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 Author Thread: Why is going out with someone your not attracted to a waste of time?
Joined: 11/12/2005
Msg: 55 (view)
Why is going out with someone your not attracted to a waste of time?
Posted: 7/24/2009 9:26:06 PM

It seems like half the posts assume that all dates lead to relationships. I'm not talking about becoming serious with someone you are not attracted to, I'm talking about going out and having a good time.

OP ... I see your point and completely agree. Most of the answers you have had assume that you are "dating" these people ... and not just getting together on a casual basis. Just because you've met someone on a "dating" site ... doesn't mean that you will want to "date" everyone you meet. But, you can meet interesting people that you can get together with, occasionally, to dance, or go to movies, or parties, etc. ... and not feel the pressure or obligations of a "romantic" connection.

It is possible, and actually enjoyable, to have these people in your life.
It means you can call them up and arrange a mutually enjoyable activity for both of you without feeling that you have to make a quick exit or false promises at the end of the night.

Don't let anyone tell you that continuing to connect with people you have met through a dating website that you wouldn't "marry" is a bad thing. It is VERY possible to make good friendships on a dating website.

Joined: 11/12/2005
Msg: 37 (view)
Cambridge / Guelph / KW Night - Friday, May 15th, POKER, POOL AND DANCING
Posted: 5/14/2009 6:35:38 AM
Sorry to do this ...
I've been in bed this week with a fever and very sore throat and chest.
So I have to cancel ...
I was looking forward to getting out dancing (and playing a little poker).
Oh well ... next time.
Have a great time everyone!
Joined: 11/12/2005
Msg: 17 (view)
Cambridge / Guelph / KW Night - Friday, May 15th, POKER, POOL AND DANCING
Posted: 5/9/2009 7:01:15 PM
I haven't been out to a POF event in a long time.
It's time I got active again.
I can hold my own at poker ... I like playing pool ... and I love to dance.
So what can I lose.
I look forward to joining you on Friday night!
Joined: 11/12/2005
Msg: 7 (view)
Cambridge/K-W/Guelph Coffee & POF Dance, Friday September 5th, 2008
Posted: 8/28/2008 5:24:39 PM
I just signed up ...
Hope to make it.
I've been to a few POF dances in the past ... at the Edelweiss Tavern ... but have not been out for a LONG time.
Time to make some new connections ...!!!
See you there!
Joined: 11/12/2005
Msg: 456 (view)
Are there ANY women who don't CHEAT?
Posted: 7/24/2008 8:20:16 PM
Hmmmm ... this age-old thread has been going on since April of 2005 ... and it's still getting replies. I'm sure I must have contributed to this thread in the past ... but it bears repeating ... NOT all women (or men) cheat!!!
I have NEVER cheated on any of my relationships ... but ... I have been cheated on ... more than once!!!
Unfortunately ... it's been my personal experience that MEN have been the "cheaters" . I guess I just did not meet many "decent" men in my youth. And now ... those who may not cheat ... simply don't want to commit. Well ... at least they are being honest (?).
Joined: 11/12/2005
Msg: 20 (view)
Posted: 7/20/2008 11:10:23 PM
Hmmmm ... sounds to me like this is a man who is scared ...
Scared of relationships ... scared of women ... maybe even scared of himself.
He may have had very domineering female influences in his life ... that simply did not allow him to explore his "manhood" as an adolescent. Or ... he may be confused about his true sexual orientation. He may have struggled through that over his adolescence ... feeling inadequate or "misunderstood" throughout his develpment years.

If this story is true ... I think this man needs psychological guidance to try to understand ... or confront ... the reasons for his social inadequacies.

I'm not being judgmental ... I know a thing or two about being a "late bloomer". But when men remain virgins into their 40's ... it just goes against nature. There has to be some underlying cause that should be investigated and realized for them so they can face it ... and move on.
Joined: 11/12/2005
Msg: 74 (view)
No time for a relationship -Cop Out?
Posted: 4/10/2008 8:17:03 PM
I agree with you bis3 ...
When you sign up on a "dating" website ... most people assume you WANT to date. And it's no surprise to anyone that dating ... TAKES TIME.
If you don't have the time to devote to it ... then (a) don't join ... or (b) if you have already joined ... state upfront that you are too busy and will stay active on the site for a more suitable time.
No one appreciates their time being wasted. If you truly don't have time for a relationship ... then why let someone else believe that you want to spend time with them??? It's not fair. Just SAY "I don't have time for a relationship" ... so they can move on. It's not rocket science..
Joined: 11/12/2005
Msg: 20 (view)
After much consideration, I just don't think we're compatible
Posted: 4/5/2008 5:47:03 PM
TLC ...
Sounds like you are just bitter that you are rejected ... once again.
You put your place of work in your profile ... so don't be surprised by visits.
You appear to be upset that he didn't make an "appointment" to break up with you ... from a "relationship" that never was. I just don't get that.
Be thankful he at least informed you that it was over (whatever "it" was).
Most men just stop communicating altogether and you never know what happened.
He didn't owe you anything. You're just pissed that yet another meet'n'greet didn't go your way. Well ... here's a little tip. We ALL get rejected... over and over. It comes with the territory of being on a "dating" website. To find someone compatible ... you have to be willing to go through the rejects ... and to be one of those "rejects". EVERYBODY is somebody's cast off.

If you can't face yet another rejection ... hide your profile for a while ... take a break. Come back when you are ready to wade through the waters again.

Good luck to you.
Joined: 11/12/2005
Msg: 58 (view)
No time for a relationship -Cop Out?
Posted: 4/5/2008 4:00:34 PM
I've found ... in general ... that although the men who contact me appear to be interested ... they are not very willing to actually make any effort to "date". They seem to want to slot "Girl B" into "Life A" ... and just expect her to automatically FIT!!! She goes to all his parties ... his sporting events ... his events that he needs a date for. She makes herself available, and makes the effort to fit in and enjoy the event. But ... on his side ... it's too much effort to actually TRY to meet halfway ... and it's too much effort to actually be involved and take an interest in her life. Eventually, they just use the excuse that they are "too busy" to get together. No surprise.
Joined: 11/12/2005
Msg: 26 (view)
What's yout starting point
Posted: 4/4/2008 7:56:01 PM
Good question OP ...
For me 100% respect ... and 90% trust...
I demand respect in my life ... and would not deliver less. That's a given!!
I like to believe that I trust ...100% off the bat ...
But ... having been let down ... betrayed ... taken advantage of ... soooooooooooooooooo many times! The more years you experience this .... the more you have to rate the TRUST a little lower .
I WANT to trust ... so I don't look into closets, medicine cabinets, drawers, or check the mail unless I have reason too.
I believe the glass is half FULL ...
I KNOW I'm honest with anyone I date ...
I BELIEVE my date is being honest with me ... unless he gives me reason NOT to.
If I find out he's lying ... he's GONE!!!
Joined: 11/12/2005
Msg: 9 (view)
essential interests
Posted: 3/7/2008 9:17:28 PM
I especially like what auntie wrote. there were simpler times long ago. I'd hope this doesn't cross over too much with the thread having the 1950's theme.

Haha ... I was born in the late 50's ... my teens were in the 70's.
Even then ... we walked and/or took the bus everywhere ...
We preferred the radio over TV ... (Ed Sullivan and Twilight Zone were our "must see" shows).
We congregated at parks, or MacDonalds on Friday nights ... when we had a bit of cash from babysitting jobs.
We walked a mile to school every day.
We roller skated 3-4 nights a week ... 50 cents could buy you 4-6 hours of skating time!
We took on paper routes, baby sitting, house sitting/cleaning, dog walking, leaf raking ... any job we could to earn our spending cash ... we did not have any "allowance".
We took part in dishwashing by age 5 ... and full house cleaning by age 8.
I swear I was the only 5th grader who knew exactly how to do the family laundry and cook a midweek meal!!
But ... it's true ... what doesn't "kill you" ... makes you stronger!!
I'm grateful for those childhood responsibilities ... because they have formed the responsible adult I've become. It may not have been glamorous ... or easy ... but it was worthwhile.
Joined: 11/12/2005
Msg: 17 (view)
1st date at someones house!
Posted: 3/7/2008 8:57:40 PM
"Peanut" ...
The first rule in dating ... internet or otherwise ... is keep it public!!
Don't spend your trust on anyone who has not earned it!!
You will be safer in a public place ...and he will respect you for watching out for yourself. If he insists on a private place ... just say NO!!! You're smarter than that!!
Good luck.
Joined: 11/12/2005
Msg: 5 (view)
essential interests
Posted: 3/7/2008 8:36:31 PM

Imagine no restaurants, bars, ski slopes, live music, coffee shops, or professional sports...don't you think you could find something enjoyable and have a deeper connection without the distractions? Specifically for the women, how would you judge a man if he doesn't own a car (and no other man does), doesn't have designer clothes, can't take you to restaurants for none exist, and possess no credit card as only cash is accepted?

That was my teens!!!
I never knew restaurants, bars, skiing, coffee, or professional sports.
As for "live music" ... there were bands who played at my highschool dances (like "April Wine" ... and "Edgar Winter") ...haha
I went to one concert where Nazareth was the headliner ("This Flight Tonight") ... and Rush was the warm-up band!!! We boo-ed Rush off the stage! We actually hated Geddy Lee's voice!!! Hmmmmmmmmmm... go figure!
However, none of my boyfriends owned a car, or had designer clothes, or could afford to take me to restaurants, or had any credit cards... That was something only parents might have had.
And yet ... we always had great dates!! Walking, talking, stopping at the park taking turns on the swing, star gazing on the grass, or a dock (if we were in cottage country).
We had nothing else to do but communicate!!
What wonderful memories!
Joined: 11/12/2005
Msg: 189 (view)
Beware: eHarmony sucks...
Posted: 3/2/2008 7:35:30 PM
Yes Dini519 ... that's when I tried eHarmony too!
I "reviewed" my matches ... none of which I was able to see pics.
I had countless "replies" to my inquiries ... but I could not view any of them!
I did NOT sign up ... and I received e-mails from eHarmony for at least 2-3 months later ... almost daily ... saying how I was missing the love of my life and offering the next steps I should take to make "it" happen! I think they are not used to people actually refusing their service!
From what I've read in the previous posts to this thread ... a LOT of POF'rs have tried eHarmony and have had much less success there .. than they have had here.
At least here ... men reach out to me ... and I make friends ... (and date some on occasion). But overall, I have to say ... I've had much better "success" on this site ... than I expect I would have had on any other. Thanks ... POF guys!!
Joined: 11/12/2005
Msg: 149 (view)
Have you a crush on anyone?
Posted: 2/29/2008 8:00:49 PM

I think the thing about crushes is the other person doesn't know about it. Or they do and don't return the same feeling.

I don't think crushes have to be secret. Sometimes, it's a mutual thing ... a flirtation ... an infatuation between two people.
It can develop into more ... but most times ... it passes. It's like a chemical that slowly vanishes into the air. It's there ... for a while ... and then it's gone. I've had that "chemical reaction" and it feels great!!!! It makes you believe in attraction and "love" again! (Not that we don't believe in love ... just that sometimes it's so elusive).
Joined: 11/12/2005
Msg: 32 (view)
No time for a relationship -Cop Out?
Posted: 2/29/2008 7:16:06 PM
If they make this statement from the beginning ... then either they really don't want to meet you ... or your timing is bad.
But what about the one who easily finds all the time both of you want (or need) to get to know each other in the first few weeks. Then ... they settle into their "real" habits ... and literally disappear (do not return calls, do not initiate contact).

One particular experience I had ... he started to claim that work (and "leisure organizations") took up all his time. He claimed he wanted to see me ... but his time was just "not his own".
I recognized that the work schedule was hectic ... but the "leisure/charitable" time can be altered (and it's a great deal of time, in this particular case).
I told him that I did not join a "dating" website to sit at home every weekend ... and an invite to come along on the "leisure/charitable" organization activities would be in order. He claims he did not even include his former wife in those activities ... enough said. I ended it.
Joined: 11/12/2005
Msg: 61 (view)
Laughing together
Posted: 2/2/2008 9:49:50 PM
Just like everyone else on this thread ... I believe it's true! Laughter is a very important cornerstone of a solid relationship. You have to share a sense of humor ... or you just won't make it.
Laughing at yourself is so much easier if your partner laughs along WITH you (not AT you). Mind you ... I laugh at myelf ALL the time ... whether anyone is laughing with me or at me ... it doesn't matter!
I find life to be a pretty humerous thing!
Joined: 11/12/2005
Msg: 99 (view)
Have you a crush on anyone?
Posted: 2/2/2008 9:31:10 PM
Hmmmm ... Bucsgirl ... maybe you don't remember the feeling of thinking about someone 24/7 ...
Or the smile you can't wipe from your face when he walks into the room ... when you think about him ... when someone mentions him.
Maybe you don't remember the fuzzy, warm feeling you had when you are spending time with him ... hoping the moment will NEVER end!!! (even if it is just a coffee!)

If you never experienced that... I'm sorry. Cause it's a WONDERFUL feeling!!
And if you have experienced it ... then try to re-visit those warm, fuzzy, glorious feelings again!!

Crushes remind us of how fun and good the feeling of "love" can be. Even if it's fleeting!! It's good to feel "in love" and "infatuated" with someone. If you can bottle that into your relationship ... more power to you!!!

Joined: 11/12/2005
Msg: 95 (view)
Have you a crush on anyone?
Posted: 2/2/2008 7:51:13 PM

I've never had a crush on anyone and don't intend to start now.

How sad! Crushes are how we build our sense of romance, love, affection for each other. Can you honestly say you've never been "moved" by the presence of some attractive person to the point that you dream about them and think about them constantly? If not, then I feel very sorry for you! And I wonder why?

Joined: 11/12/2005
Msg: 13 (view)
Tennis Anyone??
Posted: 1/27/2008 2:45:48 PM
Just finished watching the men's final ...
So ... as I predicted ... Djokovic came through!!
But what a battle with Tsonga ... we will definitely see more of him in the next few years!!! He played great tennis!
His disadvantage was that he had NEVER made it to a final ... of any kind ... much less, a Grand Slam event!!!
So, for him to even make it to the final was quite an achievement!!!
Way to go Tsonga!! We will look forward to his play in the future!!!

Not to detract from Djokovic's accomplishments !!! Great tennis played!! Thank you!

I thoroughly enjoyed watching the match ... and clapped along with everyone else!!!

Thanks to everyone for their thoughts on this thread. There's so much talk of hockey and football ... nice to see there are some people actually watching other sports!!!

Thanks All!!

Joined: 11/12/2005
Msg: 10 (view)
Tennis Anyone??
Posted: 1/26/2008 9:31:57 PM
As for predictions on the men's final tomorrow ...
Hmmmm ... I actually think Djokovic can pull this off!!!
Sadly ... I have not had a chance to see Tsonga play ... (all his matches were outside my time zone... since I have a full-time job. And I don't know that they were actually televised anyway).
I've only seen Tsonga play (televised) ... once before. I don't think he has the talent yet to win a Grand Slam tournament.
I think Tsonga will have a serious case of the nerves ... and Djokovic's experience will win the tournament for him.
I stand by my prediction ... Djokovic will walk away with this! Strange as is sounds ... I wish I was rooting for Roger! But you have to give credit to Djokovic for his stellar play so far!!!
Joined: 11/12/2005
Msg: 9 (view)
Tennis Anyone??
Posted: 1/26/2008 9:24:26 PM
Well ... Sharapova came through in the Women's Final. I'm sure that was expected after Henin and Jankovic had been defeated. But to have BOTH Federer and Nadal knocked out ...
I believe I heard the commentators say that there had never been both the #1 and#2 players in the world knocked out of a grand slam final in history ... on both the men's and women's sides. It certainly seems UNBELIEVABLE to me!!!!!
What a tournament!!!
But ... even more surprising is that given the results... the players generally do not lose their status in the overall standings. Henin is still #1 ... Sharapova is still #5. How surprising is that!!! ???
I personally don't know how the points mechanism works ... but it's sometimes hard to believe that with all the hard work one player puts forth does not improve their standings. .. hmmmm!!!!
Joined: 11/12/2005
Msg: 7 (view)
Tennis Anyone??
Posted: 1/24/2008 8:12:32 AM
Yes ... Serbia is certainly a force to be reconed with.
Djokovic could actually take this thing ... if he keeps up his pace!
Joined: 11/12/2005
Msg: 6 (view)
Tennis Anyone??
Posted: 1/24/2008 8:11:28 AM
Yes ... the 16 hour time difference does make it harder to catch the matches.
But ... the semi-finals are upon us ... and I've see some AMAZING tennis. Is it just me ... or do ALL these competitors seem to be getting better and stronger every year? It's great!
Joined: 11/12/2005
Msg: 3 (view)
Tennis Anyone??
Posted: 1/22/2008 7:40:04 PM
Caught the match between Sharapova and Henin this afternoon ...
Sharapova just had too many answers for Henin. She outplayed Henin
Personally ... I would have liked to see Henin come through that one.
Joined: 11/12/2005
Msg: 102 (view)
If You Could Go Back and Fix ONE Thing You Regret ..........
Posted: 1/20/2008 8:30:40 PM
I can't say I regret anything ...
I can honestly say I have loved truly; been faithful to those I loved.
I've trusted whole-heartedly; and stood by my love when times got tough.
I stand behind every decision I've made ... and know it was the best thing to do at the time, given the circumstances.
I have nothing to be ashamed of ...
I've lived an honest life. I have no secrets!
I guess that makes me boring ... but ... sobeit!!
I'm not a good liar ... nor do I want to be!!!
I enjoy living my life as an open book ... so should we all!!!
Joined: 11/12/2005
Msg: 1 (view)
Tennis Anyone??
Posted: 1/20/2008 7:18:04 PM
Is anyone watching the amazing tennis that is being played down under!????
This year's Australian Open is producing such amazing tennis ... and we are only in the first week!!!
Is anyone else enjoying this sport??
Joined: 11/12/2005
Msg: 17 (view)
How do I help her?
Posted: 1/13/2008 6:15:45 PM
There is no time limit on grieving the loss of a loved one.
Maybe, for her, 2 years is too soon to feel open to accept love again.
It doesn't help that this man dumped her ... it happens to ALL of us. It's just bad timing that it happened to her when she's trying to move on.

You're a good brother for being so concerned for her.
All you can do is "love her through it" ... as others have said.
Be there as a shoulder to cry on.
Enforce the positive ... support her. Let her know that everyone experiences rejection ... it's not a reflection on her personally.
It's unfortunate this relationship did not work out ... this man just was not meant for her. Guide her towards positive thoughts and situations in her life. Don't let her dwell on the negative. Respect her need to talk about her sorrow, or feelings of rejection, but don't let her dwell on them. Change the subject to lighter, more positive things.

I hope she finds happiness soon.
Joined: 11/12/2005
Msg: 46 (view)
Have you a crush on anyone?
Posted: 1/13/2008 6:01:07 PM

with this person I get nervous and tong tied and simply lose my ability to communicate. To the point I come across clumsy and socially goofy. I actually like the feeling. She is very attractive but this isn’t about looks. There is just something about her that makes me weak.

I know that feeling!!! Great isn't it!!!!
That's the feeling we all crave!!!! It stays with you for hours!!! Even days!!!
And you're right's not about looks. It's that "chemical reaction" you have when you're in their presence. They just "turn you on" ... and they can do no wrong. And you can't wipe the smile from your face when in their presence ... or even thinking about them. It's ... magic!!!

Wish I had someone like that. Consider yourself lucky if you do!!
Joined: 11/12/2005
Msg: 39 (view)
Have you a crush on anyone?
Posted: 1/13/2008 5:12:09 PM
Crushes still exist!!! Definitely!!!!
You NEVER lose that "chemical reaction" to someone you meet. And when the chemistry is right ... hopefully everything else falls into place. Unfortunately, at an older age, your "intended" is usually married, or sworn to celebacy, or living in another country!!! Kinda complicates matters ...
And both of you having established lives as they are ... it is much more risky to take the plunge at an older age than it is when you're in your twenties.
The odds of finding someone with that "chemical reaction" in your neighbourhood at middle age is pretty slim. But somehow ... we keep trying!! New people hit the dating scene every day!! Maybe one of them will be your perfect match!!!
Joined: 11/12/2005
Msg: 74 (view)
where have the old fashioned values gone
Posted: 1/13/2008 5:00:49 PM

I'm not sure old fashioned values ever existed, My father used to sell Vacuum Cleaners door to door back in the 1950's, and he used to tell me how at the weekly meeting, all the salesmen and my father were laughing about how many of the housewives were offering sex in return for the new vacuums. .......And this was in the 1950's.

Oh come on ... everyone has heard those old 1950's stories of vacuum salesman.
I expect that MAYBE 10% of them are actually true ... the rest ... was simply "macho bragging" and complete fantasy. Like no man has ever bragged about a woman he never had!!!
Joined: 11/12/2005
Msg: 69 (view)
where have the old fashioned values gone
Posted: 1/13/2008 3:59:05 PM

as a sexually active divorced woman I can say that I will never allow myself to get serious about a person until I know if we are sexually compatible. Does this mean sex on the first date? Not necessarily but if I have spent alot of time talking to that person preluding the date then I don't set a quota for dates before sex! I was married to a man for fourteen years and we were not a match in the bedroom so I don't want to make that mistake again. Sex is an enormous part of a healthy relationship, one partner with a high sex drive would be miserable if their partner was less driven possibly leading to infidelity, and what if one partner likes to experiment and be more adventurous (oh yeah!) and finds out after falling in love that the other is more conservative? Sex is not everything but it's a big piece of the pie! However I would never be intimate with someone that I did not share an intellectual and emotional connection with also. Okay just that one time! LOL

Well said!!! Ditto!!!

Joined: 11/12/2005
Msg: 57 (view)
where have the old fashioned values gone
Posted: 1/11/2008 11:06:06 PM
Morality lives in your own heart ...
Whatever your heart says is right ... is right to you ... that's your morality.

Whatever others say is right ... it's their sense of morality ... as twisted as it may be.
I've seen many acts ... performed by "moral" and "Christian" people ... that would drive any sane, rational person to violence.
Certainly not the acts of "Christians" that I have ever seen in my years of spiritual guidance .

Your sense of morality springs from your teachings as a child.
If you come from a "dysfunctional"family from a young age, you have limited capacity for success in a long-term relationship. You have learned dysfunctional behaviour (constant conflict; refuse responsibility; excuse behaviour; etc. )

It's hard to see these personalities struggle to live their lives.
To me ... it feels like it must be hard to live in their own skin.
But ... when shown a little kindness, patience and respect ... one would expect the same attitude in return.
Not so in my case ... but my boarder was, in my view, very mentally disturbed.

From a sane point of view, I am a very "moral" person. I don't attend any particular church ... and struggle with going into such institutions.
Joined: 11/12/2005
Msg: 17 (view)
Finding the Balance
Posted: 12/27/2007 8:59:03 PM
You've been too tolerant of the "guy's guy" partner.
Even if he's a "guy's guy" ... he should still treat his "girlfriend" with respect.
And if she wants to feel included with the "boys" ... he should still treat her with respect, and not let any of his friends treat her with less.
She can cheer to every goal ...
She can try to drink some friend under the table ...
She can laugh at the dirty jokes ...
But ... ultimately ... she's his "girlfriend" ... and therefore ... off limits to his friend's ridicule.
He showed total disrespect for you if he participates and/or does not defend you against this behaviour with his "friends".
He exhibits total immaturity ... and disrespect for you.
Dump him!
Joined: 11/12/2005
Msg: 170 (view)
Beware: eHarmony sucks...
Posted: 12/27/2007 3:21:31 PM
Hmmm ... seems most people have been on several sites.
Which tells me that all the sites are just more of the same people.
So why pay for a site to meet the same people you will meet on a free site.
Joined: 11/12/2005
Msg: 121 (view)
If you had to choose........
Posted: 12/10/2007 7:16:52 PM
I have lived with people with NO common sense ... it's totally frustrating ... and sometimes incomprehensible how people can have no idea about common, every day life.

To you and I, taking out the garbage when it is full is "common sense". Changing the toilet paper roll is "common sense"; turning off the oven when you're done is "common sense"; closing the balcony door behind you is "common sense", scraping the excess food off your plate into the garbage before putting that plate into the dishwasher is "common sense"; moving quietly about the house when you know that others are sleeping is "common sense". Apparently, to some, these obvious things escape them. How can they be so oblivious to the things that we all learn ... through simple osmosis!

I don't believe they DON'T know ... they are just too LAZY, or just DON'T CARE, to be acceptably normal in their lives. Then they wonder why they have no friends ... and seem to be in conflict through much of their lives.

It's common sense!!! If you can't be bothered with the effort it takes to get along with others, then you will live in conflict ... it's common sense.
Joined: 11/12/2005
Msg: 73 (view)
If you had to choose........
Posted: 12/8/2007 8:02:47 PM
Thanks for the sympathy Crybaby ... he is moving out at the end of the month. I can HARDLY wait!!! I've tried to "lay the hammer down" on him ... but it falls on deaf ears. I'm "this close" to calling his parents ... where's the maturity gone these days!!! As it is ... I will need to ask for compensation for damage he has caused in my home. I may have to replace carpets because of his actions!!! I don't think that it should be MY expens alone ... when it was clearly HIS actions that caused the stains I have not been able to remove. I left the home for 4 hours ... and came back to two 6-inch black "skid marks" across my beige carpet down my hallway. Clearly noticeable .. and I have tried several times to remove the stains. He WILL NOT tell me how they happened. In fact, his story changes every time I ask him. If he will not compensate me for the stain removal ... I will be forced to call his parents and deal with them on the matter.
Is it just me ... or are 23-yr. olds more immature today than when I was that age. I had been out "on my own" for 5 years by age 23 ... never having borrowed any money, never having moved home again or ever needing my parents to pay for ANYTHING!! By age 18, I was out ON MY OWN, literally. I had a full-time job and NEVER even considered asking my parents to pay my way for ANYTHING!!!

What a different world we live in now!!! And I'm not THAT old!!!! It's common sense living!!!
Joined: 11/12/2005
Msg: 71 (view)
If you had to choose........
Posted: 12/8/2007 7:16:41 PM
Common sense is always the way to go!!
I have met men who have been schooled for many years ... beyond university. And I had to intervene when I saw one of them (who had a habit of chewing toothpicks) ... and was a father ... hand a toothpick to his 18-month old child ... saying "Here ya go!" He had NO common sense!!!
I recently boardered a 23-yr old who shows even less "common sense". He leaves burners and ovens on when he leaves the house. He turns on 10 lights in the house, while he sits and studies by ONE ... and he leaves the house with ALL of these lights burning. He doesn't realize there is more than one temperature setting (HIGH) on the stove burners . He opens his bedroom window to FULL length, in the winter months, (I assume to air out his room) and then leaves for a 3-day trip. He stays up all night (while others are sleeping in the house and have full-time jobs) and makes ZERO attempt to be quiet. He slam-bangs around in the kitchen while he makes his 3 meals ... and each meal is enough to feed 4 people ... and then leaves all the dishes, cutlery, glasses, pots, pans, etc. piled high, unrinsed, filling both sinks (when the dishwasher is right THERE!!).
When I ask him why he would not consider the fact that someone is sleeping in the next room, he claims that he did not know it was a problem because in the past, a late night phone call did not waken me. OMG!!!!
When I ask him why he can't rinse and stack his dishes into the dishwasher, he claims he "does not have time to do that" He has "things to do"
I have never met anyone so lazy ... and with ZERO common sense!!!! Or any sense of common courtesy!!! When you share accomodations ... you leave the common areas clean and tidy for the next person!! You don't leave them in a state where they have to deal with your crap before they can do what they have to do (ie. cook a meal).
Isn't that COMMON SENSE!
Definitely ... common sense is the way to go!!!
Sorry for the ranting.
Joined: 11/12/2005
Msg: 138 (view)
how many here are after 45 and without children
Posted: 12/1/2007 10:25:27 PM
I think ... the bond between a parent and child is like no other.
And those of us who have not borne children have never experienced that level of bonding. But ... as Aunts/Uncles ... we can give our love to our nephews and nieces just as if they were our own. My niece recently had a baby girl ... and my Great Niece is a beauty!!! I take pleasure in every minute I spend with her!!! I love spending time with her ... but I'm glad I come home without that responsibility ... that "busy-ness" that she IS. I'm glad I can tuck in at night knowing I don't have to listen for anyone else being awake ... don't have to change, feed, or cawdle anyone through the night.
I LOVE my Great Niece, and I cherish every minute I can spend with her (BTW she lives 3000 km. away).

I don't regret that I never had children of my own.
I always wanted children ...
As I approached my 30's, I decided I HAD to have them... now or never.
I looked into artificial insemination ... it was out of my financial range.
So my "parental dream" became unreachable.

And now ... as a grown woman who has never had children ...
I have close relationships with my nephews and niece ...
I enjoy the company of other people's children, they are so much fun to watch and play with ...
AND I can come home at night, with good memories of their company ... (and not the work of putting them to bed) LOL. (I'm sure that's not always WORK).

Joined: 11/12/2005
Msg: 17 (view)
Woman going on a trip to meet male online friend for 1st time
Posted: 11/25/2007 8:26:27 PM
I don't think it's very common that a woman is "dating" one man ... and has a "distant friendship" with another, hmmmm...
However, if this situation should occur, I think she should follow her heart and make a decision between the two men. Not expect one man to travel abroad to meet the "friend" ... that's crazy! She knows this is putting everyone at risk (for hard feelings) ... But ... if she can't help it. ...then the men in her life need to know that she is not loyal to any one of them! She only considers the man who is in her life NOW! She's fickle...
Joined: 11/12/2005
Msg: 337 (view)
Are there ANY women who don't CHEAT?
Posted: 10/11/2007 7:18:38 PM
It's pretty obvious the OP knows very little about the female anatomy ... yet he claims to be the ultimate lover. (hmmmmm).
5 engagements and 5 "cheaters" ???? Does he actually mention any "good" relationships??
Me thinks he protesteth too much!!!
Joined: 11/12/2005
Msg: 331 (view)
Are there ANY women who don't CHEAT?
Posted: 10/5/2007 9:19:39 PM
I have not read the whole thread (15 pages is a bit much to get through).

But, to comment on the OP's question, I have to say (a) anyone who has been engaged 5 times by age 36 is a little too quick on the trigger for marriage. You can't HONESTLY say that you have been IN LOVE 5 times!!! I'm 50 and have been dating since I was 16. I've only every LOVED two men, neither of which resulted in marriage. The first, I was far too young. The second, was a liar and was cheating on me the entire 15 months we dated. I broke it off as soon as I found out about all his lies!! (So much for women being the cheaters).

To claim that you have been in love with 5 women over the ... 20 years ... you may have been dating ... says to me that you don't really know what love is. And the fact that they ALL "cheated" on you ... says to me two things: either you have accused these women of cheating without actual proof (for reasons of your own insecurities) ... or you just have very poor taste in women.

And what is this with " I have a lot to offer to any woman even if she has a child" ???? What is up with that? Women are less worthy of love if they have children from a former relationship???? Hmmmmm...

Oh ... and for your info (FYI) ... the "hyman" has nothing to do with "insane sex". It's a thin membrane protecting the vagina from birth. It is ruptured the first time a woman has vaginal sex, generally causing the woman a certain amount of pain (definitely not pleasure!!!). FYI "Romeo"

Reading your thread ... I would say you are a man who does not respect women, knows very little about women ... and needs to learn a lot about how to satisfy a woman ... mentally, emotionally and sexually... cause it's not all about sex.
Joined: 11/12/2005
Msg: 39 (view)
Are all men only looking for one thing on this site? (SEX)
Posted: 7/14/2007 6:55:42 PM
Well said Jan ... it's all in the timing.
Many women want a very healthy, happy sex life with their partner ... but that develops with the relationship ... it's not the starting point ... nor is it the ONLY point.
Joined: 11/12/2005
Msg: 52 (view)
Self confidence and dating sites
Posted: 4/13/2007 9:35:13 PM
Before joining this site ... I had an extremely long dry spell ... not one date for many YEARS!!! The lack of attention I experienced during those years did have an effect on my confidence ... and self esteem. I thought I must have been pretty repulsive, and a social outcast because NO man appeared to want my company.

But ... after joining the site (which took a lot of courage on my side... I was scared of it) ... when I started to get some responses ... I started to realize that I wasn't so "repulsive" after all.

I've had a very good experience on this site. Although "Mr. Right" has not happened along ... I have met many good people ... and I'm proud to call them friends.

I enjoy the company of the men I meet. And if "love" should come along ... all the better! But I don't expect to meet "Mr. Right" with every date ... friends first ... and take it from there.
Joined: 11/12/2005
Msg: 44 (view)
The reason women are hesitant to respond!
Posted: 4/13/2007 9:06:17 PM
I agree with rpburnsusa ... broward was obviously JOKING about the married and drugs comment. That was pretty obvious to me when I first read it.
But ... it's obviously not just women who have to lighten up and not take things so seriously. If that were the case ... why did the OP get that message in the first place. Obviously the man who contacted her was taking things WAY TOO seriously. He was obviously offended by her very polite "no thanks". OP ... I would have done the same. You try to do the nice, polite thing, and he reacts so rudely as to tell you that you have your head up your a$$. Well, I can't imagine with that attitude that he's made it to many "favourites" lists ...
Really ... we ALL need to lighten up ... and not take the dating scene so seriously. Go into it with a positive attitude that you will meet people from ALL walks of life ... find the good in them, enjoy their company ... and if romance should spark ... all the better! The least you can do is make new friends!!!
Joined: 11/12/2005
Msg: 360 (view)
Posted: 2/17/2007 10:48:58 PM
Hey ... I just got home!
Thanks to all the organizers!!! ... As usual ... the party was great!

Great to meet you ... Dean and little brother Jeff ... thanks for the dance Dean!
Great to meet you Joe ... sorry we didn't get our dance though ... :(
Thanks to Donna and Cheryl for hanging out with me ... it was great talking with you and to have some company!
Deb ... never found you ... were you there???
And "Cupid" ... you were a cutie!!! ... Send me a copy of the pic!

As always ... the DJ was great ...and the band was awesome too!!! Hard to keep my hips still in either room!!!

This little fishie had a good time!!! ... Thanks again!!!

Joined: 11/12/2005
Msg: 420 (view)
Why are older women not into younger guys???
Posted: 1/17/2007 10:12:28 PM
I get contacted by many "young" men ... mostly in their 20's to mid 30's. I am a young-spirited person ... and I look younger than my years ... but that doesn't translate to desiring "young" men. Young men ... (ie. more than 10 years my junior) ... just don't have the life experience ... the common interests, or the common future goals that I have. What's the point of getting into a "relationship" that you know you can never finish!!???
Pick on somebody your own age!! ...

I think a lot of young men have this dillusion that older women will take what they can get, because their "beauty" has faded. Think again Sonny ... ... older women are much more confident about themselves ... we don't care what men think of us ... we've paid our dues. We are looking for what WE want ... not what turns YOUR crank.

I have no problem with the younger ones who want to just chat and be friends ... I'm fine with that. It's when you start to believe you can rock my world ... there's where I have a problem.

There are plenty of fish in the pond ... and plenty in your age group ... stick to your own ... and leave this 40-something fishie alone! ...

Joined: 11/12/2005
Msg: 25 (view)
is she scarred or leading you on??? This is for you ladies
Posted: 1/2/2007 8:55:24 PM
Not So New ... I AM that woman. I am the timid, scared (and scarred) one who is new to dating again.

I'm taking my time ... trying not to make mistakes. But I'm afraid that in the process ... I am leading on someone who really cares about me. And that is NOT my intention. I care about him ... very much ... because he is a very good, caring, genuine person. But, I have not felt that "spark" with him. I kept hoping it would kick in because he is such a good man and treats me very well!! I wish I shared the same feelings for him that he has for me and feel guilty that I don't share them. I enjoy his company ... and do not want to lose the closeness of friendship that I have with him. But ... I feel I'm not being fair to him. He has been clear that he wants our relationship to grow. The LAST thing I would want to do is hurt him ... but I don't want him to waste his time waiting for something that will never be. He knows that's how I feel ... but says he is willing (and wants) to "wait" for me.

He believes I have walls that need to be taken down. I don't know about these walls ... I don't see them... hmmm? Maybe he's right ... maybe not. I guess time will tell.
Joined: 11/12/2005
Msg: 49 (view)
Be Prepared. Be Very Prepared....
Posted: 10/23/2006 8:59:01 PM
Not a reader ...
I'll catch the movie ...
Or theatrical play ...
But rarely ... can I pick up a book and read it cover to cover.
I love Stephen King ...and I can always finish his books. But... I've tried 4 times to read a book he co-authored with Peter Straub ... "Black House" ... but ... I just can't get through it!!! It's too wordy... There are countless pages ... just describing the town ... soooooooooooooooooo boring ...
And the whole plot seems to move sooooooooooooooooo slowly ...
Has anyone actually enjoyed this book? I wish I could get through it...
Sorry ... guess I'm off topic here ... I apologize ...
Joined: 11/12/2005
Msg: 41 (view)
Biggest Red Fags
Posted: 10/17/2006 7:09:17 PM
red flags:

1. I really like older women...
2. A women like you .. with a body like that ... must love younger men... yes?
3. You busy tonight ..
yada .... yada ... yada ...

Do they think I have "stupid" written across my forehead??? I don't know how they believe these lines will get them a "date" ... They are so pathetic!!!
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