profile because of truth in advertising, well you are just plain mean.
 southaustingal
Joined: 11/2/2008
Msg: 2 (view)
 
First email and all ready talk of kissing
Posted: 9/15/2010 8:54:27 AM
Thought provoking and good comments. I put the remarks out there about butterflies, kissing and such because it is still a big part of who I am and what I would like to find in a relationship. Sparks matter and I would like to find someone who is also still in tune with that side of their life. And, I have been blown away by a great first date so sneaking in a kiss at the end by the guy felt natural.

So the difference for me is that it come natural and feels right at the time and not be something preconceived, expected or forced just because you are meeting someone. And sorry if I am being redundant but I don’t get out here much and like to participate when I can. I love it when I have a few moments and can check out the forums.
 southaustingal
Joined: 11/2/2008
Msg: 1 (view)
 
First email and all ready talk of kissing
Posted: 9/15/2010 6:50:09 AM
I recently received an email from a gentleman that on the surface looked like someone whose company I might enjoy even though there wasn't any real spark from the pictures. In a case like this I don't mind having a casual meet and greet to see if the live version brings out more chemistry. Well in his email he talked about brushing up against one another, holding hands and stealing kisses on our first "date". I pondered about how to answer this since this kind of things outlines expectations that aren't going to happen with me on the first date unless I am totally blown away. So my answer to him was that I could see we had some things in common but that I keep things real light and casual on first meeting and not to expect anything more. I never heard from him again. So just wondering how many of you get first emails that request a degree of intimacy on the first meeting and what do you do about it.
 southaustingal
Joined: 11/2/2008
Msg: 23 (view)
 
is it acceptable to date more than one person at one time?
Posted: 8/19/2010 6:16:37 AM
This has come up several times in my dating world. In one particular case, I had just signed up for POF and had several emails flowing. I went out with one guy and had a good first date and he left it that he would like to see me again. The next day I checked my emails in the morning (hoping one was from him) and then left for the day. He called me right as I was pulling into a little town to do some Christmas shopping so I told him I would call him back later that evening. He sounded kind of put off by that and said I would be too busy to talk to him. I said that calling him back later when I got back home wasn't a problem. So I get home, checked emails and then gave him a call. No answer so I left a voice message. After a couple of days I emailed him a "What's Up". He came back with all of this stuff about seeing me on POF both times the day after our date and therefore I must not be serious about finding someone and was just another player. I responded that while I thought we had a great first date that me checking other emails did not make me insincere and that I thought he was jumping to a lot of conclusions since I could have said the same thing about him since he would have been on line at the same time. (Plus the cyber stalking thing creeped me out. Was he watching all day to see when I was on line?). He came back with all this stuff about only dating one person at a time and he didn’t want to be another person in a queue while I would be checking things out for someone better. I responded that it was obvious that we felt different about dating and that was okay. What was not okay was that he blindsides me and didn’t bother to discuss this difference up front like two adults. In the end I thanked him for giving me yet another example of why it is a good idea to date causally until you get to know someone because it was clear we looked at things differently.

Me, I think it is a good idea to “date” as in get to know one another and if there happens to be more than one person then great as long as you are honest. I also agree with keeping it light and not sleeping with someone until it becomes more serious. This allows you more time to get to know someone who you may not have really sparked with on the first date because things can grow. On the other hand, I have had great first dates only to find out 3, 4 or 5 dates in that this is not going to work. I think it is wise to keep your options open until you decide that it is something that has the potential to be real and you want to focus on one.
 southaustingal
Joined: 11/2/2008
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Horns of a dilemma
Posted: 8/17/2010 8:58:13 PM
Thanks for the great replies. To further elaborate; my life is incredibly full and busy. It consist of lots of live music (got to love Austin) kids, travel (5 trips last year), great friends, cooking, keeping up with a house, football, quilting classes (an amazing art), reading, writing bad country western songs, tubing the rivers, driving the back roads and hitting the wineries, I have an intense job that keeps me challenged, I am always learning and I am never bored. When I do have down time I enjoy it. And yes I have one cat but I also have a dog (an adopted border collie that drives me crazy) so I hope to never turn into the crazy cat lady. This kind of full life is one reason why I am sinking comfortably into singledom.

The other reason isn’t a fear of relationships. It is that I finally figured out what really works for me and as I look around I am realizing that it may not exist. Not because I am being unrealistic and it isn’t for a lack of trying. It is because I can’t seem to match up my knowing what will work with the reality of what is available to me. I figured if I kept a positive outlook and an open mind it would happen only it didn’t and I am getting to the point where I don’t think it ever will. Somehow that is feeling okay with me which is the scary part. I don’t want it to be okay. So how do you stay positively focused on finding someone when it seems like the odds are against you?
 southaustingal
Joined: 11/2/2008
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Horns of a dilemma
Posted: 8/17/2010 2:20:15 PM
After several failed relationships I went on a vacation by myself a couple of years ago in order to really think about who I was and what I needed. I decided to take a positive approach to finding a great relationship and not to settle for something I knew would not work. I kept my heart and mind open to the possibility of love while at the same being happy with life in general. I used several web sites, threw single parties, asked friend to introduce me and would I would try to strike up a conversation with guys I met.

Fast forward and nothing seemed to work. I got a spattering of emails mainly from guys where I had nothing in common or no interest. I tried to give the few guys I did meet several chances but no luck. I emailed a number of guys and became Miss “read delete”. I did meet one guy at the end of last year I was really interested in but got an email after two dates saying that he had gone back to his x girlfriend. There were a few guys here or there that I was interested in but they just petered out. I have become disillusioned by the whole thing and while I remain happy in my life, I have begun to think of myself as the invisible woman. You know, the one no one notices.

The dilemma is that on one hand, being single means not being hurt. Not trying means not being rejected. I don’t have to worry about trusting someone or having someone control my life and I am starting to get comfortable in that role. I have taken down my profile, quit asking to meet people and given up on thinking a guy might be interested. But on the other hand, I don’t really want to give up on love but at my age I have to fight the urge to throw in the towel. What is ironic is that I am at the stage of my life where I am the best I would ever be in a relationship but there is no one around to appreciate it.

So are any of you out there feeling the same way? Do you sometimes wonder if you are comfortably slipping into the single life and starting to really give up on love? When I think about it I sometimes accept that I am meant to be single and I don’t have a problem with it and that is starting to scare me. So how do you stay motivated to find love when the deck seems to be stacked against it?
 southaustingal
Joined: 11/2/2008
Msg: 104 (view)
 
Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 7/1/2010 7:35:05 AM
Too me it is not about whether they are separated or not but how long removed they are from the relationship. They could be "separated" for a long time and maybe have a legitimate reason for not divorcing so it is worth finding out the whole story. Where I would be concerned is when they are recently separated or divorced because men that are still smarting from a relationship ending will find someone to make them temporally feel better. It is called being the rebound girl and it can unintentionally hurt an innocent bystander. This plus the fact that there tends to be a lot of unresolved issues around the marriage for a separated guy makes smart women tread cautiously or not at all.
 
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